Hello FaceOfBear, welcome to the forum, I sincerely hope to see you stick around and work through the struggles you mention in this post. Thank you for your honesty with us, and now, I would ask that you start being honest with yourself. Your struggle is not something I think most here cannot relate to, for sin impacts all of our lives, and will as long as we remain in unredeemed flesh.
You point out why you struggle in your own words, and for good or bad, I will respond to that which you speak of.
I am so tired of hearing, "if you desire to change that's enough of a repentance and as long as you're sorry for sinning and trust Christ your saved."
Glad to hear this, because I have not seen just an intellectual acknowledgement of conviction of sin, but the primary reason why you are failing to yield to the Spirit of God and put away sin in your life: you are lazy.
Your words, my friend, not mine.
I know this isn't what repentance is so why do people keep comforting me and telling me I'm saved when I know I am not!
Repentance is a turning away from something, right?
Could I suggest that you have made a step in the right direction? By coming into a fellowship where you can find advice, counseling, and...accountability?
Could I ask how much time you spend among the brethren? Do you regularly go to a fellowship where you can be among other Christians? Do you study the word of God? This last I believe to be one of our greatest resources for communing with God, where we can not just learn God's will for our lives, but also allow Him to speak to us through His word. One can read the pages of scripture and acknowledge they are true, but that does not mean that the Lord has made them real to our hearts. For example, in certain fellowships there may be taught the doctrine of eternal security, but, until God shows this to you and makes this real to your heart, you will not truly embrace this.
It seems to me that you are under conviction, and while it is not my place to guage your spiritual state it is evident that God is speaking to you, and it is up to you to...listen. You don't think the Lord is going to show you your sin and then not give to you the ability to act upon that conviction, do you? He will, but this is something that will determine
just how much you agree with God concerning that conviction.
If you truly believe your actions are wrong...you will begin to take the steps which will allow you to take control over that sin, rather than simply talking about how much you regret your actions.
There is nothing I would love more than to serve God and to have genuine faith in Christ and be dead in my sins to bring glory to God and to serve Him in some kind of ministry and dedicate my life to Him... but I can't.
You can, if in fact that is what you want to do. THink of those saved who have drug addictions, or addiction to alcohol: some of them cannot just stop their intake immediately upon salvation, but, with the Lord's help they can put these things away. For many, there is a point of brokenness that they must come to before they have the will to both recognize and then take action in order that they might put them away.
It sounds as if sexual sin is a dominant issue for you, and while this is an area where man often struggles the hardest, it is not something that cannot be overcome. Understand that just as a child is limited in what they can do, even so the babe in Christ is also. We don't expect an infant to change their own diapers, right? You will need some help, my friend, as you grow, but, what is different in the analogy is that you are not without understanding, or without recourse.
You will have to replace your current routine with another, and that is going to take work on your part. And it is not that hard. I would recommend getting more involved in doctrinal discussion here, which will help you to be more exposed to God's word on a regular basis. It will also bring about an accountability which you may not now have. As you begin to spend more time with God, more time with God's word, and more time with God's people...you will begin to lose interest in the behavior which has you enslaved at this point.
I have been struggling with sin so much and I just can't repent of it.
You can. But you have to put forth the effort.
Of course I can say the words "Lord I know I'm a sinner and that Jesus Christ is Lord and died on the cross for my sins and rose from the dead. I'm sorry and I trust in you for forgiveness, it's sufficient enough for me, and I will turn away and invite your spirit in me and submit to your will so that I can bring glory to you."
Intellectual acknowledgement, while of course part of salvation, does not create the faith and belief of salvation. God does. It is my hope that because you have come here with an honest confession of what is going on in your life that this indicates not just the convicting work of the Holy Spirit, but that He is also beginning to lead you in your life, that you might have the help which is very crucial to all of us in our sojourn in this world...fellowship.
Fellowship with other believers does not bring about salvation (though I believe it is true that many are saved after finding fellowship due to their exposure to the truth) but it is important in the growth process. As newborn babes it is important that we have leadership, even as children need the direction provided by their parents. It is good for us in our "youth" to know that there are those we can go to, even as the child has faith that mom and dad are there and they can take comfort in that.
For you, my friend, I see this as a necessity. It is necessary for you to be held accountable for your actions rather than you trying to do this alone. This will, I believe, help you a great deal.
Yet words are only empty words.
I wish more people understood this. In my own life I come under conviction for my own behavior. It is very easy to go on a forum and preach the love of Jesus but to apply that in our lives is sometimes a different story. You know what they say, "Familiarity breeds contempt," so all of us, my friend, struggle with issues in our walk...you are not alone in this.
I desire this, yet my heart seems to be deceiving me because I keep on sinning and am heavily addicted to sexual immorality and inappropriate contentography and self gratification.
These are tough issues. And being a young man you are likely going to struggle with these issues for some time. But that doesn't mean you cannot begin taking steps which will help you to put these things away. If you think you are going to get "zapped" one day by the Lord and then it will be all over, well, that is just not realistic. When I was saved I expected something of the sort, and was disappointed, lol. I have found that within my walk there is a responsibility on my part to actively yield to God and seek to do His will in my life.
But...He has saved us from sin, my friend. He will teach you how to have self-control, though it will be, as I said...work. While there is nothing you can do to be saved in the salvific sense, as it is God that reveals to you your sin, brings you under conviction, and then grants the faith required to turn to Him, there is still that acting upon the work of God in our hearts that I believe to be the only "free will" we exercise concerning salvation. That is, we have to make that decision, God does not force us.
And after we have turned to Him in faith, we still are given the opportunity to either yield to God, for our good, or quench the work He is doing, to our hurt. But the bottom line is that we are not left without His inworking, we are not left stranded to figure things out on our own. For this reason God has gifted people in the Body of Christ that we might have help as we grow.
But if you do not take advantage of the helps the Lord has given us, you cannot benefit from that help.
I have become lazy in my work because I am so despondent because I know I am going to hell and no matter what I do I can't repent.
This is a reflection, really, of where you are spiritually. Seldom do the lost worry over their sin, my friend. Think about that. Seldom do the lost even know they are lost. It is my hope that you will act upon this conviction, and begin taking steps to counter the laziness you confess. The writer of Hebrews severely rebukes his brethren for being lazy, and it is a warning to all of us.
So what will you do? Will you decide to begin replacing time spent in indulging the flesh with time spent in God's word?
You can do this, you know. You will probably have to force yourself to begin setting time aside each day to get into the word of God, but I can assure you, if you do this, the Lord will give you a hunger for the things of God instead of the things of this world.
There is a poem that speaks to the fact that though we are saved we still battle the flesh we reside in now:
There are two natures that beat within my chest.
One is foul and one is blessed.
The one I love and the other I hate.
But the one I feed will dominate.
author unknown
I believe it has root n an Indian adage, but it is true that when we are saved we still struggle against the flesh. Some make the mistake of not understanding the influence the flesh has over us. My usual advice for them is, "If you do not believe the flesh influences you...try fasting." This will clear this up.
As a young man, as I said, you are going to struggle in the area of sexual sin. How do I know? Because I have, and still do. It is not so bad as once it was, perhaps, but I have to consciously make an effort to be on guard against those things that might influence me to think or act ungodly. Because I spend a great deal of time dealing with the things of God, this is made easier for me. Spending time on Christian forums has helped me a great deal in my walk because the desire that the Lord gave me to speak to people about salvation has caused me to constantly be in His word. When I am away from the forums I can see the difference it makes in my life.
And it brings an accountability that exceeds that of just attending worship services on a weekly basis. It has been a challenge to me concerning my own beliefs, and has forced me to not only examine the beliefs of others, but to examine my own walk, beliefs, and the basis for that belief.
You might be surprised, FaceOfBear, if you begin diligently seeking after God through the word He has provided for us, concering the basis of your own belief. And what my prayer for you is...that the intellectual understanding that you seem to have right now can begin turning into a heart knowledge. You will only see the word of God made real to your heart by being in His word. This is not to say that those that have a better understanding are "more saved" than those who know less, but it is a fact that God speaks to our hearts when we spend time in His word, and understanding something in your heart is different than understanding something in your mind.
When we are first saved, most of us have more of a head knowledge, like a baby may recognize their parents by reason of familiarity. But as we grow in Christ there is, like that infant, a growth of relationship, where we know our Father, even as we have a different "knowledge" of our parents as we grow up.
An infant can love his parents, but not necessarily know
why he loves them. Even so you, my friend, can love God, though the day is coming when you will better understand
why you love God. You will better understand Who He is and what He has done, and understanding that, you will understand that your love for Him and what He has done for you is completely warranted.
I say the words and I desire to AFTER I sin, but not during the sin, even though I know I should stop.
Yet you have the option to acknowledge that sin before Him and actively refuse your flesh to control you. Start small, like most of us do. Every time you take control over your flesh you will learn to better have control. Self control is a fruit of the Spirit, and this because Christ did not just die to pay that penalty we all owed, but to free us from sin's control. As I said, it is work, and we are expected to apply ourselves, but, if you begin actually believing what God has said, you will find that He will give you a way of escape.
Start slow, as you would when learning anything. Did you jump in a car and drive flawlessly the first time? My friend, you could not even dress yourself in your physical infancy, lol. This is why newborns are called "babes." There is going to be a learning process, and it is time for you to start changing the information you are taking in.
I don't want to hurt the other persons feelings and I love the feeling myself so it is impossible for me just to turn from it. I'm afraid I might hurt them and then they won't want to come to Christ either.
And this is a serious matter: start taking responsibility for how your actions may affect the eternal destiny of others.
When first I was saved, I can look back and I have many regrets for my behavior and how that behavior has affected others, even to this day. I can, though, also understand that at this point, because the Lord has instructed me, I have a higher accountability for my actions now.
Just as we would not hold a young child accountable for something we would when he is older, though, we understand that the growth process is much like, well, growing up. That is what we are all doing.
Growing up.
Is this your desire? Or do you want to always be like the young child that says, "I can't do this...it's too hard?"
You can do it. If you are not, in fact saved, you are in a good place to be. If you are saved, and simply lazy because no-one has said "Quit sniveling and do it" (lol) you are still in a good place. It is not for me to guess your spiritual condition, my friend, it is for you to do so.
But...this you can do. It is just a matter of growing up a little, and taking responsibility for your actions. It is easy to say, "It's too hard, I can't do this," but, if it be that God is speaking to your heart, it my guess that not only can you do it, but you will.
He is God, after all, and He can bring to bear an irresistable conviction that will absolutely make you miserable in your sin and cause you to truly repent. But you have to yield to Him.
Continued...
