I've seen this for years with my husband and it really troubles me. Most people know the history - inappropriate content, online flirtations, an EA with a neighbor - but what troubles me most right now, is his lying. I know from experience, from when I was trying to uncover at different times what he was doing, that he was a "good" liar. He can lie, straight faced, charmingly, in great depth and with such credibility .. you would not know they were lies, if you didn't know they were lies, IYKWIM. The first time I saw him do it was many many years ago, when he lied to my dad right in front of me. We were struggling financially at that time, and we hadn't paid our phone bill, so it had been cut off. We were waiting for him to get paid so we could get it reconnected. My dad was staying with us (we were still living in England then), and he wanted to call his friend. I didn't want to tell him the truth, so I said there was a fault on the line - yes, I lied. I would have left it there, but then my husband went into this long story about how BT had sent out workmen, but the workmen couldn't find the fault, and so now they were sending out someone else .. I mean, he almost had me convinced that we had a fault on the line by the time he was done. Sure, I lied too. I lied out of embarrassment to tell my dad the truth. But why did my husband lie? He had no reason to say anything whatsoever as my dad had accepted my lie as truth, and hadn't asked any questions. So, I think that made me wary of my h even then.
I'll cut short the part in the middle about him lying about all the other stuff with inappropriate content, women etc. But again, very complex, very believeable lies - at least they were believable for a while.
Cut to tonight. A couple of months ago, our eldest son's gf asked my h if we could all go camping when she graduated hs. To me, I think she was being cheeky to ask for this, because it's quite an expense for 6 people to rent a place, take a dog, pay for the food, eating out etc. We're talking about $300-$400, and that's more of a graduation gift we would give our kids. I mean we love her and everything, but still ... anyway, my h started looking into it but didn't even talk to me about it until last week, which is only a month to graduation. I don't even know why he talked this over with our son and his gf and not with me. So I told him that my summer classes started that weekend, and I am not going to be away from the computer for 3 days with Maymester only being so short and so much to do in that time. So he asked me what he should say to the gf, and I said he would have to tell her that we couldn't do it after all. I was pretty irritated that I hadn't been a part of the discussion - so asking me to be part of the solution is another piece of cheek, imho.
Anyway, he told our son yesterday some story, and when he came back with his gf tonight, apparently she wanted to hear for herself why we couldn't go, and I literally had to walk out of the room and go upstairs, because my husband sat there and lied up and down and sideways about what the people told him about how it gets filled up, and how all the military folks have taken the spots because of x, y and z, and how he tried this other place, and then another place .. I could still hear him talking several minutes later from the bedroom, so he didn't stop there.
It really bothers me. How can you ever trust someone who lies like that? He didn't even have to lie at all. He could have told her the truth about my classes, and admitted that he messed up with not even asking me, when I could have told him months ago, when all this was started, that my classes would be starting then, and there's no way I am taking that time out. My school comes first, you know? There's a lot based upon me pulling my degree off as quickly as possible.
Anyway .. .. that's my life with a husband I cannot trust to tell me the truth from day to day, hour to hour ..
I'll cut short the part in the middle about him lying about all the other stuff with inappropriate content, women etc. But again, very complex, very believeable lies - at least they were believable for a while.
Cut to tonight. A couple of months ago, our eldest son's gf asked my h if we could all go camping when she graduated hs. To me, I think she was being cheeky to ask for this, because it's quite an expense for 6 people to rent a place, take a dog, pay for the food, eating out etc. We're talking about $300-$400, and that's more of a graduation gift we would give our kids. I mean we love her and everything, but still ... anyway, my h started looking into it but didn't even talk to me about it until last week, which is only a month to graduation. I don't even know why he talked this over with our son and his gf and not with me. So I told him that my summer classes started that weekend, and I am not going to be away from the computer for 3 days with Maymester only being so short and so much to do in that time. So he asked me what he should say to the gf, and I said he would have to tell her that we couldn't do it after all. I was pretty irritated that I hadn't been a part of the discussion - so asking me to be part of the solution is another piece of cheek, imho.
Anyway, he told our son yesterday some story, and when he came back with his gf tonight, apparently she wanted to hear for herself why we couldn't go, and I literally had to walk out of the room and go upstairs, because my husband sat there and lied up and down and sideways about what the people told him about how it gets filled up, and how all the military folks have taken the spots because of x, y and z, and how he tried this other place, and then another place .. I could still hear him talking several minutes later from the bedroom, so he didn't stop there.
It really bothers me. How can you ever trust someone who lies like that? He didn't even have to lie at all. He could have told her the truth about my classes, and admitted that he messed up with not even asking me, when I could have told him months ago, when all this was started, that my classes would be starting then, and there's no way I am taking that time out. My school comes first, you know? There's a lot based upon me pulling my degree off as quickly as possible.
Anyway .. .. that's my life with a husband I cannot trust to tell me the truth from day to day, hour to hour ..