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What's The Top Reason For Divorce?

Discussion in 'Married Couples' started by mylife4his, Oct 6, 2010.

  1. mylife4his

    mylife4his Christian Writer

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    WHAT'S THE BIGGEST REASON FOR DIVORCE? I would really like to know this, I'm trying to learn about marriage, the do's and don'ts. I'm at that age, and would like to know these things now before I get to that stage in my life.
    My reason for putting this up here is because, I don't ever want to divorce no matter what. Please Help Me. Divorce is not an option for me. I am also a Christian writer, and I include my train a thought on this subject, more on the minor reasons why people may divorce. But I need you, to tell me why people do it.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMjhmRop9AY&feature=player_embedded#!
     
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2010
  2. WolfGate

    WolfGate Senior Member

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    1) People forget that love is a verb.
    2) People let something other than their spouse become the most important earthly thing to them. Sometimes the kids. Sometimes work. Sometimes someone else.

    That's really it, IMHO. Combine that with divorce being so rampant that people feel it's an option when things are bad, and it becomes a cycle.
     
  3. McScribe

    McScribe Me

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    Saying divorce is not an option before you get married is like saying 'defeat is not an option' before you go into battle. It's a fine pep talk but defeat is always possible and divorce is always possible, even if you are in one of those areas where you need mutual consent.

    Other than that WolfGate is right, and I would add that a good marriage takes work, humility and focus like anything else you want to succeed in. A final thing I would add is that many people but especially for some reason christians seem to be more embarrassed about the idea of having emotional difficulties than they are embarrassed about the idea of getting a divorce. So they avoid focusing on the difficulties, they avoid emotional honesty, they avoid dealing with issues until it gets so bad that divorce seems like the only option.
     
    mkgal1 likes this.
  4. chaz345

    chaz345 New Member

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    This may seem like a sort of smart alek answer but the number one reason for divorce is one or both people deciding they don't want to be married anymore. And yes I absolutely believe that in the huge majority of cases it is a willful choice. All this garbage we hear about just not being compatable is just that, garbage. Except for abuse, and even in many abuse cases, ANY two people can be married and be happy and have a great marriage. ALL great marriages require work, just some more than others.
     
  5. WolfGate

    WolfGate Senior Member

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    McScribe - point taken, and I agree my "not an option" comment is a bit of a hyperbole. Of course it's an option, even biblcially in some cases. Perhaps a more accurate statement would be people go into marriage with at least the subconcious feeling that divorce is not an option of last resort, but rather firmly on the table of possible paths their marriage may take. It's hard not to when so much divorce is around, among friends and families.
     
  6. FallenPaladin

    FallenPaladin New Member

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    Lack of respect to Biblical authority.
     
  7. Luther073082

    Luther073082 κύριε ἐλέησον χριστὲ ἐλέησον

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    All studies show that the #1 cause of divorce is money fights.

    It makes sense. Jesus told us that our treasure is where our heart is. When two people can't agree on hopes, dreams, and goals it takes itself out most often as a money fight. Because a fight about money really is at its core a fight about our hopes, dreams, and goals.
     
  8. Mayzoo

    Mayzoo One child here--one bouncing on God's knee

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    Reasons cited for the divorce of people I know:

    Case 1: Serious verbal abuse with relatively minor physical abuse (long term-20 years.)

    Case 2: Serious physical abuse leading to a miscarriage and subsequently fear for their own life.

    Case 3: Infidelity

    Case 4: Serious, long term physical abuse.

    In the below case, reason I list is from my observations rather the reason cited:

    Case 5 : Mental illness leading to paranoia, and nervous breakdown of the wife. Wife filed for divorce.

    Most of these do stem from the reasons Wolfgate listed except the mental illness which preceded the marriage but was unknown to the husband at the time of marriage.
     
  9. mylife4his

    mylife4his Christian Writer

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    Wat does this mean excatly?
     
  10. mylife4his

    mylife4his Christian Writer

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    I have heard of this one. This makes sense too! This one I wouldn't so much about. Aren't you married?
     
  11. mylife4his

    mylife4his Christian Writer

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    And I mean no disrepect to anybody on here who have been divorced. It's a touchy subject, and I pray I never ever divorce. I couldn't imaginge the pain my whole family would go through. But I couldn'y remarry if i did divorce. That's why i can't divorce.
     
  12. OGM

    OGM Newbie

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    But the other person may divorce you for whatever reason; rather you like it or not. If you are divorced in a "no-fault" State you may have to give up half of your assets and pay alimony even if the person cheats on you! It can be very ugly out there!!!
     
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2010
  13. mylife4his

    mylife4his Christian Writer

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    Buddy, possibly. But 2 Christians married to each other cannot divorce. That's for real.
     
  14. chaz345

    chaz345 New Member

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    Biblically they can't or shouldn't but legally and practically it happens ALL THE TIME. The divorce rate for Christians is the same as for non-Christians.
     
  15. mylife4his

    mylife4his Christian Writer

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    No, it's what the Bible says. I found it here. look at what it says,
    Mark 10:11-12
    11And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.
    12And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.
     
  16. Luther073082

    Luther073082 κύριε ἐλέησον χριστὲ ἐλέησον

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    Yes I'm married.

    Money is definatly something you should concern yourself with. Even if you have the same hopes, goals and dreams you need to plan out how you are going to go about those.

    The 4 things I've always heard you should discuss throughly before marriage are.

    Money, Sex, Children, and In-Laws.

    And thats great and all. But approaching it by just saying "Well we don't belive in divorce, so therefore it will never happen." is a VERY BAD IDEA.

    The thing is that everyone has a breaking point in things. You can oppose divorce all you want, but if everything goes bad in your marriage and it isn't fixed, either you or your wife will eventually break and file for divorce. I havn't been divorced and I can tell you that.

    God tells us a marriage is to be two people becomming one flesh. The best way to prevent divorce is to focus on this. One flesh means you are united in everything. Unity is the key here.

    Its great not to belive in divorce, but if you rely on that alone to keep you married, your marriage is going to be uncomfortable with a lot of trouble and still has a very good likelyhood of failing.
     
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2010
  17. mylife4his

    mylife4his Christian Writer

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    I know legally it is. And them stats are true! But doesn't mean they get to go to heaven. I Just Don't know man. I just want to do wats right
     
  18. mylife4his

    mylife4his Christian Writer

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    True man, I'm saying. If my only problem is money, then I'm not too worried. But it's still something to think about. I just want to be married until I die to the same woman. whatever it takes.
     
  19. chaz345

    chaz345 New Member

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    Last time I checked a sin didn't keep one out of heaven. Don't misunderstand, I'm not for a second suggesting that divorce is the proper course of action for a Christian. It's just that the Biblical prohibition doesn't seem to be stopping all that many from divorcing and then re-marrying.
     
  20. Luther073082

    Luther073082 κύριε ἐλέησον χριστὲ ἐλέησον

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    Most people want to do what is right. But people do break and do what is wrong. So you should rely on a lot preparation to prevent divorce. The whole not beliving in divorce thing is great, but that is really a last resort. Because if the marriage is bad, that will only hold for so long before someone says "I quit".

    Now personally if I where you I would wait a bit for marriage. People who marry between the ages of 18 and 20 have a horribly high rate of divorce. And listen I don't care how mature you are, almost no westerners are ready for marriage at age 18.

    Thing is that you are just entering adulthood and learning to be an adult. You are going to make mistakes. Thats just a fact. I don't care how mature you are, you are going to make mistakes. Your mistakes are compounded by a lot if you are married.

    On top of that you are asking yourself to not only figure out how to be an adult and figure out how to be married at the same time. It is a lot to ask yourself.

    There are 3 major gut check grow up times in an adult life.

    The first time is when you actually become an adult and make your own decisions.

    The second time is when you get married.

    The third time is when you have a child.

    There is statistical proof that when two or more of those things come at the same time its not for the best.

    People who are just becomming adults as they get married get divorced at a horribly high rate. I've heard the rate is over 90% for 18 and 19 year olds. Not good odds.

    Also people who have a child within a year of getting married also face a higher divorce rate.

    And children on the whole are typically always being raised by parents in their 20's then they are being raised by parents who are still teenagers.

    And thats a good goal assuming you don't outlive her.

    What I recommend doing is look deep into divorce statistics. What variables have been shown to make people less likely to divorce, and what variables make people more likely to divorce.

    Some of them you can't control. For example if your parents never divorced, you are more likely to stay married. Its a fact, but its not something you can control so don't worry about it.

    But there are a lot of variables you can control. Weekly worship attendence, marrying at an older age (at least over the age of 20, but those over 25 have an even better chance), Marrying after having dated for between 1 to 3 years. Not co-habiting before marriage. Things like that increase your chances.

    Also higher education increases the chances of your marriage succeeding. But I wouldn't run off and get a college degree to make your marriage more likely to succeed. Get one because you need/want the degree to pursue work in a certain field. The increased chances for your marriage are a bonus.
     
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2010
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