Recently my friends/fellows parents got into a discussion about what Christian parents should do if their teen child has a self-pleasure habit. How do you guys handle it? What if you, say, just see tell-tale signs, such as stains on their underwear? My friend is a single mom and doesn't know what to do.
What to do when they play with themselves
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IMHO, it is time for your friend to stop doing her son's laundry, including his bedding - for a whole variety of reasons (personal responsibility, for example) but also so that she is not confronted of "evidence" that may or may not be proof of what she thinks.
"Play with themselves"? The word is mastrubation.
"Play with themselves"? The word is mastrubation.
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lavenderskies
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I would also like to point out that stains on a child's underwear can also signal health issues. This child could also have a urinary tract infection. Especially if the child is male, most males do not have any symptoms other than discharge.
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I don't see why everyone makes this out to be such a huge deal...everyone has done this to themselves as well...
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TexasSky
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I once heard a minister give the following message in a sermon.
1) The bible does not, as many parents think, teach that masturbation is a sin. The sin was that God told the man, "give your brother's widow a child," and the man had sex with the widow, but "spilled his seed on the ground" to prevent the conception of a child. It was not masturbation. It was "early withdrawal," and the sin was that the man directly defied God's command.
2) Mothers, your boys are sexual beings, with instincts given to them by God. Better he shut his door and stain his sheets than that he get the girl next door pregnant.
3) Yes, looking at a woman with lust is wrong. Stopping masturbation is not going to stop lust. They are not necessarily the same thing.
The congregation was shocked, but the attendance of young people at church sky rocketed.
1) The bible does not, as many parents think, teach that masturbation is a sin. The sin was that God told the man, "give your brother's widow a child," and the man had sex with the widow, but "spilled his seed on the ground" to prevent the conception of a child. It was not masturbation. It was "early withdrawal," and the sin was that the man directly defied God's command.
2) Mothers, your boys are sexual beings, with instincts given to them by God. Better he shut his door and stain his sheets than that he get the girl next door pregnant.
3) Yes, looking at a woman with lust is wrong. Stopping masturbation is not going to stop lust. They are not necessarily the same thing.
The congregation was shocked, but the attendance of young people at church sky rocketed.
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selfintercession
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If? Point me in the direction of a teenager who doesn't. You should tell your friend to leave well enough alone and stop going through his underwear... the only potential problems here are the ones that will be caused by what she's doing right now.
I don't want to get in to a discussion about whether or not masturbation is a sin, but either wai there isnothing to be gained by this kind of reaction. At all. It will hurt not help.
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I'm 19, myself. Don't go storming in talking about it. If it's on the underwear or sheets, it's probably just a wet dream. If he was masturbating, he most likely would'nt've let it get all over everything like that. If you approach the kid, he'll probably spaz and never want to talk to anyone about it ever again.
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First, please use the right terminology. Secondly, with stains on his underwear it's probably nocturnal emissions (wet dreams) and that is only controllable by some other release. Nocturnal emissions happen when a male goes a period of time without [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse].
Leave the guy alone. It's nothing to get worked up about. If he's not sitting at the dinner table masturbating, it's really of little concern.
Leave the guy alone. It's nothing to get worked up about. If he's not sitting at the dinner table masturbating, it's really of little concern.
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Back again.
It wasn't until the last summer, between senior year and college, that my Bible Study group decided to stop masturbating. By then, I'd been masturbating since 4th grade, 8 years. We had some conflicting views. Some, like myself, agreed that one can touch without lust. Others didn't think so. What we did agree on is that by masturbating, we were taking away from the gift of sex that God gave us to enjoy with our wives. Now, I can't really give you any advice on how to bring up that conversation, the whole gift of sex and stuff. But I know if it hadn't been for that Bible study, I'd still be masturbating. Encourage him (son) to get involved in a just-guy Bible study with people his own age if not a year or two older.
It wasn't until the last summer, between senior year and college, that my Bible Study group decided to stop masturbating. By then, I'd been masturbating since 4th grade, 8 years. We had some conflicting views. Some, like myself, agreed that one can touch without lust. Others didn't think so. What we did agree on is that by masturbating, we were taking away from the gift of sex that God gave us to enjoy with our wives. Now, I can't really give you any advice on how to bring up that conversation, the whole gift of sex and stuff. But I know if it hadn't been for that Bible study, I'd still be masturbating. Encourage him (son) to get involved in a just-guy Bible study with people his own age if not a year or two older.
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Aleksander
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Okay, first of all I can't stress enough about your terminology. "self play?" That just sounds infantile. Don't make things worse by refering to it as that in front of the boy, it would already be awkward enough. The word is MASTURBATION!
But the smart thing to do would be to just leave it alone. Like everyone else said, it could be nocturnal emissions (which is actually the result of going a long time without an [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], the male sex drive isn't meant to lie dormant).
Confronting a kid about mastrubation would be probably one of the most awkward things you could do to a teen, you don't need that kind of stress in a family. Don't start a policing him about it, not only will he keep doing it but it will make it miserable on him and he will probably start doing hallucinogens and leave home at an early age to become addicted to prostitutes becuse he never got to get his frustrations out as a child.
If he's a christian then it's between him and god, and if he's not one then that's nobodys business but his.
But the smart thing to do would be to just leave it alone. Like everyone else said, it could be nocturnal emissions (which is actually the result of going a long time without an [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], the male sex drive isn't meant to lie dormant).
Confronting a kid about mastrubation would be probably one of the most awkward things you could do to a teen, you don't need that kind of stress in a family. Don't start a policing him about it, not only will he keep doing it but it will make it miserable on him and he will probably start doing hallucinogens and leave home at an early age to become addicted to prostitutes becuse he never got to get his frustrations out as a child.
If he's a christian then it's between him and god, and if he's not one then that's nobodys business but his.
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Aleksander
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I was giving an example. That's just the kind of stuff that happens when you treat kids in such a way.
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Nazzul
The seeker of knowledge
I used to have these strong feelings of guilt when I was done masterbating I was probably around 12 or 13. I was sure I was sinning against god because of what I was doing. It really tore me up inside. I think I came to the relization that god wouldent do this to me is when I started to feel much better about myself as a person.
This was when I still belived in a god of course.
This was when I still belived in a god of course.
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Crotalus71
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Ok first of all no matter what you call it "Playing with themselves", "masturbation", and trust me there are a thousand other terms slang mostly I could use here. Anyway, the opinions vary and facts are few. Me personally, would have to agree with the child involved in doing their own laundry. If there is a male figure in the home or relative that they can talk with openly you might have them address it to discover if there might be a medical issue if that is a concern. Otherwise, "wet dreams" are very common to my knowledge as is masturbation in teens whether male or female. However, if this is a "sin" that is something to take up with prayer and a spiritual leader with whom you hold in high regard. I do not believe this to be a sin. Nor should be grounds for a discussion which would most likely emberrass the teen involved no matter how you approach this as a parent it is not easy. Can't say I really helped but hopefully as the parent of teen I have at least givn some guidance.
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