What should I do?

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Wolfe]

Did you tell us that before? Will they teach you to drive, or expect you to already know how? What branch do you intend to join?

I've said it in other post for sure.
I will have to already have a drivers license to enlist, and I plan to enlist in the Army and my specialization be Combat Engineer.
Or I've heard the air force offers a cyber defense job, which would be equally good.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Wolfe]

Meant to ask in my last post, what does that mean?

It's a movie, where some southern folk do some pretty nasty things.
I've never watched it, but I know of it.

 

[Wolfe]

It's a movie, where some southern folk do some pretty nasty things.
I've never watched it, but I know of it.

Imagine any southern stereotype, and it's in that movie, pretty much.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Wolfe]

To Wolfe,

Are you still doing this?

"Hey man! I happen to be a programmer myself, and am actually in the process of making a game right now."
/from a post of yours August 2016

No, I had to take a leave from that for about a month, and when I came back everyone on the team didn't wanna do it anymore.

 

[GirdYourLoins]

I also exhibit symptoms of autism, which would explain the severity of my social anxiety.

I think this is a key comment in your posts. You recognize that there is a reason for your social anxiety and recognise that you have it. Sometimes in those situations you just have to say to yourself that you know what the problem is so you are going to do what I want and ignore the anxiety. Gradually it gets easier and easier until its gone.

I had a very bad childhood which left me with no self esteem and shyness that was so bad I could not speak to someone I didnt know or in a group without going bright red and shaking because of it. I had times with whole rooms of people laughing at me because of it. I still spoke sometimes despite knowing the result it would have. It gradually became easier over time but I did not totally get over it until God healed me. I'm in my 40s but have been able to speak to people freely, street preach or whatever with no more fear than anyone else and less than probably most.

I would suggest you try church again and maybe as a start tell one person you feel the most comfortable with that you sometimes struggle with meeting new people so could they help introduce you to others in the church. Ask people why they go to that particular church, ask any questions you have about God and being a Christian, share a bit about how you became a Christian.

Exhibiting symptoms of autism may also be why your parents thought home schooling may have been better for you They may have been aware of issues it was causing that you so they thought it was the better option. Maybe try asking them if you can talk to them openly and honestly about why they did it. As it happens I know someone who took their child out of school to be home schooled last year due to autism.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Thanks.

My Father forced me, and was supported by my Mother.
I really schooled myself, everything I know is self taught, I don't want to make them out as bad people, they're not. They just messed up with me, I think they know it, and it's too late to reverse it, the damage is done.

I can play some piano, I used to write poetry (though not very good), and the only hobby I have now is theology, I study it everyday, for hours on end.

There's no place near that would do what I like to do, the churches bible study is more like an argument group. I'm right, and you're wrong, type of deal, instead of studying what it actually says.
And I don't trust anyone enough to carpool, and my folks cannot drive me, because work schedule doesn't add up.

I am grounded at home, there's no way that I can see to get out.
My current living situation, basically, I go to sleep, at whatever time, wake up, and repeat the same day over, and over, and over again, ever seen groundhog day?
I get up, go nowhere, do nothing, then go to bed again.
When I say do nothing, I mean anything that would help my mental state, I learn constantly.

I've always been homeschooled, and I do not understand why I couldn't attend homeschool stuff either, they mainly meet on the weekends, my folks are off on the weekends.
They're mainly christian organizations, which is in line with the family belief.
There's no reason that I can see that would keep me from them.

And I do know Jesus, I know that my suffering now, is not forever, and that someday I will be forever happy, with him in Heaven.
It's just, right now, here on earth, I feel lousy, and I don't much like it, so I'm trying to change it.
And I've prayed for it to end, or atleast give me a reason as to why I have to be where I am.

I wanna be perfectly clear, I came to God, and the faith of Christianity, through my suffering, out of my own free will. I would not change one thing that happened, if it means that I don't end up with God.
Instant gratification, and an eternity of hell.
Or eternal joy and happiness that I have to wait 80 or so years for.
I can wait, I haven't got anything planned

If there's one thing I can definitely say about you, it's that you're articulate and seem to have a clear thinking, intelligent head on your shoulders, Wolfe. That's always a good thing. And while you're waiting for the next year or so to reach another stage in your life (because it will come), you've got a language skill that you can refine and capitalize upon.

 

[Tom Spoontoss]

Alright, this is half a prayer request, and half advice, I decided I needed advice more than a prayer (not belittling prayer), so I posted here.

Basically, been depressed my whole life, it isn't a brain thing, I have identified the problem, and for 4 or so years, I've been trying to fix the problem.
The problem is loneliness, I am a very social person, living the life of an introvert.
I don't go out, I don't do anything, speak to anyone, I'm alone.

The life I live, is forced on me, it's either be miserable and alive, or die on the streets, I don't live in the best of towns, crime wise.
The best option for my physical survival, is to just live as I am now. But I fear my mental health is dwindling, and there isn't much I can do to save it.

Here is why it is forced, I have no license to drive and I cannot get one until I am 18, family rule.

I was forced to be homeschooled, even after expressing that I wanted, and needed to go to school.

And I was forced to not go to homeschooler events and that sort of stuff, basically I was forced into an anti social lifestyle.

I have reach an age now, where I can actually do something about it (17), but what that is, I don't know.

I've literately tried everything I can think of.

1. Befriend locals. Drunks, and meth heads are not good friends for a child.

2. Go to a church. I do, sometimes, it's the only place I can go, but the problem arises, the years of anti socialization, have made me inept at socializing like a normal human. I physically cannot just go up and talk to people, I've tried, and I've tried to force myself, it's not going to happen. I rely on them coming up to me and starting a conversation, which does not happen, because I look like a serial killer, being honest. I wouldn't approach me either.

3. Make friends online. I have, but it doesn't cut it, I need physical people.
Why? I'm not sure, text just doesn't cut it.
I need someone to care about me, and I need to be able to see it.
No one in my life cares, or loves me, not even my family.

4. Go to a store and talk to people, surely they're not bad people. Maybe, maybe not, but the point in 2 stands.

I've exhausted all I can think of, and all my coping mechanisms no longer work.

Every 4 months or so, I get in a state like I am now, I start getting extremely depressed, then eventually accept it, and move on.
I need to avoid the depression stage, and have nothing to accept.
I need to fix it, because before long, I will lose my mind.

I have 1 more year, before my license, and I gain my freedom (but how long after that will it take for me to actually be free), I don't think I'll make it another year, because each time this happens, I lose a bit of myself, eventually I will be nothing.

I think about a way out endlessly.
I do not attribute this suffering to God, I don't blame it on him, I know he loves me.
A year ago I didn't even have God, and a year ago I was worse, so that is an improvement. But I also see I'm sliding down a hill again, I'm just trying to keep my head above water until things can get better.
I will get to the point I was a year ago, before long.

There are other reasons I feel the way I do, not just the being lonely.
It's also the why, why was I forced to live like this, and why is it impossible for me to fix?
There's got to be a way out that I'm not seeing.

So, what do I do?

What would you do?

There are no bad ideas

I also want to note, I hate posting things like this, because I know it could be much much worse, I could have no legs, or not have this computer (which has been the reason I've stayed sane so long), it could always be worse. But that doesn't make a bad situation good.

I ask for prayers and advice, if you will, and Thank You, in advance.
(also if this is the wrong forum area I apologize, move it if you want.)

God Bless.

Brother, it sounds just like me about 15 years ago. I tried everything I knew -everytjing! One early morning, I gave up trying my own failed remedies, and, really at the edge of an abyss, I cried out for Jesus to HELP ME!!. He did. Because I really knew I couldn't do it - help myself - and Jesus did.

 

[throughfiierytrial]

Alright, this is half a prayer request, and half advice, I decided I needed advice more than a prayer (not belittling prayer), so I posted here.

Basically, been depressed my whole life, it isn't a brain thing, I have identified the problem, and for 4 or so years, I've been trying to fix the problem.
The problem is loneliness, I am a very social person, living the life of an introvert.
I don't go out, I don't do anything, speak to anyone, I'm alone.

The life I live, is forced on me, it's either be miserable and alive, or die on the streets, I don't live in the best of towns, crime wise.
The best option for my physical survival, is to just live as I am now. But I fear my mental health is dwindling, and there isn't much I can do to save it.

Here is why it is forced, I have no license to drive and I cannot get one until I am 18, family rule.

I was forced to be homeschooled, even after expressing that I wanted, and needed to go to school.

And I was forced to not go to homeschooler events and that sort of stuff, basically I was forced into an anti social lifestyle.

I have reach an age now, where I can actually do something about it (17), but what that is, I don't know.

I've literately tried everything I can think of.

1. Befriend locals. Drunks, and meth heads are not good friends for a child.

2. Go to a church. I do, sometimes, it's the only place I can go, but the problem arises, the years of anti socialization, have made me inept at socializing like a normal human. I physically cannot just go up and talk to people, I've tried, and I've tried to force myself, it's not going to happen. I rely on them coming up to me and starting a conversation, which does not happen, because I look like a serial killer, being honest. I wouldn't approach me either.

3. Make friends online. I have, but it doesn't cut it, I need physical people.
Why? I'm not sure, text just doesn't cut it.
I need someone to care about me, and I need to be able to see it.
No one in my life cares, or loves me, not even my family.

4. Go to a store and talk to people, surely they're not bad people. Maybe, maybe not, but the point in 2 stands.

I've exhausted all I can think of, and all my coping mechanisms no longer work.

Every 4 months or so, I get in a state like I am now, I start getting extremely depressed, then eventually accept it, and move on.
I need to avoid the depression stage, and have nothing to accept.
I need to fix it, because before long, I will lose my mind.

I have 1 more year, before my license, and I gain my freedom (but how long after that will it take for me to actually be free), I don't think I'll make it another year, because each time this happens, I lose a bit of myself, eventually I will be nothing.

I think about a way out endlessly.
I do not attribute this suffering to God, I don't blame it on him, I know he loves me.
A year ago I didn't even have God, and a year ago I was worse, so that is an improvement. But I also see I'm sliding down a hill again, I'm just trying to keep my head above water until things can get better.
I will get to the point I was a year ago, before long.

There are other reasons I feel the way I do, not just the being lonely.
It's also the why, why was I forced to live like this, and why is it impossible for me to fix?
There's got to be a way out that I'm not seeing.

So, what do I do?

What would you do?

There are no bad ideas

I also want to note, I hate posting things like this, because I know it could be much much worse, I could have no legs, or not have this computer (which has been the reason I've stayed sane so long), it could always be worse. But that doesn't make a bad situation good.

I ask for prayers and advice, if you will, and Thank You, in advance.
(also if this is the wrong forum area I apologize, move it if you want.)

God Bless.

I will pray for you and I have already prayed for you as I read...from deep within my heart. I went through these feelings though not as intense...being married with children no less...so people around one does not always cure loneliness and can sometimes exacerbate the problem as odd as that seems. Interpersonal relationships can be imperfect for a time and it seems I needed Christian friends so as to communicate within the same framework. This is why I'd ask you to find Christian friends at church and build on them. Do not be hasty in setting aside acquaintances. Just a hello and how have you been for a few weeks and listen to the others chat. Develop your love. Tell them in various ways that you are interested in them and what they have to say. If you are polite and kind folks will accept you. You sound as though you have a lot of negative self-talk going on. Identify these "issues" then, these doubts, and ask God to help you get past them...ask God to give you meaningful friendships.

I have to say that after one year of knowing God and that He loves you and you at just 17, growing toward adulthood, you still have much maturing to do in your Christianity. It sounds almost like a bit of rebellion toward your parents going on and that can cause a Christian to become depressed in and of itself. Yes, though we go through hardship, we are to endure it and yes, Paul says we even rejoice in our sufferings...and we are destined for suffering and persecution for Christ...
Romans 5:3-5:
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
Philippians 1:29-30:
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him, since you are going through the same struggle you saw I had, and now hear that I still have.

It is very hard for you, no doubt, and my heart goes out to you. Christ made you a social creature and your ability to love others as God commands is somewhat stifled...I say only somewhat b/c though you are desperate, you do have your family to love...start there. If you believe them to be unlovable, think again. Are we not to love all people and especially family and relatives? They are dear to us, they love us and support us and know us probably better than anyone else on earth. There is a contemporary Christian song which sings...help me to love the unlovable. That is the point, that is the mission. You are going into this war a bit early compared to some, but start loving your family. Make them know you hold them dear and respectfully disagree with the issue of socialization. Think good thoughts about your family, make a list in your mind and pray about the bad aspects.

May you keep God at heart through all this and I leave you with this Psalm...

Psalm 27
The Lord is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?

When the wicked advance against me
to devour me,
it is my enemies and my foes
who will stumble and fall.
Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.

One thing I ask from the Lord,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
and set me high upon a rock.

Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the Lord.

Hear my voice when I call, Lord;
be merciful to me and answer me.
My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
Your face, Lord, I will seek.
Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
God my Savior.
Though my father and mother forsake me,
the Lord will receive me.
Teach me your way, Lord;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
spouting malicious accusations.

I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.

 

[Galatea]

Depression is a medical problem. If you have not talked to your parents about how you feel, you need to do so immediately. I think you might need to see a doctor or therapist. God bless you, I am praying as well.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Did you get out in the sun?
Sorry..just like to know if you do.
It really helps. When Anne Frank was stuck in the annexe, she would write in her diary...that being able to see the blue sky and trees was precious to her.

Remember Paul was in prison a lot and wrote half the new testament in letters. So its great you are writing. Writers do need solitude - to gather their thoughts and to write uninterrupted. Can you imagine working in a customer service job and always dealing with people, never getting a chance to sit down and think? So think of it as a blessing and a period of study...it won't always be like this. Paul suffered much and God allowed it because it was for His glory -

Check out Voice of the Martyrs if you can write to them who are actually imprisoned and persecuted for their faith in much worse living conditions...then your complaints are less in comparison. It won't always be like this.

Parents want whats best for you even if it doesn't fit what you want...recognise they have faults but take up your worries with your Heavenly Father as he knows just what you need before you ask Him.

And when I was in a dark place music helped. Remember Paul was in chains, he kept singing hymns and praises to God - the angels broke the chains and they were set free.

Right. My advice is to get outside as much as possible. Don't stay couped up because that will take a toll on your mental health. I am literally in the same situation as you...for 6 more days anyway...I know how stir crazy being cage in can make you. You don't have to be mental for it to affect you, even the most mentally resilient person would be affected by being caged in, it just takes a toll on you. Now if you had everything you wanted and had no reason to be depressed and are..then that's a mental issue...but if circumstances created the perfect storm and cause you to be depressed, that's not...you're just being human and responding to said situation.

Also making clear goals and plans can help you feel like you're moving forward.

And take everything one day at a time.

Also being positive helps... Knowing that you're only 17 and have your whole life ahead of you is a big plus.

 

[aiki]

He has bearing on why I live, and the manner in which I do.

A "bearing," eh? An interesting choice of words to describe the impact on your life of the One who gives you your very existence. God has more than a bearing on my life. He's the reason I exist - literally! If He didn't exist, neither would I - or anyone else!

If not for God, I would most definitely have killed myself by now, I don't see the point in meaningless things.

Well, the reason things are meaningless is because, at least in part, there is no point to them.

At the end of the day, I'm ultimately happy, because one day, don't know when or how, but one day I will be with God, in Heaven.

How about being happy now, or at least joyful (which isn't so contingent on circumstances as happiness is) because God is with you in this very moment and has a purpose for your life?

But, I do always try to live my life as closely to the bible, as I humanely can.

What do you mean by "try to live my life as closely to the Bible as I can"? Is the Christian life just about following the rules?

I see God with me, through my life, he isn't silent through all of it,

No, He certainly isn't silent! You have the Bible filled with God's words to you! If a person isn't hearing from God, it's because they aren't reading their Bible!

God is not only the reason I live, but he also influences the way I live, through his words The Bible.

Actually, on a very fundamental level, God is the reason you live. Every moment you continue to exist, you do so only because God has willed it. And if you're a born-again child of God, your Heavenly Father says to you:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?
20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.

But it doesn't change the fact that I am lonely, fellowship is a big part of life, I feel.

Well, this is unfortunate. Your words here reveal a rather low view of God. What could be better, what could be more fulfilling, than to walk with your Creator? Who else could love you as magnificently and deeply as God loves you? No one. Who has all the answers to life and knows exactly the best way for you to live? Only your All-wise Maker. Who can provide, and protect, and comfort you no matter what you face or where you are? Only God. Every other person is a massive step down from Him. No one can fulfill you like He can. He made you to be filled and satisfied best with Him. If you walk with God, there is no reason you should ever feel lonely.

Hebrews 13:5
5 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

You're right, I should have a different outlook on it, and be happy in my situation, because of God.
But I'm not, and I can't.

Well, you may not be happy in your current situation but it is a lie you are telling yourself when you say you can't be content and even joyful in it. God says that if you have Him, you have all you need to live a fulfilled and joyful life. The problem isn't your situation but how you've chosen to think about it.

To do that I would have to change the way I look at my life, and I've tried to do that, look at it in a positive light, and it use to work, for a while. But then suddenly stopped. And now I need a new way to keep afloat.

Maybe instead of trying you should "Let go and let God." He made you to fulfill His purposes, not your own. And until you are doing so, you will never be truly fulfilled and content.

The only way for me to fix it, would be to make friends, that is difficult because of my area, and my social anxiety caused by whatever.

Social anxiety is just pride and Self in disguise. I know; I used to be very socially anxious. But God showed me that the root of shyness, the source of my great reserve and anxiety about social situations, was an inordinate desire to protect myself, to guard against any and all hurts to my pride and self-interest that I might sustain in the midst of interacting with others. I claimed to know and love God, but every moment I lived in shyness I made a liar out of myself. Love of God will always move me toward other people, not away from them.

Galatians 5:14
14 For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

I can talk to people, if I have a reason, it isn't so much the talking that gets me, it's the reason.

How about God's reason? He wants to love people through you. Will you let Him? Will you be a vessel fit for His use? Or will you continue to serve yourself?

But there is no further reason to continue the conversation, in my mind.

Except that God wants to show them His love through you.

I have a deep southern accent, and a deep voice, I'm bald and weigh 230 pounds.
I'm just a banjo twang away from being a deliverance character.

God made you as you are (unless you've been careless with your appearance and health). And He will use you just as He made you, if you'll let Him.

I do live not but like 4 miles from a retirement home, could volunteer there or something, I'm sure they could use a young'n like me to help move stuff around or something like that.

What elderly people really enjoy is someone who will just sit and talk with them. I'm sure you could do that. Let God use you to show them His love.

Selah.

 

[Wolfe]

A "bearing," eh? An interesting choice of words to describe the impact on your life of the One who gives you your very existence. God has more than a bearing on my life. He's the reason I exist - literally! If He didn't exist, neither would I - or anyone else!

Well, you said bearing, so I said bearing, it was merely a reiteration of your point.
Because without him, there is no meaning in anything, and there is no point in meaningless things, I feel.

How about being happy now, or at least joyful (which isn't so contingent on circumstances as happiness is) because God is with you in this very moment and has a purpose for your life?

Things are much easier said than done.

And I'm not one to believe God has an exact plan for my life, or anyone in particular.
I believe he'll use me, to do certain things, like spread his word.

What do you mean by "try to live my life as closely to the Bible as I can"? Is the Christian life just about following the rules?

I would say it's all about your relationship with God.
And God made rules, so yes, you have to follow them, but no, the Christian life isn't all about the rules, it's just a big part of it.

Actually, on a very fundamental level, God is the reason you live. Every moment you continue to exist, you do so only because God has willed it. And if you're a born-again child of God, your Heavenly Father says to you:

Yes, I agree.
What I was saying was, if I didn't believe in God, I would have offed myself, whether he exist or not.
But I know he exist, so I don't, and would never commit suicide.

Well, this is unfortunate. Your words here reveal a rather low view of God. What could be better, what could be more fulfilling, than to walk with your Creator? Who else could love you as magnificently and deeply as God loves you? No one. Who has all the answers to life and knows exactly the best way for you to live? Only your All-wise Maker. Who can provide, and protect, and comfort you no matter what you face or where you are? Only God. Every other person is a massive step down from Him. No one can fulfill you like He can. He made you to be filled and satisfied best with Him. If you walk with God, there is no reason you should ever feel lonely.

God didn't create us to be alone, without each other.

Just because I'm lonely doesn't mean I have a low opinion of God.

God made you as you are (unless you've been careless with your appearance and health). And He will use you just as He made you, if you'll let Him.

I've been fairly careless.

Maybe instead of trying you should "Let go and let God." He made you to fulfill His purposes, not your own. And until you are doing so, you will never be truly fulfilled and content.

I have.
In my prayer, the one I said before God, I said, I'm yours to use how you see fit.

Unless the way he sees fit is for me to stay here, and debate atheist on the internet, which I don't think it is, because I don't feel like it's the way it's suppose to be. I feel I'm suppose to be somewhere else, doing something else, but I'm not, and whatever that thing is I don't know.

The whole thing just seems wrong.

And I can't trick myself into looking at it positively, because it isn't positive, I'm horribly depressed, that's not a good thing.

 

[aiki]

Things are much easier said than done.

That depends on how things are done. Why doesn't the thought of God's love for you and His presence with you fill you with contentment and joy?

I would say it's all about your relationship with God.

And what is that relationship supposed to look like? What you describe of your experience of Him and what the Bible says your experience should be are two sharply different things. Why do you think this is?

God didn't create us to be alone, without each other.

And He has given you His Spirit who "sticks closer than a brother" so that you never are alone, whatever you may feel. My Dad used to quote this verse to me A LOT when I was your age:

Proverbs 18:24
24 A man who has friends must himself be friendly...

Just because I'm lonely doesn't mean I have a low opinion of God.

I'm afraid I must disagree. How can you be lonely when God is always with you and loves you with an incredible, awesome, holy love? Well, because God and His love just aren't that big a deal to you. Clearly, His love for you doesn't thrill you; it doesn't lift your heart into joy. That suggests to me that you do, in fact, have a very low view of God. You see, if you properly understood the incredible thing it is for God even to think of you, let alone love you, your heart would be near to bursting with joy and love for Him. And when this is how you feel, loneliness just doesn't happen.

I've been fairly careless.

Ah. You going to do anything about this?

In my prayer, the one I said before God, I said, I'm yours to use how you see fit.

Well, God says to all of His children, "Love your neighbor." How do you do that when you're withdrawing from them at every turn? God wants to use you to communicate His love to all those you encounter, but you are too busy worrying about yourself for Him to do so. It looks to me, then, that what you prayed you didn't really mean. At least, not any more. If you really are God's to use as He see fit, you're gonna' have to obey Him and get out into the world and be His hands and heart to lost and hurting people.

I feel I'm suppose to be somewhere else, doing something else, but I'm not, and whatever that thing is I don't know.

There are all sorts of things God tells every one of His children to do. Are you doing them? If not, why would God add more commands to the pile? His will particular will for you is only every discovered in the midst of obeying those more general things He has already told all of His children to do.

The whole thing just seems wrong.

Because it is. But this can change.

And I can't trick myself into looking at it positively, because it isn't positive, I'm horribly depressed, that's not a good thing.

This is always the end of neglecting fellowship with your Heavenly Father.

Selah.