What should I do with this monster in law?

[Anonymousity424]

Me & my husband have been together for 5 years, married for 2. We are in our very early 20 and staying with his parents meanwhile we get a new car and home. We are working, doing our thing. Everything is looking good on our side. I take good care of my husband and he takes good care of me. His parents just allow us to live here for a small amount of rent(we usually pay more, a bill or two, and keep their car running & provide gas and food for us all. When me and MI met, she was amazing, she loved me spoiled me, taught me secret family recipes that she never taught anyone else. She always wanted a daughter and she got just that. Things were amazing! Then I moved in when we got married. For the first year or so things were still good. She noticed I got her son to go to church every single sunday, something she could never get him to do no matter what. This made her very happy. She is a JW, we are Christian, thus going to church separately. She loved that I cook & clean and do everything a wife should & kept her son happy, that is until she realized I made him happier than her. She used to be a chef so she's used to constant praise over her food. She noticed how he would choose what I made over her & he would even tell her my food is better to him. This seems to have kicked off a whole stream of competition from her. She started competing more over who keeps things cleaner, who gets more praise, she noticed how I present myself and now she tries to out do me, she bad talks about me to family and her husband now they all act like they want nothing to do with me. Then after she smiles in my face. She started doing little things like cook just enough for her grandkids (who live with us, our nefews) her husband, herself, and my husband just before I get off work so that they would eat everything before I get home (she knows my routine is to come in and immediately get dinner going for me and hubby) then claim she didn't think I would be hungry. She's very condescending. She'll do little things like when my husband gets home from work he'll say he's sore and ask me to massage him when I'm done cooking dinner (I get off earlier now) in front of her, then she runs to him and starts massaging him and saying "but she doesn't massage you like this" looking very smug happy look on her face then looks at me from the corner of her eye. It was explained to me before that she is bipolar and narcissistic so I ignore it but it irritates me. My husband expressed to me that growing up she didn't give him the emotional support or affection he needed so now he's not comfortable being affectionate with her, but he is very affectionate with me and she sometimes witnesses then says "why don't you do that with me" he does tell her why. He said his parents were just cold and always condemning when he was younger. The past week has been worse. They are a Spanish speaking family, mil from Mexico, FIL from El Salvador (they speak a bit differently). My in laws have had conversations about getting rid of me that they think I don't understand. She keeps saying it's hard because my husband is so stuck on me. She also says things like "why doesn't my son co e to my church? There are plenty of pretty good girls with big butt and light skin and colored eyes. This goes back to her asking her older son why both if her sons ended up with black girls and said because they have big butts (joking but serious) and I heard her on the phone one day about a year ago & she was telling someone that I'm pretty but not super pretty because I have dark skin(I have bronzed skin, I look Indian, my hair is not nappy, does get dry but super soft, silly and curly which he always compliments me on). 2 days ago I made chicken soup for hubby, then she feeds him her leftover bowl of Ramen while I'm cooking. The yesterday she made a huge pot of chicken soup & tries to pressure her son to eat it saying he likes it better because she puts less herbs. He never ate it later that day I washed his whites and they came out beautifully! I didn't say anything, I just went on about my business. Today she washes white clothes(her load was super small, just a waste of resources basically. just covered the bottom of the washer & she put soo much bleach to make them whiter than mine that after a full wash, rinse, spin, and second rinse with lots of fabric softener they still smell like a freshly opened bottle of bleach. I bought a better laundry detergent (we both used pinol, I switched to the 3 in 1 tide pods) then a couple days later she bought the one from amway (even though that's $30 compared to the free Pinal she got from me because "she's always sooooo broke"). She just mentioned to me how "broke" she was after complaining about buying groceries and putting gas in her car. my husband takes it to work so he puts gas in the car, as soon as she sees it's full she has a million places to go and when she uses all the gas she demands my husband fills it back up. She drains all of our resources then gets upset when we ask her to contribute. She found out I'm the money manager our family and then she makes remarks on how idk how to spend and she's better (after countless advice I've given her to save money that she uses) she does things that cause her problems then feels entitled to the solution that she wants. She claims idk how to take care if my husband when if it wasn't for my advice on her husband's health he wouldn't even be here. I give her hath advice and tips, she ignores me, doesn't listen or calls me crazy, thinking she knows better. Then someone else or the media tells her the same exact thing I told her and she listens, tries to give me the same advice, and act like a I never told her. She picks me me about the way I do things like wash dishes, cook, wash clothes, ect. Small things tha really irk me. She gets mad when my husband spends money on me to take me out, buy me clothes, home necessities, again small normal things and says why doesn't he do that for her. She never did this for him when he needed something they made him work his butt of the never gave him what he asked for, now he feels absolutely no need to do this for her. She and her husband never leave their house expect to run errands so I understand she wants to go out too but here in our small home with 8 people we don't get much privacy (they won't even let us put a lock on our door because it's their house). She treats me and my husband like small kids who don't know how to do anything. Every single day I'm bombarded with unsolicited advice, competition, complaints, prying into personal things, gossip from MIL, fakeness, and more. I do not want this to cause me issues with my relationship with my husband or God. Any even the smallest but of advice is helpful and greatly appreciated. Thanks to everyone in advance.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

Move.

 

[rob_aston]

Me & my husband have been together for 5 years, married for 2.

i was married....do you both seek first His kingdom? that is first step to resolution

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

I take good care of my husband and he takes good care of me.

This is very GOOD!

 

[snoochface]

You have included a thousand details and complaints about what's going on with your MIL but none of them would be happening if you didn't live in her house. So you both work, get a rental of your own, get roommates if you have to, live inexpensively, and move out. Problem solved, no more competing with your MIL. It's her house so no matter how ugly she might behave, you don't have much of a leg to stand on as long as you are willing to continue living in her house.

 

[Anonymousity424]

We're already considering moving out. But his mom insists we get a huge house all live together still. My husband is leaning more toward this rather than us having our own house so he can have me in a stable home while he establishes his trucking career. I'll be dealing with her for at least another 4-6 months.

 

[Anonymousity424]

i was married....do you both seek first His kingdom? that is first step to resolution

Yes I do seek the kingdom first.

 

[Paidiske]

We're already considering moving out. But his mom insists we get a huge house all live together still. My husband is leaning more toward this rather than us having our own house so he can have me in a stable home while he establishes his trucking career.

Oh no. You need boundaries. (Not that I believe multi-generational homes can't work, but this one has "problems" written all over it). Move out without the in-laws. Find a way to make it work!

 

[snoochface]

Why would you continue to live with her long term when living with her has caused you so many problems? When what you've been doing isn't working for you, then do something else. Don't keep doing the same thing and expecting something different to happen.

It doesn't matter what she wants or insists upon. It's not her decision. Discuss it with your husband, and decide what to do together. If security while he starts his business is a higher priority than peace between you and your mother in law, then live with the priority you've made and just disengage with her when the competition starts. But know that it continues because you stay in that environment with her by choice.

 

[Luke17:37]

We're already considering moving out. But his mom insists we get a huge house all live together still. My husband is leaning more toward this rather than us having our own house so he can have me in a stable home while he establishes his trucking career. I'll be dealing with her for at least another 4-6 months.

Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

This is God's Word.

Living with in-laws/parents as a married couple is not a good option and should be avoided or minimized. My parents lived very frugally when they married at 21 and 20, but they always had their own place, whether they rented or bought. It's further complicated in that you and your husband don't share the same faith as your MIL.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

There is a time and place for everything though, and doing things as YHWH directs our steps following Y'SHUA every day sometimes leaves us in awkward / painful/ discomfort (in jail/ beaten/ in prison/ outside the gates/ no place to sleep/ == like King David, Paul the emissary of Y'SHUA, Stephen, Phillip and others .... )....
and
in marriage or single, in a job or unemployed, it is written to not change the circumstances too quickly but to remain until Y'SHUA leads one out or brings about the change as HE IS MASTER.

 

[Luke17:37]

There is a time and place for everything though, and doing things as YHWH directs our steps following Y'SHUA every day sometimes leaves us in awkward / painful/ discomfort (in jail/ beaten/ in prison/ outside the gates/ no place to sleep/ == like King David, Paul the emissary of Y'SHUA, Stephen, Phillip and others .... )....
and
in marriage or single, in a job or unemployed, it is written to not change the circumstances too quickly but to remain until Y'SHUA leads one out or brings about the change as HE IS MASTER.

"Remain until Y'shua leads one out" does not apply to "should a married man take his wife and leave his parents' house"? That is explicitly answered in Genesis 2.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

"Remain until Y'shua leads one out" does not apply to "should a married man take his wife and leave his parents' house"? That is explicitly answered in Genesis 2.

If you don't read the rest of Genesis, you might think so.

 

[Luke17:37]

If you don't read the rest of Genesis, you might think so.

These are condescending words. I've read the whole Bible. That isn't the point.

Are you disputing Genesis 2, which Jesus also quoted?

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

These are condescending words. I've read the whole Bible. That isn't the point.

Are you disputing Genesis 2, which Jesus also quoted?

THey are not meant to be and there is no condescending motive in me at all.

If you read Genesis, et al, as you say, then you read of the large families all together also.

Sometimes they went different ways.

Sometimes they did not but stayed together. (A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE that is missing today).

Problems and all, they were able to depend on one another through enemy attacks and famine as well as in good times YHWH Provided.

 

[snoochface]

If she chooses to stay in the same house as her mother-in-law, or chooses to leave and get a home with her husband, either way she will not be sinning or going against God. That's just a silly discussion.

The point is that if she stays, then she is making the conscious choice to remain in a situation that is clearly not working for her. She can't control her mother-in-law's actions. She can only control her own. If she chooses to stay, she has to also choose to remain in the situation she is in now - or else DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. React differently to her mother-in-law, disengage, not let it bother her, ask her husband to intervene, talk with her mother-in-law herself to try to resolve the situation, but all of the action has to begin with her. And if her mother-in-law continues as she has been despite all of her attempts to make a difference, and she still continues to live in her house, then she is choosing security while her husband starts his business over peace in the household.

It's all choices. If you don't like how something is going, do something else. If you don't do anything else, you are choosing to continue with the status quo.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

It's all choices. If you don't like how something is going, do something else. If you don't do anything else, you are choosing to continue with the status quo.

Choices, yes.
This is kind of the point I think. Like when the disciples were preaching in some town, and suffered like Y'SHUA did humiliation, taunting, rejection, stoning, arrest, beatings, imprisonment, and martyrdom

WILLINGLY AND WITH GREAT JOY !

Sometimes as it is written "IF they seek your life in one city , FLEE to the next" (this was common then, and is common TODAY as well in many locations).

Or, in other words, also, We do not live for ourselves - our lives are not our own; we have been PURCHASED WITH THE BLOOD and our lives belong to YHWH - we are HIS to do with as HE PLEASES no matter where we are, and we can expect to suffer and to be persecuted while we are on earth (it is necessary).

 

[Luke17:37]

THey are not meant to be and there is no condescending motive in me at all.

If you read Genesis, et al, as you say, then you read of the large families all together also.

Sometimes they went different ways.

Sometimes they did not but stayed together. (A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE that is missing today).

Problems and all, they were able to depend on one another through enemy attacks and famine as well as in good times YHWH Provided.

Genesis doesn't say that any married men stayed living in their mother's home. And even if it did, that what be reporting what a person actually did... not a command to follow, like Genesis 2:24.

 

[VanillaSunflowers]

If you seek the Kingdom first you know the scriptures tell the married among us that they are to cleave to each other. Not that and the in-laws.
Living with in-laws in a marriage is as bad an idea as having a roommate in a married house. Doesn't work.

If she's a monster-in-law as you claim you need to sit down with your husband and explain that to him . Being he doesn't see it for himself. And not surprising since he was raised by his mom. Blinders and all that.

It would be and does sound weird that you are now living in the house his parents own. But when talking about moving away his parents say they want to come with. That makes no sense.
God be with you.

 

[*LILAC]

Move out. Fast. If you don't, you could very well be on the path to wrecking your own marriage, as it sounds like you are likely on the path to!