What is cheating?

[Ladywind7]

My husband sent romantic, mild erotic poetry to a married co worker. Is this a form of cheating?
Both of us are poets and I thought that that sharing of our poetry was for us only.
I feel betrayed.

 

[Daniel9v9]

It certainly doesn't sound promising but it's not for me to judge. We can only know what Christ said in that even lusting in the heart is already adultery: Matthew 5:28

Praying for you.

 

[Ladywind7]

It certainly doesn't sound promising but it's not for me to judge. We can only know what Christ said in that even lusting in the heart is already adultery: Matthew 5:28

Praying for you.

Thank you.

 

[dysert]

Well I think it's wrong, regardless of whether you label it "cheating". If you're married, romantic, erotic (mild or not) communications should only be going on between husband and wife.

 

[Ladywind7]

Well I think it's wrong, regardless of whether you label it "cheating". If you're married, romantic, erotic (mild or not) communications should only be going on between husband and wife.

I agree. Thank you

 

[Ken Behrens]

My first wife and I both were poets and songwriters. Very early we had come to an agreement about what is ethical to share and not share. I assume the two of you have done the same, even if the agreement is unspoken. If you feel betrayed, you probably are.

 

[Ladywind7]

My first wife and I both were poets and songwriters. Very early we had come to an agreement about what is ethical to share and not share. I assume the two of you have done the same, even if the agreement is unspoken. If you feel betrayed, you probably are.

I believe so. I never would have crossed that line. It was supposed to be sacred.
Thank you for your response.

 

[dayhiker]

Many definitely would consider it cheating.
I personally would try to remember if my spouse and I had defined what poetry we felt was fine to share and what wasn't fine to share so that it was verbal, maybe even written down.
In your situation now, I'd forgive my spouse and sit down to have a conversation expressing my hurt, communicate forgiveness and to make sure the boundaries are clear and maybe even consider what would be the consequences if someone crossed the boundary. Not communicating the hurt would limit their understanding of the pain they caused. Not forgiving could very well separate you two further. Not defining/renewing the boundaries opens the door for there to be future communication. One boundary going forward might be to let you know whenever he writes to or exchanges poetry with anyone.

 

[Slytherina]

How did you find out? Is that lady your friend, Or did you spy on his messages? If it's the latter, Then you need to fix your trust issues first, Before saying anything to your husband.

Just don't make up a fake excuse for your actions. You won't look good in God's eyes then.

 

[Saint Nod]

I certainly think there is a deeper issue here...a deeper spiritual issue. I would look at your own possible part in this...not saying you did anything wrong, mind you... but, place the situation before God and ask Him to speak to you concerning the situation in case there is something that you need to get right as well...
And then, confront your husband... as the other half of this spiritual relationship it is your duty to do so...

 

[seeking.IAM]

I understand why this raises suspicion, but I think you should look further into intent. Was it to show what a good poet he is, or was it because of attraction or romantic interest? There are many roads that lead to Rome. Either may require a response from you, but the response may be different based upon intent.

I also wonder if he broke a prior agreement that sharing such things should not be done. I'm all about couples having negotiated ground rules for their relationship. Without that, one person's expectation can be violated by the other person who does not have the same understanding of a boundary. I find a lot of couples just live their relationship without having conversations about how their relationship will work on a variety of issues such as other people, faith practice, child rearing, finances, etc.

 

[Saint Nod]

I understand why this raises suspicion, but I think you should look further into intent. Was it to show what a good poet he is, or was it because of attraction or romantic interest? There are many roads that lead to Rome. Either may require a response from you, but the response may be different based upon intent.

I also wonder if he broke a prior agreement that sharing such things should not be done. I'm all about couple having negotiated ground rules for their relationship. Without that, one person's expectation can be violated by the other person who does not have the same understanding of a boundary. I find a lot of couples just live their relationship without having conversations about how their relationship will work on a variety of issues such as other people, faith practice, child rearing, finances, etc.

Good advice, I agree with you.

 

[Roseonathorn]

Cheating...if I would find my husbands mouth glued to His colleagues or some other woman and then He would claim.
- I was sharing a piece of chocolate.
No, that was kissing...even if they were sharing a piece of chocolate. It is a behavior between couples.

 

[Roseonathorn]

I once did get a number of Nigerian scam mails, one scammer mailed only romantic poetry. They all wanted all my money, as if I had any. Are You sure Your husband is not into any chainletter romantic stuff to get money or power if a posession exist like they think someone is going to become a future boss. He is now manipulating the womans feelings. If a man is not out to get the woman then He wants her wallet or He wants power over her in jobposition.

 

[4x4toy]

I'd say ''OK Bud, you're dealing with another mans wife and me, cut the crap now or I'll take you for everything you got , you wanna play with fire you can get it, now come in here and let me lay some lovin on you''