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What happened to me? I am not attracted to men anymore.

Discussion in 'Mature Singles' started by HisW0rd, Sep 7, 2012.

  1. HisW0rd

    HisW0rd Being a mom is God's gift 2 me

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    I am not a lesbian and do not have any desire to be with a man or a woman. I find some women and men physically attractive but it's very rare. When a guy shows interest in me, I lose interest, and don't have any desire to talk to any of the guys I had chances with. You have the cute guys and the ugly guys. The well endowed and the not well endowed. The guy who has money and the guy who doesn't have money. The guy with the nice car or the crappy one. The guy who is educated and the one who is not. The guy who has a house and the one who doesn't. The guy who is a so called Christian and the one who isn't. The guy who is nice and the guy who is mean. The guy who respects I am celibate and the guy who tries to force himself on me. The same ol boring dating scene. I lost all desire to get married. I have a child and I am content. I would love to find someone I could marry and be happy with but every time I really think about it, I find it kind of revolting. I love sex but I don't want to fornicate anymore. I rarely get turned on sexually any way. I had these issues for the past 6 years. I was attracted to my sons father but not anymore.

    I don't know if its just black men I am no longer attracted to or what. Race never mattered to me and changing my race in dating is not a fixer upper. I just want to know what happened 6 years ago.

    P.S. sorry if I said some obscene things, I just was trying to get my point across.
     
  2. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

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    Maybe God is just making it easy for you to find a new focus in your life ... either temporarily or for the long term. There is nothing wrong with this and maybe it even is healthier depending on what you choose to do with the time you used to focus toward pursuing romantic relationship.

    (PS...do you realize that you posted on the "mature singles" site...as us "old" folk?)
     
  3. HisW0rd

    HisW0rd Being a mom is God's gift 2 me

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    That is fine, I intended to post here for a wiser opinion and thanks. I never really cared for romantic relationships but I did thought it was something I had to have. When I realize I really do not have to have it then I moved on being comfortable with being who I am
     
  4. dayhiker

    dayhiker Mature veteran

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    From your post, you sound healthy the way you are. But your post seems to be saying you want to understand this difference in your life. That your are observing yourself as being different than the average person around you.

    Well, at this point I can only say I don't have enough of info about your life to put any piece of it together. Nor to I have a word from God about you.

    So what happened 6 yrs ago?
    Do you see something in your parents life that lead your to be how you are?
    Did you have an experience that cause to you not like romantic relationships?
    Can your thank God for the emotions He creates us with?
     
  5. HisW0rd

    HisW0rd Being a mom is God's gift 2 me

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    I was really living and walking in the Holy spirit when I was 20 to 21. God was teaching me the importance of walking and living in His Spirit. I just realize that being alone with God is greater than anything on this earth including marriage. Others tried using my past experiences and hurts to say that is why you don't want marriage. I believe that is not true because the last men to abuse me, I am able to love him and communicate to him as if he was my friend. Even men in my past, I dont even remember their names but when I think about them, I pray for them, and wonder if they are suffering because of the things they did. Because if your human, you can't just do people wrong and not suffer from it emotionally, spiritually, or emotionally. One day or another its going to hit them no matter how much they are in denial. I hope all the men repented and ask the Lord in their lives. If I was bitter or angry it would show and a bitter and angry woman wouldn't pray and hope for the best for the one who sexually abused her.

    Another thing, my mom think its because I never really met anyone who had a great marriage. Everyone in my family is struggling in their marriage or have struggled. If I get married, there is no way in the lake of fire I will live like everyone in my family. I couldn't be married if my husband and I are not rooted in the Lord. I don't want marriage because as a mother, I barely have time for myself, so I can imagine how much more I would have to die to myself if I get married. I would basically be living for my son and my husband as unto the Lord, and I will be gone, there will be no more me, no more anything. I do not want the responsibility of marriage. It is hard work, despite what others think about the man lifting a financial burden. WHATEVER, he can keep his money, i do not want it, If I need a spiritual head, I get a church...
     
  6. dayhiker

    dayhiker Mature veteran

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    HisWord,
    Sounds to me that God has indeed called you to live a celibate life. We know that God does that for some people.

    I just realize that being alone with God is greater than anything on this earth including marriage.

    I would say to be sure the way you word what God spoke to you is God's calling for your life and not what God calls everyone to. I know that isn't the way the Spirit has talked to me about his calling for my life, for example.

    I'd say everything you wrote sounds really healthy to me. So what happened to you doesn't sound to be from problems earlier in your life but God call on your life.
     
  7. Life2Christ

    Life2Christ Guest

    If you are not attracted to men it is becuase you were probably traumatized in some way. I can relate to this. Keep praying about this. You will find God's will when you keep yourself low and humble. Try not to develop a prideful attitude about being better than men (which I used to do). This is your time to be with God and your son. This may not be your time for romance in this season of your life. That season may come later.
     
  8. HisW0rd

    HisW0rd Being a mom is God's gift 2 me

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    I doubt its a traumatic thing because I got use to being molested and raped. I need men but I am only interested in trying to be friends with my sons father. I never wanted a husband since I was 12. I never wanted a boyfriend either.
     
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2012
  9. Life2Christ

    Life2Christ Guest

    What? That is very very traumatic. That is a horrible thing that has happened to you. You need healing. I hope you can see that what happened to you was not normal or something to get used to. Sending you hugs.
     
  10. dayhiker

    dayhiker Mature veteran

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    Well, I'm the first to say if something in the past didn't bother you when it happened then don't make it a cause you emotional pain after the fact. But I do think it would be good to be sure your being honest with yourself that you past rapes and abuse aren't still having a negative effect on your attitudes. Our society does paint rape as being in a small group of the worst things that can happen to a woman.
     
  11. crimsonleaf

    crimsonleaf Guest

    How old is you child?

    Maybe your biological imperative has been met?
     
  12. HisW0rd

    HisW0rd Being a mom is God's gift 2 me

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    Yea I learned it was not normal when I am 17. I am healed from it. I dont understand why others feel like I should harbor it or carry it around me because I dont. When your hurt because your brother or father said something sexually inappropriate to you. Getting raped by another man is nothing
     
  13. HisW0rd

    HisW0rd Being a mom is God's gift 2 me

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    I am fine. I dont know why others want to use that against me but I am okay with what happened and over it. I learned and understood why men do the things they do. Its a spirit of perversion. I talk to someone who raped me almost every day now and I have no ill feelings towards him, only compassion and concern for his soul. A person who is hurt couldnt do what I do.

    People want me to be damaged because of it.

    When I was 12 realizing I was different, being called gay by my mom because I wasn't boy crazy and more. I didn't even remember about being molested. I didn't even realize that until I was 15 and by then I was looking at my molester in his face laughing and playing. (he was my first cousin) He even told me he dont even remember doing that to us.

    I got rid of my pain because I got tired of living with day in and day out. Its exhausting being miserable.

    Everytime I tell people my past, they just assume Im some damaged woman when I love every guy who hurted me. I forgave everyone, and I pray for their salvation. I am over it because I have better things to do.
     
  14. HisW0rd

    HisW0rd Being a mom is God's gift 2 me

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    He turned 2 late July
     
  15. Life2Christ

    Life2Christ Guest

    That hurts me to read that. I am very sorry. I know you sound like you are over it but you still have the wounds, you know. I am always posting about how horribe my relationship with my father is and it hurts me everday day even though I live a damn good life. Plus my ex-husband who I loved so very much, abandoned me and my daughter (he returned years later). So I am very much traumatized by men and I am learning but slowly. It still creeps up on me. I think what you went through is very bad.

    You do not have a victim mentality which is awesome but you have been victimized by men in your life and that is why I think you are not attracted to them.

    For me, once I find myself attracted to a man, I immediately go down the checklist of how I think he will hurt me. This took years to develop and I'm trying to break out of this prison mentality with God's help.
     
  16. HisW0rd

    HisW0rd Being a mom is God's gift 2 me

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    Thank you.
     
  17. HisW0rd

    HisW0rd Being a mom is God's gift 2 me

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    The thing is, if we are believers we should try to practice believing the Lord in every aspect of our life. I do not have wounds because Christ was wounded for us. Saying I have a wounds is like saying I didnt truly forgive those men. I can understand why most people think it will be hard but when you focus on the Word and realize you do not wrestle against flesh and blood but against principalities in high places, you will understand that the enemy will send anyone to try to destroy you to keep you from walking the path God gave you. Who I am today didn't come easy. Trust me when I was pregnant I was filled with anger, I probably just RECENTLY got over my anger, and learning to love instead and its HARD. Do you know how hard it can be to talk to a man who don't even care if his son has diapers or if I can not provide the things he needs? But I am going to love him anyway because what he does doesn't reflect me. What he do to me doesn't define the type of woman he is. I realized his pain and I feel his pain when talking to him and his salvation means more to me than a pack of diapers. By Gods grace my son is loved and taken care of. What more can I ask?

    I am sorry that your husband hurt you. I know when in my life whose husbands hurt them and its like even though they are together in the same house they are separated.

    I dont mind dating men or meeting them, Im not interested in them or attracted to them to want a relationship/marriage. I pray that the Lord will heal you completely. I pray for the Lord to help us examine our hearts. Sometimes we might harbor feelings we do not know exist. Thank you for your time and replying to me
     
  18. Life2Christ

    Life2Christ Guest

    Ok I get that. I just thought that by the way you phrased the title of this thread you thought there was something inherently wrong with you.
     
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