Washing a Child's Mouth out with soap?

[Butterfly99]

What happens to the parent who depends on physical intimidation when their kid turns 16 and outweighs them by 20 pounds and if 50% stronger?

I'm 16 and smaller than both of my parents cause I've always been tiny for my age. My mom probably weighs like maybe 30 pounds more & my dad way more than that. Only bullies take advantage of being bigger than somebody else so it doesn't matter cause neither of them would ever use physical intimidation on me. I'm still shocked by that thread by parents hitting their teens cause that's just immoral & creepy. The soap mouth thing is a huge violation too. It's just not right. You can use the Bible to teach about why you need to watch what you say. That will convict your heart more. I've never gotten in trouble for cussing or anything like that cause that was never a problem for me. I've gotten in trouble for saying things that aren't nice but they just send me to my room till I'm ready to say I'm sorry for real. That's all that's needed tbh.

 

[rubyinprogress]

Please do not judge... My daughter has gotten a bit mouthy lately, and a friend recommended to wash her mouth out with soap. I personally didn't grow up with it, so I don't really have any experience... and when you look it up online... well let's just say there is a lot of people with weird fantasies... and I really rather not sort through that filth. Let me know what you think. And yes I realize I am a new member... I just typed in christian forum and top of the list was this one...

First conversation. Then consequence. The best consequences are the ones that are "natural" consequences. So if she is mouthy about getting ready to go somewhere fun, you stay home and she misses it...that sort of thing. I don't advise soap. Who knows what is in it...it is not a food. Also be sure you are modeling good behavior. Many parents (not saying you) are sarcastic and rude to their kids and then wonder why the kids are "mouthy". Stay calm and don't let the kid have the reward of getting you to lose your cool. Talk to her about the problem and the consequences if she continues and then calmly and politely carry out the consequence.

 

[jargew]

Well mouthy means she is talking back/defiantly talking. I have sat her down and told her that it is not acceptable. For a fact I try to just talk with her at least once a day, where she can just tell me anything, without having to worry getting into any kind of trouble. It is her opportunity to talk with me as I want her to talk to her heavenly father. If something comes up that needs correction we also talk about that and work on it. I do not expect her to be perfect or anything as we are all human and strive to be our best. And trust me I have had people from any walk of life say ridiculous things to me (atheist, Christian, Muslim, Messianic Jews... can't say I know anyone from other religions though). And no it is not a bait question, it is an honest and sincere one. The biggest thing why I am asking really is that my wife had her mouth washed with soap (for bad language) as a child and wants to give it a try. I would like to know other people's thoughts without judgement.

Hi Meleas,
I sincerely apologize for questioning your sincerity. I was obviously wrong to do so.
I hope you find some wisdom in the many thoughtful answers people have been providing.

 

[Dave-W]

Teaching a child how to behave by causing them pain like that is teaching them how to hate you for causing them pain.

Pain can be a great educator.

 

[RDKirk]

First conversation. Then consequence. The best consequences are the ones that are "natural" consequences. So if she is mouthy about getting ready to go somewhere fun, you stay home and she misses it...that sort of thing. I don't advise soap. Who knows what is in it...it is not a food. Also be sure you are modeling good behavior. Many parents (not saying you) are sarcastic and rude to their kids and then wonder why the kids are "mouthy". Stay calm and don't let the kid have the reward of getting you to lose your cool. Talk to her about the problem and the consequences if she continues and then calmly and politely carry out the consequence.

I think this is predominantly good advice, but we don't know any more about what's in toothpaste than we know what's in soap. Both are toxic if continually swallowed, neither is toxic if not swallowed. I mean...you do wash your face with soap. And I've been in times and places that we had only one cleaning solution for all purposes...and we did brush our teeth with soap.

 

[Dave-W]

I got mine washed out with soap once. It amounted to my mother wiping my toothbrush with the soap instead of toothpaste.

Be prepared to start using a new toothbrush after you do that. The soap taste does not come out. (personal experience)

 

[AHH who-stole-my-name]

Washing your kids mouth out with soap will get CPS called on you rather quickly. Unless you want your life turned upside down by a bureaucrat, I would suggest you not tempt fate with them

Children are very self centered. If you want to punish them the use what she desires more than anything.

I used her allowance to discipline my own daughter and it paid off well. Every time she spouted off I would take a portion of her allowance and place it in a jar I kept in my safe. The average was a quarter and the most was a dollar when she really did something stupid.

The money added up fairly quickly at first, but after seeing it disappear from her first and second installments, she came around gloriously. I used the same strategy to teach her about patience and saving.

 

[dayhiker]

When my kids were young and got mouth, I told them to drink some dill pickle juice. Much better than soap I think and had the desired effect.

 

[Dave-W]

When my kids were young and got mouth, I told them to drink some dill pickle juice.

When my kids were young they fought over who got to drink the pickle juice. Dill was a favorite (especially the boy).
They saw their grandad chug it down ever chance he got so they had to have it too.

 

[com7fy8]

I think it's more important to teach values

Along with good example, "of course" > "nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3) I think of how Paul and Timothy and Silvanus share their way of ministering to the Thessalonians >

"as you know how we exhorted, and comforted, and charged every one of you, as a father does his own children." (1 Thessalonians 2:11)

What I receive through this is

> exhorting means to encourage

> comfort has to do with satisfying a child that something is right

> charging can mean to confront what is wrong, by saying make sure you do not do that, make sure you are not that way, do not have that attitude; but also charging is challenging someone with what it is good to do, and the right way to be, and what attitude to have > make sure you have compassion, for example.

teaching them how to hate you for causing them pain.

If you have brought up a child, taking care of the child, then the child might not take a punishment to mean hate. Not all children take pain punishment the same way. I understood that if I could get my mouth washed with soap for bad language, then don't use bad language, simple as that I didn't even come close to getting into if it meant someone hated me or not. My parents took care of us and did things we liked with us; so if there was risk of a spanking, we just didn't go there. But . . . though . . . when my parents weren't around . . .

Anyone ever get the feeling non-Christians come to this forum to "bait" Christians into saying something outrageous?

Yes, this can happen, Jargew. But reality can be different, for someone else. So, I try to give a sound answer which can help a person; also, we have others reading, and they might benefit from something helpful being said.

And no it is not a bait question,

I sensed you were being sincere. Soap washing was a reality in my days I was surprised to read what you wrote, though; I thought soap washing was an "old foagie" thing. Maybe I remember > the teacher who talked about mouth soaping was older and seemed like a nasty controlling woman; so I did not respect the idea much, but I simply understood not to do what could get my mouth soaped. And I might have, even as a dumb kid, been able to understand that washing my mouth was not cleaning where those words came from

we did brush our teeth with soap.

I have; and then I was like, so what was the big deal using soap to punish?? Some things we are taught to fear, but they might not really matter.

If you want to punish them the use what she desires more than anything.

It can work, but I think of how Jesus says our heart will be where our treasure is. So, if we control someone by using something which is a selfish treasure, we could be helping the person to get more attached to what is not a really right treasure to have. But I read that using money control has actually had some effect, even on "uncontrollable" psychopaths, I think.

 

[RDKirk]

Be prepared to start using a new toothbrush after you do that. The soap taste does not come out. (personal experience)

No, that was just a punishment that kept on giving for a while.

But then, we used Tide for both laundry and bathing.

 

[RDKirk]

Washing your kids mouth out with soap will get CPS called on you rather quickly. Unless you want your life turned upside down by a bureaucrat, I would suggest you not tempt fate with them

Children are very self centered. If you want to punish them the use what she desires more than anything.

I used her allowance to discipline my own daughter and it paid off well. Every time she spouted off I would take a portion of her allowance and place it in a jar I kept in my safe. The average was a quarter and the most was a dollar when she really did something stupid.

The money added up fairly quickly at first, but after seeing it disappear from her first and second installments, she came around gloriously. I used the same strategy to teach her about patience and saving.

That works in a childhood filled with luxuries.

And sometimes a kid can be a really hard case about something and be willing to sacrifice a given luxury for the sake of winning.

 

[Odetta]

Pickle juice - ha, ha! In our house it wouldn't work, because one of them actually likes it.

 

[Albion]

Please do not judge... My daughter has gotten a bit mouthy lately, and a friend recommended to wash her mouth out with soap. I personally didn't grow up with it, so I don't really have any experience... and when you look it up online... well let's just say there is a lot of people with weird fantasies... and I really rather not sort through that filth. Let me know what you think. And yes I realize I am a new member... I just typed in christian forum and top of the list was this one...

I wouldn't recommend it, and I wonder if your friend mean it literally. The phrase ("wash his mouth out with soap") has survived as an expression even as the practice itself has almost completely disappeared from use.

However, if you want to see how it's done, and with the correct soap, watch the movie "A Christmas Story," which is certain to be on TV one of these days.

 

[Ada Lovelace]

Pain can be a great educator.

I believe pain that doesn't cause lasting injury can be a great educator when it's a natural consequence to your own actions, but that it should never be purposefully meted out for punitive reasons. Pain is a way to learn how to modulate your actions, and it's very useful regardless of age. If you're 55 and failed to properly warm up before a more intense workout, the pain you experience later teaches you to not repeat the mistake, and if you're 5 and have a momentary flash of pain from touching something hot, you learn to be more careful.

I don't think any child should ever have their mouth washed out with soap, or subjected to any form of corporal punishment. For one, words stem from the heart and not the tongue. More importantly, Christ convicted hearts and imprinted instructions about moral conduct upon minds without ever washing out anyone's mouth or inflicting pain upon their bodies. I think Christ-centered parenting should follow that example of teaching. My little sisters are 10 (as of yesterday!) and 8, and I've seen how well they respond to thoughtful correction.

Please do not judge... My daughter has gotten a bit mouthy lately, and a friend recommended to wash her mouth out with soap. I personally didn't grow up with it, so I don't really have any experience... and when you look it up online... well let's just say there is a lot of people with weird fantasies... and I really rather not sort through that filth. Let me know what you think. And yes I realize I am a new member... I just typed in christian forum and top of the list was this one...

A few questions - How old is your daughter? Have you noticed any pattern to her being mouthy, such as it happening more frequently when she's tired, hungry, upset, or frustrated? How do the adults in her life communicate with one another? Are they respectful? Are they good listeners? If she's using profanity, where did she learn it?

I'm obviously not a parent yet but I have a small amount of experience simply from being parented and witnessing how my parents handle my little sisters. The few times they've used profanity, my parents have remained calm and asked them where they learned the word. My little sister exclaimed "what the ...... (f- bomb)" when she was four, and she was simply imitating what an adult stranger had said in frustration at Whole Foods the day before without realizing that it wasn't acceptable. She wasn't punished in any way, but taught why it's not to be used. When they're disrespectful my parents will say that they're willing to listen to what they want to say, but only when they're ready to say it respectfully.

 

[RDKirk]

What if there is no "natural" consequence...until the time it kills you?

 

[Butterfly99]

What if there is no "natural" consequence...until the time it kills you?

Well how would having your mouth washed out w soap help any if you were already dead?

 

[RDKirk]

Well how would having your mouth washed out w soap help any if you were already dead?

<sigh>

Really?

There are so many things that don't have an immediate "natural" consequence, especially from the viewpoint of persons inexperienced with life. In some cases, such things have very pleasant immediate "natural" consequences seemingly more desirable anything you can "take away"...until the hammer drops.

 

[Ada Lovelace]

What if there is no "natural" consequence...until the time it kills you?

<sigh>

Really?

There are so many things that don't have an immediate "natural" consequence, especially from the viewpoint of persons inexperienced with life. In some cases, such things have very pleasant immediate "natural" consequences seemingly more desirable anything you can "take away"...until the hammer drops.

Assuming the top post I've quoted is directed to me, I think you might be misconstruing my post. "I wrote, I believe pain that doesn't cause lasting injury can be a great educator when it's a natural consequence to your own actions, but that it should never be purposefully meted out for punitive reasons."

I wasn't advocating that parents, teachers, caregivers, or even responsible onlookers have a laissez-faire reaction when a child is putting herself in immediate danger. Quite obviously there is no benefit to someone learning not to dive into shallow water by a broken neck and quadriplegia being the natural consequence. A child being run over by a car isn't the way to teach her not to run out into the street. Sensible age-appropriate rules should be established and thoroughly taught, and until a child is old enough to be trusted to venture anywhere on her own she should have competent supervision by someone who will immediately take necessary intervening action to prevent any substantial, long-term harm. That's not the same as watching a school-age child perpetually to ensure she never gets a boo boo. Punishment is appropriate at times, but it doesn't need to be corporal in nature to have the necessary rehabilitative effect.

As I wrote, pain can be a benefit to us, and children learn to use it to help them negotiate and interact with the world. I remember watching this news story when I was younger about children who have a very rare condition called congenital analgesia that causes them to feel no physical pain. It might at first appear to be a gift, but it was actually an agonizing cross to bear for both the children and the parents. One of the fathers was detailing some of the many injuries to his daughter that were caused by her being unaware that her actions were causing harm to herself. She came in from the back yard happy to show him all these funny things crawling over her body not understanding that she'd just been playing in a fire ant bed and they were biting her. She leaned against a hot grill at a barbecue party and had no idea she was getting a third degree burn on her back because her body sent her no signal to move. Even with loving parents watching her carefully and detailed instructions about when to immediately seek an adult's help, it was impossible to prevent all injuries. Natural pain isn't the same as inflicted pain.

 

[Blue Wren]

I think that using any sort of physical violence against a child is ultimately pathetic and is an indication of lousy parenting.

I agree, though, in fairness, at least the OP is seeking advice. That is an indication of good parenting. In Sweden, corporal punishment, it has been illegal for parents to use since the 1960s. Illegal entirely (schools, everywhere) since the 1970s. There are so many ways to teach proper behaviour, without physical assaults, of any kind. I was appalled, and sickened, learning about how some parents punish their children, teenagers, and even grown daughters.

Ingesting soap can cause stomach aches, intestinal distress. There was a young boy, brought to hospital, because he had eaten a small piece of soap, shaped like a strawberry. Even if a child isn't eating the soap, whilst having her mouth washed with it, it's very possible some could be ingested.