Vow that might kill me

[bacsb00]

Hello community,

I am in need of help.

I have a flaw, I am a compulsive perfectionist, and this drives me insane. I turned to the Father and Christ around two years ago, I still am reading the bible. I still don't have the full armor of God.

Recently I took, to try if it would lift my mood a bit, a tea called St. Johns Wort. Well I hated the feeling. I became impulsive in my speech. I have the bad habit of thinking out loud what comes to my mind.

A few weeks before I saw this video

Few weeks after, when I took the tea I saw the video once more, and I started to doubt if in the past I said while watching it that "I would do that if necessary for (the one we believe). That tea, made my though pattern irregular, I was intoxicated.

I started to rationalize and overthink things. So I ended up saying out loud "If I would do tha..." and didn't finish. Later on I said "That I was going to do it would be illegal", this one seemed like an actual action, even more guilty I felt, and burying myself deeper I was.

So to try to freshen up I went to the beach with my sister. I tried to explain to her the odd situation. While doing it without thinking the seriousness I said out loud "I am afraid that I have made a promise to climb that", she asked "Climb what", and I said "A tower like those guys in the video". I didn't realized but a few moments later I finally felt like I made a vow of some sort.

Next day, one of my bosses, called me and asked me why I was feeling down, and impulsively without thinking I said "I made a promise I cannot keep".

Now after that a huge guilt trip began. Until today. I am almost two weeks struggling with this. It feels like a promise, I feel like I am in a nightmare. I wish I didn't had said any of those things. I don't want to climb any tower and fall to death. I am terrified of heights. I try to rationalize every way and form possible to get out of this but I can't!

I have been constipated thanks to this, my job performance is suffering tremendously, to the point that many times my mind locks completely and all I see is a tower, a promise. DO IT, DO IT, or you are not saved.

Ecclesiastes 5:4-6; Numbers 30:2; Deuteronomy 23:21-23

I lost my peace of mind. And I don't know but the job might go too

I also have something I need to share. I know this might go in conflict with someones beliefs but. My faith relies on the fact that, correct me if wrong please I am all ears, it relies that faith in Christ isn't enough. When we have faith in Christ by initiative do His commandments (a.k.a the word of the Scripture, OT and NT), if we don't we are not saved. To have faith is to follow Him and do scripture. (John 14:15). If we don't we are not totally in Him, we are rejecting something. If I don't keep vows I am in perpetual sin for example, because I didn't kept the word (Ecclesiastes 5:4-6).

It is said that all sins are forgiven, but isn't it if we fulfill to repair/restore/keep all?

Can someone help? I know this might sound odd, I am so sorry...

 

[yuppers]

Hey. It sounds to me like you are greatly misunderstanding things. You are worked up over something that isn't even that bad. Maybe you told some people you would climb a tower. I've told people lots of things where later on you find out it's a bad idea. All I do is move on. That's what you have to do for this, forget about it and move on. You are ruining your health, your job, and probably other things. God isn't going to punish you for not doing something as crazy as risking your life to climb a tower. You have to stop worrying about this.

 

[Cloture]

First of all, God knows our hearts and minds, so He knows when we're being influenced by other things.

Second, I don't hear a "vow" anywhere in what you described. 'If' this or maybe that is not the definition of a vow.

Third, lay off the St. Johns wort. You will be okay.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Making promises that we can't keep often happens to young Christians. From my perspective we all have an enemy the devil, and he will try to get us to say or do things that we have no power over, the reason he does it is to get us feeling guilty. He puts pressure on us to say a thing to "PROOVE" our love for God, knowing we will never be able to follow through.

Reading what you said below, this is just condemnation from satan. God loves you and would not say that. You are saved.

all I see is a tower, a promise. DO IT, DO IT, or you are not saved.

As for your thoughts on salvation they are partly true, and a little wrong.

Biblically we are save 100% by the blood shed by Jesus, and by having faith in Him. It is not of works least any man should boast. We all fail to do things the right way. I might not witness enough, you might make a promise you can't keep. Sure it would be awesome if we were able to do every hard thing possible to show our love for Jesus, but the reality is that we all fail to make the grade. And God does not punish us, he loves us. The bible says "we have been called to liberty, only don't use it as an excuse to indulge the flesh". Basically that means there is no sin that can damn us, we are free to make choices in our lives. But God says, don't sin, don't use the freedom you have to purposely sin. i.e. try not to sin, but if you do under pressure God will forgive you. The bible also says "let he who names the name of the LORD depart from sin". Our goal should always be to move away from sin to right living.

But as for your promise I believe it was motivated by satan, not God, and there is no reason for you to feel compelled to keep it.

God loves you period. An I don't believe he wants you to climb a tower to proove your love.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Personally I don't think God would want you doing that tower climb anyways. For starters your risking your life for something (at least as a christian) is meaningless. Also he wouldn't want you to do something that is illegal. Hence He says we must obey mans laws, UNLESS they contradict Gods laws. So in this case mans law says climbing a tower like that would be illegal, and because that doesn't contradict Gods law then God would tell you not to do it.

 

[Dave-W]

"If..." is not a vow. It is a conditional statement.

 

[lyndsey89]

Hello,
I hope you don't think me rude for asking this op, but do you suffer from any mental health issues?
I ask this simply because I have OCD and one of the themes it took on was compulsive vows. I didn't want to make vows but became obsessed with the idea that I was unknowingly and unintentionally making them. Sometimes I would make vows because I was trying so hard to suppress unwanted, intrusive thoughts about vows that I thought 'better make a good vow before I accidentally think a bad vow!'.
It was crazy and I went through but throughout this ordeal, I was able to find peace by focusing on the following thoughts:

1) God can see inside our hearts and our minds. Therefore he knows the difference between someone who means to make a vow and someone who makes one accidentally or as the result of mental illness or intoxication.

2) Any vows which factor in salvation (this may sound odd but it is again a common OCD theme!) are not valid. No one can vow themselves to heaven or hell. We do not have that authority.

3) God has said he will never leave you nor forsake you. Nothing can separate us from the love of God - that includes vows that you may or may not have even made/didn't mean to make!

4) It is obviously not good to break vows but sadly I imagine many have made vows that they are unable to keep. It is not unforgivable so you have no reason to fear not being saved.
In your case, I agree with NothingIsImpossible that I don't think God would want you risking your life and doing something illegal anyway, whether you had actually spoken a vow or not.

Just repent over whatever it is you think you might have said and move on. Remember, nothing can separate you from God's love. Nothing means nothing.