Views on adult products in marriage.

[ShaunJ]

I was thinking today (yay for me! ).
What are your views on Christian couples using Adult toys and things in their sex life.
I'm not talking about watching inappropriate contentography together or anything like that but do you think its OK to use the Adult "toys"?
I myself would not see a problem with it if they were for erotic times between you and your spouse.
Sex is something God gave us to enjoy and I myself see nothing wrong with them.
I guess the reason I am asking is because, I still have some toys from when my fiancé and I were promiscuous. They are things we used before we became Christian and in less then 2 weeks we will be married and sexually active.

Should I keep them or toss them out?

 

[mghalpern]

I'm not too sure if you are referring to spiritual acceptability or that of a biological nature. Anyways, here goes...



IMHO [having been influenced by a number of Christian "authorities" (i.e., Dobson, Smalley, Rainy, pastors, etc.)] if were talking about spiritual acceptability and also talking about such things as vibrators, powders/lotions, swings, and the such (nothing inappropriate contentographic) then I would say have a blast if you are both in agreement about it. However, there may be biological/emotional issues to contend with. There may be some negative affects that result from "toys" such as, sexual gratification that can only be achieved by using devices after you have been doing so for a period of time. This often happens to women (when an "electronic" device is used on a frequent basis) because it's pretty difficult for many men to match the performance of such a device (length, girth, stimulation, staying power, etc.). Another negative impact that these "toys" may lead to is a need to use these "toys" more and more frequently to gain the necessary or heightened excitement that they can bring.



Personally, my wife wasn't (we are separated right now) into most of these things, so I didn't pursue them after learning this. I would suggest that if you both choose to, that you may want to do so very sparingly and focus more on how you can give pleasure to each other without such paraphernalia. You may want to consider creating a highly romantic environment (candles, fireplace, soft music, etc.), sensual garments, and a whole lot of "foreplay," as in the kind that starts well in advance of your time of intimacy (“Sex Begins in the Kitchen: Because Love is an All Day Affair” — Description: Much of life takes place in the kitchen. Conversation, meals, and chores. Dr. Leman’s premise is that healthy physical intimacy is directly proportionate to how a married couple connects in everyday moments.) (There are several Christian "sex books" at your local Christian bookstore, Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, etc. that can provide you with addition information and guidance. I hope this is helpful to you…Michael

 

[someone_else]

I went to a friends Hens night the other night. there was just 4 of us (we went for coffe) anyway we are all christians and we decided to go into the adult shop across the road and for 3 or us it was our first time in one of these sorta shops. my obersavtion was that most of it was for "getting you in the mood". i dont see anything wrong with this but God help me if i need a sex board game to get me to want to have sex with my husband. i would only see using adult toys as a problem if you need them to get in the mood. coz if you NEED them there must be a problem in the relationship. but i have not been married long maybe someone with more experince could shed some light

 

[ShaunJ]

I'm not too sure if you are referring to spiritual acceptability or that of a biological nature. Anyways, here goes...

More from a spiritual side of things. I understand the biological affects of using them.
I have seen some that if they only could talk would have me kicked out of the house.

Sense I have joined the Christian community it seems sex is a hush hush subject. Like its wrong to talk about or something? From what I gather God happens to like sex.

 

[InTheFlame]

I was wondering about this the other night - other christians' views on sex toys I mean - and thinking about posting a query. Then I fell asleep and forgot

Personally, I'm thinking I'd probably be quite happy to muck around with some stuff, but not others. Chocolate nipples etc, no worries... board games for our private use... sex manuals (preferably with the 'spiritual' side taken out - there's some great stuff in tantric practices but you have to wade through heaps of 'guru religion' rubbish to find it)... but when it comes down to things like vibrators I'm more wary. I think there's a difference between finding more ways to enjoy each others' bodies, and becoming two people giving each other sexual pleasure... if that makes sense? If the relationship isn't the main factor, sex can become just about the physical. Some 'toys' bring a couple closer together, some separate them a little.

 

[WolfGate]

If it positively helps your marriage and doesn't interfere with your or your spouses walk with Christ, then I think it's OK.

My biggest caution would be where you get them? I would guess most places selling them also sell inappropriate contentography - which does damage many marriages and many walks with Christ. I would not want to support a store that sold inappropriate contentography in addition to these toys. (Since toys are not a desire for either of us, I don't know for certain if you can find places that don't sell both.)

 

[InTheFlame]

My biggest caution would be where you get them? I would guess most places selling them also sell inappropriate contentography - which does damage many marriages and many walks with Christ. I would not want to support a store that sold inappropriate contentography in addition to these toys. (Since toys are not a desire for either of us, I don't know for certain if you can find places that don't sell both.)

I have bought a couple of rather tame adult products (chocolate-based!) with my groceries

 

[WolfGate]

I have bought a couple of rather tame adult products (chocolate-based!) with my groceries

:o We ain't got them kinda groceries store down here. :o

 

[InTheFlame]

:o We ain't got them kinda groceries store down here. :o

THere you go, something Australia's more advanced in

Here's a side-question - do you buy anything from newsagents who stock inappropriate content mags?

 

[WolfGate]

THere you go, something Australia's more advanced in

Here's a side-question - do you buy anything from newsagents who stock inappropriate content mags?

Not knowingly. I have bought gas from stations and then seen the mags inside.

I certainly don't have close to 100% perfection in that area. I'm sure some of the magazines or books I buy are from publishers that have a inappropriate content division. So there is a gray area where I start feeling I should avoid supporting them that would be difficult to specifically defend.

 

[InTheFlame]

I hope I didn't come across as accusatory, Wolf... I've noticed that people often have that (quite fair!) reservation about 'adult shops' and never think about newsagents... the vast majority in Australia would probably sell mags that classify as inappropriate content for a lot of christians. So it was an interested question, not an 'AHA! Gotcha, hypocrite!'

 

[WolfGate]

InTheFlame - didn't take it at all negative and you didn't come across that way. Actually made me think a bit!

 

[InTheFlame]

That's good! I try to keep constantly aware just how difficult a communication medium text is... but so often I reread something I've posted and think, 'whoops... I sound like an arrogant know-it-all..'

 

[andiesmama]

As long as you & your spouse are consenting with whatever toy you are wanting to use, I say go for it! You're married & consenting adults, I think sex between married couples is for enjoyment of each other & to give each other pleasure. If you want to try something different (whether it be a toy, new position, game, etc), why not?

However, I do agree that this should stop with any inappropriate contentography use, additional people or other couples, you get my drift...

Also, I don't think that most couples use these to "get in the mood", whether it be toys or games. Sometimes it's nice to have something different just to "spice it up" a little bit!! (ie: role playing, strip Trivial Pursuit/Hearts/Checkers, sensual massage, etc.)

Sorry if any of this is TMI, but it's just my opinion!!

In Peace...

 

[ShaunJ]

My biggest caution would be where you get them? I would guess most places selling them also sell inappropriate contentography - which does damage many marriages and many walks with Christ. I would not want to support a store that sold inappropriate contentography in addition to these toys. (Since toys are not a desire for either of us, I don't know for certain if you can find places that don't sell both.)

I was wondering about that myself. All the websites and stores that sell these kinds of things sell inappropriate contentography too and that is something that has been a major road block between Christ and I.

I don' t think I would even enter a store (knowingly) that sells inappropriate contentography. Way too risky for me.

 

[HeatherJay]

I think it's all good as long as you and your wife are both in agreement.

As for where to shop for toys that doesn't sell inappropriate content...have you ever heard of a "surprise party"...or sometimes they're called "passion parties"? Anyway, they're given in the home, like tupperware parties, and they're for ladies only...no men, no kids allowed in the house. Well, they sell massage lotions, lingerie, edible body cream, toys, that sort of thing. To the best of my knowledge they do not sell any inappropriate content as far as books or movies...unless you consider books about sensual massage and that type thing inappropriate content.

I think you can order online if your wife would be uncomfortable throwing a party or attending one in your area (usually it's a girls night out with a big group of girlfriends...drink some wine and eat appetizers and sit around and giggle about all the scandalous items for sale, lol...they're pretty fun parties, actually). I probably shouldn't post the web links on the board, but if you'd like I could PM some to you?

I checked out a few links and saw no inappropriate content videos or inappropriate content books on their shopping lists.

 

[A6A4]

When God talks about keeping the bedroom clean, does that mean toys etc.?

 

[Zoomer]

I think it is fine, as long as both partners are interested. I believe the verse about marital bed remaining pure is about adultery, bring others into your bed, threesomes etc. not sex toys as long as they are shared between the married couple.

 

[bliz]

I think the toys are fine if you both agree to their use. But I'd advise pitching the old ones and waiting to see what, if anything, you'd like to acquire later on. It just seems appropriate for a new start in a new life in a new marriage - sort of like geting new sheets.

 

[ShaunJ]

But I'd advise pitching the old ones and waiting to see what, if anything, you'd like to acquire later on. It just seems appropriate for a new start in a new life in a new marriage - sort of like geting new sheets.

Thats actually a good idea.