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Trouble at home

eastside9008

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I am almost 15, but after I was like 10 or 11, I noticed a big difference in the way that my parents treated me. My mom started drinking more, a lot more. I have two younger brothers, and they aren't affected by this. Just me. I remember, it was a labor day block party by my house. Kids, parents, everyone went. I was only like 10 at the time. Only my mom and my brothers went, because my parents were seperated. After being there a couple of hours, one of my mom's friends brought me and my brother to her home. She told us that we would have to stay there for a while. My mom ended coming over, and taking us home. It was then that I learned what being drunk was. She sent my brothers to thier room, and left me down with her, while she bombarded me with put downs. My oldest younger brother called my dad who called the cops. The cops came and took me to my dads, and sentinced my mom to some type of alchol class. I'm not sure what it was. September 4th of this year, a similar incident occured. I had a band lesson that my mom took me to that morning. The night before, she had downed a 24 pack of beer along with other alchol with my aunt. I didn't realize until we were way past our home, that she was still drunk. She had absolutely no idea of what she was doing. She was for a while, driving on the wrong side of the road. Once we got there, I just told her to go home, and I would get a ride home from my dad. I saw her drive away. After my lesson, she was still there and she forced me into the car. She was at one point driving on the wrong side of the road, and a semi was heading right for us. I grabbed the wheel in order to aviod the semi. I sat back down only to see a fist heading right at my face. I don't know what I did wrong. Then we for some reason pulled into a Walmart and I got out to call my dad. She pushed me back into the car, and slammed my leg in the car door. Before we got home, she started slamming me with put downs. Again, and again. When we finally got home, I ran. I ran for two miles until I got to my best friends home. The cops got involved, and I had to proscute against my mother. I had to go to one out of three court dates, and I had to talk to a social worker. Before the social worker came, or before I went to court, my dad told me that if i didn't protect my mother's name, that I would have to "pick my self off of the floor". So I lied. But I could'nt handle it. So I tried to slit my wrist with a box cutter. I still have the scars. I also overdosed and drank on several occasions. I went out of town this weekend, and when I came back, my brothers told me that mom and dad were happy that I left and that they wished that I was gone longer. They say that they can't wait until i get out of their house. They were at one point opsessed with calling me fat. So, I want anorexic for like 6 weeks. I lost a lot of weight. I was recently listening to one of my parents' conversations, and they said that I am killing my mother. All I have ever wanted is to be loved. For a very long time, I just want to be loved. Please, I need help coping with this. The feeling of wanting to die, just to make your parents happy, stinks. Its the worst feeling in the world. Thank you Casey, for making me realize that someone does love me. God Bless You. Any advice is greatly appreciated. I don't want to hurt my self again. But sometimes, its just too much.
 

cwr89

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:hug: Alex, you don't realize how much I love you, and the rest of us do too. I remember you telling me of these things. but some of the details are more clear here.
as for what I said earlyer, pray for your parrents, thats the best thing to do. I would also suggest you go and find a solid church home, if you would like to come and talk to my youth pastor, you are most certainly welcome.
and if anyone, anyone tells you something critical about your appeance, there lies and deception. you are truely beautiful, you are you, not some walking breathing chunk of meat that has no value! you are a child of god. your perfect in his eyes, you were created in his image.

alex, don't think anyone hates you, (duke will realize this in later years).
remember god is truely the only 1 person you need to love you. and he does, very very much.

I am praying for you alex! :prayer: :hug:
~Casey
 
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VivDaGurl

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I feel very much for you especially you are facing issues quite similiar to mine at home, like what you've said. I'm very sorry for you too. I really don't know what to say...

Do PM me if you need to talk to, ok? I'm more than willing to talk with you on this matter since is pretty much the same situation we are in. God bless you!
 
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eastside9008

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After the whole incident on 9-4, I didn't know what to say around my parents. Every time I would try to talk to them, they would blow up in face about how everything that happened was my fault. So I tried to stay out of their way as much as possible. But not being able to talk about it to anyone was just building up inside me. I didn't know waht to do. A couple of my friends brought me to my counseler at school. So for a while I talked to him three days a week, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, during my study hall. I told him about cutting, and he took a look at my wrists and he also had the nurse look at them to. He is required by the state to tell my parents about any type of selfmutliation I have done. Well, he didn't tell my parents. I had told him about everything that had happened on 9-4 and he didn't tell them. He said that it was in my best interest if my parents didn't know. My mom had three court dates. I was supposed to go to all of them, but my parents only took me to the second one. The night before the first one, a Victims' Advocate woman called who wanted to talk to me. She wanted me to tell her what happened. I stayed quiet and didn't say anything for a little while. Then she asked if I was alone, like in my room without my parents there. I said yes. My dad was in my doorway. There was no way that I could ask him to leave. Then my mom came and stood next to him. Then the lady asked if my mom had hit me during the incident. I said yes. The lady ask how, and I told her that my mom punched my in the face. My mom ran out of my room and ran into her bathroom. I could hear her crying. Then my dad started yelling at me, telling my how much of a fat a** b**** I was. My mom told me that she was going to call my social worker and tell her to take me into a foster home. I still feel like **** from that. She said that months ago. If she knew that I cut myself and od, she would get so mad at me. Her and my dad both. On Christmas Eve, her and my dad were both drunk. Almost to the point where they both passed out. Me and my brother went to a family Christmas party, obviously without my parents, when we got back, they were still drunk. On Christmas day, they were both on bad hangovers and seemed like they were still drunk. The thing that really got me was that they brought in 'Ice'. Its very strong and powerful pepermint schnopps. This was the same stuff that got my mom drunk around 9-4. It made me so mad. I'm still upset about it. I cried my self to sleep Christmas eve, and Christmas day. I did last night as well.
Last Spring Break, my mom and I were planning to go to New York for vacation. Well, I came home from school on our last day, and she was passed out on her bed. She stayed home to drink. She downed a 12-pack, and 3/4 a bottle if 'Ice'. That was going to be my first vacation ever. I was so excited about it. We didn't go. My mom lost $700 for that vacation that we never got back. My mom and dad made me go to Chicago in order for my mom to 'make it up to me'. She didn't drink there.
I just want it all to stop. I've been trying to think about something that'll make my parents happy. I've found one thing. For me to leave. I left out of town last weekend (before Christmas) for my great grandmothers 85th birthday. When I got back, my brother told me that mom and dad told him and my other brother that they were so happy that I was gone, and that they wished I was gone longer. Maybe if I left for good it would make them happy. That's what I'm contemplating now. If I leave once and for all, for good, maybe it will make them happy. Maybe I should leave.
 
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cwr89

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no alex. no

if you go,you will be completely alone. your parrents my not like having you there, but you do have a home, clothes, and food.

like we all say the best thing to do is pray. in all my experiance I have learned that things must get worse before they can get better.

running will just get them madder, you probly wondering why that is, you know the first time what happened, the police got involved, and all that. if you don't want it to happen like that again, I would really suggest that you stay.
A foster home would be your best bet, but don't leave our school or anything!!

~Casey
call me if you wanna talk
 
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fishstix

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You need to tell an adult in real life the whole story. A teacher or school counselor or pastor or police officer or someone like that. No lying, no trying to protect your mother or father. Tell an adult the entire truth. Your mother is clearly endangering your life, and she will likely also endanger the lives of your brothers. You need to tell a real life adult.

Also, none of this is your fault. You are not killing your mother. It is not your fault that she drinks or behaves the way you have been describing. Whatever you do, do not blame yourself for the situation.
 
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eastside9008

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I've stopped talking to my counsler about two months ago. He started bringing up the thought of getting other people involved. Like cops or something I'm guessing. I didn't want that to happen. I don't want that to happen. I'm not sure why, I just don't. I'm not comfortable at all around cops or counselers. I've tried talking to them, and it ends up blowing up in my face. Last year, my friend told a counseler about me cutting myself. She in turn called my parents. I had cut myself for a totally different reason. My mom had gont to the hospital the night before, and I didn't know. I woke up the next morning with my grandfater there. I asked him where my parents were, and he said that my dad had to take my mother to the hospital. I asked what was wrong and he said that he didn't know. Once I got to school, I called my father in attempt to ask him what was wrong with my mother. He wouldn't tell me. He said that it wasn't any of my bussiness. I called him twice during school and he still wouldn't tell me. I had a pocket knife in my pocket and I went into the bathroom and cut my wrist. The scars are gone now. I wasn't very deep. Several of my friends saw this and told my coulseler. The counseler called my dad and told him that I had been cutting my wrists. My mom checked herself out of the hospital before the doctors even finished all of the tests. I still to this day do not know what was wrong with my mother. My parents were so ****ed at me for cutting my wrists. I tried to explain to the why I did it, and they wouldn't listen. The coulseler told me that all they would do is send me to a psyciatrist or something. But they didn't even consider it. I was in so much trouble. Lets just say it wasn't preety. I'm not comfortable talking to cops or counselers because, I guess I'm just afraid. I don't know. I have a hard time talking to adults about it in general. I don't want that to happen again.
 
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VivDaGurl

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eastside9008 said:
I've stopped talking to my counsler about two months ago. He started bringing up the thought of getting other people involved. Like cops or something I'm guessing. I didn't want that to happen. I don't want that to happen. I'm not sure why, I just don't. I'm not comfortable at all around cops or counselers. I've tried talking to them, and it ends up blowing up in my face. Last year, my friend told a counseler about me cutting myself. She in turn called my parents. I had cut myself for a totally different reason. My mom had gont to the hospital the night before, and I didn't know. I woke up the next morning with my grandfater there. I asked him where my parents were, and he said that my dad had to take my mother to the hospital. I asked what was wrong and he said that he didn't know. Once I got to school, I called my father in attempt to ask him what was wrong with my mother. He wouldn't tell me. He said that it wasn't any of my bussiness. I called him twice during school and he still wouldn't tell me. I had a pocket knife in my pocket and I went into the bathroom and cut my wrist. The scars are gone now. I wasn't very deep. Several of my friends saw this and told my coulseler. The counseler called my dad and told him that I had been cutting my wrists. My mom checked herself out of the hospital before the doctors even finished all of the tests. I still to this day do not know what was wrong with my mother. My parents were so ****ed at me for cutting my wrists. I tried to explain to the why I did it, and they wouldn't listen. The coulseler told me that all they would do is send me to a psyciatrist or something. But they didn't even consider it. I was in so much trouble. Lets just say it wasn't preety. I'm not comfortable talking to cops or counselers because, I guess I'm just afraid. I don't know. I have a hard time talking to adults about it in general. I don't want that to happen again.
:hug: eastside

I'm so sorry for what had been happening to you. Though things weren't as bad as what you are going through now at my side, I can imagine what you are going through. I understand that sometimes it's just so difficult to talk to anybody including adults on such matters. I never open myself up to talk to anybody of what happened to me when I was at your age, fearing that more things will happen to me. I usually keep myself really quiet at one corner. For me, should I have talk to another person about this and my parents were to come to know about it, I'll be in deeper trouble. When I get a little older (early 20s), I began to open myself to talk things out from within me.

It's good to talk things out, eastside rather than keeping them within you as it's very unhealthy. I'm very glad that, today, there's such a thing known as the Christian Forums where you can pour out what's within us. I'm always available if you want to keep in touch with me. My company had blocked me :( from using the Yahoo! Messenger and MSN Messenger but you can still PM me and I'll reply you the soonest possible time.

I'll pray for you, eastside...though others may not understand what you are going through now and think that they should get others (like the cops, etc) to be involved, the Lord do understand truly what you are going through there.
 
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madison1101

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I remember growing up with my dad's alcholism, and hating it and him. To add to the confusion, my mom was mentally ill and they sent me away to live with relatives when I was your age. I was miserable and hated it terribly. I came home and found my mom in a mental hospital.

I suggest you attend an alateen meeting. You can find them online. http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/alateen.html

Also, check your local blue pages in the phone book for an agency that helps teens deal with alcholism, or mental health stuff. Call around and ask for help.

Finally, your counselor at school has some good points. You need to involve more people, and he can help you with that.

I speak from a lot of experience. I am a teacher, in a middle school. I also work with alcoholics and addicts in a treatment facility.

Have you spoken to your pastor or youth pastor? They may be able to help you too.

Hugs,
Madison
 
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fishstix

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eastside9008 said:
I've stopped talking to my counsler about two months ago. He started bringing up the thought of getting other people involved. Like cops or something I'm guessing. I didn't want that to happen. I don't want that to happen. I'm not sure why, I just don't. I'm not comfortable at all around cops or counselers. I've tried talking to them, and it ends up blowing up in my face. Last year, my friend told a counseler about me cutting myself. She in turn called my parents. I had cut myself for a totally different reason. My mom had gont to the hospital the night before, and I didn't know. I woke up the next morning with my grandfater there. I asked him where my parents were, and he said that my dad had to take my mother to the hospital. I asked what was wrong and he said that he didn't know. Once I got to school, I called my father in attempt to ask him what was wrong with my mother. He wouldn't tell me. He said that it wasn't any of my bussiness. I called him twice during school and he still wouldn't tell me. I had a pocket knife in my pocket and I went into the bathroom and cut my wrist. The scars are gone now. I wasn't very deep. Several of my friends saw this and told my coulseler. The counseler called my dad and told him that I had been cutting my wrists. My mom checked herself out of the hospital before the doctors even finished all of the tests. I still to this day do not know what was wrong with my mother. My parents were so ****ed at me for cutting my wrists. I tried to explain to the why I did it, and they wouldn't listen. The coulseler told me that all they would do is send me to a psyciatrist or something. But they didn't even consider it. I was in so much trouble. Lets just say it wasn't preety. I'm not comfortable talking to cops or counselers because, I guess I'm just afraid. I don't know. I have a hard time talking to adults about it in general. I don't want that to happen again.

You need to have other people, possibly cops, involved in this though. It is a serious problem, that is something you need assistance to deal with. I'm not talking just about the cutting issue; I'm actually referring more to your mother's drinking problem and the way that is affecting you and your brothers. If she is drinking and driving she is risking her life, your life, and also the lives of every other person on or near the road. She could end up killing herself, you, or other people with the way that she is acting. You have an opportunity to help prevent that from happening - but only if you will tell other adults the whole truth about what she has been doing and not lie about it. Telling a real life adult the truth is the best way that you can protect her - from potentially killing herself or someone else. Telling an adult all about this isn't going to suddenly make things perfect for you, and it will probably have some difficult or unpleasant parts - but it is a better alternative than just letting things keep on going the way they are.
 
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cwr89

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madison1101 said:


Finally, your counselor at school has some good points. You need to involve more people, and he can help you with that.
ok I think I can speak for Eastside here alittle bit.

the counselor at school is a little scary. I only met her 1 time, and that was because they wanted to meet all the students 1 on 1. but she is kinda scary.

~Casey
 
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fishstix

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eastside9008 said:
About what you said about me talking to my pastor or youth pastor, I don't have either. My family doesn't go to church. My dad is atheist and my mom is egnostic.
Then talk to a teacher, guidance counsellor, principal, policeman, doctor, or social worker. Any of those will be able to help you to get things sorted out - if you tell them the truth.
 
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Pickles

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Oh my gosh I feel so bad for you. I used to think my house was bad but wow. Just remember God loves you and he wouldn't want you to hurt yourself. I think you should go live with another one of your relatives. At least they would care about you and not want you dead. Are your parents Christians? I'm so sorry for what happened to you. Just remember God loves you!
~Much love, Pickles
 
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eastside9008

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i couldnt help it anymore. i hadnt cut for almost four months. i cut once last night aka. new years eve, and this morning aka. new years day. i have my reasons, whether they are good or not. i couldnt help it anymore. dont worry, they arent that bad. i just felt that i should fill everyone in.
 
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eastside9008

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Just to keep everyone posted, I haven't cut since the beginning of this year. I haven't participated in any type of self mutiliation since then. My grandma (mom's mom) wants me to move in with her in a completely different state. I told her no. I can't leave my friends. Also, the only way I'm getting into college, is through a music scholarship. I am in the local youth symphony (grades 9-12), a jazz band, a marching band next year, a concert band, and a jazz big band that has to relation with my school. There's no way that I can recreate all of that in a completely different state. Thanks everyone for replying to my story. You guys have no idea how much I appreciate it. I'll keep everyone posted.
 
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eastside9008 said:
Just to keep everyone posted, I haven't cut since the beginning of this year. I haven't participated in any type of self mutiliation since then. My grandma (mom's mom) wants me to move in with her in a completely different state. I told her no. I can't leave my friends. Also, the only way I'm getting into college, is through a music scholarship. I am in the local youth symphony (grades 9-12), a jazz band, a marching band next year, a concert band, and a jazz big band that has to relation with my school. There's no way that I can recreate all of that in a completely different state. Thanks everyone for replying to my story. You guys have no idea how much I appreciate it. I'll keep everyone posted.

Remember, Noah? Remember how God flooded the earth. Noah had to start over too.

Well....Going to your gramma isn't a bad idea. I know it's scary for you to have to start over and leave your friends. But God could be answering one of our prayers. Here's an idea. When there's a 3 day holiday weekend, why don't go visit gramma and just check out the scenary. You don't have to stay there. Just keep an open mind and take a look around.

I'll keep praying for you. Stay bless, lil sis.....:wave:
 
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