Tired of Struggling

[herev]

Hey Bill, I used to struggle with feelings I didn't understand. Please know that it is possible to live to a point where they are no longer around. I will be praying for you often. While I think it is good for you to have an accountability partner, perhaps it should be a woman. After reading your posts, the men seem to complicate things because of the homosexual attraction, so maybe you need someone of the opposite sex. Just a suggestion, though--God bless you
Tommy

 

[doofus125]

Hey Bill, I used to struggle with feelings I didn't understand. Please know that it is possible to live to a point where they are no longer around. I will be praying for you often. While I think it is good for you to have an accountability partner, perhaps it should be a woman. After reading your posts, the men seem to complicate things because of the homosexual attraction, so maybe you need someone of the opposite sex. Just a suggestion, though--God bless you
Tommy

Well, I'm not sure if I'll ever get through this. I'm actually very bitter towards women, I've been hurt by every woman I have ever known....maybe this is why I don't like women sexually either.....I've gone to women about this, they just quit talking to me just like the guys do....I'm on my own now, but I did talk to someone I know and I told him I'm struggling with something serious and he really wants to get together and talk about it and I suspect he already knows what it is though....

 

[Polycarp1]

Hey, brother, there's something you need to take into account:

God loves you. Just as you are. He knows every lustful thought that passes through your mind, just as He knows mine, and everyone else's. And it doesn't matter to Him -- He loves you. You're His child, dealing with a burden and giving it your best shot.

And further, your brothers and sisters in Christ here and in the world love you. I love you. Lynne loves you. Kdet loves you. And those two ladies have been where you are, and understand full well what you're going through.

Now, your job is to love yourself. And to admit that you are not going to be able to overcome temptation in and of yourself -- but to let God strengthen and change you, conforming you to whom He wants you to be.

And He may not start by dealing with your sexuality. He either made you that way, or permitted you to have gay desires, in order that you learn and be strengthened from the experience. And it may be that the struggles you are going through are making you into the man that He wants you to be.

I don't know what plans He has for you. Neither do you. But I'm certain that you can trust in His love, to lead you according to His will and keep you safe in His providence. Paul (whom some people think had the same struggles with homosexual tendencies as you) says repeatedly that he is powerless within himself to do the right thing -- only by trusting in Christ and living in His love and drawing on His strength and guidance through the Holy Spirit, can he be the man God wants him to be.

So my suggestion to you is not to be discouraged by the struggles you're going through, but to accept His love and trust in Him to lead you where He wants you to go.

There's much more to you than your sexuality -- what are you good at? What gifts and talents has He bestowed on you? What does He want you to do with them? To whom can you reach out, not for support in dealing with your gayness, but to help them to follow Him and deal with the problems in their lives? Can you be His minister to them in their need?

Trust in Him -- your desiring another man pales beside some of the sins of absolute evil which people have committed -- Stalin ordering 10,000,000 people slaughtered, for example. He knows your inner heart -- the desires for sex with a man, and also the desire to know and follow Him. And He loves you more than words can express. He won't give up on you -- don't give up on Him.

 

[LynneClomina]

doofus, polycarp is right, you have people who love you. i have such a heart for you, brother, and i have been where you are, and understand the struggle. maybe herev is right, and you should talk with a women? VERY carefully, of course, but it does seem less risky...

please, email me anytime, ok? (email is better than pm becuase i dont get here as often as i check my email!)


lynne

 

[doofus125]

doofus, polycarp is right, you have people who love you. i have such a heart for you, brother, and i have been where you are, and understand the struggle. maybe herev is right, and you should talk with a women? VERY carefully, of course, but it does seem less risky...

please, email me anytime, ok? (email is better than pm becuase i dont get here as often as i check my email!)


lynne

Thanks. I'm going to be getting together with a friend from church in the next week to talk. He's the leader of our Young Adult ministry (18-30yr olds) since our Young adult pastor left, but I've known him for a while. I've been acting weird at church so he confronted me to ask what's going on and he's the type of person that won't be freaked out or anything and I know I can trust him. I've been burned by every woman I've ever confided or talked to so for me to talk to a woman in person about this I just can't do it. I will keep you posted on what happens.

Bill

 

[Awake]

I have found quite a few people in the churches that are wholly unable to deal with the knowledge of a struggle with sexuality, let alone be able to provide guidance. Two denominations (may have just been these churches, I don't know) simply chose to have nothing to do with me. They suggested that they cannot do anything to help me and I should seek help elsewhere.

The most help/guidance that I have been able to find at a church was from a pastor that admitted flat out that he doesn't have all the answers. His offer of help was to pray with me about it. Gee. Thanks. I hadn't thought of that. Boy, I feel much better now. Gosh golly gee willickers, I should have prayed about this when I started to have these feelings.

 

[LynneClomina]

Thanks. I'm going to be getting together with a friend from church in the next week to talk. He's the leader of our Young Adult ministry (18-30yr olds) since our Young adult pastor left, but I've known him for a while. I've been acting weird at church so he confronted me to ask what's going on and he's the type of person that won't be freaked out or anything and I know I can trust him. I've been burned by every woman I've ever confided or talked to so for me to talk to a woman in person about this I just can't do it. I will keep you posted on what happens.

Bill

sounds like a good plan. it's great you seem to know your own boundaries, that's good. do keep me and/or us here posted.

!!!!

 

[DaveKerwin]

He won't give up on you

That's right!!

 

[LynneClomina]

Bill, how are you doing?

 

[doofus125]

not well. I'm pretty messed up right now. Between the depression and now the anxiety attacks I can't even function normally and it shows at work and when I go to church I have to keep getting up and leaving to pull myself together. I left a message with our small group leader this morning that I needed to talk to him, I've known him for a couple years now, and at this point he's the only person that hasn't moved away in the past month that I can trust. I just hope that he doesn't freak out about it, but I need help and I just don't know what else to do because I can't do it on my own.

 

[LynneClomina]

there is a path out of this, doofus. i know its very dark right now, but God will show it too you.

 

[JessB]

Bill... please IM me. My IM contact info is in my profile.

I REALLY wanna help you. I struggle just as you do. Not with homosexuality, per se (there's a little of that, but not so much thankfully), but with accepting myself as a male. I think we can work with each other to help each other!

 

[herev]

Bill, you are still being prayed for daily

 

[JoshuaWorth]

me too

 

[JoshuaWorth]

am i no a christian

{Moderator edit: Where are my posts?}

 

[tennyson]

A friend of mine had a very similar struggel. In fact he was involved in it from that he was 12 years old. He's 19 now and this is how he said he got free:

First he thought he will attepmt the struggle to victory by himself.
Obviously that did not work.
He realised that he desperately needed help.
He went to the pastor at his chirch and told him EVERYTHING - in details he said.
When the thoughts came back - he told the pastor about that.
He tried his best - and God did the rest.
My friend said a very important part is that he continued to tell his pastor about it untill he fianlly had victory. In James the Bible says: "Confess you sin to one another that you may be healed."

This worked with my friend - he was truly healed.

I wish the same for you.

All the best.

 

[doofus125]

I've been passed from pastor to pastor so I'm pretty much done with talking to anyone about it. I'm tired of fighting the feelings and I'm tired of being told they are wrong. The church has done nothing but condemed me....so tell me, why do I want anything to do with christianity? I'm no longer involved in the church and my "relationship" with god has suffered because of this. Things in my life were fine before I became a christian, I was happy with the person I was with and if I could go back I wouldn't have left him. The next guy I find that things work out with and I like him I will be staying with because it's what I want and I don't care what the church, god, or anyone else thinks because this time I'm coming out of the closet. If christianity is all about condeming everyone then I would rather go to Hell then be a christian.

 

[JessB]

Doofus:

Please, please IM me. My contact info is in my profile.

No, Christianity isn't about condemning. I fear that a devil has been whispering things into your ear. Christianity, in fact, is about uplifting and giving hope and-- yes-- joy to those who will accept it-- even through pain and suffering and hard times.

Please, can we chat on AIM, ICQ, Yahoo Messenger or MSN Messenger? I beg of you.

I will be praying for you.

P.S. No, you definitely don't want to go to Hell in any case! Imagine the absolute worst physical and emotional torture you can possibly think of, then magnify it to infinity. That's Hell. You don't want that.

P.P.S. One does not go to Hell for sinning. One goes to Hell for separating oneself from God, and rejecting the gift that He so selflessly offers us through Christ. If you think there is no one in Heaven who has ever had a gay relationship, you are wrong! The apostle Paul did "worse" (by our standards, if not God's) than have gay sex-- he, in fact, killed and persecuted Christians... yet God, through Jesus His Son, forgave Paul! Paul is now in heaven. Even the notorious "Son of Sam" himself-- David Berkowitz-- has accepted Christ, and I have every bit of confidence that he will be allowed into heaven when he dies.

If God can forgive serial killers, surely He can-- and will-- forgive you!

 

[herev]

I've been passed from pastor to pastor so I'm pretty much done with talking to anyone about it. I'm tired of fighting the feelings and I'm tired of being told they are wrong. The church has done nothing but condemed me....so tell me, why do I want anything to do with christianity? I'm no longer involved in the church and my "relationship" with god has suffered because of this. Things in my life were fine before I became a christian, I was happy with the person I was with and if I could go back I wouldn't have left him. The next guy I find that things work out with and I like him I will be staying with because it's what I want and I don't care what the church, god, or anyone else thinks because this time I'm coming out of the closet. If christianity is all about condeming everyone then I would rather go to Hell then be a christian.

Christianity is NOT all about condemning. Please think about what you are saying. Since you don't like being judged, don't judge all Christians by the actions of some. PM me and let's see if we can get to the bottom of this. I don't recommend counseling on line, so I'm not talking about that, but perhaps we can exchange some concerns and ideas. I'm willing to help, but you can't give up.
Tommy

 

[Awake]

The most honest guidance I have received from a pastor/church:
http://www.cor.org/StudyGuides/2004/studyguide_april25_2004.htm

The pastor stated that, as he was preparing this sermon, one verse kept coming to mind: I Corinthians 13:12. "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."

This pastor was blasted by some in the community for this sermon. While fully acknowledging that homosexuality is not God's plan for us, after that the answers become more complex. He expressed how much easier this topic was in seminary when it was all black and white. Love the sinner, hate the sin type of deal. However, when the personal stories come into play, it becomes much harder to adhere to that strategy. I am paraphrasing him but it was something very close to this: "The black and white answers that I formed in seminary seem totally inadequate when I am faced with the 17 year old boy in my office that is close to contemplating suicide. He is strong in his faith, has prayed and sought help from God, but these feelings just won't go away."
He later continues with "What are we as a church going to do about homosexuals in our congegration and community? We are going to love them. We are going to love them and help them to develop a personal relationship with God, as Jesus would have done."


I don't know if this helps any or not, or if it makes any sense outside of my mind. I guess my point is that I have found a pastor that is sharp enough to know that he doesn't have all the answers on this. At this church I have been able to grow in my faith despite all of my struggles.