this is just insane!

[BlackRain]

you can just skip by all this to after "----" if you want.

ok, so last week i wrote this:
i can see you all around me
you're weaving yourself into everything

constantly revolving around me
proving yourself true with every move

you taught the trees to sway
the rivers to run away
you created the rain to pour
penetrating to the core
your every design shouts out loud
Lord, your beauty is all around

not a single day could take part
without your mystery engraved on my heart

i cannot express the way i feel
what you've done in my life is so unreal

today i wrote this:
i want it back.
the feeling of raging fire
the feeling of burning desire

i'm so drained
it's raining so hard inside
i need to find a place to hide

i'm lost
i'm broken
countless pieces cover my floor
i'm lost
i'm hurting
so much more than ever before

i am homesick
for a place i've never been
a place where my wandering can end

i'm walking now
cause running seems so hard
please tell me you're not that far!

desperate for a voice in my ear
i'm waiting for you to feel near
can't you see i'm walking on faith
trusting that you still love me
----

what is my deal?! i'm so tired of failing my Savior! i'm so tired of feeling like i'm the most horrible daughter in the world. it was just last week i was totally loving him. but, now i can't even look towards heaven...i just bow down praying he won't strike my kneck. you'd think since he's a king and can give me all i need i'd strive to love him and be like him daily! i'm just sick of trying and then giving in and failing. but, i'm not cutting myself ever again! i made that promise 2 months ago. i have a good ol' orange bracelet to remind of it. i'm stuck in the middle of a splitting road. wrestling between what i know and what i want. i'm ashamed...

 

[BlackRain]

i'm holding out for the day i can sing my sig again and mean it with all my heart....i miss my Daddy. i just can't face him right now.

 

[mikeforjesus]

you know you shouldnt promise God anything .. but u probably just mean u care not to hurt Him anymore and You want to give Him some relief if that makes sense.. Only when you completely realise You cant help yourself and realise like St Anthony the Ascetic that your too weak to fight the youngest and smallest of the devils will God win this battle for you. I pray for you sweet sister. Maybe the psalms will help. Dont give up, Jesus loves you too much.

 

[perfection]

God loves you no matter how many times you cut yourself. He gives you unconditional love no matter what.

The thing is you simply haven't been using the 'right' approuch to solve the problems in your life.

Imagine yourself being locked up in a room and you want to get out , what helps more cutting yourself, or a key to get out?

For all the problems you have in your life, you have to find the right key or (approuch) to unlock the door, and leave the problem behind you. If there is a problem you will have to solve it like a puzzle, a problem will remain a problem until the end of time until it is solved. Therefore find the 'solution' to your problems by activly figuring out what is wrong and how you logically could solve it.

*hugs* I love you and God loves you too