theology related jokes

[heymikey80]

Little Adam had been the terror of the elementary school. School after school, Adam had defied his teachers, sent his classes into mayhem, even burned one of the craft projects.

At his wit's end, Adam's father, a Protestant, enrolled him in Catholic school.

The first day, the father was simply waiting on the phone call to take little Adam out of class.

It never came.

The second, third day also passed without incident.

Finally, the fourth day, Adam's father had enough. "I just have to know what's going on with Adam here at this school."

He came to Adam's class, crept up, and looked in the window. There was Adam, quietly sitting drawing in his notebook.

He went in. "Adam, why are you being so calm and quiet in this school? We went through school after school, and you were horrible. What happened?"

Adam sheepishly replied, "Can't you see this school is different? That guy is nailed on a Cross up there at the front.

The nuns said they'd do that to me if I was bad."

 

[inconsequential]

A little boy wanders into a Catholic Church:

Little boy - "What is that you sprinkled on those people?"

Priest - "That's holy water, son, it's the most powerful liquid on earth."

Little boy - *snorts* Is not. Turpentine is the most powerful liquid on earth."

Priest - "No, son, holy water is much more powerful than turpentine."

Little boy - "Really? What can it do?"

Priest - "Well, you can rub holy water on a pregnant woman's belly and she will pass a baby boy."

Little boy - *snorts* "That's nothing! You can rub turpentine on a cat's behind and it'll pass a motorcycle..."

 

[Optimax]

The new pastor of the local WOF church moved into town and the Baptist Pastor and Catholic Priest visited him and invited the new Pastor to go fishing with them.

They met at the lake, put their fishing equipment into the boat, set down in the boat and the Priest rowed them out to their favorite fishing spot.

They just started to fish and the Priest exclaimed that he had forgotten to buy bait.
So, he got up, stepped out of the boat and walked on the water to shore.

In total amazement the WOF Pastor watched as the Priest got to the bank, went into the store, and came back out with his bait. Then walked on the water back to the boat, got in and sat down and started fishing.

The Baptist Pastor just sat there fishing through the whole episode without paying it any attention whatsoever.

A little later the Baptist Pastor said, I forgot to bring something to drink.

So, he got up, stepped out of the boat, and walked on the water to shore, went into the store and in a few minutes came out with a six pack of pepsi, walked on the water back to the boat, got in and ask if anyone cared for a pepsi.

Again the new pastor set in amazement over the whole event.

He set there thinking, here I am a Word of Faith Pastor. The Priest and the Baptist Pastor walked on the water. I saw them do it. I can not just set here, I must do the same.

So, he stood up in the boat, said I am going to get some fritoes to eat, stepped out of the boat very carefully and sunk into the water over his head. He came up sputtering and very embarrassed that he a WOF person could not walk on the water after having seen the Priest and the other Pastor do so. He got back into the boat set down.

The Priest turned to the Baptist Minister and ask "think we should show him where the stumps are"?

 

[shinbits]

I'm not gonna lie. Most of these jokes are terrible.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

Quite often is the case that when church is over, and we are finished with the day's service or liturgy, we go home.

But when Abraham met with God to intercede for Sodom and Gomorrah, when God was finished .. then Abraham went home.

 

[inconsequential]

I'm not gonna lie. Most of these jokes are terrible.

Most jokes are.

 

[from scratch]

I'm not gonna lie. Most of these jokes are terrible.

I find them and amusing break. So where is your fantastic joke?

 

[shinbits]

Most jokes are.

Very true. I guess these jokes are no worse than any average joke.

 

[Optimax]

Do you know what car is God's favorite?


A Plymouth.


The Bible says that God drove Adam and Eve out of the garden in His Fury.

 

[LittleLambofJesus]

*snip*I love this joke:

CATHOLIC HORSES

.........The priest smiled wisely and with sympathy. 'Son,' he said, 'that's the problem with you Protestants, you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites.'

Should have had this song playing ehehe

http://www.christianforums.com/t7390875-2/#post54587660

 

[Optimax]

Do ya know what the early churches favorite car was?

A Honda.


The Bible says several times that they were all in one Accord.

 

[Optimax]

Hey! Ever seen an angel fly?

No such thing as an angel fly you say?

Bible says there is.

Rev 14:6a
And I saw another angel fly in the midst of heaven,
KJV


See, there is even more than one. He saw another one.

 

[LittleLambofJesus]

Hey! Ever seen an angel fly?

No such thing as an angel fly you say?

Bible says there is.

Rev 14:6a
And I saw another angel fly in the midst of heaven,
KJV


See, there is even more than one. He saw another one.

Ever seen a house fly and fall

Matt 7:26 And all the ones hearing of Me the words, these and no doing them, shall be likened to stupid/foolish man, whoany builds of him the House upon the sand.
27 And descended the rains and the streams and blow the winds and they strikes that House and She falls,
and was the fall of Her great.' [Luke 19:44/Revelation 14:8]

Reve 14:8 And another Messenger, second-one follows saying "She falls, She falls, Babylon the Great,
the out of the wine of the fury of the fornication of her she has given to drink all the nations".

 

[LittleLambofJesus]

Someone on the CF Chat Box mentioned this being "laughter day".
Good time to bump up this thread

"it's International Moment of Laughter Day"



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[brinny]

Very Funny - Laughing Chicken HD - YouTube

 

[Archie the Preacher]

Being raised a Southern Baptist, I once noted a slight change in one verse of the Bible. Matthew 18:20 reads, Where ever two or more are gathered in my name, they will form four committees.

Once noted over the door to the church nursery: First Corinthians 15:51b
We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed

Not limited to the SoBaps, I know of a single woman's group who used Romans 1:3a as their motto:
I would not have you ignorant brethren

 

[brinny]

did'ja hear the one about the laughing chicken?

 

[brinny]

Being raised a Southern Baptist, I once noted a slight change in one verse of the Bible. Matthew 18:20 reads, Where ever two or more are gathered in my name, they will form four committees.

Once noted over the door to the church nursery: First Corinthians 15:51b
We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed

Not limited to the SoBaps, I know of a single woman's group who used Romans 1:3a as their motto:
I would not have you ignorant brethren

 

[brinny]

Beware the circumcision!

A RC Priest, a Pentecostal Preacher and a Rabbi...
...all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another, and they decided to do a seven-day experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it. Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first.
"Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip.
In his best fire and brimstone oratory he proclaimed, "Well, brothers, you know that we don't sprinkle...we dunk! I went out and I found me a bear. And then I began to read to him from God's holy word! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took hold of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestle down one hill, up another and down another until we came to a crick. So I quickly dunked him and baptized his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on God's holy word, and praising Jesus."

They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.

The rabbi looks up and says, "Oi, you fellows don't know what trouble is until you try to circumcise one of those hairy buggers"

.

ROFLOLOL!!!! i cain't breeeeeathe

 

[LittleLambofJesus]

Originally Posted by OrthodoxyUSA

I won't pray with the Pope either.
I wouldn't take communion with him either.

Forgive me...
​

Originally Posted by LittleLambofJesus

Or do what I do. Just pray for him

​

A little kid came through my neighborhood with a wagon full of kittens with a sign which read 'Lutheran kittens for sale'. I looked in the wagon and sure enough there was a fine looking batch of very young kittens.

The very next week I saw the same kid with the same wagon but this time the sign read, "Catholic Kittens". I looked in the wagon and there were the very same kittens as had been there the week prior.

"I thought they were Lutheran kittens", I said to the child.

"Oh, last week they were" the child replied, but since then they've had their eyes opened.

I'll be here all week.

Were they blood shot? Must have given them too much wine....

http://www.christianforums.com/t7530051-45/#post56636603


Tyndale:"Lord, open the eyes of the King of England".

LLOJ: Lord, I pray thee, open the eyes of the Roman Pontif!

2 kings 6:17:
And 'Eliysha` is praying and saying, "YAHWEH, open! please! his eyes, and he shall see".
And YAHWEH is opening the eyes of the lad, and he is seeing and behold! the mountain is full of horses and chariot of fire round about 'Eliysha`.

http://www.christianforums.com/t7495160-18/#post55593096
Tyndale and defying the Pope



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