Theology Humor, all in good fun.

havevisions

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Well, I love a little humor when it happens naturally. This happened to me recently (and still is)

I'm a biker, and ride on the greenways practically every week (at my age now, only about 50 mi per week) Well, the Greenways have rules and I try to abide by them. One of them is that if someone is walking on the greenway, and you're behind them going the same direction, you're supposed to yell "On your left!" . Of course I do that if there's any danger that I will hit someone. But there is this "full-figured lady" who's there almost every time I go by, and she's not very friendly. So once in a while I forget to say "On left". So every time I do that I hear her saying "Left! -Left! - Left" and I hear her as I continue to proceed on my way for several hundred feet. Its as if its her way of getting back to me that I didn't acknowledge her. Its as if it somehow irks her.

I know its not very Christian of me, but one day I had this thought - (dear Lord, forgive me) I felt like saying to her (although I didn't) "I wonder if you'll still be yelling that a few moments after the rapture comes"
 
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JackRT

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In a nearby town there is a synagogue and three churches --- Baptist, United and Catholic. All were having a terrible problem with pesky squirrels getting into their sanctuaries and creating a huge mess. There seemed no way of keeping them out. All four held congregational meetings to discuss the problem.

The Baptist congregation decided that they were predestined to have squirrels. Since it was God’s will for them, they decided to do nothing.

The United congregation decided to buy live traps to catch the squirrels. They caught them all but didn’t have the heart to kill them. They drove far out into the countryside and released them. A week later they had all returned.

The Catholic congregation decided to rent the live traps from the United Church. Once they had caught all the squirrels the priest had a brilliant inspiration --- he baptized all the squirrels and entered them into the church rolls. Then they let them go. Now they only show up twice a year!

The rabbi also rented the traps. He conducted a bris on the first male squirrel trapped and released him. None have been seen near the synagogue since.
 
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JackRT

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An Irishman moves into a tiny hamlet walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone. An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more. This happens yet again. The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time, several times. Soon the entire town is whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers. Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of the town. "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers?" 'Tis odd, isn't it?" the man replies, "You see, I have two brothers, and one went to Canada, and the other to Australia. We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond." The bartender and the whole town was pleased with this answer, and soon the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and source of pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come to watch him drink. Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the evening - he orders only two beers. The word flies around town. Prayers are offered for the soul of one of the brothers. The next day, the bartender says to the man, "Folks around here, me first of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your brother. You know-the two beers and all..." The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, "You'll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well... It's just that I, myself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent."
 
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