Not meaning in any way to be argumentative about it ---- just discussing ----
But the lesson of that story is IMO just the opposite of what you said.
The Reformed position would be that the one who humbly asked for forgiveness was proven by his attitude and actions to be among God's elect. The Holy Spirit had granted him repentance and created in him a new heart.
The other man proved by his attitude and actions that he was not in that group.
The so called "Calvinist" doctrine of "unconditional election" says that there is nothing in man's fallen nature or in the actions of fallen man that commends itself to God.
God's election is purely of grace (undeserved favor) and not because of anything that the recipient has done.
The man who thanked God that he was not like the filthy tax collector and attempted to commend himself to God - proved by his attitude and actions that he did not understand grace.
He thought that salvation was something you earn.
The tax collector, on the other hand, understood his need for grace to even approach God. The understanding of grace in his approach to God in prayer is the very thing that pleased God and allowed him to go down from the temple justified.
The other man went down unjustified because, as Paul says, he thought that salvation was by works.
Those two opposite concepts are at the heart of the so called "Arminian/Calvinist" discussion.
You make your point very well, and I would agree that there is nothing good within us that makes us worthy for the HOLY SPIRIT to draw us to HIM through convicting our hearts, and bringing us to repentance.
If I understood the whole thing well enough there are levels of Calvinism (so to speak) and I really don't know how to describe in debate type terms where I personally stand, but I do have some beliefs on the subject, that make perfect sense to me.
The dimension we live in is so separated from the one GOD lives in, that I believe it is reasonable to think that GOD does know everything, (who will and who won't be saved) and HIS Sovereign Will is worked out on this earth. BUT i also believe that mankind is given free will to choose.
I would suppose that the first thing I might hear is that if GOD draws and works in a mans life, then that person is powerless to resist GODS WILL and that in the end the man will be do say act and think as GOD would have him do.
BUT it is my belief that GODS WILL is moved through our prayers. As in the lives of some people i know who were prayed for over a period of time before coming to know CHRIST. This mindset would also stand to reason as we look around in this world with all our distractions as Christians and realize that prayer for others is on the decline.... which hence causes our decline in seeing people saved.
And I am not saying we are devoid of seeing the SPIRIT convict people, but I am saying the one who will let, is being taken out of the way, through our own (GENERAL) falling away as Christians.
To try to put this into a nutshell, I don't think GOD dictates everything... if HE did and is just raising up puppets that are created for HIS amusement, then that would resemble touching yourself. (sorry for using that but it fits) because with HIM being LOVE.... and us being the created objects of HIS LOVE..... there is no way I can see that our LOVE for HIM would really be LOVE at all if we don't have a degree of free will to choose to LOVE HIM.
Also in the garden of eden, if GOD did not provide for man to have free will then GOD HIMSELF would be considered the author of sin. I am just saying yes GOD does move in this world to accomplish HIS Will, but no HE isn't a puppet master sitting with HIS puppet set and playing like a child in a sand box.
Just saying that in Heaven HIS perfect will is dictating everything that goes on, but when speaking of down here.... (by HIS own rules HE sets for HIMSELF).... HIS will is tied to what mankind is willing to do in the way of prayer. Hence HE tells us to pray "THY WILL BE DONE ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN"....
You also need to know that what I am trying to relate to you is somewhat of a dog thought.... it is me TRYING to express a viewpoint i have in my mind with words that are not exactly adequate for the job. I do not mean to sound like GOD is hindered from working out HIS will on this earth, but i do "think" that by the rules HE has set for HIMSELF, and the way HE has structured the whole thing, it would stand to reason that HE would desire the LOVE we have for HIM to be real, and while it comes from what HE first did for us, there would also be free will given to us to CHOOSE to LOVE HIM, or else it really isn't LOVE at all.
If a man gets on the internet today and purchases a slave woman (and yes you can literally do that today)... but if it happens and he takes full control of every facet of her life, and dictates to her how she will speak to him, what she will do in the area of keeping his house for him, and every move she makes in the bedroom to please him.... then any CARING in her heart for the man she is given to is forced and is certainly not able to be compared to a man who has a GODLY RIGHT RELATIONSHIP with a woman who is submissive in a GODLY way, and gives her LOVE to him in every way she can, because he LOVES her as CHRIST LOVES the Church, and that LOVE causes her to LOVE in return. Now I may be missing something as i was in the parable, but when a Calvinist is full on everything is entirely controlled by GOD, then it would seem that the line of thinking resembles the slave owner more than it resembles the GODLY HUSBAND.... and in the GODLY HUSBAND scenario the wife is given room to be who she is, as well as make her own decisions about the things she chooses to do in order to show HER LOVE for the man who LOVES her..... and i don't think it is much different within our Churches today... HIS LOVE is there just like it always has been, and there are countless thousands of people who are going to Church and thinking they are so OK with GOD when the TRUTH is they know nothing at all about HIS KIND OF LOVE..... "IF" we did then wouldn't people be coming to CHRIST through seeing HIS LOVE in action in our lives? and wouldn't it stand to reason that GOD is allowing some people to choose to sit on Church pews and "think" they are so OK with HIM because HE has given them free will.... and they choose to see themselves as being GODS CHILDREN when in fact they are like the devils and only believe HE is up there....
Is it not true that after a person is drawn to saving faith, it is within their power to choose to seek GOD, and that HE gives us instructions within HIS BOOK that we are to seek HIM?.... Why would a dictator who controls everything HIS creation thinks says and does have any reason to instruct us to seek, if HE is in control of it to the degree that Calvinist think HE is? Would it not be better to realize that HE has indeed given us a degree of being able to decide things for ourselves? If HE doesn't give us that room then all this debate and horse hockey that goes on within these forums is something HE has devised as some kind of twisted head game, that is being played with us as HIS creation.
Why would JESUS say that not many would find the straight and narrow way, if our choosing to look for it played no role? Why give instructions to us that we can choose to heed and allow ourselves to be adjusted and programed by, if we were created as arrows that are shot straight into a bullseye?..... The instructions are there for a reason... and the reason the whole BIBLE was written is because there are a few people in a lot of denominations who realize that what we think, say, and do in relation to our dealings with other people is the most important instruction that we are given..... and many people place importance on things that just really don't have any bearing or importance to the Kingdom... such as the very debate we are discussing. *smiles*
This all kinda goes back to my original point... we are not called to figure out everything about how GOD goes about HIS business.... we are called to LOVE OTHERS.... and it just might stand to reason that once we really get hold of LOVE and HE is alive in our hearts working through us.... and we have chosen to humble ourselves and not be lifted in pride for the good works that result from HIS LOVE being at work in us.....it is then and only then that the most important TRUTH of HIS WORD starts to bubble to the surface of our being, and it is then that our lives show a resemblance to CHRIST.