The trial that has become a thorn.Read this and plz respond.

[pumanator]

Was watching a video on trials by James McDonald. He did the series at Harvest, Calvary Chapel Riverside, Ca. (you can view them at the website for free if interested Harvest Ministries with Greg Laurie) while he was out from the Midwest to get cancer treatments at Loma Linda University Hosp. He was and is living it. The series was one of the best (and hardest) I have ever heard.

The final note of the message(s) was to embrace what God has allowed into our lives as it was for our eternal good and possibly temporal. I am still trying to get my head around it but it would jive with Jacob wrestling with the Lord all night till God had had enough and touch his hip and crippled him for life...Jacob at that point (fight was over) begged that He not leave till He blessed him....it's the fight, the struggle, what ever form that may take for each one of us and it is as varying as our individual issues/disabilities, be it bitterness or unforgiveness or self imposed isolation or isolation that we can't do anything about, it you name it.

Example...I have not worked for almost 2 weeks, went to my mens study last night in awful shape as I have been doing home repairs (lousy 2 hrs a day >.< ) and we got on the topic of trials. I have a garage full of tools and the knowledge as to their use. There is a work day tomorrow at church and I was bemoaning the fact that I was useless...elder said, give an hour...hmm, sure ok, I will do it with in my ability...I had let just a little of my self pity go to the wayside and was bent on going...today I get a phone call from one of my camps to come drive for the weekend. I surrendered to what I thought I could not do but with God's help I would give it the old college try and I get a call to earn some much needed money...God will meet us anywhere, anytime, under any circumstances if we are will to just give an inch...He will bless with a mile.

Soooo....embracing the thorn, as Paul did (and wrote most of our new testament) what can you embrace and let go of? I really want to hear in short what your biggest struggle is connected to your thorn and what you want to embrace how ever small and then share what God does in return.

This could turn out to be victory for us and glory for Him and encouragement to all...let us see what God has for us.

One last question...I have no answer for this (yet)...do we, can we, praise Him in our darkest place?

Disclaimer...I am no theologian and have been bitter over my physical problems and emotional issues most of my life...I have reached a place where, like Jacob, I am too tired to fight and don't want to waste any more of the little time I have left here...in other words I am a basket case simply trying to keep it from on raveling anymore than it already has...this was my one feeble attempt at humor...I promise not to attempt anymore as I am not properly license to practice it

 

[One day at a time]

I didn't forget about the thread....I was going to answer the one day but wasn't feeling well and just thought I just really need to think about how to answer this. It's been on my mind since the day that I read it and hopefully I can answer it coherrently!!
Struggles--the list but which one is the biggest, the toughest that I have to deal with---not easy to answer since everyday there is something else going on. So if you don't mind I will just list some of my struggles.
The day shortly after my neck surgery--realizing my life was forever changed--normal (if you can say that) was not going to happen anymore.
loneliness, bitterness (not really at God but at people who don't care or understand), dealing with being dependent upon others to get things done, frustration, and the daily struggles of just dealing with pain. After my back surgery--a lot of these struggles were magnified. I did get a handle on the bitterness and most of the loneliness even though I do have my spurts. I still have the struggle of thinking about the things that I can no longer do...the days of self-pity. Having to plan everything out ahead of time to know if I will be able to withstand that day or really hour or two. Ah, the list could go on and on!!! Oh, I guess I could say that acceptance is one of the big things that I have dealt with and have basically conquerored (most days )
But on the up side.....I get to spend hours reading and studying the Bible--that had I not been in this position my time would have been used for all the other things that had to be done. I also would have never gotten on CF--I would have never taken the time for this.

As for praising in/through the pain--can it be done? Yes....is it easy? Generally no, and there are days that I struggle with that. I had told God that whatever His will was that is what I desired and I would praise Him for it. So I guess you can add that to one of my struggles as well--but it can be done!
I write in two different journals--one being an everyday type thing--struggles, victories, what God is teaching me or reprimanding me and the other one is my prayer journal that I make an effort everyday to write out my prayer of praise to God for my pain and what He wants me to learn from it.
Remember His grace is sufficient! We have that assurance--that for sure you can praise!!

 

[pumanator]

Very good...journal has come up before and I think it may be time for me to start that, the prayer journal for sure.

I think God might be at work at this mens study I have been attending...the study has been digging into some very personal territory for everyone...

This summer went better than planned and I want to be where God can use me in the lives of ppl I care about so I think I am on my way...slowly...

Appreciate the honesty about praising Him...I guess that's why it's sometimes called a "sacrifice" of praise.

 

[One day at a time]

Sorry I didn't get on here--again!! I was busy trying to get my daughter packed and ready for college and then the trip (that started on the 15th!). So I was very thankful how God helped me through the week of travel. It was a long week to be sure. She is attending Moody Bible Institute, plus we traveled up to WI to see my parents and siblings. So every day was getting up early, traveling, staying up late and starting all over again. Add in a different bed every night and one of those times being on an air mattress (yikes!). But again--God was sooooooo good! I have had more swelling and pain now that I am home than I did on the trip. So I need to figure out if it was the position of the seat in the car, the ice packs, a different mattress--Oh how to figure all those things out! Sorry for the rambling!! I know you understand and that helps to talk with someone who does.
I tried to explain things to my family (parents and siblings) and they just don't really get it besides looking at me and then deciding that they need to hover. Or the ever irritating phrase--"Well, you look good--it doesn't look like anything is wrong!" Really?! Does that have to be said? But then when they see me walk they know something is different (and I feel vain about that---oh that is a struggle too!! ) I told my husband that I should start walking with a cane so then at least when I'm walking they know something is up (since I "look normal"). Know what I mean? Or is it just me? Yikes.....I'm feeling like a basket case !

I would definitely encourage a journal---I can't even tell you how much it has helped me. I even go back and read them (I'm almost done with my third in about 1 1/2 years <- that is a lot of writing!) to see where I was and how far I have come or what I need to work on. It is really good for that! To remember quotes or Bible verses that God gave me at certain times and struggles. The only thing is not to get sucked back into self-pity but again God gives victories.
Can't wait to see how it goes with you and if you start writing! I'm also glad that you are having a great men's Bible study--that is important too! I think that is so lacking today in our churches!
Ok....so I have rambled enough!!

 

[pumanator]

Bravo. Yes to much of what you said (me being lazy...lol). I have thought about a cane to lean on and help when my knees and or low back really sock it to me, but not just any cane...dark mahogany with a silver tigers head...trey distiguished . As to bed...laid out the bucks for a new mattress, it was time, and got a pocketed coil with quilted top. Out here there is a christian co. that lets you see how its made and they go the extra mile for quality...I sleep pretty good, that is once I finally get to sleep.

Wisconsin you say, jah hey, my brother is a pastor in Plainfield outside of Appleton and I learned to drive big rig at Fox Valley Tech and then drove fuel tanker outta Sheboygan for a year...longest winter of my life >.< ...and so. I miss cherry cider from Door County (yum) and the slower pace life too boot...everyone said I talked with a funny accent being from California and all...little did they know XD they are the ones with the accent lol.

Would like to know if you got to do anything or saw anything worth reporting.

 

[andreha]

Hey Pumanator

No one likes to suffer, that's for sure. But, as you know, the Lord does allow things for a reason. You must have heard that a bazillion times.

But, I've had trials. I remember how life became too hard at age 5. It felt like the pit off hell engulfed me. I had nobody to talk to. Back then, my thoughts were "Why must I continue living? I'm tired of living." And then, someone told me about Jesus - and after asking Him to help me, everything changed. That was the darkest time of all my life. But, that suffering led to a lifetime of blessings.

Valleys and mountaintops may come and go, but God will never stop loving you. And for being faithful through pain and suffering, your reward will be truly rich. That which is subtracted now will be added thousandfold in the next life. This life is like a speck of dust compared to the glorious eternity that awaits you. A thorn is painful. But when the time comes for things to be turned around, you'll cry with joy.

 

[One day at a time]

Bravo. Yes to much of what you said (me being lazy...lol). I have thought about a cane to lean on and help when my knees and or low back really sock it to me, but not just any cane...dark mahogany with a silver tigers head...trey distiguished . As to bed...laid out the bucks for a new mattress, it was time, and got a pocketed coil with quilted top. Out here there is a christian co. that lets you see how its made and they go the extra mile for quality...I sleep pretty good, that is once I finally get to sleep.

Wisconsin you say, jah hey, my brother is a pastor in Plainfield outside of Appleton and I learned to drive big rig at Fox Valley Tech and then drove fuel tanker outta Sheboygan for a year...longest winter of my life >.< ...and so. I miss cherry cider from Door County (yum) and the slower pace life too boot...everyone said I talked with a funny accent being from California and all...little did they know XD they are the ones with the accent lol.

Would like to know if you got to do anything or saw anything worth reporting.

Love the jah hey! LOL How about yous guys, eh? dontcha know! We lived north of there. We used to live in Pound (which is north of Green Bay) also lived in Green Bay and Sturgeon Bay. I'm a northerner living in the south--now saying ya'll and hey--haven't gotten to the fixin' to do something yet!! Definitely nothing like Door County (oh and they have a ton of different kinds of coffee--that are awesome) Can't believe that we didn't pick any up! Man! I just thought of that! What about all the cheese?

We just visited family and then off to Moody which is in downtown Chicago so that was interesting! We went to a two level Target with a parking ramp--that was interesting! My daughter "needed" things for her room--that never stops! I wish we would have had more time to see things but it didn't happen--at least not this trip--maybe next time. She plays basketball so we are going to try and get to a game or two to watch her play. Only time will tell!

 

[One day at a time]

Oh, I forgot to say that the cane sounds cool! I would go with a gnarly limb with a high polish on it! I had asked a dr. once about a cane and he said he would rather I didn't b/c he doesn't want me to rely unnecessarily on it--only on uneven ground. But I am still going to think about it!

 

[pumanator]

thanx Andreha, funny you should bring up tired of livin'...had the flu this weekend and beside the usual porcelain bus ride, every muscle that is a problem child get racked...and it was bad...the thought of more years of struggle to make ends meet just frightens me. No doubt the pain has slowed me down and mellowed me (I was severe ADHD as a kid and still struggle with adult add) . One of the elders at church feels that God may use me through all this to reach others...maybe, not afraid of public speaking, especially when I have a strong conviction.

1dayxtime...like that, yes whut aboot that (hehe) and "sure you bethcha", I still use that one alot. Falls comin and the colors with it...no such beauty here even in my mtns where I live...brown oaks and yellow aspens is all I get. Have to fry out as much as possible before the snow comes...grew up in so cal mtns and thought I knew what winter was...man...upper midwest can be a rough place in the winter...someone told me that Wis has 4 seasons...june, july, august and winter >.< .

As to cane...well...be mind full of when you really need it and do without the rest of the time...like your idea, sounds very...mmmm...Irish, yesh, tis herself with a fine Shillelagh !

 

[One day at a time]

Fall is one of my favorite seasons and down here---all we get are the browns and yellows and I miss those wonderful reds and oranges and the vibrancy of them all! But I do have to say that last year we got a true fall down here and I went nuts with the camera!!
Love that 4 seasons Even though we have had snow in June before--I don't miss those days!
(Would you believe that I have Irish in me!! My first name is even Irish!) how weird is that!!

Hope that you are feeling better from your flu.

 

[pumanator]

Ahh to be Irish...my folks on my moms side are scotts/irish and cherokee indian. See english wanted to grief both the scotts and the irish by force migration of the scotts to ireland...the scott/irish were some of the 1st irish to imigrate to the US but polite english society of the colonies didn't much like them either so into the hills (moonshiners...scotch whiskey traded like money, they married into the local indian tribes like the cherokee. My grandmother on my dads side are more scotts/irish from kentucky or tennesee not sure which.

Where down south are you...my daughter in getting married to one of our lads in uniform and living outside Savana Georgia at the military base close to Gainsville...my wife is from Evansville Ind and her dad is still there.

 

[andreha]

thanx Andreha, funny you should bring up tired of livin'...had the flu this weekend and beside the usual porcelain bus ride, every muscle that is a problem child get racked...and it was bad...the thought of more years of struggle to make ends meet just frightens me. No doubt the pain has slowed me down and mellowed me (I was severe ADHD as a kid and still struggle with adult add) . One of the elders at church feels that God may use me through all this to reach others...maybe, not afraid of public speaking, especially when I have a strong conviction.

1dayxtime...like that, yes whut aboot that (hehe) and "sure you bethcha", I still use that one alot. Falls comin and the colors with it...no such beauty here even in my mtns where I live...brown oaks and yellow aspens is all I get. Have to fry out as much as possible before the snow comes...grew up in so cal mtns and thought I knew what winter was...man...upper midwest can be a rough place in the winter...someone told me that Wis has 4 seasons...june, july, august and winter >.< .

As to cane...well...be mind full of when you really need it and do without the rest of the time...like your idea, sounds very...mmmm...Irish, yesh, tis herself with a fine Shillelagh !

Heya

I remember the struggle with migraines - that lasted about 32 years.
They used to be so bad that it affected my brain function. As a child, once, with tears in my eyes, whilst having such an attack, I told my mother "I wish I could just die. I don't want to live anymore." She didn't know what to say.

The other day, while wondering about the purpose of these attacks, it hit me, like a freight train. They served to treach me to always remain calm - as stress aggrevated the intensity of the attacks in a big way. It was a blessing in disguise - as it would sometimes force me to take time out and forget about everything. My dad and granddad had heart trouble - but I don't. I remember once while running, and pushing myself a bit too far, that my heart rate was at 240. Needless to say, I had to take a break.

And these days, I don't get the migraines anymore. As the Lord's word says in Rom 8:28. Just sometimes it's darnit near impossible to imagine how these things can conspire together for our good. And those migraines i think is a good example.

 

[One day at a time]

Ahh to be Irish...my folks on my moms side are scotts/irish and cherokee indian. See english wanted to grief both the scotts and the irish by force migration of the scotts to ireland...the scott/irish were some of the 1st irish to imigrate to the US but polite english society of the colonies didn't much like them either so into the hills (moonshiners...scotch whiskey traded like money, they married into the local indian tribes like the cherokee. My grandmother on my dads side are more scotts/irish from kentucky or tennesee not sure which.

Where down south are you...my daughter in getting married to one of our lads in uniform and living outside Savana Georgia at the military base close to Gainsville...my wife is from Evansville Ind and her dad is still there.

I'm mostly English with Irish and Scottish, Welsh, etc.....but no Indian! So it's funny that the English had trouble with them and then we end up all mixed up anyway!! So much for their logic!!

We live southeast of Atlanta in Bulldog country--Athens--big time college town. And another weird thing is....I was born in Indianpolis, IN! Isn't this all so strange and shows you just how small the world really is?!

Well, I actually did some church work today. It was kind of a test run to see if I could sit there and do it. There was a bit of walking today but I think in the future I will be able to remedy that if I was there by myself. And what was suppose to be 4 hours--I think I can do it in an hour or two. We will see if I can continue. I came home feeling pretty good and then I sat down and realized how exhausted I was and had to take a nap. That is the frustration right there---it shouldn't have exhausted me but yet I feel totally wiped out. Again I will just take it one day at a time!

 

[pumanator]

as a popular beach song says, "WIPE OUT". Yea just finished a 16 hour day...beat, meds, shower and bed soon. Have been working just an hour a day around the house after work each day and it may take forever to finish stuff atleast I am out of "give up" mode. I found peace in what an elder from my mens study said in that the days of marathon work projects are gone for me and I will someday lay all my tools down for good. For the 1st time in almost a decade I was thankful for my home, baggage and all...I think maybe he was right and that God may have something for me at this late date but I am not just a pessimist...the glass is half empty and it's sprung a leak XD...we shall see, we shall see.

I will look on a map and see just how close you are to Fort Benning.

Gonna try the LA Co fair tomorrow...biggest in the country...will see how long I last...gawd I love the chow there.

 

[One day at a time]

enjoy your fair!! I haven't been to one in ages!! But now I am at the state in which if I want to go anywhere like that I have to be wheeled around in my wheelchair. So it is a mixture of having fun and being embarrassed and having the feeling that I am being judged b/c I "look fine"! Anyway.....have fun!!

 

[pumanator]

Have rented a chair many times for walk abouts like the fair. Went Sunday and boy was it hot and crowded...enjoyed it though I will pay for it Monday morn. I am thinking about getting one of those lil electric scooters...maybe I will get lucky and find one on craigslist.com. Have you checked out joinandfriends.org? There is a section on her site for us with "invisible disabilities". I know how you feel with the you look ok bit...I just ignore the ones that gawk and anyone who tells me that to my face I tell them that if they were to change places with me right there they would go home and call their doctor...I kinda let'em have it and I don't pull my punches on that one...probably not the best response.

 

[One day at a time]

I haven't been on her site I don't think. I know that they do ministries and stuff with wheelchairs and all of that. I will have to check it out. I would say that is one of my biggest struggles---looking ok but knowing that I'm not. That and answering the all famous question "How are you today?" I hate that---I'd rather you just say hi and walk away. I get tired of lying and saying ok or saying not very well---I just feel like it is a party pooper response and I'm tired of giving it. I try and say "well, praise the Lord I'm alive!" "OK" etc. I try and get creative in what I say. We have recently started going to a new church so people don't know us all that well so they don't understand the extent to which I am---besides I'm the lady that carries a pillow and water bottle to church. My husband did get to preach the other Sunday and was able to at least say from the pulpit that I had been in an accident...yada, yada, yada, ....so those that were there at least now understand a bit. I just feel like I end up talking about it too much....and I want to quit. Let people know that there is so much more to me then this! You know what I mean. I'm always wanting them to understand but I know that is never going to happen---so I just really need to move on---just not knowing quite how--since this IS my life!
Ah.....the praise thing and truly doing it....meaning it deep within the heart! Still a very interesting concept. I say the words and bring it before God--but the soul searching question---Am I really doing it or is it just words I'm spitting out? I'm working on that right now!! Getting my head and heart working together on the proper things.

 

[pumanator]

wow...as we used to say, trippy...it's like we have been following each other around...I could have copied you post and put my name on it and hardly changed a thing other than the circumstances as to the injury...what this tells me is that we are not alone and that there are many who suffer the same...thats why I like joni's site because it deals with just what you posted and I and other I know deal with. My brother is a pastor and ppl know he's a basket case physically but he struggle with all the same baggage...would like to leave it on the train and get off at a different station >.<

 

[One day at a time]

So do you ever struggle with the fact that maybe I should just go ahead and do everything and suffer the consequences of it physically? I think about it all the time. But when I think through it logically--it can't be done. I think that is the part that is hard to get over. I can't even leave that on the train--can I? I want to move on but where do I go? How far can I go? I'm speaking physically---because I believe spiritually I am in a far different place than that! I am so thankful for the time that I get to spend with Him! I would never change that. Also the time that I get to "talk" to people on here---but I'm getting to the point that maybe this isn't even enough anymore. I would love to maybe write.....we will wait and see what God opens up on that!

 

[pumanator]

We started James tonite at my mens study and we got into james 1:5 and how we are to look at trials and the temptations that can come out of them if we are not careful...I really laid it out that I had trouble with the concept that God has or let happen these things that have busted me up, but an elder pointed out that we live in a fallen world and sometime through no fault of our own we end up suffering and that we should ask God for wisdom in it and what does He want us to learn from it.

As to doing...I try things keeping in mind that I am no longer the hard charger and have to pace myself and know when to quit and back off...it's all trial and error.