The reason I don't go to church

[cedric1200]

I hate physical contact. People want to shake my hands, women sometimes want to hug me, or someone wants to lay their hands on me to pray for me. I don't like it. I don't mind church: the preaching, the worship, and the ministry. But just plain fellowshiping, which people want me to do, I just don't like. I don't mind giving to people that are in need at church, if I have the resources. But I am basically a loner. Will it be wrong to let people know that I don't like physical contact or that I don't want to talk? I don't mind social networking obviously, but it's offline that I have social anxiety disorder. And I don't want to change that. Am I wrong?

 

[Alithis]

I hate physical contact(you HATE ?). People want to shake my hands, women sometimes want to hug me, or someone wants to lay their hands on me to pray for me. I don't like it. I don't mind church: the preaching, the worship, and the ministry. But just plain fellowshiping, which people want me to do, I just don't like. I don't mind giving to people that are in need at church, if I have the resources. But I am basically a loner.(we are one body in Christ ) Will it be wrong to let people know that I don't like physical contact or that I don't want to talk? I don't mind social networking obviously, but it's offline that I have social anxiety disorder. And I don't want to change that. Am I wrong?

having edited your post to highlight the fundamental error in viewpoint .I think you will find what you have said is centered on anything but JESUS . I think the will at work in your presently needs to be surrendered to the will of God who says .. LOVE ONE ANOTHER .
what I read between the lines is an account of a person who is far too concerned with self and does not care for others .
that is to say ,instead of being so concerned for what they do to YOU..you should be looking to do unto them what they need done .

the principle of Love in the lord Jesus is not Don't do to others what you don't want done to do .. but rather it is DO unto others what your would have Done unto you . refraining from DOING because you do not like it yourself is not an outgiving act of love (which does not seek its own fulfillment ) it is an act ,to sound harsh ,that is self centered .
to love is to care for others so much that you don't have such concentrated regard for self .

what your experiencing in this type of reply is a form of loving rebuke .
not trying to make you feel bad .

I just know from my own life that as my depressions and social anxieties increased (I used to be a bit hermited )they did so in direct relation to my lack of caring about any one else .'
but the Lord Jesus has so changed me that as I began to learn to love others -I began to forget about being self concerned .

God bless you .where ever we are at - he loves us

 

[StephenJSheridan]

I too (for the vast majority of my life, some 20 or so years) was just like you and hated all the physical contact and was a loner. But last March I recommitted my life to Christ ( I actually think of this as my true salvation experience) and He has changed me so much since then! I've gone from sitting in the very back row in Church with my parents to the VERY front row and have so many friends in Church and I tend to stay for nearly an hour after church versus finding the nearest exit as soon as the service was over to avoid the socialization! I love the socialization with my fellow brothers and sisters!

 

[cedric1200]

I too (for the vast majority of my life, some 20 or so years) was just like you and hated all the physical contact and was a loner. But last March I recommitted my life to Christ ( I actually think of this as my true salvation experience) and He has changed me so much since then! I've gone from sitting in the very back row in Church with my parents to the VERY front row and have so many friends in Church and I tend to stay for nearly an hour after church versus finding the nearest exit as soon as the service was over to avoid the socialization! I love the socialization with my fellow brothers and sisters!

It has nothing to do with socializing with other believers. I just don't find socializing with anyone, non-believers and believers alike, appealing.

 

[thesunisout]

I hate physical contact. People want to shake my hands, women sometimes want to hug me, or someone wants to lay their hands on me to pray for me. I don't like it. I don't mind church: the preaching, the worship, and the ministry. But just plain fellowshiping, which people want me to do, I just don't like. I don't mind giving to people that are in need at church, if I have the resources. But I am basically a loner. Will it be wrong to let people know that I don't like physical contact or that I don't want to talk? I don't mind social networking obviously, but it's offline that I have social anxiety disorder. And I don't want to change that. Am I wrong?

I had social anxiety and dreaded social situations also, but the Lord healed me. As I started to walk with the Lord and grew closer to Him, I started to care about the things He cares about. I started to want to be around His people and those who don't know Him, to share His love with them. I felt what His heart was for those people and that motivated me to want to be around them and talk to them. Ask God to change your heart..He will take away your anxiety and give you His peace.

 

[cedric1200]

having edited your post to highlight the fundamental error in viewpoint .I think you will find what you have said is centered on anything but JESUS . I think the will at work in your presently needs to be surrendered to the will of God who says .. LOVE ONE ANOTHER .
what I read between the lines is an account of a person who is far too concerned with self and does not care for others .
that is to say ,instead of being so concerned for what they do to YOU..you should be looking to do unto them what they need done .

the principle of Love in the lord Jesus is not Don't do to others what you don't want done to do .. but rather it is DO unto others what your would have Done unto you . refraining from DOING because you do not like it yourself is not an outgiving act of love (which does not seek its own fulfillment ) it is an act ,to sound harsh ,that is self centered .
to love is to care for others so much that you don't have such concentrated regard for self .

what your experiencing in this type of reply is a form of loving rebuke .
not trying to make you feel bad .

I just know from my own life that as my depressions and social anxieties increased (I used to be a bit hermited )they did so in direct relation to my lack of caring about any one else .'
but the Lord Jesus has so changed me that as I began to learn to love others -I began to forget about being self concerned .

God bless you .where ever we are at - he loves us

I am not trying to be selfish. I just don't think those people would like me anyways if they got to know me.

And I just hate physical contact.

 

[KrAZeD]

It has nothing to do with socializing with other believers. I just don't find socializing with anyone, non-believers and believers alike, appealing.

I emphasize with you completely. Gen2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

We are not meant to live in solitude. Even with a spouse we still enjoy others company, and need other physical human interactions.

I was/am almost the same exact way as what you've described- I could find myself content with zero socializing and/or interactions. Thankfully The Lord has allowed me to see how all I was doing was hiding from unknown protective barriers I had been putting up all my life. He has been allowing me to remove those barriers since, it took me waking up and realizing God is loving and in control, and for me to give God control and my burdens. In return he's slowly allowed me to accept and return the love he's bestowed upon me to others.

Hand shaking, hugging, touching a shoulder, praying over, holding hands are all forms of endearment. While you might not G comfortable now with those forms currently- the crux is why. I doubt you get off put if a "true" loved one performed one of those acts, so why a fellow brother/sister in Christ? An going further one as a christian must understand, our actions speak volumes, if we forgo the simplistic forms of endearment, how can an unbeliever even see the love through us that God has granted each of us?

As it was pointed out, you desire to not do those things you've mentioned in your opening post-the question is How does God want you to respond and act.

 

[BryanW92]

I am not trying to be selfish. I just don't think those people would like me anyways if they got to know me.

And I just hate physical contact.

Don't let people talk you into things you don't want to do. If you don't like to be around people, then you shouldn't have to be around them. As you said, they probably wouldn't like you anyway. Who needs the stress of making new friends when there's social media!

I say this because, like you, I am strongly introverted. Being around people just sucks the life out of me and I didn't know why I until I read a book called "Evangelism for the rest of us" which talks about the differences between extroverts and introverts. The big difference is energy flow. Extroverts take energy from being around people and expend it when they are alone. Introverts are the opposite. Unfortunately, church is designed around extroverts. Everything is about fellowship and reaching out, which saps the strength of an introvert and even leaves them feeling violated and used.

I prayed for the ability to not lose energy around people and got it somewhat. I still don't gain energy from crowds, but I don't feel exhausted from an hour of fellowship anymore.

 

[dabro]

I have an anxiety disorder and it's best to either 1 get medication that will ease your anxiety or therapy which I would prefer. Either way fellowship is very important to a christian so please either consider biting the bullet or making it easier for you to fellowship.

 

[dayhiker]

cedric ... I like what Byran has to say.

So since you hate touch I'd let people know that. Then also let them know what you do like. Since you also don't want to talk much I'm not sure what you would feel comfortable offering them. If they came to you said, "Hi.", a smile and then moved on? If so tell them that. Its good to express your boundaries and for others to honor them.

 

[Andry]

I am not trying to be selfish. I just don't think those people would like me anyways if they got to know me.

And I just hate physical contact.

Cedric, I don't think you are being selfish. But it's not so much about "church" then, but pretty much all kinds of physical interaction in all different places. No one should judge you for that, certainly not I.

But you didn't start a thread to simply point that out, right? If you believe you are still on a journey - your own, and not anyone else's - then like everyone else also, you should be open for growth, for new experiences, and maybe for change. On your own time, schedule, pace. In the meantime, I wouldn't take such a broad brush that "those people" wouldn't like you. God certainly does.

 

[Alithis]

return and read the op. observe the use of the term "I" - what I want what I feel what I desire...
we are all like that to begin with... it is the oldest sacrifice we make to die to I(self) and follow Jesus.

 

[chapmic]

I know what exactly what your feeling and for most of my church life I tried to go to church on Sunday, here the word and drive away with few interactions with the other worshippers. It was until the past couple years I realized that I need that emotional connection with other people. I read the scripture on how GOD is LOVE and it clicked in me that I need to express that love with other people as a practicing Christian. I don't think you have to go out and start hugging everyone you see next time your in church, but I think you should try complementing someone or engage in a conversation about something random so your comfort around them can grow naturally. I hope that helps, God Bless!

 

[dragongunner]

Don't let people talk you into things you don't want to do. If you don't like to be around people, then you shouldn't have to be around them. As you said, they probably wouldn't like you anyway. Who needs the stress of making new friends when there's social media!

I say this because, like you, I am strongly introverted. Being around people just sucks the life out of me and I didn't know why I until I read a book called "Evangelism for the rest of us" which talks about the differences between extroverts and introverts. The big difference is energy flow. Extroverts take energy from being around people and expend it when they are alone. Introverts are the opposite. Unfortunately, church is designed around extroverts. Everything is about fellowship and reaching out, which saps the strength of an introvert and even leaves them feeling violated and used.

I prayed for the ability to not lose energy around people and got it somewhat. I still don't gain energy from crowds, but I don't feel exhausted from an hour of fellowship anymore.

Thats interesting.

As for me I never liked being around people, stress fear, untrusting. I use to see my Dad walk up to a guy and start talking just like they were old friends, I would ask him later.."who was that Dad?' Dad would say..." I don't know, never met him." In my twenties I met a Spirit filled pastor and we became friends first, then I started going to his church, there was only a few people and this really helped me to be more social, even if there were hugs....lol. But i was still in a shell of torment sometimes....then things began to surface and I began to deal with them and verry slowly mature, it would take really another 20 years of maturing but at my age age of 53 I am much more confident.....and have become my Dad !!!! I never thought that would ever happen. What I came to realize is that I had a problem....all those years I believe now I suffered from PTS.....not from combat, but because at about 8 yrs.old my brother came home form Vietnam, and 3 times he tried to literally kill me thinking I was a VC trying to kill him, twice my Dad saved me, the 3rd he threw me into my Mom and we crashed through the front door and he came to kill us, but Mom yelled for Jesus to help, and he turned, went back to his bedroom and went back to sleep on the floor. I still don't like large gathering or crowds, but at least I understand why I felt the way I did and couldn't do anything about it all those years. We all have problems, none of us can be a island for very long. Continue to talk to Jesus and ask Him for his help, I did and He led me to the people who could help me the most. God Bless