So during this two year waiting period, I was reading up on Church beliefs & traditions.
I was comparing Catholic apologetics with Scripture, watching EWTN, reading books on the Saints & basically sweating it out. Everything I was reading was making sense and the pull towards the Catholic Church was getting stronger.
Not only did I feel it was going to be embarrassing & complicated with my mistakes in the past, such as a painful past marriage, my discussions full of objections I previously had with my husband & inlaws concerning the Church but actually letting go & following God to what I considered a very scary place.
I did not only have my fear to contend with because of misinformation about the Catholic Church but but also a lesson in humility & a matter of pride on my part. Eventually, I'd have to come clean & go to those I had these discussions with about what I felt was wrong concerning the Catholic faith. I would have to face the past & the mistakes in my life. I'd have to admit I was wrong.
Finally, I heard something inside of me say I had put things off long enough. It was time to call the priest, who turned out to be Fr. _______ ________. It was on a Tuesday in Febuary in 2004, the day before Ash Wednesday.
I was still scared & tried to fire off questions as fast as I could about the Catholic faith, trying to find something I could disagree with, which would save me from future explainations & apologies I would have to endure if I continued down this path.
But there was nothing I could disagree with. He was very patient, kind, & informative. So I decided to go to the Ash Wednesday Mass the next day. I was terrified and sat at the back of the Church. I fumbled through everything and was silently scolding myself for not being a bit smoother. After the Masses I watched on TV & the reading I done I was expecting to be a bit smoother. I quickly learned that watching & doing are two very different things.
I was actually kneeling on the floor at one point when a lady next to me saw that my chin was nearly hitting the pew in front of me she showed me the kneeler. My knees thanked her!
I was quickly starting to see this was becoming a lesson in humility in more ways than one & I silently prayed that the Lord would let me know if I was in the right place & this was not something I created in my own mind.
Then there was the Hymn.
It spoke to me so deeply that I will never forget it. I feel like this one hymn sung on that first Ash Wednesday was something I was supposed to hear and reassure me. And it certainly did.
I knew after I heard the words that I was finally home. The title of the hymn is 'Hosea' and the words are as follows:
Quote:
"Come back to me with all your heart.
Don't let fear keep us apart.
Long have I waited for you coming home to me and living deeply our new life."
That pretty much sealed the deal for me.
It is still my favorite Catholic hymn for sentimental reasons.
After Mass I met Fr. _________ face to face & he told me that there was an RCIA class the following day.
I went & continued until my entry into the Church.
Finally, that Ash Wednesday I confessed to my husband everything I had been doing & considering about the Church much to his suprise. The news traveled. During my time in RCIA I experienced a spiritual type of growing pains... Temptations, doubts & discouragment because of my own impatience. Some not so favorable reactions of
others when I told them of my desire to enter the Catholic Church.
But God gives you constant reassurance & conformation for the journey through RCIA. And after you enter the Church you will find your reassurance through the sacraments.
You have probably already learned in RCIA that Catholicism offers a full picture if you use everything it has to offer. It is full of details, sights, sounds, taste, smell, feeding the body as well as the spirit.
Take advantage of the gifts God gives you through the Catholic Church. Look at the stained glass windows, concentrate on all the signs & symbols around you. Use what the Church has to offer you because it is to your benefit. Learn the Mass & remember that it is reaching back through time to present for you what Jesus did for us on the cross so we could be here to participate in all the Church has to offer to guide us on our road to eternity.
From the lit candle here at RCIA that represents the light of Christ. The triple sign of the cross we make over our forehead, lips & heart which reminds us that out intellect must be attentive to the Word of God, our lips ready to announce His truths, and our hearts filled with love towards Him & the real presence in the Eucharist.
I consider it a great grace from God to be where you are at right now, here in RCIA.
While I believe the Catholic Church is the true church, I don't believe for a moment that it is a perfect church in that its members are perfect.
Being a Catholic is not always easy for anyone.
You will have your highs & lows.
The honeymoon period after entering the Church.
Valleys & mistakes.
Even after entering the Church, I do not consider myself done.
Never stop learning, never stop reading.
Use your Bible.
Use your catechism.
Talk to your priest.
Continue to grow in your faith & learn to express it.
Remember, it's constant learning & growth.
For someone like me that obviously needs the structure & discipline the Catholic Church offers it has been something I realized I was lacking previously.
It can be frustrating at times for someone like me.
But coming to acknowledge the claims of the Catholic Church should not made me proud: it has brought me low, because I had to acknowledge a great deal of stubborness on my part.
That is part of the journey I suppose & it is not always a happy occasion to acknowledge one's stubborness. But there is an underlying peace that I have even in not so happy times now.
So be prepared for those growing pains & take advantage of what the Church offers during those tough times.
It is well worth it & it's for your good.
I look foward to the day when you all join us at the Lord's table. Until then, enjoy this part of your journey, thank God for the graces He has given you.
Know your faith & treasure it.
Because it truly is a great treasure given to us from God.
Thank you.
