The gradual changes of conversion...

[Michie]

Personal observations about my personal journey.

I'm noticing that my tolerance level to certain things has become much lower. Not that I don't understand the whys & reasons for attraction to certain things. But for me personally, I've been noticing that interests are changing along with what attracts me.

I find this kind of unusual because as a protestant Christian I did avoid certain things but the attraction was still there in many ways.

I'm wondering & second guessing now. Is it just me? The Eucharist?

Things I've noticed slowly changing...

Things I read & watch.

Things I listen to.

When I'm in a group that starts gossip, dirty jokes or whatever I feel uncomfortable.

This by no stretch of the imagination means I'm sinless or holier than thou. It just means my comfort level have been changing.

Has anyone else experienced this? I've just come to my 4 year mark as a Catholic Christian.

 

[Lady Bug]

Certainly I have experienced similar things. I am feeling less and less like I can relate to anything in the world much

Sometimes I go back on old message boards I lurked before becoming Christian and feel a near complete loss of connection to them that I once had. I look at some of my CDs that may be collecting dust because before I became a Christian, the lyrics may have been offensive but I overlooked them and hence listened to them anyway. Those are just a couple of examples. I still need to work on things I watch though, but even out of those things, I look at them so much differently now than I did years ago. I don't look at it as entertainment the way I used to. I can't say firsthand whether it is the Eucharist at work in you. I have no doubt that it's a possibility for you.

I still feel attractions to things that I should not feel. Some things never go completely away. It's with sadness and pain that I have to admit that - but I hope the pain of resisting the temptations to those things does not overtake my life.

 

[MoNiCa4316]

yes, I've noticed this in myself too.. I think it's a good thing it helps to see how much the world needs God and encourages me to pray for the lost.

and of course there are some temptations that won't go away, and I dont think we should be too sad about this because we grow a lot by resisting temptations...when God makes it very easy for us we don't grow as much.

 

[Mom2Alex]

Thank you so much for sharing this post. I read it last night and didn't have the opportunity to reply.

Conversion is a life-long process, really. I know I've regressed at times only to grow immeasurably in time.

When I think of the conversations I used to participate in, the company I used to keep, the dreams I used to cleave to and the way I used to think - I know that I have no right to ever ask God for more as He has blessed me more than I deserve already.

Years ago, the F-bomb would have fallen out of my mouth. Perhaps a vain use of the LORD's name. Now I shudder when I hear such talk - and before I didn't even notice it. When someone uses the LORD's name in a derogatory or vain way, it actually hurts me.

God is good. Don't question the gifts - just be thankful.

Kelly

 

[ukok]

Conversion is a continual experience. We don't just get converted and the it's done with, we're new creations! We have continually to choose whether we will turn our lives, and every moment of it, over to God. It's a challenge. Oh how it is a challenge.

 

[Michie]

Yeah I know conversion is a continual experience. Back in my protestant days you were saved, converted & you just did the best you could. (As we do as Catholics). But it seems to be different this time. It's not like I'm a new Christian... I was just trying to pinpoint it.

 

[m0rk]

On the other side of the coin isn't it also true that we have to try to keep close to the edge to love God. We can become comfortable in our forgiveness to an extent that we fall into the sin of complacency. The doubt & questioning that God requires of us to love him fully.

 

[Sianelle]

As a social worker for the mental health service I used to smoke like a chimney. A high percentage of my workmates were also smokers and from time to time one or the other of us would struggle with trying to give up or cut down. I made several unsuccessful attempts myself.
Once I took early retirement due to illness I told myself that I really had to stop, but I didn't. It wasn't until I became aware of the Spirit+ in my heart moving me towards the Religious life that I was finally able to cut down significantly. The more I walked closely with my Lord+, the more I was able to cut back until finally I was smoking just a single cigarette a day. I'd have a cigarette before bed which any smoker will tell you is the one that's the hardest to give up on. This dragged on for a while (pun not intended).
Sneaking a cigarette after Compline is not a good look and it wasn't long before I was hearing a small quiet whisper in my heart telling me that my deceit was holding me back. So I asked my Lord+ for help to put my addiction to tobacco behind me so I could follow Him+ more closely and I haven't smoked or wanted to smoke since then.

 

[MoNiCa4316]

Yeah I know conversion is a continual experience. Back in my protestant days you were saved, converted & you just did the best you could. (As we do as Catholics). But it seems to be different this time. It's not like I'm a new Christian... I was just trying to pinpoint it.

I remember when I was a Protestant, it would bother me so much when I sinned cause I thought that since 'I'm saved', I shouldn't be able to sin so much. Then I went the other direction and told myself that it doesn't matter cause I'm not "saved by works" anyway. hmm yea I guess I had some misconceptions here and there, hehe. Now, I still sin, but I also recognize that conversion is not a one step process, and I think it's important to rely on God while cooperating with His grace. And what I noticed is that some sins are getting easier to overcome now, than before I also care more about sin now. I think the Catholic faith is really helping me! It must be the new outlook on faith + prayers of Our Lady and the Saints + Adoration (I can't receive Sacraments yet)

 

[Amylisa]

Thanks for this thread, I sure can relate!
I can't respond now but I would like to later.

 

[Virgil the Roman]

Our Good Lord Jesus bless ye folks!

 

[BAFRIEND]

When you get rid of the bad things that pollute the soul, you make more room for the Holy Spirit.

God bless you Michie.

 

[tadoflamb]

Hey Michie,

I'm almost six years into my life as a Catholic and I can totally relate to what you're saying.

My first response to grace was one of surrender. In about July of 2002 (if I were destined to be Protestant I would have marked it on my calendar ). I said, "Jesus, I give up. If You want me, you can have me", and things started to change from there. I didn't have any idea about repentence or contrition or the Trinity or the two natures of Christ or the Eucharist or what everyone was doing in all these different churches or anything like that. I had no idea.

Anyhow, as time passed, and as I was being led into the Church, I slowly began to see myself change. One of the first things, and this is by no great effort of my own, I stopped using the Lord's name in vain. My attitude towards people also changed and I was given the grace to recognize the face of God in an unborn child.

But your right, and I wonder if this is the effect of the Eucharist and the faith community (James ), the world looks very strange, and it looking stranger every day. Sometimes I wonder if it's just me and my personal taste, but modern commercialism freaks me out a lot more than it used too. I feel so disconnected from it all. At the same time I feel concretely connected to my local faith community and the universal Church which is something completely foreign to me in the past and even could be considered dissident religious behavior in the world we live in today.

The other thing I wonder about is contrition and repentence. I remember a point when I was in RCIA and I started a thread called, "What if I'm not sorry?" I had a lot of experiences which, while condemned by the Church, I was still pretty proud of at the time. The post which I remember most clearly was a clear still voice, "Wouldn't you be sorry if you offended God?"

It took a while, it goes on still, but as I examine my conscience and my past I've come to a finer understanding of just why my past life might be an offense to God and how much damage I've inflicted upon myself without even realizing what I've done.

I was at a retreat where the priest talked about the arms of the cross and how we are to stretch them out. The upwards arm, of course, stretching ourselves towards God, the horizontal arms being the table we are to stretch around the world, and the downwards arm is the one which gets us in deeper touch of our own guilt. And it's there, at the foot of the Cross, where the healing begins.

As I reflect on this I realize that conversion is a response to grace, and grace is a funny thing. It doesn't really have a ala-kazam effect. It sort of sinks in, like a gentle rain.

I guess you could also compare the conversion process to a book of matches, you want to light the matches one at a time; if you light them all at once, you might not be able to hold on!

God bless,

Tad

 

[MoNiCa4316]

Hey Michie,

I'm almost six years into my life as a Catholic and I can totally relate to what you're saying.

My first response to grace was one of surrender. In about July of 2002 (if I were destined to be Protestant I would have marked it on my calendar ). I said, "Jesus, I give up. If You want me, you can have me", and things started to change from there. I didn't have any idea about repentence or contrition or the Trinity or the two natures of Christ or the Eucharist or what everyone was doing in all these different churches or anything like that. I had no idea.

Anyhow, as time passed, and as I was being led into the Church, I slowly began to see myself change. One of the first things, and this is by no great effort of my own, I stopped using the Lord's name in vain. My attitude towards people also changed and I was given the grace to recognize the face of God in an unborn child.

But your right, and I wonder if this is the effect of the Eucharist and the faith community (James ), the world looks very strange, and it looking stranger every day. Sometimes I wonder if it's just me and my personal taste, but modern commercialism freaks me out a lot more than it used too. I feel so disconnected from it all. At the same time I feel concretely connected to my local faith community and the universal Church which is something completely foreign to me in the past and even could be considered dissident religious behavior in the world we live in today.

The other thing I wonder about is contrition and repentence. I remember a point when I was in RCIA and I started a thread called, "What if I'm not sorry?" I had a lot of experiences which, while condemned by the Church, I was still pretty proud of at the time. The post which I remember most clearly was a clear still voice, "Wouldn't you be sorry if you offended God?"

It took a while, it goes on still, but as I examine my conscience and my past I've come to a finer understanding of just why my past life might be an offense to God and how much damage I've inflicted upon myself without even realizing what I've done.

I was at a retreat where the priest talked about the arms of the cross and how we are to stretch them out. The upwards arm, of course, stretching ourselves towards God, the horizontal arms being the table we are to stretch around the world, and the downwards arm is the one which gets us in deeper touch of our own guilt. And it's there, at the foot of the Cross, where the healing begins.

As I reflect on this I realize that conversion is a response to grace, and grace is a funny thing. It doesn't really have a ala-kazam effect. It sort of sinks in, like a gentle rain.

I guess you could also compare the conversion process to a book of matches, you want to light the matches one at a time; if you light them all at once, you might not be able to hold on!

God bless,

Tad

wonderful post Tad, and I can really relate. God bless

 

[Pml]

Since my conversion, I've had troubles. When I was required to declare my denomination when registering for this forum, I thought "better not put Catholic down." If I put Catholic down, I'd be an outcast right from the start. And now to openly admit that I became Catholic from another faith on this Catholic portion of the forum!?!??! That's pure social suicide from all angles.

There are the Catholics, the ones that have been born into the faith.
I don't feel acceptance from these people. I remember being at a group sharing thing....not one happy face among the group. They hated my smile and just were annoyed with me. They didn't want to be at that group sharing thing. I don't know why they went. My kids went to Catholic grade school for a while...not a good scene at all. We even switched schools by moving to another city, STILL not a good scene at all. Catholic grade schools really hurt my two children. They grew up very, very lonely.
I was very, very lonely. I really considered going back to my former faith, but unfortunately God showed me that wasn't a good idea because the other faith wasn't based on truth.

We stopped going to Mass when my one oldest daughter went into 6th
grade. Then after almost 10 years, my husband recently became ill and was cured by the grace of God, Himself. My husband and I (my children probably will never do so) started going back again regularly. I kid you not about this miracle. The hospital was treating him for being a big drunk. They were killing him because he wasn't a big drunk at all. He just didn't have any platelets so couldn't think straight or talk straight. If it weren't for God, he'd have been dead.

So we've compromised now. We go visiting on the weekends. We go to a new, different mass each week. We go to mass and worship God as we should and focus on that instead of the other people and all of their social this and that. It works out just fine.

Last weekend, we drove 100 miles to see this church whose patron saint was the same as the one for Poland. Now that winter is coming, we'll stay closer to home. It is just nicer to go visiting than to even attempt becoming a member again. I don't think too much has really changed.

 

[Michie]

Since my conversion, I've had troubles. When I was required to declare my denomination when registering for this forum, I thought "better not put Catholic down." If I put Catholic down, I'd be an outcast right from the start. And now to openly admit that I became Catholic from another faith on this Catholic portion of the forum!?!??! That's pure social suicide from all angles.

It sure is.

There are the Catholics, the ones that have been born into the faith.
I don't feel acceptance from these people. I remember being at a group sharing thing....not one happy face among the group. They hated my smile and just were annoyed with me. They didn't want to be at that group sharing thing. I don't know why they went. My kids went to Catholic grade school for a while...not a good scene at all. We even switched schools by moving to another city, STILL not a good scene at all. Catholic grade schools really hurt my two children. They grew up very, very lonely.
I was very, very lonely. I really considered going back to my former faith, but unfortunately God showed me that wasn't a good idea because the other faith wasn't based on truth.

I've felt that division myself.

We stopped going to Mass when my one oldest daughter went into 6th
grade. Then after almost 10 years, my husband recently became ill and was cured by the grace of God, Himself. My husband and I (my children probably will never do so) started going back again regularly. I kid you not about this miracle. The hospital was treating him for being a big drunk. They were killing him because he wasn't a big drunk at all. He just didn't have any platelets so couldn't think straight or talk straight. If it weren't for God, he'd have been dead.

So we've compromised now. We go visiting on the weekends. We go to a new, different mass each week. We go to mass and worship God as we should and focus on that instead of the other people and all of their social this and that. It works out just fine.

I'm glad you have options.

Last weekend, we drove 100 miles to see this church whose patron saint was the same as the one for Poland. Now that winter is coming, we'll stay closer to home. It is just nicer to go visiting than to even attempt becoming a member again. I don't think too much has really changed.

Well the change has to come within yourself in many ways. I've just gotten to that point. Does not mean some things do not bother me though. By the way, Welcome Home from one convert to another.

 

[Caedmon]

I'm about 3 1/2 years old now, and I've gone through a lot of very gradual changes. I started out zealous with a keen interest in Scripture and Church teachings, yet I was somewhat isolated from the community and made the mistake of being too aggressive and uncharitable. Time passed, and I realized that more and more my Bible and Catechism were just collecting dust, and my attitude was degrading more and more into an ill state. But lately, I've been participating in the Renewal: Why Catholic? program in my parish, and it's been really helpful for me. Not only have I picked my Bible and catechism back up, but I've begun connecting and sharing intimately with parishioners I've known for years, and it's been a real blessing for me. I'm finally starting to feel like I'm getting on the right track again, as far as my faith goes.

 

[hopeblossom]

I love this thread!
Since my choice to become baptized last year, I have been on one crazy roller coaster! For a while I thought I was getting worse! Then one of the sisters laughed and laughed and told me "no you're just more aware of the things you do that aren't good." I shook my head and told her ,"no. I think I really am getting worse." She kept laughing.

I still feel that way at times. It is a good thing to be more aware of the good and evil. Yes, I do think, if I look at the big picture. There are a lot of behaviors that are no longer acceptable for me or my children. Unfortunately this can be a trap for me to feel that I can judge others and I am always struggling with this. It's not that I ever think I have more value than somebody else, but I do at times think that I am better behaved and make better choices than they do. I have to remind myself of my faults and the bad choices I have made in the past to keep me from being judgemental. I have been hurt badly from others judging me so I know it's wrong.
In fact I pretty much don't have the friendships that I use to have before I became catholic (though I'm still waiting to get baptized). I had a couple of friends actually get irritated with my choice and one of them snapped at me saying "I hope you don't actually buy into infant baptizm. That's just wrong." This woman's comments shocked me to the core because I had actually viewed her as a mother figure since I don't have any family close by.
I had still been feeling overwhelmed by having too much to do all the time and one of the sisters suggested I go to adoration. I was skeptical that it would make me feel better, but went anyway, out of obediance. That was the first time I went. I prayed for all of my children and my husband. I read my catechism book for the rest of the hour. I was completely at peace by the time I left. And I felt a deep sense of peace for a long time after - days.
I know my world is changing. Forever changing. I don't know what lies ahead of me, but I do know I have the courage to face the future now.
The sisters told me the change will never stop. That everyday is a new day to choose Christ. It never ends.
This is a little beyond my comprehension... But then again so is God.
I think this thread is awesome! We should write about our growth on a weekly basis! Wonderful!

 

[Amylisa]

Yeah I know conversion is a continual experience. Back in my protestant days you were saved, converted & you just did the best you could. (As we do as Catholics). But it seems to be different this time. It's not like I'm a new Christian... I was just trying to pinpoint it.

I was a Christian for more than 20 years before I became a Catholic. And I experienced Jesus' Presence in my life. But there is something that is just different somehow once you're Catholic and are receiving the Sacraments.

I will never forget the first time I went to Confession. It was So hard to go. When I got to the door of the church I had a very strong impulse to run away! But when I was leaving afterwards, driving home in the car....suddenly I became aware of a clear feeling deep inside of me. The only way to describe it was I felt truly like a newborn baby within. Clean and new. I know there are graces attached to the Sacraments that you just don't receive otherwise.

Speaking of which, I really need to go to Confession this weekend...

 

[Michie]

Hey Michie,

I'm almost six years into my life as a Catholic and I can totally relate to what you're saying.

My first response to grace was one of surrender. In about July of 2002 (if I were destined to be Protestant I would have marked it on my calendar ). I said, "Jesus, I give up. If You want me, you can have me", and things started to change from there. I didn't have any idea about repentence or contrition or the Trinity or the two natures of Christ or the Eucharist or what everyone was doing in all these different churches or anything like that. I had no idea.

I was a little more difficult. I studied a couple years beforehand. I actually walked in to the Church office & asked for RCIA papers & returned them the following week. I tried to forget about it but felt haunted. Practically stalked. I got my story here somewhere. I'll see if I can dig it up.

Anyhow, as time passed, and as I was being led into the Church, I slowly began to see myself change. One of the first things, and this is by no great effort of my own, I stopped using the Lord's name in vain. My attitude towards people also changed and I was given the grace to recognize the face of God in an unborn child.

I think I changed slowly but there was a lot of required humility *yuck* many ups & downs. I think during my downs was probably when I noticeed something. Previously, I would had said I need a break. I never was able to do that. I still attended Mass wherre previously I would had took a break & reviwed my options.

But your right, and I wonder if this is the effect of the Eucharist and the faith community (James ), the world looks very strange, and it looking stranger every day. Sometimes I wonder if it's just me and my personal taste, but modern commercialism freaks me out a lot more than it used too. I feel so disconnected from it all. At the same time I feel concretely connected to my local faith community and the universal Church which is something completely foreign to me in the past and even could be considered dissident religious behavior in the world we live in today.

I'm pretty much where you're at there. Although I still struggle an awful lot I relate to the outside looking in aspect of the world. I question it. Only because I've never really experienced this before as far as it being easier to walk away from what the world views as good. It kind of freaks me out actually.

The other thing I wonder about is contrition and repentence. I remember a point when I was in RCIA and I started a thread called, "What if I'm not sorry?" I had a lot of experiences which, while condemned by the Church, I was still pretty proud of at the time. The post which I remember most clearly was a clear still voice, "Wouldn't you be sorry if you offended God?"

I've always been sorry in more ways than one. One thing I came into the Church with fully equipped was what they call Catholic Guilt. I realize I've been forgiven but I still deeply regret many things in my life. But I guess I have to look at it as God turning it into good.

It took a while, it goes on still, but as I examine my conscience and my past I've come to a finer understanding of just why my past life might be an offense to God and how much damage I've inflicted upon myself without even realizing what I've done.

Amen.

I was at a retreat where the priest talked about the arms of the cross and how we are to stretch them out. The upwards arm, of course, stretching ourselves towards God, the horizontal arms being the table we are to stretch around the world, and the downwards arm is the one which gets us in deeper touch of our own guilt. And it's there, at the foot of the Cross, where the healing begins.

As I reflect on this I realize that conversion is a response to grace, and grace is a funny thing. It doesn't really have a ala-kazam effect. It sort of sinks in, like a gentle rain.

Exactly. Grace has been at work but I'm actually starting to see the effects it has on internal change in a person & outward interests & actions.

I guess you could also compare the conversion process to a book of matches, you want to light the matches one at a time; if you light them all at once, you might not be able to hold on!

God bless,

Tad

I'm still pondering it. But I must thank you for your post. I'll see if I can find my story & RCIA talks I've posted here when I can.