The Code

[LadyOfMystery]

The dating code that is.

Say you date someone, and then you guys break up. Is it wrong if one of your friends wants to date your ex? Would you have a problem with that or not? Why/why not?

 

[Sapphyre]

It certainly sucks when it's the reason for the breakup.

Otherwise I've never been in that situation. I'm sure it would hurt at least a little regardless. I suppose if you are still on good terms with your ex and you truly love your friend then it wouldn't be terrible.

 

[Tink]

If we're broken up, he's fair game, IMO.

 

[penNpaper]

If we're broken up, he's fair game, IMO.

^what she said.

God Bless,
Drew

 

[SweetDee]

If we're broken up, he's fair game, IMO.

I would say this, but also a little heads up beforehand would be cool. Just so I am not blindsided by it.

 

[Tink]

I would say this, but also a little heads up beforehand would be cool. Just so I am not blindsided by it.

True.

I definitely agree that there should be communication between the friends.

 

[LadyOfMystery]

A couple of years ago I had a boyfriend and a close friend. Now mind you she wasn't my *best* friend but we both told each other things that we wouldn't just tell anyone. So anyway, my boyfriend at the time and I broke up mutually and about two weeks later she calls me and tells me that she likes my ex, but said she wouldn't do anything about it. Next thing I know, they're dating. They dated for like 6mos and then he broke it off.

Now thats the only situation I've ever been in where it involves a friend and an ex, and I personally still felt in love with my ex after two weeks of breaking up and I felt like she was betraying me because I had been talking to her about getting back together with him before she told me that she liked him.

I think that if it was another situation like maybe a longer period of time had went by before they dated, or even if the person wasn't a close friend it probably wouldn't have been such a big deal. But at the time I was -so- worried she would tell things that I had told her in confidence.



Edited to add: I do agree there should be some communication there, but it differs for everyone.

 

[Im_A]

This happened to me in high school. One of my lifelong best friends asked me, "Would you mind if I would try to date her? I said, "Yes I would". So he didn't. It is no mystery as why someone would answer as I did, just as it is no mystery why someone would answer opposite of how I did.

I can't say now how I would react. I haven't been in that situation again, and if I would use the past to judge, I guess I can only guess that I would react the same way but no way of knowing for sure.

 

[* kittie *]

Depends on the timing. And hopefully we didn't breakup because of it. Cause I can't understand it if someone can so quickly, after a breakup, date a friend of mine.

 

[Verve]

2 of my "friends" slept with my ex-fiancee after we called it off and one of them left her husband for him. Nobody told me anything and the one who left her husband gave me a bottle of wine that Christmas from the vineyard my-ex and I were going to get married at.

I couldn't think of touching anyone a friend of mine seriously dated.

It seems like personal preference and boundaries.

Out of everything I was honestly more upset about their dishonesty and lack of respect for my feelings since they did this within 6 months of the breakup.

 

[Rose of Eden]

The dating code that is.

Say you date someone, and then you guys break up. Is it wrong if one of your friends wants to date your ex? Would you have a problem with that or not? Why/why not?

Haha! There's definitely a code, I think! Lol!

To answer the question, how I would feel would depend on several factors: For how long did I date the guy? How serious was the relationship? How ugly was the breakup? How close is this friend to me? How much time has passed since the breakup?

If we're broken up, he's fair game, IMO.

I personally don't think it's ever this simple. For me at least, there's a big difference between a friend who wants to date some guy that I had only a three month-long relationship with a year ago and a friend who wants to date a guy that I was engaged to and dated for three years only two months after we broke up.

 

[Im_A]

2 of my "friends" slept with my ex-fiancee after we called it off and one of them left her husband for him. Nobody told me anything and the one who left her husband gave me a bottle of wine that Christmas from the vineyard my-ex and I were going to get married at.

I couldn't think of touching anyone a friend of mine seriously dated.

It seems like personal preference and boundaries.

Out of everything I was honestly more upset about their dishonesty and lack of respect for my feelings since they did this within 6 months of the breakup.

It is things like that, that make me think I would react the same as I did when the situation came up.

Grant it, I did however date a girl for a week and then ended up dating her twin sister for pretty much 2 years.

 

[Tink]

Haha! There's definitely a code, I think! Lol!

To answer the question, how I would feel would depend on several factors: For how long did I date the guy? How serious was the relationship? How ugly was the breakup? How close is this friend to me? How much time has passed since the breakup?




I personally don't think it's ever this simple. For me at least, there's a big difference between a friend who wants to date some guy that I had only a three month-long relationship with a year ago and a friend who wants to date a guy that I was engaged to and dated for three years only two months after we broke up.

I think it gets easier with age.

That said, everyone is different. For me, it is that simple, but I realize it isn't for many others.

 

[MacFall]

Is it wrong if one of your friends wants to date your ex?

No

Would you have a problem with that or not?

No

Why/why not?

Because I do not own her. I do not have any just claim against the actions of her or my friend.

 

[Sapphyre]

For me at least, there's a big difference between a friend who wants to date some guy that I had only a three month-long relationship with a year ago and a friend who wants to date a guy that I was engaged to and dated for three years only two months after we broke up.

This. I think it's one of those things that you won't truly know how you feel about until it happens. I also think it would be extremely different depending on the people involved, not just how you feel about it in general.

To clarify my earlier post, I don't think it's "wrong", but it's not pleasant, and I think it has the potential to be a really hurtful situation that can drive people apart.

 

[K9_Trainer]

I don't care lol. They're fair game.

There's really only one ex I might mind with and ironically he's not the most recent ex. Funny how 2 years can go by and it would be a problem. I mean, I wouldn't mind in the sense I'd be jealous or upset. But the break up was an odd situation and its for the best that we are not in contact, so a friend dating him would make that difficult. I'd probably just let some distance grow between me and the friend.

 

[Nom De Guerre]

Yeah, no. I won't do it, and I wouldn't do it to any of my friends either.

 

[PinkSweetart]

This reminds me of that cell phone commercial. The one with the two friends on the ski lift.

Anywhoo... I'd probably mind a little if I was still in love with the guy, but I'd eventully tell myself to move on and let him be happy. It wouldn't be easy but I'd be able to deal.

 

[MehTeh]

To answer the question, how I would feel would depend on several factors: For how long did I date the guy? How serious was the relationship? How ugly was the breakup? How close is this friend to me? How much time has passed since the breakup?

Pretty much this. Of course the situation is not likely to happen any time soon.. but in the future it might.

 

[LadyOfMystery]

Haha! There's definitely a code, I think! Lol!

To answer the question, how I would feel would depend on several factors: For how long did I date the guy? How serious was the relationship? How ugly was the breakup? How close is this friend to me? How much time has passed since the breakup?

These are actually really good questions, and maybe in the future if someone is dating someone they should take these questions into consideration before actually -being- jealous or heartbroken that the guy is dating one of their friends.

Also, after I got over the whole thing it was kinda funny because she dealt with a lot of the same stuff that I had to with him and that was a big reason they broke up.