The Big Book of Personalities to Avoid

sundewgrower

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If I could write, have the wisdom, the intelligence, and experience or whatever else...
I would write and publish a book just like this thread's title! (probably not!)
I almost picture a fairy tale esq story teller narrating it, along with the classified taxonomies of personalities/people such as a book of monsters.
I think in a certain light I'd find it hilarious, and probably accurate in an anecdotal sense. I just find it nuts how people can act regardless of who they are or their faith.
Perhaps the saying of "nice guys finish last" has some validity?
I've not been burned or grossly mistreated recently, but I continue to find most people aren't worth investing into which has been further accelerated since I'm going to move within a year or less. Plus Hawai'i does collect the worst, the weird, and overall the ones you really want to avoid. When I meet people from elsewhere they're nice but don't last long, and when I've been off island people are "too nice" to me almost. I suppose when you get your fill of stress, perhaps some lost hair, and get jaded things can go south so thus this thread.

I suppose the topic is...
Who else is sick of "most" people?

Are you reluctant to invest into people in general unless they really seem worth it?

Are there some personality types you avoid since that type will typically be abrsive to you?

Have some past experiences sensitized you to certain kinds of people and enabled you to smell a possible problem person from a few miles away?

Have there been times where you need to avoid people, to get a better view on things, and more or less just look out for yourself?

In the past have you put a lot of energy into somebody, and found that you can only really put a fraction of the energy you used to into others since you're burned out?

Are there times where you figure the only people or friends you'd like are the ones who'd put more effort into you to get things balanced out?

Have you become more blunt, direct, or one to jump the gun too quickly?
Ei see the worst in people first, easily accept people are going to disappear, or otherwise a tattered faith in people?

All these questions, or most pertain to an initial state after being poked, prodded, and jaded from too many years of being in the wrong environment along with a few recent events. So I know most of this won't last, but as of now I find that I'm in an odd state, and am curious where others have been before.
 

Goodbook

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? Is something to do with Hawaii?
I only remember meeting someone from Hawaii once on a backpacking trip in the UK. She was unusual in that she was kinda desperate for a man and constantly talked about it, also she would wear designer clothes like even high heels out walkingin the highlands, and really revealing clothing.

And she would overshare. So when i say verbal diahrrea she had that. She was very insecure and Im not sure if it had to do with her nationality or just her personality.
The guys on the trip were kinda afraid of her or amused. I think people these days would label someone like that a harlot. But she was just lost I suppose.
 
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sundewgrower

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? Is something to do with Hawaii?
I only remember meeting someone from Hawaii once on a backpacking trip in the UK. She was unusual in that she was kinda desperate for a man and constantly talked about it, also she would wear designer clothes like even high heels out walkingin the highlands, and really revealing clothing.

And she would overshare. So when i say verbal diahrrea she had that. She was very insecure and Im not sure if it had to do with her nationality or just her personality.
The guys on the trip were kinda afraid of her or amused. I think people these days would label someone like that a harlot. But she was just lost I suppose.
Yes it does. isolation, racism, and few people here that aren't worth much.
This place attracts people you don't want to be around. That women you mentioned is one stereotype you'll see here since there are very few people here, people don't dress modestly, and etc. Also, if she never really left the island, and was the right kind (grew up here and didn't leave the place at all really) she could have been feeling very nervous. People are very proud of their neighborhood but once they leave they're not on the top anymore, and so I could see that.

But yeah. Basically a lot of dud people are here, so take a vacation but never live here, and realize there are good people everywhere but this place is a lesser one to reside in.
 
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Goodbook

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Sometimes some people can be really annoying and what happens is God reminds me I have to set certain boundaries so they dont take advantage. Like dont say 'yes' to everything, and if someone makes you feel guilty for not doing something you dont really want to do and shouldnt be doing, that person is not a friend at all just a user.
 
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sundewgrower

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Im sorry to hear that. I suppose island life can be a bit insular.
Do you belong to a church? hang out with beleivers. Or ask God to send you good friends who are more mature.
I do belong to a smaller one, but the reality is there aren't many (basically none when it comes down to it) my age, and you typically wind up with rather different people. Most go nowhere, aren't educated, or are just stunted. I'm never one to brag, but supposedly I'm rather intelligent, educated, and so that's not good to have friends here. I am not trying to say I am better at all, but my interests, motives, and stuff are just not normal for being here. I enjoy getting out, I don't mind getting cut up on rocks, eating weird stuff, or whatever but I'm geared different than the "local" bruddah kine people.
 
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JaapAap

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I don't avoid people. I like controlling ones and abusive ones best. Lol especially when it's so obvious what they want to do. It's not the person, it's a demon. Just pray that they repent and the demon gets kicked out and in so far he bothers you stop him (that book from Roberts Liardon is great: destroy the powers of control) and enjoy your life.
Not saying if they're christian and refuse to change that you should invite them to coffee every day, but just pray for them and let go.
 
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sundewgrower

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I don't avoid people. I like controlling ones and abusive ones best. Lol especially when it's so obvious what they want to do. It's not the person, it's a demon. Just pray that they repent and the demon gets kicked out and in so far he bothers you stop him (that book from Roberts Liardon is great: destroy the powers of control) and enjoy your life.
Not saying if they're christian and refuse to change that you should invite them to coffee every day, but just pray for them and let go.
I've found that when friends are in short supply (13 years) you'll put up with a lot more.
I do appear to deal with difficult people rather well (usually be it a stressed pastor or the neighborhood nut), but I've definitely got more aversion to controlling or otherwise know it all mentalities. I should pray for them more, as I have one "friend" (been chatting for a week or two, so acquaintance I guess) I'd like to 86 but I should pray, give it some time, distance, and see what happens. Lately I have felt like I've been under an assault on a few sides, and haven't been firing on all cylinders how I normally do. I've been focusing on hobbies a lot more, and college while forgetting things that were unpleasant.

With that distance friend maybe I'm just need to pray about it, and etc.
She seems very friendly, but I just can't seem to handle any rudeness, or have people use me. So I guess I'm in more of a sensitive and fragile state where I can't be poked or prodded. Or trust somebody who could be the slightest bit dodgy or abrasive such as that acquaintance that seems cool but I lack the energy to really deal with.

Yea just pray. Its not very christian to think of ppl like that. They are lost and need the gospel. Maybe you are in hawaii for that reason. Ever think of it that way? God could of had you born in an amish village but he didnt.
Ironically most of my experiences have been with Christians. Even down to a pastor and his family for a very cliquish church. Or other people who will declare you'll burn in hell (to a friend of mine and other people) or do an exorcism at a post office to yet another friend's sister. This place just breeds really weird people, and also attracts then in droves.

I do want to do missions sometimes, as this place has exposed me to a lot of different cultures, and so I feel that's an eventual calling. My business was founded here, and is based off of tourism here. I've been communicating with a friend in Japan, so I might go there for 4-6 weeks to serve at a Christian Preschool again, and do something productive next year. So it's not terrible as it's pushing me to things I wouldn't normally do like college, or have me see things different. However, I need to cope with it properly, and so I guess therein lies the rub :)
 
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JaapAap

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I've found that when friends are in short supply (13 years) you'll put up with a lot more.
I do appear to deal with difficult people rather well (usually be it a stressed pastor or the neighborhood nut), but I've definitely got more aversion to controlling or otherwise know it all mentalities. I should pray for them more, as I have one "friend" (been chatting for a week or two, so acquaintance I guess) I'd like to 86 but I should pray, give it some time, distance, and see what happens. Lately I have felt like I've been under an assault on a few sides, and haven't been firing on all cylinders how I normally do. I've been focusing on hobbies a lot more, and college while forgetting things that were unpleasant.

With that distance friend maybe I'm just need to pray about it, and etc.
She seems very friendly, but I just can't seem to handle any rudeness, or have people use me. So I guess I'm in more of a senstive and fragile state where I can't be poked or prodded by anybody really or trust somebody who could be the slightest bit dodgy.
No don't let them walk over you. I used to leave church for such people and really totally avoid them and I'm not doing that anymore.
 
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sundewgrower

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I thought YWAM was based in Hawaii.
It's 1.5 hours away and a little unusual. Not bad, but it's a lot there, and getting there is difficult.

No don't let them walk over you. I used to leave church for such people and really totally avoid them and I'm not doing that anymore.
I don't avoid them, but I definitely won't make myself vulnerable to any of them, and am a lot more wary right now :)
 
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SnowyMacie

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I usually expect the best from people and that they'll do the right thing until they prove otherwise, it doesn't take much to prove otherwise some of the times, but I learned a long time ago to not waste my time around people who don't like me and I don't like them. Life is too short to be bothered by people who don't like you. I've learned the types of people and personalities that I don't get along with, and if I find they meet that I'll simply avoid and ignore them as much as possible.

I've also come to learn that if someone doesn't like you, they're the ones with the problem and not you. The worst thing someone can say to me is not "I don't like you", because there's a good chance that I also don't like them and so I don't see the point in wasting time in a relationship where neither person likes the other. I am not going to force people to like me, nor am I going to act different to make people like me, I am going to be me and if they don't like that, then oh well, their loss do try and make friends and treat others as I want to be treated, regardless of how much I like the person, and sometimes it's easier to do that than others.
 
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redblue22

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I think it is good to look at parents behavior. My parents were my model for most years of my life, and so it is a good chance that I am doing the same as they would. Identifying the things I do is important because it is only then that I can choose to change. Chances are good that not only do I emulate their behavior, but also that I have their beliefs and expectations.

.
 
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redblue22

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You can always tell when your shrink has given up on you. You reveal something hard in your life and minutes later she says how next week will be your last week working together. A good example is when you name your struggle according to the DSM5 and she has to look it up before telling you that this will be your last week.
 
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blackribbon

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These defining words are too broad and individualized to be "guidelines". What one person considers "too controlling", another might really like because they have "boundaries" and direction in their lives. A person may be "reserved" or considered "secretive"...the only difference is the OTHER person's viewpoint. "Blunt" can be a person who has no filters or someone who really does care and is trying to help.

If another person isn't really interested in pursuing a love interest relationship but is interested in maintaining a friendship because of similar interests and is upfront and honest about this, often the other party who secretly hopes that this will grow into something more feels "used" or "manipulated" when it doesn't turn into something more.

Self awareness is important...to determine how your viewpoint affects how you perceive a relationship.

Also, as much as we don't want to admit it...sometimes it is problems in our own personality that we feel are "normal" that are really the issue.

Judge each relationship individually.
 
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sundewgrower

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These defining words are too broad and individualized to be "guidelines". What one person considers "too controlling", another might really like because they have "boundaries" and direction in their lives. A person may be "reserved" or considered "secretive"...the only difference is the OTHER person's viewpoint. "Blunt" can be a person who has no filters or someone who really does care and is trying to help.

If another person isn't really interested in pursuing a love interest relationship but is interested in maintaining a friendship because of similar interests and is upfront and honest about this, often the other party who secretly hopes that this will grow into something more feels "used" or "manipulated" when it doesn't turn into something more.

Self awareness is important...to determine how your viewpoint affects how you perceive a relationship.

Also, as much as we don't want to admit it...sometimes it is problems in our own personality that we feel are "normal" that are really the issue.

Judge each relationship individually.
You're spot on. Thanks for sharing your perspective, as it's a good way of putting it all together.
 
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