Maybe we should take this to the Married Women's personal forum peckaboo? Just a thought....
Anyways, when I finally put my foot down via packing up the kids and myself and leaving him (this after many years of saying "enough!" but not being brave enough to DO anything to back my words up)...the first month was awful. He was angry and incredibly cold. I still wanted things to work out but refused to go back unless and until he was willing to change in a big way. It was when I finally started getting help and stopped begging and pleading and putting serious thought and effort into moving forward with my own life that things changed. He said he suddenly looked around one night and thought, "What am I DOING?" and God really spoke to Him about what he was losing, and what for. Anyways, the next few months were marked by him selling our home, all our stuff, his business, and moving across the country to be in the same city as me and the kids. We lived separately for about 6 months all told while seeing each other tentatively, and spent a few months each of us in individual counseling before our counselors each gave us the green light to start couples counseling. We also each went to Celebrate Recovery...me for codependency and anger, him for sex addiction. Here we met sponsors and accountability partners...people to help us along our individual journeys so we weren't the only ones shouldering each other's burdens and bringing each other down. Secrets were out the window. Anyone who knows us well knows what happened and he had to get over that. It was not just "his" stuff, it was mine, and I needed to stop holding it all inside. You deserve the same. The story of your marriage struggles is every bit as much yours as his. Don't be held hostage by "privacy".
Slowly but surely we have been rebuilding our relationship. We put serious accountability software on computers though that hasn't been in place anymore for a while now. He texted me pics of himself when out to show me where he was at. Basically, it took a bit, but he did come to a place where he was willing to do pretty much anything to kick the habit and repair the damage he'd done. He needed to be humbled and woken up to the damage his actions had caused, and quite frankly it sounds like your h does too.
I know it is scary because ultimately, putting your foot down COULD mean losing him. But the reality is that in that case, you'd only be letting a man go who thinks that his freedom to watch inappropriate content is more important than his marriage and his wife's emotional wellbeing. I know you love him, but you deserve better than that. He probably doesn't even realize that's the reality, but maybe it's time someone told him that.
I had to come to a place where I was healthy and happy enough on my OWN that I knew I'd be okay and happy whether my h wanted me as I was or not. That his desire for me did not dictate the meaning of my life. God gave my life meaning long before I even met my h...you too!
If you do nothing, chances are nothing will change...soon, anyways. Sometimes people have the strength to wait it out for a long time...but it sounds like you are at the end of being able to play the waiting game any longer. Don't feel obligated to push yourself beyond what you can bear. It's not fair for your h to promise to stop and keep dangling that carrot while doing NOTHING to stop himself!
If you do something, it's a risk...you might lose him (and free yourself to enjoy life NOT bogged down by someone else's addiction)...but, as happened in my case, you MIGHT be used by God to set in motion a miraculous change...the kind you can't even envision right now. What you're doing now (keeping his secrets, being his accountability partner, and giving him chance after chance) isn't working for him and it's destroying you. You need a new game plan.