I have been able to conrtol my homosexual feelings before and even my inappropriate content addiction, and truly live a Godly life which I desire to have once again, but I feel that since I have such strong homosexual feelings, it is impossible to live a Godly life and still be attracted to men only.
I would like to know if anyone else has struggled with homosexuality like this and has been able to put those feelings aside to the point where you are living a Godly, hetero lifestyle? And if so, how did you do it?? I just want to know if these feelings can be "reversed," for lack of a better word, or at least suppressed. It feels like I was destined to be a raging homosexual! Someone please help! =(
Some people have had more or less success with "ex-gay" programs. I have an aversion to them.
2Cor 12:5b-10 said:
[F]or myself I will glory nothing, but in my infirmities. For though I should have a mind to glory, I shall not be foolish; for I will say the truth. But I forbear, lest any man should think of me above that which he seeth in me, or any thing he heareth from me. And lest the greatness of the revelations should exalt me, there was given me a sting of my flesh, an angel of Satan, to buffet me. For which thing thrice I besought the Lord, that it might depart from me. And he said to me: My grace is sufficient for thee; for power is made perfect in infirmity. Gladly therefore will I glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may dwell in me. For which cause I please myself in my infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ. For when I am weak, then am I powerful.
There has been much pointless speculation on what the devil's torment of St. Paul was but the point is that even though he prayed desperately on three separate occasions for God to take away this devil from him, He did not, but rather replied that "My grace is sufficient for thee" and that in Paul's weakness, God was glorified.
1Cor 10:13 said:
Let no temptation take hold on you, but such as is human. And God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that which you are able: but will make also with temptation issue, that you may be able to bear it.
When we are suffering some sickness or tragedy or temptation, it is sometimes our first desire to say, "God, stop the pain, I can't deal with this, take this cup from me!" but it is far better to say, ".. not my will but Thine be done." We should not pray that temptations be removed from us, because God allows us to be tried in order to strengthen us. Rather, pray that we have the strength to overcome these temptations. God allows these things to happen
for a reason.
Even if you were somehow able to replace your homosexual desires with heterosexual ones, you would still be dealing with some of the same issues of lust. Would it be any better to be addicted to heterosexual inappropriate contentography than homosexual? Would it be any better to obsess over and fantasize about women instead of men? Slightly, yes, but that's not what you are dealing with. Anytime we make our obedience to God contingent on something, that's a problem. We can't say, "If only ____, then I would be good." If only I had more money, if only I was straight, if only my father didn't hit me, if only my mother was alive, if only God would show me a sign, if only, if only, if only... These are useless statements yet we make them all the time. We say, "I don't want to sin but ______" and we show that we really do want to sin, we just don't want to feel bad about doing it, we don't want to feel like bad people even though we do what we know is wrong.
If you want to get married, get married. No one said you have to be sexually attracted to your spouse (though you should tell her before you get married that you like men). If you want to be celibate, be celibate. But you have to deal with yourself where you are right now, you can't say, "If I was straight, then my life would be so much better and I would be more devoted to God." That's a cop-out. You have to deal with the problems you have right here, right now. <edit>
Focus on God and don't worry about where your temptations come from, worry about overcoming them.