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Struggling with homosexuality

Discussion in 'Struggles with Sexuality' started by DannyWindsofChange, May 23, 2010.

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  1. DannyWindsofChange

    DannyWindsofChange Newbie

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    Well, to start, I am a 20 year old male, college student, and I was raised in a very Christian home since I was very young. However, ever since I can remember, I have always been attracted to the same sex. I can even remember being in fifth grade (when I first began to be attracted to other people my age) and being attracted to other boys in my class. I have gone out with girls before, still a virgin, but have never been as physically attracted to the opposite sex as I am towards the same sex. I am still somewhat addicted to porn, and it is only gay porn, which I know isn't helping the problem. The thing is, I DO NOT want to live like this! I have been able to conrtol my homosexual feelings before and even my porn addiction, and truly live a Godly life which I desire to have once again, but I feel that since I have such strong homosexual feelings, it is impossible to live a Godly life and still be attracted to men only.
    I would like to know if anyone else has struggled with homosexuality like this and has been able to put those feelings aside to the point where you are living a Godly, hetero lifestyle? And if so, how did you do it?? I just want to know if these feelings can be "reversed," for lack of a better word, or at least suppressed. It feels like I was destined to be a raging homosexual! Someone please help! =(
     
  2. Lifenotforsaken

    Lifenotforsaken Newbie

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    Hi brother, I understand your frustration and your wearing out patience. I go through the same thing ( you can check out my thread just afew topics underneath your's :) ). I'm just one year younger than you though, around the same anyway and I'm in college too :)
    Try to listen to some positive music, try looking through more threads in this part of the forum, it'll make you feel better that you're not alone. I prayed for God to give you peace and assurance. Continue to connect with Him daily through His word and prayer and believe in the future He has intended for you, because He loves us and gives us obstacles not to harm us but to mold us and build us up! I think most changes if God intends are not the immediate type excluding certain cases. Personally I really feel some heterosexual tendencies coming back to before the homosexual issue. It's coming slow for me but I know He will bring me out of the darkness through the glimmer of light somewhere... I pray that you believe in the good things He wants you to achieve and become! :)
     
  3. writergirl4god

    writergirl4god Newbie

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    Hi Danny, thanks for sharing your struggle so openly. I'd recommend the book 'Desires In Conflict' by Joe Dallas:
    Amazon.com: Desires in Conflict: Hope for Men Who Struggle with Sexual Identity¬Ö

    (Yes I'm a woman and I've read a book that's subtitled 'Hope for Men Who Struggle With Sexual Identity'. :p I have a Christian friend that I consider like a brother who falls into this category, and for him I've done a lot of research/reading/talking to people who've struggled with this.)

    Setting Captives Free also has a good (and free) online course about overcoming homosexuality. There are testimonies on that site from men who have been in your position, and they will match you up with a male mentor as you work through it. You can find it here:

    Door of Hope - Setting Captives Free

    I hope some of this is helpful. I'll pray for you!

    Love in Christ,
    Jess
     
  4. Criada

    Criada <b> Recovery Co-manager </b><br><b>Moderation & St Staff Member Supporter Staff on LOA Angels Team CF Ambassador

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    I'm sorry you are struggling with this, brother.
    I know how it feels.. I am homosexual and also have struggled with porn addiction. I don't know whether the feelings ever change... I got married in faith that God would change me. He hasn't yet, but I have been married for 19 years, have 4 children who are a huge blessing, and have been able to live with the fact that my desires are not really met.
    I love my husband as a friend, there isn't any physical attraction, but I can live with that..

    I hope that you can find peace with who you are and a way to live that honours God and allows you to be content. Praying for you :hug:
     
  5. tjwallace2

    tjwallace2 New Member

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    Last edited: May 25, 2010
  6. tjwallace2

    tjwallace2 New Member

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    Last edited: Jun 18, 2012
  7. Elvenkind

    Elvenkind Newbie

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    I really understand the frustration you must feel in this, and have a lack of words, just respect that you stay true to your faith. I said a prayer from the heart to you, and hope you find a place in life where you get rest from all that bothers you.
     
  8. ZBehr

    ZBehr Newbie

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    I totally understand how you feel. I've struggled with homosexuality for most of my life, and I lived a gay lifestyle until about six years ago, and through celibacy and self control, and of course a good solid relationship with God, I'm now Im able to live a good Christian lifestyle free of homosexuality.

    Of Course Its not a 'hetero' lifestyle like you asked about. Like you, Ive never had any interest in the opposite sex either, and I honestly dont see any point in trying to be something that Im not. Besides, you dont have to be heterosexual to be free of homosexuality. Thats the last thing you should be worrying about. The important thing here is to get rid of the sin in your life, and all the problems you have, all the worries and concerns, just surrender it all to God, and keep him in the center of your life.

    Remember God has a plan for you, and he has a reason for everything.
    Ill pray for you!
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2010
  9. ZBehr

    ZBehr Newbie

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    Last edited: May 29, 2010
  10. writergirl4god

    writergirl4god Newbie

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    Amen! Very well said ZBehr, and I absolutely agree with you. Thanks for sharing your experience and wisdom. :)
     
  11. jgt50

    jgt50 Newbie

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    First I want to know if your going to church? if you are then ask your pastor you need to speak to him privately on this matter. if you don't go to church find a good bible based church and start going and get to know the pastor. This will take time as all struggles do. each day study the bible and repent of your sin. Do not get worried or anxious about stopping all at once. it takes time. God loves you very much and he will help you. seek help of friends who are christains if you have any that love you and will stand by and support you. never give up hope. Jesus died to free us of the chains of sin and his gospels set us free. So start with one day at a time.
    God bless you.
     
  12. lordworshipper

    lordworshipper Free minded rational believer

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    I know exactly how you feel. I tried to date women on several occasions whom I was friends with, with the hopes of becoming straight (my friend's advice). I have a number of friends who've tried Exodus, and it's failed. One told me privately he's only pretending it worked, when in reality, he's scared because it didn't.

    It's hard growing up being among the 10% of those who aren't straight. If you don't want to be homosexual, too bad, that's the way you are born, or at least that's what nature seems to be telling me. So I have to cope with my attractions and not feed into them, I need to be at the very least celibate, and maintain my faithfulness to my God who seems to ignore me, sometimes it seems like no one is there. Perhaps he thinks I'm an abomination? Perhaps I'm just being tested?

    The best thing you can do, is to search within yourself, think about what is more important to you, obeying the Bible or giving in to sexual urges? Though love and accept yourself for who you are, or you won't be successful. Don't run from it, just keep it within, as it will only catch up.

    Others know your struggle full well!
     
  13. writergirl4god

    writergirl4god Newbie

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    It makes me sad that you wonder if God thinks you are an abomination. (Really - I got teary when I read that.) You are not!!!!

    I disagree that people are born homosexual, but I do think that there can be a genetic predisposition towards it, and that the other contributing factors (environmental/social/emotional) often happen so early in life that it can feel that way. I have talked to some people who have experienced a change in their 'orientation', so I know that for some people it does happen. I also know some for whom it has not happened and probably won't. I very much admire that you are choosing celibacy and obedience to God.

    Every person has some overwhelming temptation to deal with. I don't envy those who are dealing with homosexuality - that's a particularly difficult one - but please know that you are not singled out as 'particularly bad' because of these temptations. God is there, He is listening, and you are just as redeemed as any other Christian. I'm praying for you, and for the OP, tonight.

    Love in Christ,
    Jess
     
  14. lordworshipper

    lordworshipper Free minded rational believer

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    What sorts of enviromental, social and emotional factors?

    They're lucky if they became straight, I wish I could do that.

    Thank you for your support! I really appreciate it!

    Sometimes it seems like he's not there, and not listening. And never once has it gotten any easier, it only seems to get worse.
     
  15. ianjones

    ianjones Newbie

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    Dear Danny,

    As I write this my heart bleeds for you. I am almost in tears as I write this, because I am in the same boat as you. I, too, struggle with homosexual feelings, and sometimes even give in to gay porn (coupled with masterbation) to satisfy my "need". I am always sad, even when I smile. Thoughts of suicide make me feel good. I'm in my 30s now and have been struggling with this for almost 15 years now.
    I wish the Lord would just take me home. I hate sinning. The worst moments for me are when I thought I've conquered the desire, and my thoughts and heart are 100% devoted to God, an attractive guy walks past me and I just unknowingly stare and admire him and even fantasize about being with him, etc. Then when I come to myself I realize what just happened, and I return to my depressed self. I think, "Will I ever be free of this???"

    When I sin in this way, I find that it's hard to run to God for forgiveness, and hard to read my Bible. I feel so hypocritical, so wicked. But I forget that no matter how much I sin or how evil I am, Jesus' love for me is infinitely greater than all that.

    Also, about 5 years ago, I gave in to my desires and met up with someone and we had sex. I gratified my desires and for the moment it was wonderful. But it didn't last. Soon after, extreme guilt set in. And it has lasted to this day. Believe me when I say that there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about what I did. And I can't go back in time and fix it. Please don't make the same mistake I made! Whatever you do, don't lose your virginity until marriage. And don't ever have sex with another man. If you're a Christian this will devestate you. It will.
    I cry almost daily because of my sin.
    I can't come to grips with it. My problem is not really that I've sinned, but I question if I'm saved and whether the Lord loves me or not.
    Why would I continue in it for so long if I'm a Christian?

    Well, those are my problems. For you, I would just encourage you to devote your thoughts and prayers to the Lord, praying for deliverance. Our home is not in this life anyway. It is in heaven. We should not value the things of this world too much. Glorify God in your life. Please don't give in to your desires to look at gay porn. The first compromise is the biggest defeat. Don't do it. If you're too weak, move your computer to an open place where other people are. Never be alone with your computer. Because once you fall, it will be easier to do it again and again. And this will slowly destroy you on the inside. I know.
    And I understand these truths as well. I wish I was stronger.
    And it is possible to be free of this and find a strong attraction to women. But your love must always be centered on Christ. And you will draw closer to Him and His will for you.

    Please pray for me and I will surely be praying for you.

    - Ian
     
  16. ianjones

    ianjones Newbie

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    Lordworshipper, your post makes me super sad. Mainly because I feel your pain. I know where you're coming from. I, myself, am an extremely sensitive guy. Probably why a lot of people think I may be gay.
    I would like to encourage you to look to the Lord as a God who loves His children. Why would He save you if He thought you were an abomination?

    I pray that the Lord would help you as you deal with these desires of yours. Please don't despair. I know it seems like it's getting worse. It's been the same for me.
    It's not really the sexual desires for me (anymore - although I still fall there too). I really just want to be held. Does that seem weird? I can imagine a girl hugging me and holding me and the pain melting away. And it seems nice. But if I also imagine and guy (who I found attractive) doing the same thing, my heart beats stronger for that. It's like a super deep longing. Why? I ask myself that daily. And why won't the Lord deliver me if I'm a Christian?
    I live alone in my house. And sometimes I am so overcome with lonliness that I break down in tears, crying out to God for help. It seems as if He's not there. It seems as if I'm pouring out my heart to the ceiling.
    The only thing that saves me from complete insanity is my faith and belief in the truth of God's Word. I believe it with all that is within me. I have (surprisingly) found it to be stronger than anything in my life. I might believe that I'm unsaved sometimes, but the truth of the Gospel is what I hold onto in dark times.

    You are in my prayers. Please pray for me.

    - Ian
     
  17. jacobpressures

    jacobpressures Newbie

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    I've not read all the posts here. But I'm an exgay virgin. I struggle with the same problem. I can give you some help if you like. Email me at my username at yahoo. I can give you a lot of information. There are tons of resources for people who struggle with this problem. There is no reason to feel alone anymore.

    best wishes. I hope you see my reply.
     
  18. jacobpressures

    jacobpressures Newbie

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    Check out these organizations. They are a tremendous help.

    PeopleCanChange (dot) com
    This is a secular organization. if you are looking for help that purely focuses on this problem rather than having to deal with platitudes, I'd recommend this organization. They have an online forum and they have retreats. It is a very active organization designed to help people to actually resolve their same-sex attraction. They are willing to help you understand and allow you to develop your own path. Everyone is different.

    There other organizations like Exodus. This organization is religious. Some people like this appoarch. but i like to personally keep my psychology and religion separate.

    I can answer any questions you have have.

    There are a lot of books you can read

    Reparative Therapy for Male Homosexuality by Joseph Nicolosi
    Coming Out Straight by Richard Cohen
    Battle for Normality by Aardweg


    I suggest you go online to PCC and join their online forum. When i joined 7 years ago, it was a powerful resource. I learned a lot and learned how to keep SSA from destroying my life. When i went i thought SSA was going to conquer me, but now i am in full control of my same-sex attractions. I live a happy life and from that site i've found friends who are also succeeding and who help me feel like a valid and beloved member of society.

    You will be amazed at what you can accomplish! Avoid the naysayers. Everyone's experience is different. There is a growing number of us who are finding success.

    Same-sex attraction (Ssa) can become a non-issue. If you have any questions or anything feel free to email me at the above address. jacobp.... at yahoo
     
  19. ianjones

    ianjones Newbie

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    Thank you Jacob. Your posts are very kind. I think I might email you. I don't know how these other guys are dealing with their feelings, but for me I'm in a lot of pain. Lonliness and struggling with these desires is driving me insane. I once thought I had it all under control, but lately I've really been under attack.

    T_T
     
  20. Dragons87

    Dragons87 The regal Oriental kind; not evil princess-napper

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    I've got a very similar story. Check out my (albeit short) testimony in my signature! I'm now seeing a pastor for counselling every month. We're working through some issues of my childhood and upbringing. While I don't know whether my sexuality will ever change, I am seeing myself and my past with a whole new light, helping me to overcome of the psychological and social blocks I have developed with dealing with those feelings.

    God may not grant us our every wish, but we can be sure he has our best interests at heart. :)
     
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