Things went completely off the rails for me beginning in childhood. I've only barely started to turn my life around since going to college at 25. I'm now 31, less than 3 months from my BA. But I still struggle so badly.
No one knows it. I excel academically. 4.0 GPA, already accepted into a Master's program. But I'm barely, barely getting by.
I'm completely socially isolated, have enormous problems socially for myriad reasons, have phobias that make it really hard to get or keep a job (not that I can this semester, since I'm taking 7 classes). It's really scary for me to confront anyone or stand up for myself, even when I know it's the right thing to do (and more often, I'm really confused).
I'm having huge interpersonal issues with roommates right now, as well as a college instructor, on top of being terrified of running out of money, which will happen shortly after I graduate. Between then and the time I start grad school in about mid-August, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself for money. I'm going to look into taking out another loan over the weekend. But my credit has been affected recently.
God keeps promising to take care of me, and I was carried along placidly enough for months, but recently, I've somehow let the worry in again, and it's been trying to take over and complete displace my peace and trust in God.
I'm just so worried about finding a job, problems at work, keeping a job...getting through the summer until grad school. It's only about 3 months. But I just don't know how I'll manage.
I know being alone and having no support is a huge part of the problem for me. I've always been really sensitive and affective, and just never had an outlet for any of that. I'm really scared of people in general.
Plus, I've been suicidal on and off since last May or so. The last couple of months have been much better, but the last few weeks, especially since financial worries got worse again, I've really been struggling. I don't know where to turn for help. I'm praying non-stop, of course. I keep going to church, too, but that's no help, at least not in terms of the people. I can't bear to be this close to a new life, when so many changes are within reach. I know God has brought me this far, and wants me to reach all of that; I just feel overwhelmed sometimes, and it feels so hard.
People around me keep packing on more things when I'm already struggling so much, and I just try not to think of the straw that broke the camel's back.
No one knows it. I excel academically. 4.0 GPA, already accepted into a Master's program. But I'm barely, barely getting by.
I'm completely socially isolated, have enormous problems socially for myriad reasons, have phobias that make it really hard to get or keep a job (not that I can this semester, since I'm taking 7 classes). It's really scary for me to confront anyone or stand up for myself, even when I know it's the right thing to do (and more often, I'm really confused).
I'm having huge interpersonal issues with roommates right now, as well as a college instructor, on top of being terrified of running out of money, which will happen shortly after I graduate. Between then and the time I start grad school in about mid-August, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself for money. I'm going to look into taking out another loan over the weekend. But my credit has been affected recently.
God keeps promising to take care of me, and I was carried along placidly enough for months, but recently, I've somehow let the worry in again, and it's been trying to take over and complete displace my peace and trust in God.
I'm just so worried about finding a job, problems at work, keeping a job...getting through the summer until grad school. It's only about 3 months. But I just don't know how I'll manage.
I know being alone and having no support is a huge part of the problem for me. I've always been really sensitive and affective, and just never had an outlet for any of that. I'm really scared of people in general.
Plus, I've been suicidal on and off since last May or so. The last couple of months have been much better, but the last few weeks, especially since financial worries got worse again, I've really been struggling. I don't know where to turn for help. I'm praying non-stop, of course. I keep going to church, too, but that's no help, at least not in terms of the people. I can't bear to be this close to a new life, when so many changes are within reach. I know God has brought me this far, and wants me to reach all of that; I just feel overwhelmed sometimes, and it feels so hard.
People around me keep packing on more things when I'm already struggling so much, and I just try not to think of the straw that broke the camel's back.
