Struggle w/ Schizoaffective want to be healed/get better

[JeremyColosi]

I struggle with this disorder and want to get better. I also feel I struggle with depression and oppression. I pray to God a lot. I try to read the Word but I hate reading. I feel like I reject reality cuz of the illness and am afraid that I don't accept the truth. It doesn't click for me or make sense that Jesus' death pays for my sins. I can't visualize it and make it make sense to me. I think I sorta comprehend it and accept it as making sense. I pray to God and pray that I accept everything about what He did on the Cross and His Resurrection from the dead. But it just doesn't click or make perfect sense for me. Thanks for listening - Jeremy

 

[blessedbethyname101]

Jeremy,

The first priority is to take your meds. I also have the same illness and cannot stress how important taking medication really is for one's recovery. After you are feeling in tuned with reality from the effect of taking meds, then you can appreciate God's word and life itself. While the meds are taking effect, I would just take it easy and not try to analyze too much. While off meds, I never read the Bible. I was too psychotic. Now, taking my meds, I feel at ease reading the Word and understanding its meaning. I think the meds help with comprehension and other cognitive abilities, such as memory. I hope that you are on medications that are helping you. Finding the right meds that help is also a battle. I went through a laundry list of meds before I finally found one that helped me function at a high level. I know I am not cured by my meds but understand that I am more in tune with reality and can function highly with my meds which I take daily. I hope a similar situation for you. I have been through what you have gone through- depression, psychosis, suicidal thoughts, etc. God is there for you always. He knows what you are going through and turning to Him and His word is good but knowing the meaning of His word requires comprehension. Comprehension is helped by meds that we need for our recovery and also our ability to live within reality. Life has improved for me since I have been compliant with taking my meds. I am doing a whole lot better due to my compliance and also because God has been there for me in my time of need. May you always walk with the Lord. God bless!

 

[JeremyColosi]

Ty for the encouragement blessedbethyname101! I really appreciate it. I will always take my meds like I have been doing. It's good to know that it gets better! Yeah, when I was psychotic in the hospital trying to read the Bible didn't work out. I thought many verses were pointing to me going to hell. I've been reading a little but I think you're right in that you have to have a clear mind when reading the Bible to comprehend it. Hopefully that will get better in time and meds and therapy. Thanks again- Jay

 

[redblue22]

Jer, what is it that bothers you too much? Mental illness is a whole nest of things for most people. What is it that tears you up beyond all the other stuff you have to deal with?

 

[Razare]

Ty for the encouragement blessedbethyname101! I really appreciate it. I will always take my meds like I have been doing. It's good to know that it gets better! Yeah, when I was psychotic in the hospital trying to read the Bible didn't work out. I thought many verses were pointing to me going to hell. I've been reading a little but I think you're right in that you have to have a clear mind when reading the Bible to comprehend it. Hopefully that will get better in time and meds and therapy. Thanks again- Jay

Well, the thing with the Bible is when it says we're going to hell, it is not supposed to make us insanely terrified when that statement hits us.

Now, it did make me insane. God healed me of this insanity.

But if you're reading the Bible, and see a verse that "we're going to hell"... it's in there, yes, but God does not want us to be driven to madness with that fear. Rather, God just wants us to trust him to be free of hell through his son Jesus.

What you got to do, is get around mature Christians who live with Christ, and hear them minister about Jesus to you. It says faith comes by hearing the word of God!

And since it will be a mature Christian correctly interpreting the word, and you listening to the correct interpretation, then the emphasis will be correct. And the Holy Spirit will be working on you to help you.

I really suggest full gospel churches, I go to them. You get more of the Holy Spirit working on you at those kind of churches.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

I struggle with this disorder and want to get better. I also feel I struggle with depression and oppression. I pray to God a lot. I try to read the Word but I hate reading. I feel like I reject reality cuz of the illness and am afraid that I don't accept the truth. It doesn't click for me or make sense that Jesus' death pays for my sins. I can't visualize it and make it make sense to me. I think I sorta comprehend it and accept it as making sense. I pray to God and pray that I accept everything about what He did on the Cross and His Resurrection from the dead. But it just doesn't click or make perfect sense for me. Thanks for listening - Jeremy

God knows us better than we know our selves.

1Jn 3:20 For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.

Some times we feel condemned, but God knows the inner you, he sees your attempt to pray, he sees the bible reading. He sees you trying to believe, trying to read. He also knows your weaknesses.

The bible says:

Heb 6:10 For God is not unrighteous to forget your work and labour of love

The things that you do to try to connect with God he is not unjust to forget.

The thought might be, "well I don't really love God that much". But the bible says:

1Jn 4:10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

Few people truly love God with out first coming close to him, bypassing all the fears, getting to know the real Jesus. While we have a false image of a judgmental critical God, we will never be able to love Him. God understands all the bits of us, the bits that get bored, the bits that can't connect.

Gal 6:9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

Just keep pushing into Jesus, he has truly good plans for you.

 

[com7fy8]

I pray to God a lot.

Keep praying and develop in how you pray. We all need to grow, in Jesus, and with growing as His children we discover what we do, as we mature, and how we do things.

I try to read the Word but I hate reading.

You might feed on how a scripture can help us learn how to please God and how to relate in love . . . the love meaning, more than only an explanation.

I feel like I reject reality cuz of the illness and am afraid that I don't accept the truth.

Each of us can have problems which can trick us into supposing we are by ourselves, the only ones who have problems. This can keep us from sharing. So, it is good to share with others. It is good to know we have God, and to pray and to trust Him.

It doesn't click for me or make sense that Jesus' death pays for my sins.

Well, all of us can always learn more, I would say It makes sense to God

I think I sorta comprehend it and accept it as making sense.

We all have more to learn, and we keep growing and discovering

I pray to God and pray that I accept everything about what He did on the Cross and His Resurrection from the dead.

So, then, you are trusting Him to make you able. This is good, as much as we realize we need to totally depend on Him and His ability. Also, if God makes us able to do something, we are in union of sharing with Him, and this is special

But it just doesn't click or make perfect sense for me.

Well, how well could we make up for our own sins, being the way we are and have been? So, God had Jesus do what would make peace with Him, for us. But then . . . the Bible says we need to follow His example, of how He was loving, in the cross >

"And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma." (Ephesians 5:2)

As we get more into loving like Jesus did, on the cross, we discover how it makes sense to love like Jesus loves.