Spending the night at your boyfriend/girlfriend's place?

[Windmill]

I agree... if I were your girlfriends friend I'd tell her that you just ain't that into her! If gas money is a problem pay it. If seeing her is a problem go see her. Why don't you want to see her? If you don't have much of a desire to see her, then that is pretty telling of the relationship.

 

[bluelime2]

I think you're completely right to be concerned. I would be too. It is like living together in many ways when a girl sleeps over and it can create temptation that you shouldn't be having to deal with.
What if this relationship doesn't work out and you marry someone else? I wouldn't like to know that my husbands ex's had slept at his place on a regular basis. It creats an unhealthy dynamic.
Your girlfriend doesn't have the right to help herself to your house. You arn't married. You arn't engaged. She's pushing boundries and you're feeling uncomfortable about it because it's not right.

Stick to your guns. Tell her you don't like it, and work something else out. I would. Marriage is too precious and temptation can have serious consequences when we slip up. Wear down the boundries in one area and it can come back and tip over in another. It's not worth it.

In an emergency it's understandable. But on a regular basis it does compromise healthy christian standards, and it does create a bad impression. You're right that the bible tells us to 'avoid the appearence of evil'. And it isn't written as a suggestion. If your neighbours see your g/f's car outside your house on a regular basis, of course they can be expected to jump to certain conclusions.

Do what you know is right regardless of what anyone else says about it. You're the one who has to live out the consequences and why should you have to lower your standards to keep other christians happy? Gods opinion is the one that really counts. (And if your g/f doesn't respect your space and values then maybe you should get one who does. They are out there, and marriage is supposed to be for life.)

 

[latteda]

But it's not HIS house; it's his parents' house. And they're home when she's there.

I don't get it.

 

[Blank123]

when i was in a long distance relationship i would often stay at my bf's place simply because it was either that or sleep in his car, which in south Florida isn't the best or safest idea in the world... his grandparents and a couple other relatives lived there so we had plenty of people to keep us accountable. and frankly i think we shocked his aunt and cousins (who are not believers) by the fact that we did not sleep in the same room together. Whether or not it comes to anything we wound up standing for Christian morals and sticking to our principles and they know there was something different about the way we lived and handled our relationship.

bottom line is you're not treading a line of the appearance of evil. Your parents are there to keep you both accountable. Anyone who knows you two would know that. If you're dealing with some kind of personal temptation being that close to her then you've got a reason to stop and re-examine the current situation and try to find a new one that works for both of you. But from where i sit i don't see a problem with her spending the night once every week or two.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

If you really have these convictions about her sleeping at your parents' house while you're in it, instead of having her sleep in the car, give her your bed and you sleep in her car. Problem solved! She can stay over whenever she likes, your convictions are intact, and you showed her a Christlike, manly gesture.

For me personally, I didn't have any problem having my girlfriend/fiancee who is now my wife stay at my apartment when she visited (we lived approx 270 miles away from one another). Visiting her, however, posed to be more of a dilemma because she attended a Christian college which had pretty strict rules. Whenever I visited her I had to stay with her brother in the dorms. He didn't much care for that.

Speaking of which. Why are you so opposed to visiting and driving the distance to see her? You don't seem to have a problem with her driving the distance to see you. Who cares what city you'll be in since the primary focus is visiting her. I'd go anywhere to visit my wife.

 

[SiyoNqoba]

I feel really sorry for your girlfriend.

You don't care to drive that far? That would absolutely break my heart if my boyfriend said that to me. It would also break my heart if my boyfriend told me to stay elsewhere when I'd driven that far to see him.

You either don't care about her at all, or just don't see how good you have it. If you care about her and want to be with her, fix up your ideas and start treating her like you want to be with her. If you don't, let her go and be with someone who will drive that far.

 

[Blank123]

wow i actually missed seeing that he had no desire to drive that far to see her. I had to go back and reread the OP.

I agree. hearing something like that from your boyfriend (i thought the OP was supposed to be engaged actually, unless i'm confused) is one of the most heartbreaking things because it really does make it clear where he stands in the relationship. Why put the strain of keeping the relationship going all on her?

 

[wishbenash]

Put it like this.

If you can stay in the same house as your girl friend over night and not be tempted to have sex then go for it.

If you can stay in the same room as your girl friend over night and not be tempted to have sex then go for it.

If you can stay in the same bed as your girl friend over night and not be tempted to have sex then go for it.

If your tempted to have sex give each other some space and pray.
If you are so insecure in your own faith that you cant do any of these things then you should really be asking your self how strong your faith is.