My mom was spanked as a teenager right until she was 18 and engaged to marry my father. Her last spanking probably affected her the most. She was late coming home because my dad was on a missions assignment. She was with him and had no way to contact her parents. She tried in vein to help my dad understand how she couldn't be late but he had no idea why she was so anxious. He simply said her dad would understand because he was a pastor. She was too embarrassed to tell him what would happen if she came home late. They ended up coming home in the wee hours of the morning. My grandpa was pleasant to my dad, listened to what had happened and seemed fine. Once my dad left, my grandpa gave my mom one of the worst spankings she had ever received from him.
It took my mom years to get over it and it wasn't until my older brother was born when my mom even told my dad about it. It's taken years for my mom and grandpa to repair their relationship but thankfully they have. It's so hard for me to see my grandpa as someone who would do that to his 18 year old daughter. He's a completely different person now. He explained the pressures he was under as a pastor and how people judged him all the time. My mom was the youngest girl and had older rebellious sisters. Her dad felt he had let his older girls run wild and it was his fault. He had purposed in his mind to not let it happen to his youngest child. Parenting is hard I guess and being a pastor makes it even harder...that stupid fishbowl mentality...your life is on stage for all to see and judge.
It is such a pity, that a cycle, it has repeated itself, in your family. I remember, very well, the thread, in the Baptist section, about your father, spanking you. It had affected you, deeply, just as with your grandfather, abusing your mum. Your father, he is a pastor, also, yes? You, are 18. Engaged to be married. Same, also, as with your mum. I felt, so terrible for you, reading what you wrote. Confused, also, as it is so abnormal, to me. In Sweden, spanking a child, of any age, that is strictly prohibited. To beat a teenage woman, that is not punishment, no. That is domestic assault. It was unbelievable, to me, that your father, did this, to you. You had written, at the same time, all these posts, that were disparaging, of women. You wrote, that women, they are built with leaks in them. Women, they are not capable, of being leaders. Women, they are not to work, outside the home. Women, they are to be submissive & obedient, to their husbands. Etc, etc. I admit, that I was suspicious, of you, then. This made me suspect, if maybe, you were secretly, a man, pretending to a woman, making up a bizarre story, about dominating, abusing a poor girl. This sort of thing, it does happen, on the internet. I know now, that this, it is not so. I think, those posts, about women, maybe, it pieces together, with the abuse, of you, and your mum?
Does your mum know, about these sick punishments, from your father? Does she realise, how traumatising, they are, for you? I read your thread again, in the spring. When I knew, that you were true. I cried. I do not cry, so often. Your heart-break, from what he's done, to you, it was so clear. If your mum, if she was abused, in her teens, by her father, the same way, it is hard to understand, why she has not protected you. Why, would she let, the same thing, happen to you. Why, your father, would do that, to you, knowing, how traumatising, it had been, to his wife. Even, if your father, if he doesn't beat you, as savagely, it's still, very obvious, that it is harmful. That was very evident, yes. If your mum feels, she must be submissive, to your father, as his wife, maybe this is why, she did not stand up, to him, to protect you. She is in grave error. Jesus, he would not find this, to be acceptable, no. Wives, they do not have to accept, such things, against themselves, or their children. She has the duty, to not let him, mistreat you. It's also, illegal, yes? I remember that, being discussed, on your thread. The laws, in Canada. I do not understand, a pastor, breaking the law, especially, in such a way. It is beyond defence.
I want you to know, that it is permissible, for you to stand up, for yourself. You can love your father, and still, refuse to accept, his abuse. That's not being disobedient, no. You do not have to accept abuse, from anyone. This, you need to know. It is not true, that women, have to be submissive, to their husbands, when they are doing something wrong, no. I want you to know, if you marry, have children, that you can tell your husband, no, if he does the same thing, to them. You can keep this cycle, from repeating itself, again.
