Son with aspergers not doing well

[anma]

Keep the pressure off, he needs to find it in his own time, wait for opportunities to talk or address things, but dont push it onto him or he may pull further away. Arrange a movie night at home. The less pressured more likely he will talk. What about his dad?

Ok, going a bit deep here, but if his dad is emotionally distant, its possible that how joe feels about God. Its quite common that our views of parents affect our views if God. Worth calmly and peacefully praying through. Think you are in for a bit of a journey with it. Prayer needs to be your best friend.

I'm just seeing this thread now and don't know if your son went to church that Sunday you were referring to, but you can't force him to do something he doesn't want to do.

Praying for wisdom and guidance for you in this whole situation and that God would 'talk' to your son in a way that is very clear to him.

Gillian

Locum, I understand about the pressure and his own time, and I do try to talk to him when I think it is OK, but it seems that he just doesn't want to talk, he gets angry.
Also, I understand about the distance part due to his dad being distant from all of this. I went through my own issues with my dad as a child, and still sometimes to this day wonder if my belief is just going to be all a joke on me. Now, I have talked to Joe about these thought processes, and he is full of wisdom from God with it. So, it shocks me when he has issues with God.

Gillian, Yes he did go to church, and we have changed churches and the pastor is fabulous, and teaches the bible as it should be taught. I think Joe might have been struggling a bit with leaving the other church since he was baptised there and re dedicated his life to God there.

Now he no longer says that he won't go to church, at leat so far. I have been praying for him. He has a spitefullness within him. He is late to work a lot when he is placed at this one school that he works at sometimes. He doesn't like the person that is the lead there and thinks that it is OK to be late if you don't like something.

He still has a lot of growing to do as a person, and to learn responsibilities in the right way, if that makes sense?

I admit, I have much to learn about aspergers.

 

[BryanMaloney]

Contrary to the beliefs of the ignorant, we don't just fly off the handle for no reason at all. There are concrete reasons that we become "difficult". If you want to help, find out what the specific events were. Then, DO NOT ACT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON! What normies do when something triggers us and they find out what did it is to downplay it, pooh-pooh it, tell us how it's not that big a deal. That's a great way to tell us that we're stupid, broken, bad, and wrong.

That a normie doesn't understand how something might be a big deal doesn't mean it isn't a big deal, it just means that the normie is unable and unwilling to step outside his little mind box and see the world in a different way.

 

[anma]

Contrary to the beliefs of the ignorant, we don't just fly off the handle for no reason at all. There are concrete reasons that we become "difficult". If you want to help, find out what the specific events were. Then, DO NOT ACT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON! What normies do when something triggers us and they find out what did it is to downplay it, pooh-pooh it, tell us how it's not that big a deal. That's a great way to tell us that we're stupid, broken, bad, and wrong.

That a normie doesn't understand how something might be a big deal doesn't mean it isn't a big deal, it just means that the normie is unable and unwilling to step outside his little mind box and see the world in a different way.

Bryan,
I try to understand what it is that sets him off.

Like right now he is doing horrible. He works for the township at the school system as a maintenance type person. He doesn't mind a couple of the schools, but others he doesn't like the leaders. So he is at those schools right now and will deliberately make himself late to work.

He curses a bit when he is like this, and is just miserable. Now no parent wants to see their child like this. I have tried to talk to him, but he gets angry. I try to get him to have a conversation without being angry, just talk to me and help me to understand.

He was bullied in school before we even knew that he had Asperger, and it seems like if someone does something to him that he doesn't like, such as being scheduled at a school that he doesn't like the leadership in, he gets angry.

I want to understand him, and aspergers. I'm just at a loss right now on how to handle things, even what to pray for anymore.

 

[Darkhorse]

Pray for wisdom and understanding (I will too).

Try to not get discouraged.

 

[anma]

Pray for wisdom and understanding (I will too).

Try to not get discouraged.

Thank you for your prayers Darkhorse. I have been just about continually in prayer the past couple of days, asking for guidance on what to do and how to handle the situation.

I asked him if he wanted to read, but he said no. I asked him if he wanted to talk, he said no. I told him that I just wanted to understand what he is feeling. He said that he isn't feeling anything at all

 

[Darkhorse]

My boys get that way too sometimes, especially the younger one.

Does he like hugs? Sometimes hugs are better than words.

 

[anma]

My boys get that way too sometimes, especially the younger one.

Does he like hugs? Sometimes hugs are better than words.

Hi Darkhorse,

How do you handle it when he gets like this?

When he is in a good mood he will accept hugs and I tell him that I love him. Although even when he is like this, I always tell him that I love him.

 

[Darkhorse]

When my younger son gets angry, it's often very difficult to get him out of it.

He often spends half an hour or so grumbling to himself.

I usually try to explain the essence of the conflict (as I understand it) and acknowledge his position (as I understand it). If he becomes disrespectful (which is frequent), I warn him of the possible effects of disrespect (losing computer time), and leave him alone to cool off. It may take an hour or more.

He loves hugs, but they don't do much good when he's really angry.

 

[anma]

When my younger son gets angry, it's often very difficult to get him out of it.

He often spends half an hour or so grumbling to himself.

I usually try to explain the essence of the conflict (as I understand it) and acknowledge his position (as I understand it). If he becomes disrespectful (which is frequent), I warn him of the possible effects of disrespect (losing computer time), and leave him alone to cool off. It may take an hour or more.

He loves hugs, but they don't do much good when he's really angry.

This is going on a couple of days now. He doesn't like the school that he is working at right now. He says that the leader is unappreciative of what he does. He is like this with another school, but worse in that one. With the other school there are a lot of people who have issues with the leader.

He will leave so that he is going to make himself late. Every day I pray that God will speak to him and let him know that he has to leave by a certain time.

I have been trying to get him to get a car now. He is 23 and able to drive. I tried to explain to him that if he had a car he wouldn't be sitting in his room all the time. He just comes out to get a drink and to eat, that is it. He still has a lot of social issues.

I would love to see him come out of his room, more.

Darkhorse, I really appreciate you responding and taking the time to help me out. You just don't know how much your support means to me. After your reply yesterday about not giving up and that you are praying and for me to keep praying, I had a sense of peace around me the rest of the day.

And for those that have aspergers and reply to help me out, I appreciate you also. Because he was diagnosed so late in life, it is harder to work on this with him.

 

[Darkhorse]

After your reply yesterday about not giving up and that you are praying and for me to keep praying, I had a sense of peace around me the rest of the day.

Thank you. We serve an awesome God!

 

[anma]

Thank you. We serve an awesome God!

Yes we do. And I am so happy to be called a Christian, A Child of God.

 

[NIrelandGillian]

It's great that you two have found each other and can share with and pray for each other and, of course, there will be others of us who will also be praying for both of you and your families, including your care-ees.

From my experience I have learned that if you ask someone with Asperger Syndrome how they feel about something, they cannot put their answer into words, but if you let them talk when they're ready they can begin to put something together as an explanation of how they're feeling.

Gilli