Sometimes I cannot forgive some people

[Grafted In]

If the murderer of my mother is executed, I will feel that this is what he deserves.
What's wrong with me?
Everyone is responsible for his own deed.

If that is what is decided in a court of law I agree with you.
But forgiving is something you do for yourself. You will have more joy in your life and you will be better able to love and be loved by others in your life.
Believe me, I spent nearly 35 years carrying a heavy load of unforgiveness and bitterness. It will rob you in some way of a full and happy life.
Don't make the same mistake I made. Look to God for the strength to forgive. In a severe situation like yours it is highly unlikely you can forgive that person on your own strength.

 

[brinny]

did someone rape your daughter? Thats terrible.
I would find that very hard to forgive, but God can help us forgive if that person is repentant. If he is not, you do not need to forgive but you need to let Go and let God deal with this person. Don't try to take vengeance, this belongs to God.

Salvation is a free gift and depends on your own belief and faith in who Jesus is, not other peoples. After you are saved you may find it easier to start forgiving people, in fact God will show you the people you need to forgive.

Blessed response sister.

It's that we "let go" as we just "give" it to God.

In the meantime He ministers to us, the "wounded", as only He can do as He heals us and grants us what we need, including the grace to forgive the unforgivable, for the grace and able-ness to do so comes from "Him", and not "us".

Thank you for sharing your wisdom in this very "quicksand-like" and potentially "hurtful" subject for those who have already been multiply traumatised. For if it is not approached with wisdom and grace, it further traumatises the already wounded.

God bless you.

 

[ChristianFromKazakhstan]

If someone murdered my mother, and God asked me,"Will you forgive him?"
I replied,"God, honestly speaking, I can't forgive him but hate him. "
How can I lie to God?
God knows my heart.
If I said I can forgive the murderer, I am lying to God.
Will God be happy with a lie answer?

Your forgiveness is between you and God. Your forgiveness does not save the unrepentant bad person. Your unforgiveness does not send them to hell. Your honest confession of lack of forgiveness is what God expects. Nothing special about unforgiveness. All do it. You give examples of being most strongly angry with the bad person and your total inability to forgive. Lesson can be extremely hard, but it doesn't change the lesson. Must forgive. No way around it. You yourself can't? It's OK. God can and will help. It's life. Easy lessons, hard lessons. No way around it.

 

[Jesus_is_Saint]

To which extent that God wants us to forgive? Did the bible explain that? 77 times?
I may tell God that I forgive the murderer of my mother, but is my forgiveness sincere? I can speak out that I forgive, but in my heart I actually hate the murderer, then what's the point of forgiving him? Am I not a hypocrite?

 

[ChristianFromKazakhstan]

To which extent that God wants us to forgive? Did the bible explain that? 77 times?
I may tell God that I forgive the murderer of my mother, but is my forgiveness sincere? I can speak out that I forgive, but in my heart I actually hate the murderer, then what's the point of forgiving him? Am I not a hypocrite?

Jesus said, forgive your brother up to 70 times 7 or 490 times. Meaning: keep forgiving always.

Forgiveness must be complete, unconditional, sincere. Jesus said, love and bless your enemies, do good to those who do evil to you, who persecute you.

Forgiveness doesn't mean endorsing the perpetrator or their sinful act. It doesn't mean forgetting what happened, or pretending it never happened. It means, complete purging of your heart of anger and treating the sinner as somebody for whom Jesus has died also.

This is only possible if you look at your enemies with the eyes of Jesus. That is, with ultimate love and acceptance. When people were mocking, torturing, killing the Son of God, He said, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing.

It is humanly impossible to show such forgiveness. But whatever is impossible to people, is possible to God. So, ask for His help. For strength and ability to forgive. It will come in time. Ask for His kind of love. Even to the worst of scum who did such awful thing to you or your loved one. They don't understand. They don't know. They don't see. They are in the worst of delusions and sin. They need forgiveness from God, most of all.

All people are in equal position before the Creator. We are all sinful and need forgiveness from Him. He provided the forgiveness to us through the shedding of the blood of Jesus Christ as sacrifice for all sin on the cross. It is the ultimate, and the most powerful source of all forgiveness.

 

[Jesus_is_Saint]

Forgiveness does not mean tolerating sin. Right?

 

[ChristianFromKazakhstan]

Forgiveness does not mean tolerating sin. Right?

No. Sin is unacceptible. Forgiveness is the state of your heart. Forgiveness is the act of love. Extending grace and mercy to people in the same we were extended grace and mercy from God. And no revenge for sin, God says.

BTW for me forgiving has been a struggle, too.

 

[ChristianFromKazakhstan]

Before being angry with anyone. Even with the worst, most terrible person who has committed the most awful, unimaginable thing. We must remember our own enormous debt before our Heavenly Father, and His grace towards us. We must remember that God loves all people equally. It's what Jesus is teaching us:

Mathew 18:21-35 (New Living Translation)

21 Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”

22 “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!

23 “Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. 24 In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. 25 He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt.

26 “But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ 27 Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.

28 “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment.

29 “His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. 30 But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.

31 “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened.32 Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ 34 Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.

35 “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.”

Footnotes:

1. 18:21 Greek my brother.
2. 18:22 Or seventy-seven times.
3. 18:24 Greek 10,000 talents [375 tons or 340 metric tons of silver].
4. 18:28 Greek 100 denarii. A denarius was equivalent to a laborer’s full day’s wage.
5. 18:35 Greek your brother.

Ephesians 4:17-32 (New Living Translation)

17 With the Lord’s authority I say this: Live no longer as the Gentiles do, for they are hopelessly confused. 18 Their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against him. 19 They have no sense of shame. They live for lustful pleasure and eagerly practice every kind of impurity.

20 But that isn’t what you learned about Christ. 21 Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, 22 throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. 23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.

25 So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. 26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.”Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

28 If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. 29 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

30 And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.

31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

Footnotes:

1. 4:26 Ps 4:4.
2. 4:30 Or has put his seal on you.

 

[Jesus_is_Saint]

Maybe God just wants us to forgive brothers and sisters in Christ,
excluding the pagans. Possible?

 

[ChristianFromKazakhstan]

Maybe God just wants us to forgive brothers and sisters in Christ,
excluding the pagans. Possible?

No. Absolutely not. It totally goes against God's nature, and against God's truth in His Word. Jesus Christ died for all people and extended them forgiveness, while they were yet sinners. Why would He require a different kind of behaviour from us, His children? We are commanded to copy Him in everything. Forgiveness is part of love. Show love to some people, and not show it to the rest? How is it possible?

14 “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. 15 But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Mathew 6:14-15 NLT)

25 But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too. (Mark 11:25)

9 There will be trouble and calamity for everyone who keeps on doing what is evil—for the Jew first and also for the Gentile. 10 But there will be glory and honor and peace from God for all who do good—for the Jew first and also for the Gentile. 11 For God does not show favoritism. (Romans 2:9-11 NLT)

45 “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. 46 If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. 47 If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. 48 But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect. (Mathew 5:45-48).

6 When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. 7 Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. 8 But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. (Romans 5:6-8 NLT)

Yes, it does say "your brother" in Mathew 18. It's not the blood relation or spiritual kinship that's emphasized there, but the refusal to forgive, to forgive anyone. The question was asked about a brother. But Jesus explains the universal principle - you must forgive, because God forgave you more that you can ever forgive anyone.

In Galatians it says "forgiving one another", but it doesn't specify if a certain group of people is implied. It's talking about the whole world.

 

[insurchoftruth]

Forgiveness is a choice, based on us deciding and willing to forgive, and is not based on emotion! We want to forgive, because God commanded us to forgive as he has forgiven us! It is a willing decision to do good in words and deeds to those who do us wrong, despite the fact, that we may feel angry about them!

 

[Jesus_is_Saint]

Do I need to mention the names of everyone I want to forgive?
Or I just tell God that "God, I forgive those who offended me."

 

[Radrook]

Are we to live by what you see? Or by the word of God....

As I previously said, the Word of God tells us to imitate him and he does not forgive all sin.
He requires repentance in order to forgive. The willfully disobedient and unrepentant remain unforgiven and are tagged for destruction. Perhaps you are striving to create a concept of God that doesn't take this crucial fact into consideration. Please examine it closely.

 

[Alithis]

As I previously said, the Word of God tells us to imitate him and he does not forgive all sin.
He requires repentance in order to forgive. The willfully disobedient and unrepentant remain unforgiven and are tagged for destruction. Perhaps you are striving to create a concept of God that doesn't take this crucial fact into consideration. Please examine it closely.

he does ,he is God . we are not - he tells us" For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.".. so when men sin against us we display the same grace god shows us , we love . love holds no record of wrong .. no record of wrong sure sounds like forgiveness to me .and since Unforgiveness is a sin so dire that god will not forgive it ,i think it is safe enough to assume that we should forgive all men their sin against us .As that would be love to do so .
note:we are not forgiving their sin against God,we are forgiving their sin against ourselves which means we release them into the hands of the only one who has the righteousness and and knowledge to judge them In justice .for he alone has not sinned .

 

[Radrook]

he does ,he is God . we are not - he tells us" For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.".. so when men sin against us we display the same grace god shows us , we love . love holds no record of wrong .. no record of wrong sure sounds like forgiveness to me .and since Unforgiveness is a sin so dire that god will not forgive it ,i think it is safe enough to assume that we should forgive all men their sin against us .As that would be love to do so .
note:we are not forgiving their sin against God,we are forgiving their sin against ourselves which means we release them into the hands of the only one who has the righteousness and and knowledge to judge them In justice .for he alone has not sinned .

That has to be understood in the context of his example. The fact that I choose not to forgive an unrepentant sinner doesn't mean that I judge him as unworthy of forgiveness by God.
Perhaps God in his infinite wisdom will find cause for forgiveness. But since I am not God I cannot be expected to have such deep insight. So in accordance with my ability and in imitation of how God himself operates I imitate him by not forgiving an unrepentant sinner. In short, my imitation of God cannot be expected to be perfect due to my human limitations.

 

[Jesus_is_Saint]

So, can you teach me how to forgive the murderer of my mother?

 

[Sketcher]

To clarify:

The murderer of your mother and the rapist of your daughter are just hypotheticals, right? Neither of these things actually happened to you/your family?

 

[Jesus_is_Saint]

If I say I forgive the offenders for the sake of God, is my forgiveness sincere?
Or I tell God, I carry this burden to you, let You forgive him on my behalf.

 

[Alithis]

That has to be understood in the context of his example. The fact that I choose not to forgive an unrepentant sinner doesn't mean that I judge him as unworthy of forgiveness by God.
Perhaps God in his infinite wisdom will find cause for forgiveness. But since I am not God I cannot be expected to have such deep insight. So in accordance with my ability and in imitation of how God himself operates I imitate him by not forgiving an unrepentant sinner. In short, my imitation of God cannot be expected to be perfect due to my human limitations.

i did not say you judge any one unworthy .
but i did point out what Jesus said ,, "if you do not forgive men their sins neither will your heavenly father forgive yours ."

nothing you have said annuls this , why would you seek reason to not forgive after God has so graciously forgiven us our debt .

 

[Alithis]

If I say I forgive the offenders for the sake of God, is my forgiveness sincere?
Or I tell God, I carry this burden to you, let You forgive him on my behalf.

tell me what you think forgiveness is ?