Something I want to get off my mind.

[Gilbert 61]

Guys, I know the question has been asked many times about why do girls go for the jerks.

I am going to tell you, no matter what your not going to get the answer that you want. Instead of asking those questions, trust me I have asked many times myself, and to no avail. The answer to this on the guys side. Instead of asking that question, because even if you didn't mean to, your going to hurt girls that you care about with it. Why not just build the confidence of the girls around you. It all in my humble opinion comes down to self-confidence. So, instead of breaking them down with those questions and accept that it's going to happen. And build their confidence.

Believe me, I don't like that it happens, and women have told me many times that there should be more guys like me. I tell them, if we weren't push to the side more then there would be. I have a hard time hearing this, I want very badly to meet the girl God wants me to marry. Gosh I would love to meet her today if I could. Simple fact no matter what I do is going to change my past. I feel the emotional pain from it everyday. I try to fake being happy, most of the time, I'm not. I hate waking up to the very real fear that I will be single my whole life. I have fallen off point.

The point is, don't worry why girls go after jerks. Instead just help build their confidence.

 

[MacFall]

Seconded.

 

[broken_one]

Yeah....

Basically what you have to do is think of women as a Tickle-Me Elmo doll (lol). They're going fast. And the people with a lot of money (the jerks) get a better chance at them. But unless you stand in line, you're not getting one period. Better the chance to get one rather than nothing at all.

 

[Obzocky]

Yeah....

Basically what you have to do is think of women as a Tickle-Me Elmo doll (lol). They're going fast. And the people with a lot of money (the jerks) get a better chance at them. But unless you stand in line, you're not getting one period. Better the chance to get one rather than nothing at all.

Never did I think women would ever be compared to Tickle-Me-Elmos.


Interesting OP.

 

[Inkachu]

Jerks only stand a chance with women who like jerks.

Duh.

A woman's not going to go for the type of guy she DISLIKES. That doesn't even make sense. You can't make a woman date someone she doesn't want to date.

So, women who go for jerks are women who like jerks. And if you're upset because you can't date a woman who likes jerks, then something's wrong with YOU if you ask me.

And no matter how many bazillion times the rest of us say "we don't like jerks", you guys won't believe us because it's just easier for you to believe that we all like men who beat us up and cheat on us (eyeroll), perhaps because it soothes your bruised, rejected ego's. But I'll keep saying that "I don't like jerks" because 1) it's true and 2) I don't care whether you believe me or not.

/overly-beaten dead horse

 

[this_is_new]

Jerks only stand a chance with women who like jerks.

Duh.

A woman's not going to go for the type of guy she DISLIKES. That doesn't even make sense. You can't make a woman date someone she doesn't want to date.

So, women who go for jerks are women who like jerks. And if you're upset because you can't date a woman who likes jerks, then something's wrong with YOU if you ask me.

And no matter how many bazillion times the rest of us say "we don't like jerks", you guys won't believe us because it's just easier for you to believe that we all like men who beat us up and cheat on us (eyeroll), perhaps because it soothes your bruised, rejected ego's. But I'll keep saying that "I don't like jerks" because 1) it's true and 2) I don't care whether you believe me or not.

/overly-beaten dead horse

WORD

The way I see it, is that many guys seem to go for girls who like dating jerks. Why is that?

 

[Wren]

But I'll keep saying that "I don't like jerks" because 1) it's true and 2) I don't care whether you believe me or not.

/overly-beaten dead horse

The only women I know who like jerks are ones who are emotionally unhealthy and I wouldn't pursue if I was a guy anyway...at least not until they worked on their issues. And their issues are a whole lot deeper than self-confidence. I think the OP has good intentions, but I firmly agree with Vicky.

 

[broken_one]

Never did I think women would ever be compared to Tickle-Me-Elmos.

This is what happens when I watch too many repeats of Coupling.


As for everyone else, let's run through this one:
1. Very attractive girl exists, looking lonely at the bar/wherever.
2. Very attractive girl gets picked up by/sleeps with "jerk".*
3. Through his jerk abilities, he keeps her strung along ad infinitum while she continually gets mistreated.
4. Eventually jerk leaves her abandoned when he decides to go after another girl to repeat the process.
5. The attractive girl also repeats the process, never learning about the cycle of abuse which constantly befalls her.

*sometimes the jerk isn't exactly a jerk, and this is the moment to figure it out so you don't rant about actually decent people just having more chutzpah and actually asking out a pretty girl while you still do nothing. However if the guy still is a jerk, by all means rant away. Because it still does happen quite often.

I'd make another statement, but I do not like being blunt here for obvious reasons. Lots of people don't like me as it is, lol.

 

[Blank123]

what Vicky said.

I'm frankly getting rather annoyed that every other thread now is "why do women like jerks?"

My question to guys who think that is. "why do so many men like women who like jerks?" Obviously if you (general you) keep falling for the same type of woman, and it never works out, then there's something about you that makes you chase after the wrong kind of woman. Rather than assume its always our fault as women for not picking you... why not do some self-examination as to why you can't find a nice girl who would go for a nice guy, assuming you are a nice guy yourself?

 

[mina]

WORD

The way I see it, is that many guys seem to go for girls who like dating jerks. Why is that?

bingo! ding ding ding; we have a winner!

 

[mina]

The only women I know who like jerks are ones who are emotionally unhealthy and I wouldn't pursue if I was a guy anyway...at least not until they worked on their issues. And their issues are a whole lot deeper than self-confidence. I think the OP has good intentions, but I firmly agree with Vicky.

This is true too. And you can't be the white knight savior figure to a girl that has those issues. you can try; but it won't end in your favor -every single time. There are probably some exceptions, but for the most part trying to "save" the women that have something inside them that subconsiously picks jerks before she has even acknowledged she has a problem and is consciously trying to change it for herself is useless. And if it's that kind of girl, then seeing you being nice to her in her life isn't going to make her automatically change and pick you; that only happens in 80's underdog movies.

 

[GQ Chris]

Lol. This horse has been pulverized and puree'd here.

 

[MacFall]

The way I see it, is that many guys seem to go for girls who like dating jerks. Why is that?

Until I came to this website I had never met a woman who had not dated jerks, at least in her past. Many of them ended up settling down with good guys, others still haven't. I just figured it was an immaturity thing that most women grew out of.

However, when women here say they never have dated jerks nor wanted to, I have no reason to disbelieve them. So it must just be the girls in my area. Though I do not see that fact as an excuse, and I have since learned not to make such assumptions, I hope you'll understand why I might have thought that my personal experience was indicative of a larger pattern. Maybe other men have had similar personal experiences.

But in that case, it would still seem that women who do not go after jerks (at least in their youths) are rare gems. Or then again, it could be that the men who tend to end up on this forum have had particularly bad personal experiences compared to the norm.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

My wife's thoughts on the subject...

"Nice guys are boring. Jerks are more interesting. We don't like listening to guys whine. When we go on dates with nice guys, all they do is complain, and we end up having to be their therapist, not their date. Jerks typically make a girl feel more protected than a nice guy. We don't want to feel like we have to "protect" the nice guy. Nice guys can be counted on for a shoulder to cry on but not to make us feel protected."

 

[Wren]

.

 

[MacFall]

My wife's thoughts on the subject...

"Nice guys are boring. Jerks are more interesting. We don't like listening to guys whine. When we go on dates with nice guys, all they do is complain, and we end up having to be their therapist, not their date. Jerks typically make a girl feel more protected than a nice guy. We don't want to feel like we have to "protect" the nice guy. Nice guys can be counted on for a shoulder to cry on but not to make us feel protected."

What your wife is describing is a passive-aggressive jerk. NOT a nice guy by any stretch of the imagination. People who use other people as emotional crutches and complain all the time are not being nice to anyone.

 

[broken_one]

What your wife is describing is a passive-aggressive jerk. NOT a nice guy by any stretch of the imagination. People who use other people as emotional crutches and complain all the time are not being nice to anyone.

But sometimes, especially with people like myself I guess, I don't get to "emote" or whatever publicly. It happens. That's why I think in a relationship you've got to be there emotionally for the other person. It's not just one person having a problem, it's both parties and it's not all the time.

Just don't assume because I actually feel comfortable to discuss things that bother me, that I am now "passive-aggressive" or some sort of jerk.

The way I see it, is that many guys seem to go for girls who like dating jerks. Why is that?

Because these girls also happen to be extremely attractive. Why those two things go together, that I have no idea.

 

[Blank123]

What your wife is describing is a passive-aggressive jerk. NOT a nice guy by any stretch of the imagination. People who use other people as emotional crutches and complain all the time are not being nice to anyone.

exactly.

I don't mind being there for him when he's going through a rough time, and listening to him when he's having a bad day. But if its so consistent that I feel more like his own personal sounding board or his mother than his girlfriend... thats not a nice guy. Thats a guy who is using me.

 

[Thunder Peel]

I've noticed how the people who come into these threads promoting being a jerk are the ones who are married. Perhaps there's more truth here than we originally thought?

 

[MacFall]

Just don't assume because I actually feel comfortable to discuss things that bother me, that I am now "passive-aggressive" or some sort of jerk.

I'm not. I don't think IP's wife was describing a man who just seeks council and/comfort for his problems, which is something everyone ought to do. It only becomes a problem when one does so at the expense of another person, which is what I figure she meant by "all they do is complain" and having to be a guy's "therapist". At least I hope that's what she meant, because if men are expected never to seek help for their problems, well... therein lies the cause of many wars.