So Thanksgiving went ok until we got home...

[Michie]

Took my mother in law out of town to spend time with my SIL's in-laws as this was her first thanksgiving without her husband. Everything was fine. We left her there with my sister in-law to spend the night and they will drive her back home tomorrow to prepare for Saturday when we will celebrate again and put her tree up. The brother in law and his family which I have spoke of before where we have helped them over and over and tried to be good to them yet turned against me in particular and slandered me to anyone who would listen. He is older than my husband has grown kids etc. since then, he has turned everyone including his daughters and son against me. So we come home tonight and my sister in law texts me but I was driving so I did not check it till getting home. I see in the text she is asking that I call her. I'm thinking my mother in law wants me to do something so I call her back and find that my brother in law has suffered another heart attack. His second. He needs more stints and was transferred to put them in. The prognosis is good but just as when his daughter had a baby and we got no call the same happened in this instance. In the past, I was the first one called. So again my husband and I hear this from someone else. Nothing has improved. They are still acting insane and lying but this has certainly put a damper on things. You know, if nobody calls on these important events then it is just a given they do not want you in their lives. So again, like the last holidays before my FIL died it is sad. Please pray for my bil's health and a resolution to all this. With me being the target of a their motives and excuse for everything else they fail to do, my husband feels he is between a rock and a hard place. And I just suck because I'm the reason for everything according to them. I'm tired of carrying this burden. I know I am rambling but anyone that has read my past posts concerning this situation will get the gist of it. Prayers appreciated.

 

[Sumwear]

Pray on his behalf that he has a full and healthy recovery. Extend the olive branch and that you are willing to let bygones be bygones. If he still prefers to keep you out of his life or still partakes in false gossip, then perhaps it be better that you not keep in touch or see one another.

It's sad but not all relatives, family gel like they are supposes to. Sad really.

 

[LivingWordUnity]

May God help your brother-in-law and grant peace to your family.

 

[pdudgeon]

Pray on his behalf that he has a full and healthy recovery. Extend the olive branch and that you are willing to let bygones be bygones. If he still prefers to keep you out of his life or still partakes in false gossip, then perhaps it be better that you not keep in touch or see one another.

It's sad but not all relatives, family gel like they are supposes to. Sad really.

i agree with this.

 

[One Voice Among Many1]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, Michie.

 

[MikeK]

I'm so sorry that what should have been a pleasant occasion turned sour, Michie. My prayers are with you and yours.

 

[Fantine]

Praying for your brother-in-law's recovery. I do think Thanksgiving is a danger time for those with heart problems--all the temptations to overeat, getting away from your usual routines of work and exercise. I thought of that last night, thinking of my son's plate piled high--twice. Thanksgiving dinner is his favorite meal of the year, but overdoing it can have health consequences (he's just turned 40).

Of course we all overindulged a little...

Bless you for your forgiving heart.

 

[benedictaoo]

Sorry again for family troubles. Prayers for the BIL and your situation.

 

[Chrystal-J]

Praying for you and your family.

 

[eastcoast_bsc]

Took my mother in law out of town to spend time with my SIL's in-laws as this was her first thanksgiving without her husband. Everything was fine. We left her there with my sister in-law to spend the night and they will drive her back home tomorrow to prepare for Saturday when we will celebrate again and put her tree up. The brother in law and his family which I have spoke of before where we have helped them over and over and tried to be good to them yet turned against me in particular and slandered me to anyone who would listen. He is older than my husband has grown kids etc. since then, he has turned everyone including his daughters and son against me. So we come home tonight and my sister in law texts me but I was driving so I did not check it till getting home. I see in the text she is asking that I call her. I'm thinking my mother in law wants me to do something so I call her back and find that my brother in law has suffered another heart attack. His second. He needs more stints and was transferred to put them in. The prognosis is good but just as when his daughter had a baby and we got no call the same happened in this instance. In the past, I was the first one called. So again my husband and I hear this from someone else. Nothing has improved. They are still acting insane and lying but this has certainly put a damper on things. You know, if nobody calls on these important events then it is just a given they do not want you in their lives. So again, like the last holidays before my FIL died it is sad. Please pray for my bil's health and a resolution to all this. With me being the target of a their motives and excuse for everything else they fail to do, my husband feels he is between a rock and a hard place. And I just suck because I'm the reason for everything according to them. I'm tired of carrying this burden. I know I am rambling but anyone that has read my past posts concerning this situation will get the gist of it. Prayers appreciated.

Hey Michie, sorry to hear of all this going on. My Mother always said "just do the right thing" after that your concience is clean.
I would also suggest you keep distance as much as you can, stay above the fray.

Prayers for your BIL

 

[Michie]

Another incredibly uncomfortable holiday. I told my husband to go and see his brother if he felt he should. I did not want to hold him back if he felt torn over this. He got very defensive and flat out said no he had already made up his mind not to go. I told him if something should happen I did not want him to resent me and wanted him to know it was ok if he wanted to. We got into an argument about it as short lived as it was. I tried to explain to him this huge weight I was carrying concerning this situation regardless of not doing anything to provoke it but this has reverberated throughout the family and I feel horrible to be used as their excuse to dodge out of their duties. It makes me feel
bad. This is the family I used to describe as Ozzie and Harriet. And now everything sucks because his brother and sister in law made up wild lies that they have actually been caught in. But nobody says anything to them and just ignore it. But I feel
I'm getting the brunt of it in many ways. I seriously need to learn to get rid of this. Stop feeling hurt. And learn to deal with this more gracefully I guess. I have been there every time someone needed anything and they have done basically nothing. But I still feel like the bad guy. I can't say anything I just have to swallow it. There are so many things I could say that i won't but I could certainly use prayer as far as doing the right thing even when I'm getting slammed from every side it seems. I am so depressed. Prayers appreciated.

 

[Chrystal-J]

I've had many a bad holiday because I was jumped on for being Christian by my siblings. I'm split from them for the most part. I used to just skip holiday parties. It's only in the last 2 years that I began to attend them again and that was because my parents really wanted me to. So, out of respect for them, I went. Things are better than they used to be because I focus on being there for my parents, not my siblings. But, that situation is very difficult, to be sure. Sorry to hear you're going through such painful family drama--*hugs* to you Michie.

 

[eastcoast_bsc]

Another incredibly uncomfortable holiday. I told my husband to go and see his brother if he felt he should. I did not want to hold him back if he felt torn over this. He got very defensive and flat out said no he had already made up his mind not to go. I told him if something should happen I did not want him to resent me and wanted him to know it was ok if he wanted to. We got into an argument about it as short lived as it was. I tried to explain to him this huge weight I was carrying concerning this situation regardless of not doing anything to provoke it but this has reverberated throughout the family and I feel horrible to be used as their excuse to dodge out of their duties. It makes me feel
bad. This is the family I used to describe as Ozzie and Harriet. And now everything sucks because his brother and sister in law made up wild lies that they have actually been caught in. But nobody says anything to them and just ignore it. But I feel
I'm getting the brunt of it in many ways. I seriously need to learn to get rid of this. Stop feeling hurt. And learn to deal with this more gracefully I guess. I have been there every time someone needed anything and they have done basically nothing. But I still feel like the bad guy. I can't say anything I just have to swallow it. There are so many things I could say that i won't but I could certainly use prayer as far as doing the right thing even when I'm getting slammed from every side it seems. I am so depressed. Prayers appreciated.

It happens Michie. My Father was estranged from his Mother, brother and sister for years. They used him for money, hated my Mother for taking their payday away.

Years later when his Mother died, no one bought headstone. My Mother told him to do the right thing, he did and buried his Mother. Years later his sister died, he did the same for her.
I take care of my Fathers needs. My sister lives like 3 miles from me. Never invites me over for a holiday, yet when he going gets tough, they call me.

Not whining, had a great thanksgiving at a friends and their family. Perfect day.


We are obligated too take care of our families, not others families. Don't let them rent space in your head.. Support your husband in supporting his family.

 

[Michie]

I think you know me probably better than anyone on this board. I'm trying to do the right thing but I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I really covet your prayers. If I could lose the hurt it would be much easier.

It happens Michie. My Father was estranged from his Mother, brother and sister for years. They used him for money, hated my Mother for taking their payday away.

Years later when his Mother died, no one bought headstone. My Mother told him to do the right thing, he did and buried his Mother. Years later his sister died, he did the same for her.
I take care of my Fathers needs. My sister lives like 3 miles from me. Never invites me over for a holiday, yet when he going gets tough, they call me.

Not whining, had a great thanksgiving at a friends and their family. Perfect day.


We are obligated too take care of our families, not others families. Don't let them rent space in your head.. Support your husband in supporting his family.

It happens Michie. My Father was estranged from his Mother, brother and sister for years. They used him for money, hated my Mother for taking their payday away.

Years later when his Mother died, no one bought headstone. My Mother told him to do the right thing, he did and buried his Mother. Years later his sister died, he did the same for her.
I take care of my Fathers needs. My sister lives like 3 miles from me. Never invites me over for a holiday, yet when he going gets tough, they call me.

Not whining, had a great thanksgiving at a friends and their family. Perfect day.


We are obligated too take care of our families, not others families. Don't let them rent space in your head.. Support your husband in supporting his family.

 

[eastcoast_bsc]

I think you know me probably better than anyone on this board. I'm trying to do the right thing but I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I really covet your prayers. If I could lose the hurt it would be much easier.

Hurt takes time.

Lord I pray for Michie, her husband and his family. I pray your protection Lord over Michie and that she will not be dragged into confusion or negativity. I pray that Michie and her husband will come to an understanding as one.

I pray Lord also healing of the hurt that was inflicted upon Michie.

 

[Michie]

I wish I had a brother. If I did, I'd choose you. You always make me feel better. God bless you!

Hurt takes time.

Lord I pray for Michie, her husband and his family. I pray your protection Lord over Michie and that she will not be dragged into confusion or negativity. I pray that Michie and her husband will come to an understanding as one.

I pray Lord also healing of the hurt that was inflicted upon Michie.

 

[WarriorAngel]

Took my mother in law out of town to spend time with my SIL's in-laws as this was her first thanksgiving without her husband. Everything was fine. We left her there with my sister in-law to spend the night and they will drive her back home tomorrow to prepare for Saturday when we will celebrate again and put her tree up. The brother in law and his family which I have spoke of before where we have helped them over and over and tried to be good to them yet turned against me in particular and slandered me to anyone who would listen. He is older than my husband has grown kids etc. since then, he has turned everyone including his daughters and son against me. So we come home tonight and my sister in law texts me but I was driving so I did not check it till getting home. I see in the text she is asking that I call her. I'm thinking my mother in law wants me to do something so I call her back and find that my brother in law has suffered another heart attack. His second. He needs more stints and was transferred to put them in. The prognosis is good but just as when his daughter had a baby and we got no call the same happened in this instance. In the past, I was the first one called. So again my husband and I hear this from someone else. Nothing has improved. They are still acting insane and lying but this has certainly put a damper on things. You know, if nobody calls on these important events then it is just a given they do not want you in their lives. So again, like the last holidays before my FIL died it is sad. Please pray for my bil's health and a resolution to all this. With me being the target of a their motives and excuse for everything else they fail to do, my husband feels he is between a rock and a hard place. And I just suck because I'm the reason for everything according to them. I'm tired of carrying this burden. I know I am rambling but anyone that has read my past posts concerning this situation will get the gist of it. Prayers appreciated.

Prayers.

 

[WarriorAngel]

Families are difficult.
Even Jesus had issues with His family and home town [Nazareth]
So pray by the hardship Christ endured to help.

 

[pdudgeon]

Another incredibly uncomfortable holiday. I told my husband to go and see his brother if he felt he should. I did not want to hold him back if he felt torn over this. He got very defensive and flat out said no he had already made up his mind not to go. I told him if something should happen I did not want him to resent me and wanted him to know it was ok if he wanted to. We got into an argument about it as short lived as it was. I tried to explain to him this huge weight I was carrying concerning this situation regardless of not doing anything to provoke it but this has reverberated throughout the family and I feel horrible to be used as their excuse to dodge out of their duties. It makes me feel
bad. This is the family I used to describe as Ozzie and Harriet. And now everything sucks because his brother and sister in law made up wild lies that they have actually been caught in. But nobody says anything to them and just ignore it. But I feel
I'm getting the brunt of it in many ways. I seriously need to learn to get rid of this. Stop feeling hurt. And learn to deal with this more gracefully I guess. I have been there every time someone needed anything and they have done basically nothing. But I still feel like the bad guy. I can't say anything I just have to swallow it. There are so many things I could say that i won't but I could certainly use prayer as far as doing the right thing even when I'm getting slammed from every side it seems. I am so depressed. Prayers appreciated.

if there is any consolation in all of this, please know that Mary, Joseph, and Jesus know the true situation that you are enduring.
lean on them and their compassion for your daily strength. They have been through this valley and their actions, wisdom, and compassion are
priceless in times like these. Go to them in prayer and let them minister healing to you.

as for your husband you've done the right thing in releasing him to go if he wants to.
most likely the reason he gave you flack about it
is because he realizes that you are right and he should go,
but he can't yet deal with the finality of the situation.
that's uncharted territory to travel through, and it will change the family dynamic.

the removal of a family member for whatever reason always opens up a gap that wasn't there before.
it shifts responsibility, changes relations, and moves everyone left behind one step closer to the top of the family authority.
for many people that's a scary thought.
reassure him that as his wife--the other part of him--you will be there to comfort, understand, and support him
when he feels weak, unsure, and very much alone.

facing a loved one who has a debilitating illness is a scary thing because it reminds us that we all are weak,
and unsure at times. and that those people that we see in their weak and vulnerable state--that we are used to seeing as being strong and capable and sure--
need us. they don't need us to be strong and capable and sure, but they do need to know that they are still loved, that their lives mattered,
and that they did some good things in life while they could.

and that is the kind of comfort that your husband could bring to his brother.
that kind of comfort is priceless, even though it costs us pain in the sharing.

(((((huggs for you both.))))))

 

[paul becke]

Pray on his behalf that he has a full and healthy recovery. Extend the olive branch and that you are willing to let bygones be bygones. If he still prefers to keep you out of his life or still partakes in false gossip, then perhaps it be better that you not keep in touch or see one another.

It's sad but not all relatives, family gel like they are supposes to. Sad really.

That sounds good sense to me. Even jut the second part. 'Give me a call if you and hubby ever feel you'd like a loving relationship with me, rather than an antagonistic one.' In the meantime, don't you think it would make sense to avoid each other's company Don't be surprised though, Michie, if they tell the hosts they won't attend such and such a family get together, and then suddenly turn up. small-minded people can get their 'jollies' from such sick little tricks. There I go, cheering you up again ! But seriously....