Single mom dealing with puberty ( i believe )

[believerinChrist32]

Hi to all

I am a Christian woman who is single and I have a 12 year old son. To my surprise when cleaning his room , I decided to strip his bed sheets but noticed a wet spot although it was not urine plus it wasn't a huge area as if he pee'd in his bed. It looks like a stain ( yes that type of stain ).

I don't know how to approach him on this subject. I am his parent and I can't seem to be comfortable talking to him about this. I also don't want to assume that he was masturbating where I hear that boys around this age can have a wet dream . I am puzzled by this as well because I don't know much about this . Could he have [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] in his sleep and is this considered sexual. My other thought is ( yes I understand sex ) that a penis needs to be stimulated in order for [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] to happen.

Call me stupid or how I should know these things, which your right but being a single parent to a son, has it's up and downs.

 

[StephanieSomer]

My other thought is ( yes I understand sex ) that a penis needs to be stimulated in order for [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] to happen.

Not really. The real stimulation is in the mind. It IS possible to reach [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] with only mental stimulation. Hence, the event known as a "wet dream".

 

[believerinChrist32]

I am confused by this,,, I feel awful as a parent. I feel I need to be here for him but I feel I have a writers block because I don't understand this whole wet dream thing . I am scared to bring it up to him because what if he is masturbating. I don't want to embarrass him.

 

[hedrick]

This is an ordinary occurrence for guys. It's virtually impossible to avoid. There's no reason to think he did anything to cause it -- it's possible, but I think not likely. The term "wet dream" means an [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] that happens during sleep, or at the border of sleeping and waking, i.e. something that he didn't do intentionally.

If this is the first time (and it may well not be), it's likely to have been a bit of a shock to him. I have a feeling we may do a better job preparing girls for their first period than guys for this. If you say anything at all, the message should be congratulations on reaching puberty. If there's a way to do it without embarrassing him too badly, you might want to make sure he has access to clean pajamas and sheets, and that you practice a bit of tactical deafness if he gets up, so he can clean up if he feels yucky.

One other fact to be aware of in case it comes up: apparently a lot of guys always wake up with an erection. I doubt he'll bring it up, but if he does, assure him it's normal. This came up at Church in the context of a sleep-over. Some kids his age didn't want to sleep in a common room because they were afraid of other kids seeing it, even through the sleeping bag. About all we could say is "tell your kid that it's normal, and no one will make fun of them for it." As far as I know, we haven't had any issues.

 

[Dave-W]

I don't know how to approach him on this subject. I am his parent and I can't seem to be comfortable talking to him about this.

He would be as uncomfortable talking to you as you are talking to him on this subject.

I also don't want to assume that he was masturbating where I hear that boys around this age can have a wet dream .

That is about the right age for that. But only 40% of guys ever have wet dreams. Many of us have the dreams but wake up at the very edge of the "wet" part. Not good.

I am puzzled by this as well because I don't know much about this . Could he have [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] in his sleep

yes. That is the definition of a wet dream.

and is this considered sexual.

To one degree or another - yes.

My other thought is ( yes I understand sex ) that a penis needs to be stimulated in order for [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] to happen.

In older adults - yes. In teen agers with that high of a hormone level (designed for changing the body into adulthood) not necessarily.

Call me stupid or how I should know these things, which your right but being a single parent to a son, has it's up and downs.

Not stupid by any stretch - or you would not be asking. I suggest you get some books and educate yourself on adolescent male development and sexuality. BTW - intentional masturbation on a somewhat regular basis will describe about 95% of teen age males. Those who think it to be shameful or sinful will still do it and carry tons of guilt and shame.

And yes - as uncomfortable as that conversation will be - you need to talk to him ASAP.

 

[Dave-W]

I am confused by this,,, I feel awful as a parent. I feel I need to be here for him but I feel I have a writers block because I don't understand this whole wet dream thing . I am scared to bring it up to him because what if he is masturbating. I don't want to embarrass him.

Like I said you need to educate yourself on this subject. What are your thoughts and feelings about masturbation? If you are opposed, what alternative method of relieving that pressure do you think will work?

If you are unsure on this, spend some quality time in prayer for wisdom. Do you have a close adult male relative or friend you can get some input from or perhaps could talk to your son in your place? When I was that age my mom had just remarried and my step dad did not want to jump on that subject, being very new to the family. So my mom talked my uncle (her kid brother) into having that talk with me. It went well, but back in those days not a lot of detail (that would have been helpful) was available.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Ok I am a male and I am going to be totally honest with you. Is is dead hard for a young teen not to touch, I found I had this issue right up to the time I got married. But don't worry, I believe God understands that this type of thing happens. As a Christian male I had a real struggle with the issue, I never allowed myself to use inappropriate content, but I would still imagine having sex. To be honest I could never break the habit. Why do I say God understands, well he never pulled me up on the issue, sure I felt a little guilty, but he never sent me some one to tell me off. Infact he was always encouraging. Helping me in life. While I had this issue I worked successfully in leading others to Christ, and God performed many miracles through my life, of a spiritual nature. If He felt I was in some horrible sin life he would have pulled me up on the issue, but he never has. I would say don't worry about confronting him, it will just make him feel worse about himself.

 

[Darkhorse]

Ok I am a male and I am going to be totally honest with you. Is is dead hard for a young teen not to touch, I found I had this issue right up to the time I got married. But don't worry, I believe God understands that this type of thing happens. As a Christian male I had a real struggle with the issue, I never allowed myself to use inappropriate content, but I would still imagine having sex. To be honest I could never break the habit. Why do I say God understands, well he never pulled me up on the issue, sure I felt a little guilty, but he never sent me some one to tell me off. Infact he was always encouraging. Helping me in life. While I had this issue I worked successfully in leading others to Christ, and God performed many miracles through my life, of a spiritual nature. If He felt I was in some horrible sin life he would have pulled me up on the issue, but he never has. I would say don't worry about confronting him, it will just make him feel worse about himself.

This is very good, realistic advice; you should give it serious consideration.
(I am the father of 2 boys)

 

[JCFantasy23]

I wouldn't even bring it up. First, it's normal. Second, it's a private thing most boys don't want to discuss with their mothers. I don't see how talking about it would help him at all.

 

[Samuel_Rigby]

I wouldn't even bring it up. First, it's normal. Second, it's a private thing most boys don't want to discuss with their mothers. I don't see how talking about it would help him at all.

This. There is absolutely no reason to discuss this with him.

 

[hedrick]

Note that the OP hasn't signed in since Feb 22

 

[Dave-W]

Note that the OP hasn't signed in since Feb 22

She may have been outraged that we were not unanimous in condemning masturbation. She was probably looking for someone to give her something to say or do that would put an absolute stop to that activity. When we did not give that to her, she left.

 

[OGM]

She may have been outraged that we were not unanimous in condemning masturbation. She was probably looking for someone to give her something to say or do that would put an absolute stop to that activity. When we did not give that to her, she left.

A rather strong possibility...

 

[JAM2b]

I'm a single mom raising two boys. I didn't go into any details or ask any questions, but when I noticed my oldest son was going through this around the age of 13 I told him very directly that what he does with his body alone in his room is between him and God. The Bible does not say not to touch yourself. Almost everyone does it. Don't go around talking about it because people will be uncomfortable. Close the door. Clean up after yourself. End of conversation.

 

[Bobby Pope]

I say do not talk to him like its bad. Try to make him as comfortable about it as possible, plan your approach based on how he reacts to something embarrassing. Try not to encourage or discourage it, discouragement would obviously lead to him doing it more and more. It's a very natural part of growth, its even healthy to do. It can lead to decreased stress and maybe even confidence if he finds his member is more desirable then others. If he is masturbating then trying to find a sexual partner is not too far down the road and discussing sex and how to be safe if he ever does decide to have sex is important. Remember that if you tell him he can't touch or have sex or well do anything and he really wants to do, he will do it. If he ever decides that he wants to have sex make sure he's comfortable enough to talk to you about it, buy him condoms if you need to. It all starts here.

 

[Bobby Pope]

Close the door. Clean up after yourself. End of conversation.

And take a shower afterwards.

 

[Poor Beggar]

Hi to all

I am a Christian woman who is single and I have a 12 year old son. To my surprise when cleaning his room , I decided to strip his bed sheets but noticed a wet spot although it was not urine plus it wasn't a huge area as if he pee'd in his bed. It looks like a stain ( yes that type of stain ).

I don't know how to approach him on this subject. I am his parent and I can't seem to be comfortable talking to him about this. I also don't want to assume that he was masturbating where I hear that boys around this age can have a wet dream . I am puzzled by this as well because I don't know much about this . Could he have [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] in his sleep and is this considered sexual. My other thought is ( yes I understand sex ) that a penis needs to be stimulated in order for [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] to happen.

Call me stupid or how I should know these things, which your right but being a single parent to a son, has it's up and downs.

This is all normal. There isn't a man who's ever lived who got through his teen years in a totally "godly" manner, no matter what middle aged men will try to tell you after their hormones have leveled off and they've had a chance to reinvent personal history.

Things will get crazier. Just wait.

He will emerge out of it fine. Focus more on establishing values so he doesn't get anyone pregnant in the next few years. For some reason when sex is involved a lot of Christians get weird and inconsistent. For example, a parent will freak out about their kid masturbating but will let their kid see them lying to the car salesman to try to get a better deal. Kids see that stuff and they note the hypocrisy. It's also time as a parent to make sure you REALLY know your scriptures. Did Jesus actually say that it is a sin to notice a woman is sexually attractive, or did He say it is a sin to lust after her? These kinds of things have to be noted now that your son is emerging as a visually-oriented sexual being with a biological drive he can't simply ignore. Get him involved with church programs where older men mentor younger men and teens. A lot of those guys will know what's up as long as it's a healthy church.

 

[Dave-W]

Yeah - I think the OP is long gone now.

 

[Poor Beggar]

Yeah - I think the OP is long gone now.

I think a lot of people kept posting so others with similar questions could read and be helped by the responses.

 

[Dave-W]

I get that.

I liked your comment about middle age men making the fuss after re-writing their own personal history. So true. But not this middle age guy. I make no secret of the fact that I was a once-a-day guy for about 10 years before i got married. (age 12-22)

But at 60 I don't think I qualify as "middle age" any more .....