Should you kiss or not before marriage?

[A2597]

I could never be with somebody who didn't believe in pre-marital kissing. What are we, afraid of cooties, or what? The bible even says, "Greet one another with holy KISS"! People go a little too far with their witch-hunts and sin-finding.

I'm not saying that saving a kiss for marriage is for everyone, but it was and is for me and my fiance. When I first heard about it I thought it was nuts, but it did kinda appeal to the romantic in me. A little later on I realized that yes, that is a very good thing, and made the decision that my next kiss would be on my wedding day. That was five years ago, I met the woman who is now my Fiance last year, and when I told HER that, she thought it was nuts. Then not so nuts. And now is even more adamant about it than I am!

So yea, it has my vote, kissing starts things that you really don't need to be starting before marriage.

That said, you most certainly DO need to discuss those things, and make certain that you are on the same page. Too many stories of honeymoon surprises of "Wait, you honestly don't care for sex?!?" to ignore the topic. Be careful with the conversation, but still have it!

 

[Itagaki]

If you are not married and it is on the lips, is that the holy kiss? What if tongue is involved?

I think holy kiss implies the tongue is involved actually.

 

[Itagaki]

That said, you most certainly DO need to discuss those things, and make certain that you are on the same page. Too many stories of honeymoon surprises of "Wait, you honestly don't care for sex?!?" to ignore the topic. Be careful with the conversation, but still have it!

Whoa. I think I'd be getting an annulment if that was her attitude. No consummation is legitimate grounds for an annulment where I am.

 

[A2597]

Whoa. I think I'd be getting an annulment if that was her attitude. No consummation is legitimate grounds for an annulment where I am.

Agree wholeheartedly! But that's why you have this discussion BEFORE then.

 

[Fireflies]

Well, I've known people who had not kissed until they said 'I do' and they were really happy about it. If that makes you happy and holding off on kissing keeps you from sinning, then go for it!

Personally, I kind of think it will be difficult for BOTH people because to go from 0 to 100% in a couple of short hours can be shocking and a little awkward. Now, I'm not endorsing making out, petting or premarital sex in anyway. But at least get used to holding hands, lighter kissing and arm around shoulders/waist.

Because, for me, I have some issues to work out with Jesus over fear of touch. He's helping me but it's a process. At this point of my life, I couldn't handle being married (for more than one reason). So, if I ever do get married in the future, I'd definitely have to get used to someone touching me.

 

[iambren]

"Well, I've known people who had not kissed until they said 'I do' and they were really happy about it."

I don't doubt that but I know two strong Christians who were virgins at the altar and they later divorced because she didn't like sex. It's a tough one considering I believe that 25% of women have been molested and that opens the door for a whole lot of sexual dysfunctionality. I believe the closer the two of them experience each other(without actually making love) may be the wiser course. We ARE picking a person to be a LIFETIME sex partner. And believe me, you don't want to find yourself in a marriage filled with sexual rejection; the GREAT majority of those marriages fail. And for the woman's side, if she doesn't do some honest soul-searching that she could enjoy a lifetime of sex she should NOT be getting married.

 

[Fireflies]

Actually, the statistics for rape and molestation is going up (for victims of both genders). Abuse really does mess with people and causes a lot of problems. Yes, I agree with if you are a woman- or even if you are a guy!- and you've got problems with sleeping with your spouse, you don't need to get married until that's changed.

Yeah, I'm not a fan of marriage or romantic relationships at all. So, I have no problem not getting married.
However, I still need to work on touch. Only a year or two ago I couldn't even hug my own parents without being creeped out. Now I'm beginning to somewhat enjoy hugs, all thanks to Daddy God.

But, all of this is off the topic. So, I'll stick with my original post: If you and your SO want to hold off on kissing until the wedding, that's your choice. Ultimately, you know what leads you into temptation and as long as God gives the go-ahead to marry your SO, go for it.

 

[SparkyMaddie]

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I kiss my fiance every day!

 

[A2597]

Well, I've known people who had not kissed until they said 'I do' and they were really happy about it. If that makes you happy and holding off on kissing keeps you from sinning, then go for it!

Personally, I kind of think it will be difficult for BOTH people because to go from 0 to 100% in a couple of short hours can be shocking and a little awkward. Now, I'm not endorsing making out, petting or premarital sex in anyway. But at least get used to holding hands, lighter kissing and arm around shoulders/waist.

Because, for me, I have some issues to work out with Jesus over fear of touch. He's helping me but it's a process. At this point of my life, I couldn't handle being married (for more than one reason). So, if I ever do get married in the future, I'd definitely have to get used to someone touching me.

Funny story about holding hands...
I wanted to hold her hand pretty early on in the relationship, and she mine. (I also wanted to put my arm around her, hugs, etc). We ahd questions about where the line was in our courtship though, we talked about it, and with our Mentor, decided to pray about it.

We got an answer pretty quickly, just not the one either of us wanted. And that answer was... side hugs OK, no holding hands, no putting my arm around her.

OK, how is THAT for strict. We both wanted more than that, but we both felt confident that this is where God placed the boundary at that time.

Fast forward a few months, and we're still abiding by that boundary, the night of the engagement as we're walking to the restaurant, she even says "I'm still praying about holding hands, but...not yet". (imagine hearing that when you have a ring hiding in your pocket and are planning to propose...no stress added or anything!).

Anyhoo...I proposed, she said yes, and we both knew the boundary shifted at that moment. We could hold hands, I could put my arm around her, and we could hug. Still saving our first kiss for the alter though.

And maybe that answers this whole thing...pray about it, and be willing to follow through on the answer, even when it isn't want you want to hear. For us, it's been great. Removing the physical element completely really helped us to get to know each other. Don't forget to talk about it though!

 

[MC0]

I started off my relationship with strict boundaries. No kissing on the lips, necking, petting, or long hugs. Its been more than a year now and I have broken some of those boundaries...Do i get guilty trips, YES! We started holding hands from day 1 because I equate it to holding hands with my best girlfriend or brother or father. Nope nope nope no sex or petting or groping kinda stuff no. But do we kiss on the lips, yes. Do we kiss on the neck from time to time, yes. Do we have long hugs, yes. And do I fight my spirit for doing those things, YES! From someone who has crossed the kissing-tongue border when she said she wouldn't, believe you me, I sometimes wish I had not experiemented with that. He is totally fine with it and would even kiss me after we just prayed over a meal. That's him being innocent about it, his spirit is not as conscious of it as mine is. But for me, after kissing him like "that", I don't even want to hear the word "pray". But its so enjoyable, so pleasurable.

The Bible says do no awaken love until it is time. I think I may have with this one. We did not start kissing until 7 months into the relationship and within a month it went to full blow passionate kisses. :'( I hate thinking about those memories. Thank God, we have still managed to keep hands where hands should be and have not gone into those "dark" kind of stuff. Just from kissing passionately and hugging, it gets to a point where I begin craving his embrace from the state I am in. He lives in another state. Sometimes, that's all we both can think about and just one hug will cure 2 weeks of emotional and physical frustration.

So all in all, do I recommend breaking those boundaries, ABSOLUTELY NOT! Keep it pure and holy! Kiss lightly on the cheek and hands, no long passionate hugs, do all you can to keep it holy and pure. In fact, if you can, don't kiss anywhere at alll! lol...Sounds extreme but I'm serious. Or else, you will be in my position, trying to recreate those boundaries after opening a wide gate of urges and desires. But...we are still standing though . It will be fixed in no time through the blood. Take it from me.

 

[puddleoffaith]

My boyfriend and I are divided on this issue.

He wants to wait until marriage to kiss. I think it's good to kiss before marriage, because kissing doesn't have to be sexual and can be great way to show affection, particularly if your primary love language is physical touch.


1 Corinthians 8:13: Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble.

Therefore, there will be no kissing in this relationship until we get married. We have been together for almost a year now and I have to admit, there is SO MUCH LESS temptation when there is a kissing boundary.

 

[Puptart]

to be perfectly honest, I think it's a little silly not to kiss before marriage. But whatever makes you happy.

 

[LinkH]

I'm not going to advise you to kiss before marriage. But if you do, make sure to get her daddy's permission first.

 

[Dreamer8]

No cuz I'm gonna be alone foreever so eveeyone else should too

 

[CounselorForChrist]

I was going to ask who made this topic, then I realized it was me LOL.

Me and my fiance have decided to get married in a few months and decided that it will be ok to have simple kisses before we marry. Nothing more because it might make our bodies want to do other things. ALso we agreed that while together someone will always be with us so we don't start headed down a sinful path.

Mind you we will be together 10 days before the wedding. So I am not to worried about messing up since I know after those 10 days cokes the honeymoon and all the wonderful things that come with it! ^.^