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Should a virgin marry a non virgin?

Discussion in 'Singles (only*)' started by DangerDave, Jun 18, 2005.

  1. DangerDave

    DangerDave Newbie

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    I'm no where near that point, but I only date for possible marriage hookups. I'm a virgin and the person I'm considering dating isn't. She has been a Christian all her life she had a really bad year and had sex with a couple guys. She's changed now and has the Jesus action all over the place. I am very condident she is true and is back on track with Jesus. I think that God put her in my life for a purpose, I just don't know what that purpose is. She really can help and has helped me with my walk with God.

    Anyways, should I just date someone who isn't a virgin. Or should I hold out to find someone that is? Is it really all that important? I know it is for me. If someone as horny as me has held out all this time, I really expect to marry a chick that has also kept pure. It seems impossible to find a chick that hasn't had sex before. Should I compromise this marry a virgin thing?

    Oh yeah. This is not the same girl I posted about earlier. What do you guys think? Any help would be sweet. Thanks.
     
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  2. Mr.Cheese

    Mr.Cheese Legend

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    There's a difference between someone who makes some mistakes and someone who fornicates shamelessly.

    If you guys work then I don't believe this should be a problem.
     
  3. MrDude

    MrDude New Member

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    Sure go for it.
     
  4. DangerDave

    DangerDave Newbie

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    Is there anything in the Bible about only marrying virgins? Is it a sin to marry a non virgin? Where does this virgins only should marry virgins thing come from. Cause thats what I have stuck in my mind. I almost want to lose my virgininty so I can date more people.
     
  5. lady_of_god

    lady_of_god New Member

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    I say that if she is everything you say she is then she deserves a shot. Just because she made some mistakes (and i'm sure she repented of it) doesn't mean she is any less of a decent person. Ideally I would like to have someone that has waited for marriage but its more important to have a man that's God fearing and believes the same thing i do. This is one of the areas in life that can be compromised because a marriage is ultimately not about whether you two were virgins when you got married or not.

    -Lady.
     
  6. lady_of_god

    lady_of_god New Member

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    It's not a sin to date someone who is not a virgin. There is nothing biblical to back that. I don't know where the odd thought that virgins should date virgins... it's pretty ridiculous to me especially when there may have been circumstances in a person's life that may have stolen their innocence such as rape or being molested. There are people who didn't have a choice in the matter but it doesn't make them any less deserving. Anyhow she made a choice...a poor one but who knows she may be the lady for you and you shouldn't pass her by because you'll never know what your missing... she might be "the one".

    -Lady.
     
  7. mina

    mina Brown Eyed girl

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    If you love her for who she is now, then it shouldn't be a problem.
     
  8. christiankate

    christiankate Contributor

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    I would say yes. I mean even if you arn't sure she is right for you, you should give it a shot. I am a virgin, and even though getting married to a virgin would be incrediably nice:D , I do realize it might not be all that practical. If God wants me to get married to someone who isn't a virgin, and I were to just not date them for that reason I might miss out on the person God wants me to spend the rest of my life with. :( At one point in my life I thought I wanted to only date virgins, but that went downhill fast, and now I will date who ever God brings into my life. :D Good luck man. God Bless, Kate
     
  9. Carri20

    Carri20 Veteran

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    I say go for it! Don't let the past control you in the present. If you do then you're letting Satan win. Maybe this girl is the one God has picked out for you. You'll never know if you don't investigate.

    One more thing.. Whatever you do, please don't hold the fact that she's a nonvirgin over her head. I myself am a nonvirgin, and believe me it's not a cool thing to do. That would be like a thief holding a lie over your head. We've all sinned.
     
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  10. DangerDave

    DangerDave Newbie

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    lady of god, I'm not sure what you meen by decent person. I think in most cases someone that does fear God will be a virgin. Marriage is not ultimately about alot of things, but I think some things are hard to compromise what I expect from a possible future wife.
    I'm not talking about someone that lost virginity to rape or anything. She could very well be the one, or she could still have the tendancy to sleep around and bring me down too.

    mina, I'm not at the point that I love her. And if I did I think it would still be a problem.

    christiankate, why isn't marrying a virgin practical? Because there hard to come by or something? I've always thought that God would want me to marry a really moral/virgin girl. However, I understand that you can repent and be moral/kinda pure after they've had sex. If I know for sure someone is brought into my life by God then I'd be fine with it. How can I tell?

    Carri20, the past isn't controlling me. It could very well control the girl I'm interested in though. I think I will investigate. If I was going to hold anything over her head, I just wouldn't date her. I know we have all sinned, but this sin bothers me the most.
     
  11. Carri20

    Carri20 Veteran

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    Not everyone was raised in the church you know. Some people are actually being raised to think that sex outside of marriage is ok. Then they come to Christ and find out differently. He changes their lives and makes them a whole new being, and they become just as against that kind of sin as you are. This may not be the case for the girl in question, but I felt I should make that point. Don't judge a person's faith based on their virginity. When you do, you open yourself up for judgement from God. Trust me, that won't be all grins and giggles for you.

    Now it seems to me as if you've already made up your mind. So do the poor girl a favor and don't ask her out. She really deserves someone who will respect her. Someone who won't see her for who she was, but for who she is today in Christ (assuming she's saved). If you don't measure up, step out of the line.
     
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  12. Diane_Windsor

    Diane_Windsor Senior Contributor

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    Nope.

    Nope

    Don't know, but I know that it is not from Scripture.


    My advice is to go for it! She might very well be a suitable marriage partner for you.

    Diane
    :wave:
     
  13. christiankate

    christiankate Contributor

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    I do think guys who are virgins are a little bit harder to come by, imo, just because the majority of men that I know, are not virgins. Would I like to marry a virgin? Of course, It would be better to learn together;) , then having me have no clue what I'm doing:blush: . I definately prefer a virgin, but I am not ruling non virgins out. I don't know what God has in store for me, but I pray he brings him into my life very soon.:D Anyway, I am not sure how you really know that the person is the one God wants you to be with, maybe its just a feeling, but I haven't found that out yet, hopefully I will soon. God Bless, Kate
     
  14. waterbear

    waterbear New Member

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    I just posted this in another thread, but I'll post it again. Personally, I wouldn't date someone who's had consensual sex with someone under any circumstances. However, this rigidity has a lot todo with quirks in my value system - you'd need to decide for yourself if virginity was that important. It's definately true that virgins are harder to come by, whether you should hold out for one depends on whether or not you think you can be content with a non-virgin in the long-run.

    Sorry I can't be of more help, but this is something only you can decide through introspection.
     
  15. waterbear

    waterbear New Member

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    Some extreme examples...

    a) Person A beats Person B. Person A apologizes, Person B keeps no record. Person A beats Person B. Person A apologizes, Person B keeps no record...

    b) Person A is dating Person B. Person A cheats on Person B. If Person B keeps a record, how can Person B justify dumping Person A?

    Particularly example b) is pertient to this - Person A is quite obligated to forgive Person B and God will forgive if Person A repents. However, this does not mean Person A needs to stay with Person B - most people would say Person A should find someone else who hadn't cheated on him/her. However, how is that any different from finding someone else who hasn't fornicated?
     
  16. london boy

    london boy Welsh and German blood, English heart

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    All are sinners and have fallen short of the glory of God....
    Let he who is without sin cast the first stone....

    Why should marrying a non-virgin be a problem? Just because he/she slept with someone, doesn't mean that they are any worse than we are (that is, if we're virgins). We aren't pure and blameless. We make mistakes, we do things that aren't pleasing to God, but by His grace, He has forgiven us for our sins and we should accept them as Christ accepted us - We should love them for who they are, regardless of whatever they have done.
     
  17. Marissa

    Marissa New Member

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    Cheating is a sin against someone else. It is considered adultery in the bible,a and your quite right we are required to forgive them, but not to stay with them. It is one of the few instances divorce is acceptable.

    Fornication isn't the same. Fornciation is a sin against yourself and a sin againt God. It is not, in any way shape or form, a sin against a possible future partner.

    A non-virgin is not required to apologise their future partner, because the sin has nothing to do with them. As such, who are you to keep count? To judge them? If they have repented sincerely, and God has seen fit to forgive them, you are not to hold judgement on them. It is not your place.
     
  18. lady_of_god

    lady_of_god New Member

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    Decent person means just what it means... a "decent person". You said "She's changed now and has the Jesus action all over the place. I am very condident she is true and is back on track with Jesus" I think that infers her to be a decent person.

    I'm positive you fear God and still sin... do you not tell lies? think inappropiate thoughts? You may not have had sex but you've still committed your own set of sins. Nobody should jingle your past in your face, and she deserves the same. If you look at the grand scheme of things having a virgin bride does not mean a picture perfect life.

    I just read on the marriage ministry board not long ago about a man getting a divorce from his wife. She is leaving him only after a year and a half of marriage. They were both virgins when they married but she soon had an affair and is leaving him to be with this guy. She was a "God fearing" lady when they met and fell in love, however she still committed adultery without any regard for their marriage and continues to live in sin. Obviously, she is not the one the Lord intended even though she was a virgin when they married.

    So that's something to just think about and consider. Look to get to know the person. Everyone has a past (meaning that we've all sinned) whether that be virgin or non-virgin. If she is this wonderful person, then who knows she may be your wife... the perfect woman for you. Don't pass her up because of some mistakes. It's all about who she is right now and not who she was. You should view people as who they are right now because all of us have a past less than perfect and hey we all fall short of the cross.

    -Lady.
     
  19. Spicy McHaggis

    Spicy McHaggis I don't know nothin 'bout birthin no babies

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    Yeah, it's the part where God forgives us for our sins. ;)
     
  20. Dying2Live4Christ

    Dying2Live4Christ I'm glad I didn't die before I met you...

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    I don't see the problem with a virgin marrying a non-virgin at all. I mean, Jesus died on the cross to wash away all of our transgression. This cleansing cleanses the complete sin from us. That means we are no longer part of that old sin. No one should hold a past sin against someone who has asked forgiveness of it. We are to forgive just as Christ as forgiven us.
     
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