Should a girl ask a guy to "hang out"?

[sweetmercy]

Hi,

I've become kind of interested in a guy who goes to my church and works out at my gym. I talk to him a lot every time I see him, and I'd like to get to know him better. I don't believe its the girls role to do the asking out, but I'm wondering if anyone thinks its okay if I ask him if he just wants to "hang out". And then go out for coffee or something and develop more of a friendship. Or do I just do my best to let him know that I'm interested and sit back and wait for him to make the first move? Opinions please
Jen

 

[Dizzy]

It'd be a good idea to ask him out, if not the other way around.. You might just wait too long and nothing would happen... Do what u just said, ask him if he'd like to go out for some coffee or something... I don't see what the harm would be, especially in this day and age...

 

[redwing030]

Even though my husband started talking to me first (we met online), I was the first one to ask him to go out and grab something to eat and meet in person for the first time. Apparently it worked out ok since we are married

 

[Mr.Cheese]

I think it is fine for a girl to take the initiative.

 

[FatBurger]

Most guys love it if the woman makes a move, go for it.

 

[sweetmercy]

So nobody thinks that asking a guy out is overstepping his leadership role?

 

[JWBZ SVT]

So nobody thinks that asking a guy out is overstepping his leadership role?

There are two types of husbands...those who are hen-pecked and those who don't know that they are...

I think it's fine for a girl to ask a guy to hang out. That gives BOTH of you an opportunity to get to know each other better and who knows...he may ask you out and then one day you could be smiling while he *thinks* he's running the show all the while you knowing that he's merely one of the two types I mentioned.

 

[Dizzy]

There are two types of husbands...those who are hen-pecked and those who don't know that they are...

You are sooo right about that! I'm the clueless type...

 

[Jon_]

Looks like I'm in the minority, but I think it should be on the guy to ask you out. It's perfectly fine to show interest and everything, but him failing to take the initiative should be an indicator of one of two things: a) he's not interested (romantically); b) he's not comfortable with his masculine responsibilities. Men are called to take the initiative, women are called to respond. It shouldn't be the other way around.

 

[Ginsu]

Or do I just do my best to let him know that I'm interested and sit back and wait for him to make the first move?

No, because he might not never make the first move. First you have to let him know that you're intrested in him, so yeah, do the hang out thing.
I know for me, it was very difficult to tell weither a Christian girl is being her nice self, love, joy, kindness, ect, or if she was intrested in another way. Guys can be clueless. Drop hints please!!

 

[gizmo03]

I am trying to build enough courage to ask a guy out at church, we have this thing going on between us that we have small talk and share the smiles. It is quite cute, as people have told me that has noticed it, we always sit around each other, one of us infron of the other and no matter the one always turns around and smiles at the other person when getting up and sitting down!

My sister tells me I just need to ask him, because of him being shy like me, I just need to break the whole thing and jump at it.. I really want to, because of how much I like him!!! Just not sure what to expect and afraid I am the only one feeling like this when around him.

 

[InTheFlame]

Ye gads. The games we play, eh? Whatever happened to simple honesty - 'hi, I think you're a nice person and I'd like to get to know you better... interested in having coffee sometime?' Instead we all trawl through the bible looking for ... what, exactly? The rules of dating? The 10 Commandments of how to get safely to marriage? .... and come up with lots of silly rules. Where did 'love carefully follows all manmade rules' come from?

Here's my guidelines for friendship/dating/marriage -

- Be yourself
- Guard your heart... work out who the other person is, get to know them properly, before giving in to 'in love' feelings
- Be honest
- Don't play games.

Following the above guidelines is far more likely to lead to a happy, fulfilling marriage than worrying about who asks who out.

 

[blueSKYpilot]

I'll throw in my 2 cents worth:

As a male (who is in H.S.) I have been in the courting stage. And from what I have realized, girls do a lot of things that are unnessesary, and sometimes to a point where they become a problem, become hurtful, and yes, sinful

However, I do not speak for every girl. I just speak for some, those being the ones who play the "dating game" and treat love (or feelings of love; real love is not feelings. feelings are good, and are essencial, but do not constitue real love) like it is something to mess around with. I am for courtship, and I understand that breaking up may happen. However, to just "date around" to me seems very sinful. Many conservative Christians speak in terms of betrothal, that is, the parents do all of the picking. However, I disagree. The parents should teach their kids and give them wisdom when it comes to choosing a mate. I do not understand the concept of the parents picking the mate. Yes, it happened in Biblical times. However, they also wore wierd cloths back then, and ate different foods too. And do we have to wear and eat what they did? No. So do we have to do the traditions that they did. No. However, the princible remains. That being, simply: USE YOUR HEAD WHEN CHOOSING A LIFE-LONG MATE!! Make sure it will be a person who you will love for the rest of your life. Don't let feelings blind the truth about them. Becuase after a while, the flame simmers down, and one starts to see things differently. That's just some advice that I have.

That all being said, I would have to add this: there is nothing wrong with the girl asking the guy at all. But I wouldn't reccomend it, nessesarly. If I were you, I would try hard to let him know. And if that doesn't work, then yes... ask him out.

I'll be praying for you.

See ya,
Bluesky

 

[redwing030]

Looks like I'm in the minority, but I think it should be on the guy to ask you out. It's perfectly fine to show interest and everything, but him failing to take the initiative should be an indicator of one of two things: a) he's not interested (romantically); b) he's not comfortable with his masculine responsibilities. Men are called to take the initiative, women are called to respond. It shouldn't be the other way around.

I do not necessarily agree that if he doesn't do the asking he's not interested. I know that some guys are leary about doing the asking because of the whole fear of rejection thing. I know my husband was scared to death to kiss me for the first time because his worst fear would be that I would turn my head purposely and he'd end up kissing my cheek, so I kinda had to really make sure he knew I wanted him to kiss me.

 

[Jon_]

I do not necessarily agree that if he doesn't do the asking he's not interested. I know that some guys are leary about doing the asking because of the whole fear of rejection thing. I know my husband was scared to death to kiss me for the first time because his worst fear would be that I would turn my head purposely and he'd end up kissing my cheek, so I kinda had to really make sure he knew I wanted him to kiss me.

Yeah, that was an either-or option. I wasn't saying that he's not interested if he doesn't ask you out.

 

[redwing030]

Yeah, that was an either-or option. I wasn't saying that he's not interested if he doesn't ask you out.

But you were still saying that the guy should ALWAYS do the asking. But what about in the situation mentioned where the guy is just too shy or uncomfortable to do it? Then is he doomed to live alone because he's not comfortable doing the asking?

 

[the_man]

Invitation and Engagement. Woman invites, a man engages. Doesn't matter what happens first. Invite him by giving him an opportunity to engage.

RE: guys reading signs: a guy that isn't looking for signs will not find them. Guys are not as clueless as we would want to make them out to be. Some guys see the signs, but don't believe them. They are in utter shock that a woman of such caliber could be showing interest in them so they do nothing. Other guys when they eventually do something, it's either something stupid or too late.

 

[unjustwar]

dont wait for the guy to make the first move.... or else you'll be waiting for a long time

 

[Jon_]

But you were still saying that the guy should ALWAYS do the asking. But what about in the situation mentioned where the guy is just too shy or uncomfortable to do it? Then is he doomed to live alone because he's not comfortable doing the asking?

In my opinion? Yup.

 

[TheDag]

Looks like I'm in the minority, but I think it should be on the guy to ask you out. It's perfectly fine to show interest and everything, but him failing to take the initiative should be an indicator of one of two things: a) he's not interested (romantically); b) he's not comfortable with his masculine responsibilities. Men are called to take the initiative, women are called to respond. It shouldn't be the other way around.

Hi Jon
Can you provide some verses to back up this claim of men being called to take the initiative and women responding as I can't think of anything that would support this view.
I personally believe God doesn't care who asks who out.