What Does the Bible Say About Sleeping in the Same Bed Before Marriage?

[GodisLove2]

@ttaylor
If you have the self-control to sleep in the same bed with your girlfriend and not have sex, don't you have the self-control not to be in the same bed?
1 Thessalonians 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.

 

[The Nihilist]

@ttaylor
If you have the self-control to sleep in the same bed with your girlfriend and not have sex, don't you have the self-control not to be in the same bed?
1 Thessalonians 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.

It's not an appearance unless someone's watching them. I'm not sure where they sleep, but I don't think that's an issue.

 

[GrumpGrump]

@ttaylor
If you have the self-control to sleep in the same bed with your girlfriend and not have sex, don't you have the self-control not to be in the same bed?
1 Thessalonians 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.

That misses the point of his original question entirely. He wasn't saying, "Halp halp I wanna sleep in the same bed, plz convince me not to because I might have sex!" He was asking for reasons for and against sleeping in the same bed, having bracketed the issue of sexual temptation. It is a thing he enjoys doing and he wants to objectively consider why it may or may not be a good idea, since he is certain that he won't break his premarital sex principles.

 

[Jazer]

Does anyone have any arguments for or against sleeping in the same bed, or possibly have a personal experience that would support either side of the argument?

Isn't that what got Michael Jackson in trouble? Sleeping in the same bed with a minor. Of course he thought it was so pure and innocent and just could not understand why anyone thought there was anything wrong with it.

 

[147]

It's not an appearance unless someone's watching them. I'm not sure where they sleep, but I don't think that's an issue.

Or someone finds out about it somehow. Loose lips do sink ships.

I understand you have self-control. That's a great possession. But at the same time, you do not want to be a stumbling block for anyone. Let's say if by word of mouth (say your girlfriend said something she thought was innocuous about this to someone), someone who doesn't have self-control heard about this. They hold you in high esteem. "Well if this guy can sleep with his girlfriend without having sex, so can I!" But their lack of self-control gets in the way, and they end up consummating the relationship before marriage, when all they wanted was to sleep in the same bed as their S/O. Worse if there was no chance of that couple getting married. And doubly so if a pregnancy occurs.

The Bible makes it clear that it would better if a millstone was tied around your neck than if you cause one to stumble. Sure, you may see nothing wrong with it, but what's to say that someone doesn't find out? Would you really want to take that risk of causing someone else to stumble?

 

[The Nihilist]

Or someone finds out about it somehow. Loose lips do sink ships.

I want you to know that I have a really gross joke I'm not making.

I understand you have self-control. That's a great possession. But at the same time, you do not want to be a stumbling block for anyone. Let's say if by word of mouth (say your girlfriend said something she thought was innocuous about this to someone), someone who doesn't have self-control heard about this. They hold you in high esteem. "Well if this guy can sleep with his girlfriend without having sex, so can I!" But their lack of self-control gets in the way, and they end up consummating the relationship before marriage, when all they wanted was to sleep in the same bed as their S/O. Worse if there was no chance of that couple getting married. And doubly so if a pregnancy occurs.

You could make the same argument about anyone capable of avoiding temptation. If you're willing to infantilize people, I mean.

The Bible makes it clear that it would better if a millstone was tied around your neck than if you cause one to stumble.

That's right before he tells you to cut off your hand if it causes you to stumble. Either christians think Jesus is hyperbolizing, or lots and lots of men are doing a great job hiding a very serious injury.

Sure, you may see nothing wrong with it, but what's to say that someone doesn't find out? Would you really want to take that risk of causing someone else to stumble?

 

[147]

That's right before he tells you to cut off your hand if it causes you to stumble. Either christians think Jesus is hyperbolizing, or lots and lots of men are doing a great job hiding a very serious injury.

In that spot, I believe he has a very valid point. But I don't see it the way you see it.

What Jesus points out is a stern warning against causing anyone to be tempted by your actions and stumble, by stating, it's better that you kill yourself than face judgment for causing anyone to stumble. He isn't advocating the act of suicide, but saying you will be judged harshly for causing someone to stumble, or even giving someone a license to sin through your words and actions.

For example, alcohol. A very hot issue with Christianity. I drink a beer on occasion. One with dinner, or one after a rough day at work to sooth my nerves. I don't drink to get drunk, just to relax, or enjoy a good beer. Even my fiance and I had a couple glasses of wine the night I proposed. Does that make me a sinner? It makes me as much of one as Paul advocating for Timothy to drink wine to sooth his stomach problems.

However, if this were a cause for stumbling, then I would have that weighing on me. Say if I drank in front of someone who is a recovering alcoholic? Or they even caught wind that I drink on occasion? And them, holding me in a position of respect, think "Well, if he can drink and still be a Christian, so can I!" But the problem with that person is that whereas I can stop after one, or two beers at the most, and be satisfied, and sober-minded, that person will more than likely not be able to.

It is the same situation. What if someone who is a recovering sex addict found out the OP is doing this, and respects the OP? "Well, if they can do this without having sex, so can I!" People place way too much trust in their own self-control, or their own Christian walk that they think that they are impervious to former triggers that could lead them back to their sinful life before believing Jesus and their repentance.

This has even put me on the fence of whether I should even continue drinking or not myself, since even word that I had a beer may reach the ears of someone who could stumble because of it.

I know this from experience. I am a recovering compulsive gambler. I don't remember much circa 2004-2007 save the times I was playing poker. I was on the path of recovery around September 2007. But I had a friend who was a Christian, but played poker occasionally. And I thought I could do the same.

In March 2008 I was on the verge of suicide after a bad run. And while I should've known better than to play in the first place, I have to pray that his causing me to stumble isn't held against him, because I was influenced by his ability to not let it effect him.

 

[The Nihilist]

In that spot, I believe he has a very valid point. But I don't see it the way you see it.

What Jesus points out is a stern warning against causing anyone to be tempted by your actions and stumble, by stating, it's better that you kill yourself than face judgment for causing anyone to stumble. He isn't advocating the act of suicide, but saying you will be judged harshly for causing someone to stumble, or even giving someone a license to sin through your words and actions.

For example, alcohol. A very hot issue with Christianity. I drink a beer on occasion. One with dinner, or one after a rough day at work to sooth my nerves. I don't drink to get drunk, just to relax, or enjoy a good beer. Even my fiance and I had a couple glasses of wine the night I proposed. Does that make me a sinner? It makes me as much of one as Paul advocating for Timothy to drink wine to sooth his stomach problems.

However, if this were a cause for stumbling, then I would have that weighing on me. Say if I drank in front of someone who is a recovering alcoholic? Or they even caught wind that I drink on occasion? And them, holding me in a position of respect, think "Well, if he can drink and still be a Christian, so can I!" But the problem with that person is that whereas I can stop after one, or two beers at the most, and be satisfied, and sober-minded, that person will more than likely not be able to.

It is the same situation. What if someone who is a recovering sex addict found out the OP is doing this, and respects the OP? "Well, if they can do this without having sex, so can I!" People place way too much trust in their own self-control, or their own Christian walk that they think that they are impervious to former triggers that could lead them back to their sinful life before believing Jesus and their repentance.

This has even put me on the fence of whether I should even continue drinking or not myself, since even word that I had a beer may reach the ears of someone who could stumble because of it.

I know this from experience. I am a recovering compulsive gambler. I don't remember much circa 2004-2007 save the times I was playing poker. I was on the path of recovery around September 2007. But I had a friend who was a Christian, but played poker occasionally. And I thought I could do the same.

In March 2008 I was on the verge of suicide after a bad run. And while I should've known better than to play in the first place, I have to pray that his causing me to stumble isn't held against him, because I was influenced by his ability to not let it effect him.

Whoa. Ok. This is clearly pretty personal for you, so I'm going to not debate with you further. Situations like this can get real heated real fast, and I'd rather avoid it. I hope you understand.

 

[TreeHouse]

It seems to me the issue is one of appearance and not of temptation. I'm in the same boat but in my case, there is the part of impressionable children around that make me even crashing on a couch look bad. Now if we aree at my house, a rarity, maybe once a month because it is a long distance situation, then I have no issue with it though we have never done so. If appearances really are the delineating factor here, who are you trying to appease?

I guess my point is that you need to only appear as you are to one person, the man upstairs. If your heart is true and you are truly there for the right reasons, I fail to see the concern. As you said, people will judge you regardless, and you aren't required to uphold their specific judgemental precepts.

 

[Genocyber]

I think it depends on if you have no other alternative (other than the hard, solid floor) and if you can resist temptation, many people tend to think that everybody are crazy sex-maniacs that cant even look at theyre friends of opposite gender without becoming animals, thats wrong because everybody has different measure of self-control, and i think it depends on if it is a friend or a girl/boyfriend, because with a friend its easier to resist, i also think thats beetween the persons and God, one should ask God what to do and pray before so that He protects you both from temptation, also a good thing to do is using 2 different covers, one each other and one can lie on the others cover, so that you cannot touch each other in inappropriate ways.. The bad thing is that other people has big mouths and usually likes to think the best and gossip, so maybe that can get you into problems or other people will think its right to have sex before, but that shows more of those people than about you.. God knows your heart but if you know you cannot stay out of temptation, then dont do it

 

[barefeetonholyground]

A few months ago I started what I see as my first serious relationship. This is the first time that I can see my girlfriend turning into my wife. We've talked about the fact that we can both see this moving towards marraige, but we have a long distance relationship. I go to the US Military Academy in New York, and I can't be with her very much because she goes to school in Florida and has a job. Over our mutual spring break we spent as much time as we could together, including sleeping in the same bed. Most of our best discussions happenned before we would go to sleep.

We've discussed the fact that we aren't going to have sex before marraige, and also the fact that we won't hide anything that we do from our parents. When her parents asked her where I was sleeping, we were honest about it, and the discussion that followed led her (well, led us, but I don't much enjoy it) to believe that we shouldn't share a bed because of the image that it portrays to other people that won't believe that we're not having sex. As a result of this new opinion, I slept alone for the last few days of the break.

I truly believe that the both of us will be able to show the restraint to not have sex until we're married and I've read the scriptures about removing yourself from temptation (proverbs 6:27- Can a man scoop a flame into his lap and not have his clothes catch on fire?). I think that temptation is different to different people, and I can see why others should be encouraged not to sleep in the same bed, especially if they haven't discussed premarital sex. Because while I probably couldn't put fire in my lap without being burned, I am able to sleep with my girlfriend without having sex. I also believe that it's out of our hands whether or not people will think that we're having sex, because people are judgemental.

Does anyone have any arguments for or against sleeping in the same bed, or possibly have a personal experience that would support either side of the argument?

I am glad to see that you are honoring your girlfriend physically by not sleeping with her. However...

How is sharing a bed with her honoring her emotionally? You're forming an emotional bond that is just as dangerous as physical bonds. What if you don't get married? How well would she sleep at night feeling incomplete because you aren't sleeping next to her?

 

[Ever In The Shadows]

I have thought about this and talked to my friend whom may or may-not become my boyfriend. He's not a Christian, but he believes he can withhold sex even though he's had it before and i have not (he says this gives him more temptation to want it).

I discussed this question with him, and said that it might actually be more tempting for me, for him being so close to me. But that's my (kind of lacking) experience.

IN YOUR CASE
I believe that if others want to believe that the two of you are having sex, even if you're not actually sleeping in the same bed, they can come up with another way that you two might have already become sexually active. You really can't win with those people.

I'd be more concerned about your thoughts, because they themselves if they turn sexual, is already a sin. When you're so close to a person, and can look at them and think, "They will be my wife/husband one day." that thought becomes more realistic, and drives your temptation even more to act out on those thoughts.

Whether or not you agree is up to you of course. I hope the best for the both of you. However, be very wary.

 

[siberian khatru]

Let people think what they like, and another thing, it's none of their buisness! Sleep on the couch!

 

[Genocyber]

I am glad to see that you are honoring your girlfriend physically by not sleeping with her. However...

How is sharing a bed with her honoring her emotionally? You're forming an emotional bond that is just as dangerous as physical bonds. What if you don't get married? How well would she sleep at night feeling incomplete because you aren't sleeping next to her?

I agree, sleeping in the same bed as another person can create soulties, and be extremely careful who it is because if that person have spiritual problems, those things can then affect you in negative ways... Best bet is to not sleep at all with other people..

 

[mathetes123]

A few months ago I started what I see as my first serious relationship. This is the first time that I can see my girlfriend turning into my wife. We've talked about the fact that we can both see this moving towards marraige, but we have a long distance relationship. I go to the US Military Academy in New York, and I can't be with her very much because she goes to school in Florida and has a job. Over our mutual spring break we spent as much time as we could together, including sleeping in the same bed. Most of our best discussions happenned before we would go to sleep.

We've discussed the fact that we aren't going to have sex before marraige, and also the fact that we won't hide anything that we do from our parents. When her parents asked her where I was sleeping, we were honest about it, and the discussion that followed led her (well, led us, but I don't much enjoy it) to believe that we shouldn't share a bed because of the image that it portrays to other people that won't believe that we're not having sex. As a result of this new opinion, I slept alone for the last few days of the break.

I truly believe that the both of us will be able to show the restraint to not have sex until we're married and I've read the scriptures about removing yourself from temptation (proverbs 6:27- Can a man scoop a flame into his lap and not have his clothes catch on fire?). I think that temptation is different to different people, and I can see why others should be encouraged not to sleep in the same bed, especially if they haven't discussed premarital sex. Because while I probably couldn't put fire in my lap without being burned, I am able to sleep with my girlfriend without having sex. I also believe that it's out of our hands whether or not people will think that we're having sex, because people are judgemental.

Does anyone have any arguments for or against sleeping in the same bed, or possibly have a personal experience that would support either side of the argument?

While sleeping with your girlfriend, but abstainnig from sex may seem on the surface as "okay", you need to consider the conscience of a weaker brother who will perceive that your are engaging in premarital sex.

Consider the following verses:

1Co 8:1 Now concerning food offered to idols: we know that "all of us possess knowledge." This "knowledge" puffs up, but love builds up.
1Co 8:2 If anyone imagines that he knows something, he does not yet know as he ought to know.
1Co 8:3 But if anyone loves God, he is known by God.
1Co 8:4 Therefore, as to the eating of food offered to idols, we know that "an idol has no real existence," and that "there is no God but one."
1Co 8:5 For although there may be so-called gods in heaven or on earth--as indeed there are many "gods" and many "lords"--
1Co 8:6 yet for us there is one God, the Father, from whom are all things and for whom we exist, and one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom are all things and through whom we exist.
1Co 8:7 However, not all possess this knowledge. But some, through former association with idols, eat food as really offered to an idol, and their conscience, being weak, is defiled.
1Co 8:8 Food will not commend us to God. We are no worse off if we do not eat, and no better off if we do.
1Co 8:9 But take care that this right of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak.
1Co 8:10 For if anyone sees you who have knowledge eating in an idol's temple, will he not be encouraged, if his conscience is weak, to eat food offered to idols?
1Co 8:11 And so by your knowledge this weak person is destroyed, the brother for whom Christ died.
1Co 8:12 Thus, sinning against your brothers and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ.
1Co 8:13 Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

People should be careful. I swore up and down I would never have sex with the anyone I was with until I was married. I even took a vow with my parents and signed it! But at 27 I lost my virginity one night on accident. You'd be suprise how just one little temptation such as an innocnet kiss can lead to sex.

Some people told me it was not that bad since I lasted until 27. But to me sex is still sex and I blew it! Now I avoid the temptation of when with my fiance. We still kiss and hug but I will not be alone with her in a room for to long.

 

[Genocyber]

People should be careful. I swore up and down I would never have sex with the anyone I was with until I was married. I even took a vow with my parents and signed it! But at 27 I lost my virginity one night on accident. You'd be suprise how just one little temptation such as an innocnet kiss can lead to sex.

Some people told me it was not that bad since I lasted until 27. But to me sex is still sex and I blew it! Now I avoid the temptation of when with my fiance. We still kiss and hug but I will not be alone with her in a room for to long.

I dont think we should take vows, they can easily be broken if one is not careful, Jesus told us not to swear, but God forgives you just if you ask for it brother, thank you that you told this it makes one think alot.

 

[eaglemustfly]

Sharing a bed should only be done exclusively with your husband or wife. It is too intimate.

 

[Christina84]

Depends on what you think though. But ya still not appropriate.

 

[dayhiker]

My GF and I share a bed when we go on vacation. I've not had any Christians come to me and say they are considering backsliding because of it, nor in 50 years of being a Christian have I heard of anyone doing that.