Sexually frustrated?

[njcl]

so you know christ more than me??.hmmm im thinking not but im not going into detail about it,if you want to condemn yourself over sex with a partner before you marry then go ahead

 

[Spoilt Victorian Child]

I didn't say that, and my concern is more for people reading this who may be unsure about whether they should go ahead and engage in premarital sex.

 

[njcl]

ok i apologise,as paul said i became puffed up,well yes if people think its not for them to engage in sex before marriage then good for them if they can hold out id err on the side of abstination over over indulgence

 

[Glorianna]

I don't like arguments on threads.

 

[equusargentum]

It could be between 3 and 6 years before I marry my SO. We've agreed our boundaries and it's settling down now. So far we've found it's not a good idea just to sit around together on our own (like after a film) and not at least be having a converstion. I know that the years ahead will be tough but with God, anything's possible. About the "hugging overdose"; if you can feel the fire burning then let go and find something else to do. It is possible to hug for a while just innocently but it all depends on the individual situation. You might make mistakes along teh way btu just make sure you learn for them and also keep it a team effort.

 

[Glorianna]

About the "hugging overdose"; if you can feel the fire burning then let go and find something else to do. It is possible to hug for a while just innocently but it all depends on the individual situation.

It depends on the couple too.

 

[YoursTruely45]

everytime i see my fiance all i want is to give myself to him. but from prevous experiences and things i have done in my past i know all it does is ruin a relationship. (in my experience it has). so we have had to set some serious boundaries. when i see him we cannot be left alone in any room except a living room or kitchen, we really dont do much in the way of "making out" because with us it leads to many other things. so we have had to set serious boundaries that we cannot give in. we also, try and read our bibles together whenever i go to town and see him. but thats also, hard to keep up with!

just be strong and keep Christ in the middle of the relationship. with him anything is possible! hope i helped

~jenn

 

[poohbear10101]

I agree. It is better to get married than to give in to temptation before you're married.

I'm sorry guys, but I do NOT agree with that at all!!!! The divorce rate has gone through the roof and it's becuase of thinking like that........getting married for the purpose of being able to be together intimately/physically is a ridiculous reason to get married!

Hun,
How long have you two been together to begin with? Do NOT get married unless you are both absolutely sure you WILL be able to spend the rest of your lives together. Not only are you making a commitment to the government and to eachother, but most importantly you making a commitment to God! Physical attraction is great, but marriage is so much more than that!

Do NOT give in to the physical temptation, thats Satan trying to get in between that strong bond that you do feel. Go out together, avoid "alone" times, just have them once in a while! True Love is patient...it's been said in these forums over and over!

Good Luck! I hope your relationship works out and I give it all to you to wait that 2-3 yrs. like you had planned.....stick with it, and if God and only God gives you a peace and truth maybe a year originally planned or something than go for it, otherwise, BE PATIENT!

 

[KristianJ]

im going to get flayed alive for this but i see nothing wrong with have sex with somebody who you are going to marry for definite,god is not a draconian despot who will launch lightning bolts because you wish to become one with your partner,he made love and sex,also i have great difficulty in pauls epistles that have been converted by scholars especially the one about keeping your virgin,ive read it describes a fathers custody over his daughter,rubbish paul is describing a man who was burning towards his woman and has sex with her,"let him do what they will,he sineth not let them marry" = let him deflower his virgin but they must marry to make holy their communion so........KJV

From what I'm reading in my Bible, you've quoted 1 Corinthians 7:36 - here is the ESV's take on that verse:

If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly to his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes; let them marry - it is no sin.

The following verse needs to be noted as well:

But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well

I'm no Greek scholar, but here's my thoughts on what Paul is implying. I think that the phrase "and it has to be" does not refer to sexual intercourse, but to the act of marriage. If one was to interpret it as sex, then Paul would be endorsing extra-marital sex, which many agree is not in line with God's plan for that gift. He is saying that marriage is no sin - verse 28 has a near identical train of thought. So Paul is building on the concept he raised back in verse 9 about it being better to marry than to be filled with passion.

And about verse 9 - let me sum it up as "the act of marriage > being filled with passion". Now, do we leave it there? poohbear raises what I feel is a very important point - marriage has more "criteria" attached to it than whether you're filled with passion or not. The best medicine from restraining yourself from passionate desires is not bringing forward the marriage date. It's realising that you have God to guide you, and His word of truth to be your weapon against temptation. Whilst yes, Paul's assertion is right, it's better to make an effort to abandon the passionate desires before you get married, because it ensure that you and your partner are able to build a solid foundation in your courting period.

 

[Glorianna]

Thanks for further explaining that KristianJ. That's what I meant.

 

[ChildofLight85]

It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5,7.

My boyfriend are I are also committed to refraining from sex before marriage. I will be 20 next month, and he will be 20 in january. In order for us to be able to financially support ourselves, marriage could not be for at least another 2-3 years as well. Yes, not being physical is hard, but we set strict boundaries for ourselves. I find that strict boundaries really help in refraining from going further. For example, the day we started seeing each other, we decided that making out was not an option, b/c it usually puts us in the path of difficulty b/c it easily leads to doing more. So yes, we kiss, but only a quick peck on the lips, nothing more. Making out puts one in the "passionate mood" and gets one psyched up for more, and thatz why itz so hard. I did screw up in past relationships when i wuz in grade 10-11, so i do know for a fact that making out just leads to trouble -- it makes it easier to accept a step further and a step further after that. So from my own experience, the best thing i can recommend is much of the advice already given to u on this thread. Making out is probably not a good idea, cut out completely or limit the cuddling, avoid being alone together a lot, especially at night and other times when you guyz are tired.

I think not having sex before marriage is one way God forces us to rely on Him. The world being obsessed with sex does not make it any easier. I know honestly, i wouldn't be able to do it w/o Him; in my weakness, He is my strength. Sometimes i find i dont want to wait anymore, but i press on, and usually those r the times when i know itz time for me to go home. cuz truly, i know we'll both regret it later. If you guyz can wait, that is way of showing u truly love each other, and God, by respecting each other's purity. Every time u feel tempted, don't think about what u may want in that moment, but think that if u do act on that, ur taking away something from your partner that she can never get back. What's done, is done. period.

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Ephesians 5:3

 

[KristianJ]

Thanks for further explaining that KristianJ. That's what I meant.

No probs!

 

[koban4max]

If you can't let your partner go when you saying, "good bye," dude, my friend, you got obsessive problem. That's not good, that can ruin your relationship.

 

[Leanna]

I'm sorry guys, but I do NOT agree with that at all!!!! The divorce rate has gone through the roof and it's becuase of thinking like that........getting married for the purpose of being able to be together intimately/physically is a ridiculous reason to get married!

I was not suggesting that people get married only to avoid temptation or so that you can have sex. That would be absurd. I suppose I wasn't clear. If two people are dating and want to get married.... then suddenly they put this big banner up "we are going to wait 7 years!!" sometimes it just doesn't work that way. There comes a point where you either break up, or you get married. More than just physical temptation, dating is not meant to be a never ending deal. If you're not ready to get married, why waste time dating? Why not just have friends and hang out and put all of the crud of dating aside?

However, I do agree with your sentiments, it is not always right to get married. I think its not just people getting married to have sex that have the problem, it is people getting married too quickly, people getting married even though they have obvious problems in their relationship, people getting married with addictions, people getting married too young (Yes, even that, although I did get married at 19). So it is NOT just sex that is causing a bad divorce rate. There are all these plus tons of other reasons.

Also, if you want the OP to feel respected, maybe you should refrain from calling them "hun." Everyone wants to be treated like an adult here I'm sure.

 

[Glorianna]

I completely agree with you Leanna.

I didn't start dating until I was ready to get married. I just don't see the point of it.

 

[f U z ! o N]

amen Glorianna! whats the point of dating unless you are ready to possibly marry that person. if society would listen to that divorce rates would go down. sure, i may be almost 18 but i consider myself a heck of a lot more mature than others my age. i have no intentions of marrying until i am at least 22

 

[saami]

... it is not always right to get married. I think its not just people getting married to have sex that have the problem, it is people getting married too quickly, people getting married even though they have obvious problems in their relationship, people getting married with addictions, people getting married too young (Yes, even that, although I did get married at 19). So it is NOT just sex that is causing a bad divorce rate. There are all these plus tons of other reasons.

We are blasted with a false idea all the time about what "love" is and how it relates to marriage. Marriage is a serious covenant between two people to take care of each other, support each other, seek the best and growth for the other. It takes alot more than the fluffly thing most call love to achieve that. Romance will come and go - AGAPE love (service to one another) lasts forever.

Start out by finding a friend, who can become a partner, and then a spouse.

 

[Spoilt Victorian Child]

amen Glorianna! whats the point of dating unless you are ready to possibly marry that person. if society would listen to that divorce rates would go down. sure, i may be almost 18 but i consider myself a heck of a lot more mature than others my age. i have no intentions of marrying until i am at least 22

But don't you have a girlfriend??

 

[koban4max]

love in god is the best thing I ever experienced.

 

[poohbear10101]

I was not suggesting that people get married only to avoid temptation or so that you can have sex. That would be absurd. I suppose I wasn't clear. If two people are dating and want to get married.... then suddenly they put this big banner up "we are going to wait 7 years!!" sometimes it just doesn't work that way. There comes a point where you either break up, or you get married. More than just physical temptation, dating is not meant to be a never ending deal. If you're not ready to get married, why waste time dating? Why not just have friends and hang out and put all of the crud of dating aside?

I understand that part about the limited waiting period, yeah thats crazy! But if they want to put a yearly limit on when they want to get married, they should be able to do so without people making them feel like they're dumb for waiting! I never said that they should date forever and continue dating many people. Of course if they're not ready for marriage they shouldn't be dating in the first place......but there's a difference in being ready to be married and being ready to marry that specific person. You have to get to know them and truley care about them before you decide you want to marry them and what better way to do that than in a courting relationship.

Also, if you want the OP to feel respected, maybe you should refrain from calling them "hun." Everyone wants to be treated like an adult here I'm sure.

I call many people "hun". It has nothing to do with a lack of respect for the other person and it's not just me talking down to them or something. My intent was not to show her any disrespect. I don't know/understand why you're attacking me just because I disagreed with your statement, I never once attacked you, I simply stated that I did not agree and stated why! If you want to be treated like an adult, maybe you should refrain from talking to people like that. I did nothing wrong to you or anyone else!

You have a problem with me, pm me, don't post your attacks on here for everyone to see to make yourself feel better.....if it continues I will have you reported.