Sexually frustrated?

[Eccp19]

Is there anything one can do when you feel so close to someone all you want to do is be with them? But you know that you can't because you wouldn't want to take or give anything from your future spouse whom is not necessarily the one you are with.
Saying goodbye to her is extremely difficult. Whether it is on the phone, or in person. I never want to leave and it doesn't help that she feels exactly the same way as I do lol. But last night after I finally broke loose from her arms and gave her a quick kiss (we used to kiss longer, but decided that we shouldn't do that anymore for the tme being) I felt extremely frustrated. Her and I have never done anything to dishonor the Lord but feeling so close to someone and not being able to express that is really starting to wear me down. And I know it's the same for her. (holding a high standard is NOT fun)
You should probably know that whenever I do have to say goodbye to her, its usually at night-time when we are more tired. (Do emotions/desires increase at nighttime??) And you should also know that the nights where it is most difficult to say goodbye are nights where we have spent a lot of time hugging (whether cuddling, or just an over dosage of hugging (is there such a thing?) because she or I was a away for a few days)
I know that as the man I need to take some lead here and starve the situations where we are alone and playing with fire. Its so hard though after you have shared them with your wonderful SO and know how great they can be. (I'm talking just about cuddling)

Can I just ask a question to all the people out there that courted their spouse successfully for three years or so? Did you find problems like this in your courtship? Did you feel frustrated sexually? Is there any hope? What makes it easier?

She and I have 2 to 3 years before marriage is plausible. Just an added tidbit.

 

[Leanna]

How old are you?

 

[JulesM]

I can identify with you. My SO and I have been together for 1.5 years and will be married next summer. We are doing all we can to be pure and we have boundaries. BUT sometimes every fibre of me wants to be able to give myself to him as a way of showing how I feel. Sometimes I cry when I say goodbye in the evenings because its such an awful wrench. I'd like nothing more than to sleep next to him, or wake next to him. I want to exist in the same house as him sharing our lives and our bodies.

Other times however its fine, I am able to be patient, knowing one day it'll be 'our time' and I feel proud to know on our wedding night we will have proved our love for each other and for God by waiting.

I empathise.

Have quality time, hugging, talking and going on fun dates in the meantime. One day (God permitting) it will be 'your time'.

 

[Eccp19]

I am almost 19 and she is almost 18.

 

[Glorianna]

I definitely know how it is. Unfortunately, I don't have any advice for you. I wish I did!

 

[invisiblebabe]

Three years?

Goodness, I couldn't do it.... although for me it's more about not having the commitment finalized, than about waiting for the physical. Waiting for that really has not been hard for me. I honestly can't relate about the cuddling thing either... that doesn't make me want to do anything more, not even a bit... it's enough.

Fiance and I are marrying exactly 8 months after we got together. We were engaged before 4 months.

 

[Glorianna]

Three years?

Goodness, I couldn't do it.... although for me it's more about not having the commitment finalized, than about waiting for the physical. Waiting for that really has not been hard for me. I honestly can't relate about the cuddling thing either... that doesn't make me want to do anything more, not even a bit... it's enough.

Fiance and I are marrying exactly 8 months after we got together. We were engaged before 4 months.

Wow, that's fast. Maybe if other people got married that quickly they wouldn't have any problems either! You're very blessed!

 

[Leanna]

Yes it is very common to have those struggles. I can give you advice about how to make it better, but you won't like it. Stop cuddling and hugging on her all the time. Don't make out. The fact is, you get more turned on that way. Eventually it will be hard to stop at that. Spend more time going out and less time at home or anywhere where you are alone. And the nighttime thing is VERY common too. Don't stay out too late because your defense weakens. Spend more time with friends too and not alone one on one. There is no purpose in being alone one on one alone too much if you can't get married for 2-3 years and aren't even sure she is the one.

 

[Inperfected]

Hmm... i get like this a lot as well.. but for me it's more jstu the cuddling all nite.. I've done it before, and sometimes miss it...

HOneslty only way to overcome it is to avoid it. And just keep on keepin on as well.

 

[horuhe00]

Try buying her a chastity belt and giving the key to her daddy?

I know how you feel. It happens to me too. BUT now is not the Lord's time for that. It is not His Will.

The suggestions above are good ones.

 

[horuhe00]

Oh yeah, let her put it on herself!

 

[Eccp19]

Me and Leigh have extremely good communication about this issue (is it even an issue?) that we are having. And honestly we really don't spend a lot of one on one time together. We do spend a lot of time together but usually in the company of other people. (Ex we only watch movies when other people are around - tried and failed a few times alone :o )
She is just so flipping good for me (at least it seems) and I have a hard time letting her go.
One more thing I thought of. I don't have any real good christian male friends and I think this is definitely something lacking that could help pace me and Leigh's relationship. The truth is that I had not gotten involved with a youth group until a few months ago (college/career Bible study) so I don't know many brothers that I could have friendship's with. And a lot of my other friendships with males are superficial and nothing deep rooted. Leigh is my best friend, my spiritual accountability partner, and my girlfriend. And this is a problem now because I should not put my security in her but unfortunately I think have put a nice portion of it in her.

 

[Leanna]

Maybe you should get married. What is so sacred about 2 to 3 years?

 

[Glorianna]

Maybe you should get married. What is so sacred about 2 to 3 years?

I agree. It is better to get married than to give in to temptation before you're married.

 

[trust_faith]

yeah. understand. sometimes we want to do something. But we scared to sin againist God... Hmm... pray and ask God to give u a strengthen will and heart.

 

[Eccp19]

I wish marriage was an option. Truth is you need a decent amount of money for that, plus some schooling and more life experience. Neither of us have enough. Plus I do not know if she is the person I will marry. Maybe I will know the answer to that in a year.

A question for the ladies. How important is it to you that your guy be independent from you? If he is, does this make you yearn for him more? It seems like often times the healthiest and lasting relationships are the ones where both people don't get wrapped up in eachother too soon and stay focused on other things. Does this mean that relationships that are intense in the infant stages break-off more often than not?

Also, how can two people keep romance and chemistry fresh and exciting? Inevitably the freshness of a new relationship wears off and the two people start getting really used to each other. Any tips?

 

[Glorianna]

Just to comment on this one thing, it cost us $100-something for the marriage license (I cant remember wow, I know its $130 in ontario, but here, we may have paid like 100 or less though), and another amount less than that to hire a marriage commissioner, and the park we got married in was free

But if you are not sure she is the one then yeah you need to figure that out. Just wanted to comment on the money

~ ~

I think he meant that he wants to be able to support his wife when he gets married. But I agree with you. Weddings and getting married don't have to cost very much.

 

[Glorianna]

Oh yeah in that respect, marriage is expensive lol

~ ~

Agreed. I don't even want to think about it!

 

[njcl]

im going to get flayed alive for this but i see nothing wrong with have sex with somebody who you are going to marry for definite,god is not a draconian despot who will launch lightning bolts because you wish to become one with your partner,he made love and sex,also i have great difficulty in pauls epistles that have been converted by scholars especially the one about keeping your virgin,ive read it describes a fathers custody over his daughter,rubbish paul is describing a man who was burning towards his woman and has sex with her,"let him do what they will,he sineth not let them marry" = let him deflower his virgin but they must marry to make holy their communion so........KJV

 

[Spoilt Victorian Child]

I don't know about those technicalities you've mentioned (I DO know, but for argument's sake I don't), but they contradict the spirit of Christ's law, and I've long since decided that loopholes don't exist if they lead to violating the spirit of Christ's commandments.