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sex

Discussion in 'Christian Philosophy & Ethics' started by Musician4Jesus, May 24, 2010.

  1. Musician4Jesus

    Musician4Jesus Senior Member

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    First off this thread isn't meant to start an argument. I realize this is going to be a very touchy subject, but if you're uncomfortable and/or irritated about the context of this thread, please ignore it.

    Let me give clarification about the context of this thread. There are some who discuss in regards to single Christians their sexual purity and waiting on God to resist succumbing to sexual temptation. This IS NOT WHAT THIS THREAD IS ABOUT.

    I was watching a television sermon yesterday night for a few minutes and it was about challenging married Christians to have sex for a full consecutive week. It basically told of how sex is at the center of a marriage and what happens inside the bedroom affects the welfare of the marriage and vise versa.

    However this is in regards to single Christians and sex; the preceding paragraph was just background info as to HOW I started thinking about it/what brought it up.

    The view on sex in Christianity is exclusively for married couples and in most churches a single Christians's sexual needs aren't even looked at. Sex before marriage in Christianity is basically taboo and to do so is considered fornication. The church offers college groups or singles groups to help singles meet other singles (most of the time also so Christian singles can have fellowship with other Christian singles too) but quite frankly this doesn't have anything to do with sex.

    The bottom line is single Christians have sexual urges and sexual needs as well. Unfortunately the reality is that some Christians will simply not become married and remain single their entire lives and not by choice. Some Christians are destined to be married, others are destined to be single, that's just the reality of things.

    If a Christian is single, they cannot partake of sex due to the fact that sex before marriage is forbidden according to the fundamental beliefs of Christianity and the principals setforth in the Bible regarding sex as well.


    My question is, how will a single Christian's sexual needs be met? How is it fair that married Christians can have sex, but a single Christian has no choice but to forgo sex in order to avoid sinning. Some single Christians can take-it-or-leave it for sex, but for other single Christians they don't have this kind of self-control nor this kind of constitution in regards to sex.

    The advice most married Christians will offer to a single Christian is to just wait on God for your soulmate and pray to him to resist sexual temptation. For a married Christian to offer this advice to a single Christian very likely has the ramifications of it being the equivalent of a slap-in-the face to the single Christian. The reason being is because a married Christian is offering this advice to a single Christian and the married Christian can have sex all they want and whenever they want but a single Christian cannot. Even if the married Christian has the best intent possible with offering this advice, this is still a possibility of that reaction occurring from the single Christian's perspective.

    It is true that a Christian will be able to devote more time to God and their relationship with God will be deeper typically than a married Christian's. Yes they will have his love and him to lean on, however the fact still remains that their sexual needs are still not being met due to being single. Yes the most important relationship is with God if you're a Christian, however this isn't a replacement for sex. A single person (or any other Christian for that matter) cannot have sex with God; quite frankly to do so would be an abomination of a sin to God.
     
    Last edited: May 24, 2010
  2. cowboysfan1970

    cowboysfan1970 Forum Regular

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    There are many times that I have wondered the same thing. Just because you are single and abstaining doesn't mean that your sexual desires just disappear. Some people seem to have this idea that we are to me more or less asexual until the time we get married and then like the snap of your fingers we discover we have sexual feelings. It just doesn't work that way. The one thing that at times does irritate me personally is that many people treat single people as if they don't exist or at the very least second class. There are more than plenty of people that will simply not view or respect a single person as a full fledged adult until they get married no matter how old that person might be.
     
  3. dies-l

    dies-l Guest

    I am curious about the premise of the argument here. Why is it that you believe that some people are "just destined to be single"?
     
  4. Musician4Jesus

    Musician4Jesus Senior Member

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    If you want Biblical evidence of those who are destined to remained single because it's God's will for their life....

    1 Corinthians 7:1

    1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.

    and also....

    1 Corinthians 7:8

    8Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.
     
    Last edited: May 25, 2010
  5. dies-l

    dies-l Guest

    No, I want to know your reasoning as to why you believe that some people are so destined. I am sure that these verses are not that reason behind your belief, because the passage from which these are taken makes it clear that Paul is talking about voluntary celibacy.
     
  6. DamianWarS

    DamianWarS Follower of Isa Al Masih

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    God has designed a system for sex in the context of marriage. It would be difficult to biblical prove otherwise. So what then is left to the unmarried? Paul speaks about unmarried people in 1 corintians 7 and he says in verse 8-9:
    Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

    then later in verse 27-28
    Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

    Jesus even addresses it when he speaks of divorce in Matthew 19:10-12
    The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."
    Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."


    So it is clear that not everyone is called to be married but it is also clear that if your sexual desires are too strong then you should seek a spouse. The problem is not everyone has this option. Some people are just unable to get married because of lack of opportunity.

    So what about these people.... well biblically speaking there is no additional help for you except for asking God to help you out. There is no extra rule that says "you can have sex if you think there is no other option." If you do have sex it doesn't mean that God's grace doesn't cover you any more but it still is against the design of God so against God and is a sin.

    My question is if you can have sex with someone then you probably are in a position where that relationship can lead into marriage so then it would be better for you to develop that relationship into a marriage rather into a sexual desire. If you are seeking a prostitute to have sex with then you are trying to answer one problem with a whole lot of other problems and it isn't going to be healthy for who you develop yourself (sexual, emotionally, spiritual, etc)
     
  7. Peacedove

    Peacedove Newbie

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    I agree that it can be very difficult for single christians to deal with their sexual urges. We are human and have human desires just like anyone else but sometimes sexual urges and desires can be seen as something which is uncontrollable. I believe this is because these desires/urges are so strong, but just because they are strong does not mean we cannot control them, it just means that they cana be more difficult to control - equally this can also mean that once under control there is a greater satisfaction. Philippians 4:19 tells us - And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. You have a need to remain celibate because you are not married and I believe that God will meet that need if you give it up to Him and when it is fully given to God I believe you will be very richly blessed by it. You speak only of single people but what about those who find themselves divorced? A single person has sexual urges but if they have never experienced a sexual relationship how do they know what it feels like to have those needs met. A divorced person (and let us not forget that everyone who is divorced is not in that position because of their own desire, some are forced into it by others) on the other hand knows what it is like to be in a sexual relationship and suddenly that is cut off for them. Likewise with someone who is widowed, they may have enjoyed a totally fulfilling sex life but suddenly lost it through the death of their partner. The lack of sex is not limited to those who have never married it can affect many others and in my opinion once a sexual relationship has been experiences it is far harder to learn to do without it than it is before experiencing a sexual relationship. It is difficult but it is not impossible and sometimes we simply have to accept that we cannot have everything, hard though that may be. Sorry if this sounds harsh and uncaring - it is not meant to be like that at all. I know this is a difficult place to be in but equally I know that God can and does help us through it.
     
  8. Musician4Jesus

    Musician4Jesus Senior Member

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    This isn't about controlling sexual urges and/or sexual purity; I stated this at the beginning of this thread. It's like Damian said, some single Christians just cannot catch a break romantically. Matters are complicated further that some Christians think that dating other Christians is somehow implying lack of trust in God in regards to this.

    On top of this, some ppl just refuse to accept you for who you are; you're personality and/or idiosyncrasies end up offending ppl and/or come off as abrasive to them. Essentially being yourself isn't good enough.

    There are ppl who have qualities that ppl desire in a romance-sense of humor, intelligence, passion, etc. Yet other Christians still just don't notice them or even acknowledge these single Christians romantically.

    WHY do I believe this in regards to some people are destined to be single. Unfortunately this is the reality of things and the reality of the lives of some Christians; in my life included and I guarantee you in the lives of other single Christians who are in the same boat as I am. This in and of itself should explain itself quite clearly and speak volumes that some Christians are meant to be married and others aren't. Some Christians don't choose to be single or celibate by choice; they desire romance however as stated previously other Christians just don't pay attention to them and/or notice them romantically.

    If a Christian is having sexual urges then I believe they have an idea of what it means to desire sex and want sex; if they didn't want sex they wouldn't have these urges in the first place.

    Yes being single means you have a deeper relationship with God as compared to a married person however this doesn't just make your sexual desires go away due to the fact that you have a deeper relationship with God. Yes a relationship with God can be compared to that of a marriage/romance and often is. However a romantic relationship with a human being and a relationship with God are not the same thing. The hardest part about being single is that despite you have a relationship with God you can't hear his voice audibly (like when you have a conversation with another person) you can't see him, touch him, etc.

    Married couples have this intimacy. Is it all the time or as often as they'd like? No; but they still have this companionship, something single Christians lack.
     
  9. dies-l

    dies-l Guest

    If these Christians cannot find others who are attracted to them romantically or sexually, how are you proposing that they satisfy their sexual urges?
     
  10. chingchang

    chingchang Newbie

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    Whatever you do...don't masturbate or you'll go to hell and be tortured forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I care,
    CC
     
  11. DamianWarS

    DamianWarS Follower of Isa Al Masih

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    It is pretty much inevitable that you will have sexual desires pretty much once you reach sexual maturity. but having sex will not make those desires go away. Sex can be very overrated sometimes and in the same way can be very underrated. You yourself seem to desire not sex but marriage and this is a good thing to desire because it is the reason why God made man and woman. Our desires for sex are naturally complimented with our desire for relationship. No matter what society has warped sex into today everyone desires to love someone that loves them back, not just physically but also emotionally and this is what marriage is about.

    The problem is sometimes the answer is just not so easy. For whatever reasons some people just can't get married. In many cases they are not the type of person that are accepted by mainstream culture. It can be for very shallow reasons too. The reality is most people are puppets of their culture. They react, think, feel, speak, respond unconsciously like mindless robots. Beauty for them is in the eye of their culture. They do not know they are doing this but they will still choose to be with people who they are attracted to and they are attracted to the image of what their culture defines as attractive. They will not question this because they are a product of their culture and if it has treated them fine then there is no reason to question it. If you are on the other side of the coin you will be more sensitive to this flaw because it does not serve you.

    As christians we need to understand that God supersedes these shallow opinions we develop in our culture. We all have them without even knowing it but God is still above it all. We need to surrender to God everything that we think we need no matter what it is and allow him to give us what he desires no matter what that is. When we desire sex or marriage more than we desire God we are making an idol of that and we need to surrender it to God. Saying the words "surrender" is all fine but it doesn't really take that urge out of us or that desire for companionship does it? No but there really is no better answer. All you can do is submit to God and be willing to accept what he gives you.

    Adam himself wondered why there wasn't someone for him. We like to think this was all in a matter of one week after creation but Adam lived a very long time. He could have gone 100 years before he encountered Eve. The point is Adam felt that same desire and need for marriage and what else was he supposed to think but that it was hopeless. It of course is not hopeless and do no discredit the power of God. Ask God for someone and continue to serve him and see what happens. I speak from experience too. I am married now but I got married later in life. I finally gave up on my ideas of what I thought I needed and surrendered this idea that God was being unfair. My surrender to God lead me overseas for 3 years which happened to be the place where I met my wife who is the same nationality as me and her surrender to God (for similar reasons) led her to the same place where I went. I'm not saying that will happen to you but I am saying God has it under control and only desires the best for you. But you can only get the fullness of his desires if you surrender everything to him.
     
  12. Musician4Jesus

    Musician4Jesus Senior Member

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    No offense intended, but there are some Christians who seem to act exactly like what you just described. By doing this via their demeanor and attitude, they contradict themselves via what they proclaim to believe. Are there Christians who sincerely love God? Yes I'm not denying this. But if you're a Christian there are specific guidelines you should go by that the Bible sets with what to look for in a romance. Unfortunately Christians who choose to be mindless drones and just follow mainstream Christianity's guidelines and mainstream society's guidelines they don't even have original thoughts with what they're looking for in a romance. It disgusts me that 90% of mainstream Christianity has the philosophy of "if it's different it's wrong and horrible". If you choose NOT to follow the path less traveled, especially in regards to romance, your romance ends up deeper and you understand it better. You actually understand what true love is and have a deeper understanding of your core beliefs personally; both in regards to God and in regards to a romance.

    As far as God has the best plan intended for my life I think that's a crock. I think he's become so busy with blessing other ppl's lives that he's just up and forgot about me. That is so called "wonderful plan and future" for my life is to just watch as other ppl's goals become reality where the goals and desires he's placed in my heart just sit there and die and never come to pass. Yes I'm angry with God and you shouldn't base your relationship on God solely on how you feel; at the same time it's impossible to not base it partially on emotion, because the core foundation of a relationship with God is first and foremost is love, which IS an emotion (as a result it's impossible to not take into account emotions as part of a relationship with God).
     
  13. DamianWarS

    DamianWarS Follower of Isa Al Masih

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    Not to discredit your feelings but if God doesn't have the best intention for us then I don't want to serve him. God is all knowing and is perfect in all ways. He doesn't get "busy" and caught up in something forgetting about other things. Unfortunately God's plan doesn't always work out to what we want. If we cannot accept this than means we are putting what we think we want ahead of God. I am not suggesting the God wants the sick to be sick, or the hungry to be hungry or the "whatever" to be "whatever" but what we have in front of us is what we have in front of it. Wishing it was different doesn't change that reality. We can choose to accept it and serve God or we choose to reject it. But we cannot fully serve God when we reject our own reality saying it is not fair or wishing you were born as someone else.

    We do not serve a God of karma which is a the general philosophy of most people (including christians). The basics of karma are you do good things and you get good things in return and you do bad things and you get bad things in return. Instead we serve a God of grace which does not give us a promise of luxury and riches while on this earth. Each person has their own form of luxury but God does not promise it no matter how many times you pray or how many times you go to church. Grace works in a way that all we need to do is accept it and we have it. It doesn't matter how many bad things or good things you have done because we all come to God in the same way which is sinful. Sin does not have a ranking system it is just sin. We all have it and we all need to be recipients of grace to remove it. Once we have grace the Holy Spirit affects our lives not to reach the goals of our luxury but to reach the goals of Christ.

    Serving Christ is not about the things we have or how popular we are. I'm sure you know that but if we dwell on the things we don't have then we begin desiring those things over the God; we turn them into gods and idols. That may sound like a sh¡tty answer but being a Christian is about submitting to God's will not God submitting to our will. If you think the latter than your struggle you are having will never end and you will only build up more hate and resentment towards God. We need to surrender those thoughts that control our minds over to God which means to finally say "God if it happens one way or another I accept it and I will serve you first" This isn't like a magical phrase or anything that if you repeat 5 times then it will come true. It is really difficult to let go of the things we desire and come to a position where you truly accept it. But if it is a struggle like the one you are having then its going to either destroy you or make you better you just have to choose which direction you want it to go.
     
  14. Musician4Jesus

    Musician4Jesus Senior Member

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    I'm not basing what I have or haven't done good (or bad) on what I do or don't deserve from God; I've never adhered to that philosophy and think it's a heap-of-dung personally.

    I personally don't think it's wrong to desire what I do, because it's promised to Christians from God in the Bible and what I desire is a future for myself that'll actually be reminiscent of hope. I'd like to be able to provide for myself so I can be self-sufficient. That's what I want; huge and unreasonable requests I know. I'm jealous of those I know not because I desire the lives they have but rather jealous because they have their own lives; they're independent. I'm not jealous because of where they live, who they're married to, what kind of car they drive, what type of house they live in, what they do for a career/job.

    I'm jealous and furious and embittered because everybody seems to catch a break but me and I'm fed up with always getting shafted and screwed with life; for as long as I can remember ever since I've been a kid, nothing has been easy for me and if by some remote possibility things start to become better for me, as soon as they do, they immediately become bad just as they've started to become good. This has been the story-of-my-life. I don't really have an idea of what it means to be prosperous and have a future to look forward to, because for the most part my life has just been about playing catch-up and getting screwed. For me when I get problems, it's not just one; I get two, three, four of 'em at a time-essentially when it rains it pours.

    I realize that life isn't fair; it's full of pain, sorrow, adversity, problems, tribulation; I KNOW this because that's what most of MY LIFE has consisted of. I'm familiar with the concepts of refinement, persecution, and sanctification, and know full well what purposes they serve in correlation with God. However where does it say in the Bible that all your life is supposed to consist of is pain, sorrow, problems, and adversity; that sounds like a bleak and mediocre existence to me.


    I also never implied or said that the reason you serve God is that he's a genie who will grant your every wish and dream, your every whim. Fyi, if God is supposed to be such a polite gentleman as it were, then how come I didn't even get a say in being born? I despise my life so much that I stay alive for other's sakes, not for my own sake. To me it seems the only reason I exist is to get treated like crap emotionally, problems heaped on top of me incessantly, and the scapegoat if something goes wrong, even if it's not my fault.
     
  15. dies-l

    dies-l Guest

    Have you ever sought out professional counseling? I have felt like you do, and in my case, professional counseling helped immensely. You don't have to live life feeling like this.
     
  16. Musician4Jesus

    Musician4Jesus Senior Member

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    Two comments to make regarding your advice of counseling. I went to counseling and it didn't really help. As far as going to see a counselor on a regular basis, this isn't feasible for me; finances are really lousy for me and as a result it'd be problematic for me to due so (even ones who offer a sliding scale fee isn't an option for me).

    Another question that's sorta off-topic. What have you felt like before? What I posted, I'm feeling a bunch of different things.
     
  17. lawtonfogle

    lawtonfogle My solace my terror, my terror my solace.

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    My question is what about those who are about to burn with passion before the point where marriage would be considered acceptable? For example, many frown on older teenagers and young adults getting married (the 16-25ish range, though more frowning on the younger ones), yet it would seem very... senseless... to claim that everyone can wait till they are 28 to get married. Paul speaks about marrying before your burn with passion, but some people are on the cusp of burning with passion before some states even have it legal for them to marry. My own two friends were such an example, they realized they had to marry soon before temptation over powered them (and before someone points out that God will always give you a way out of temptation, marriage was the way out of temptation), yet they were far too young by almost everyone's standards (the groom was 20 and the bride 19 when they were married, they were younger when they decided to get married). And what happens in cases such as this that happen when the people are still 16 or 17?

    Song of Songs warns of three times to not awaken love before its time, but this is no promise love will always sleep late. For some, love begins quite early (and this is even more prevalent in the past when society was more accepting of young marriages).

    I'm not trying to say young couples should rush into marriage. I am only saying that in some cases, telling them to wait till they are older to get married is telling them to avoid the only way out God has provided them to not be overtaken with the temptation of sexual sin.
     
  18. lawtonfogle

    lawtonfogle My solace my terror, my terror my solace.

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    When I feel like this, there are two things I try to do.

    The first is to think of Job. All the suffering and pain he went through. He was picked on, his wealth, family, and even his body ravished by disasters. Even his friends realized how pitiful his life had become, even though he had been one of God's more devoted followers.

    But then, this doesn't seem to be enough, for it takes my mind in three separate directions. The first is that Job had. He had wealth, health, love. Maybe that makes losing it all harder, but to look back on ones life and realize that you never had much to lose, that your greatest strengths, your greatest achievements, were quite meaningless, no on the grander scale by which all things diminish, but they were found lacking even on the more mundane everyday scale. It hints at the idea "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." The real pain comes though when you find yourself falling between the cracks, not even recognized by that statement. When you have loved but never gained anything to have lost. But in all this, this is still but the first of three.

    The second direction my mind wanders with Job is that of God taking. Oh yes, God didn't do it, He allowed Satan to do it, but when viewed on a human scale, are we not responsible for the evil we knowingly allow others to inflict? Even if God is immune to the same, it still causes wonder at how God could allow such horror to befall a man who was so devoted to Him. And worse, why? What did God gain at Jobs expense? Was not God already aware of Jobs commitment? Didn't God know that Job would not turn his back on God? Could not God had just told Satan that Job would not have turned his back on God? Would not have Satan taking the word of God as fact, for while he may be the prince of lies, even he is aware that what God says it true. If Job could be subject to such torment for no gain, then what do we, who are most assuredly less faithful than Job himself, have to face? If Job's loss appears so in vain, then how can we be comforted that our own loss is not in vain.

    And the third direction is that of restoration. God gave Job a new family, but for any of us whom have lost or broken a belonging of sentimental value, buying a replacement is impossible, because even an identical copy is still but a fake of the original. And how much more sentimental is the very life of your wife and child? While general wealth can be replaced, I find it impossible to forsee a child being replaced. I need only think of my young sister. If any were to take her away from me, they would never be able to replace her. Short of a miracle of God restoring her back to life, nothing would be able to compensate. Even the mere act of trying to compensate seems foolish. Yet, in Jobs case, no miraculous return to life was given. Only a family that was better. And while I am sure Job loved his second wife greatly, could it really justify the loss of his first? And then there is those of us who are looking out and find our own futures bleak because we are aware there is better chance of us winning the lottery than of us ever having even the happy ending that Job did, even if at the core it still seemed to have been rotten. Oh yes, in the end, after this life, we will no longer have to suffer, but that does nothing to ease the suffering we prepare for the rest of our lives.

    Obviously, thinking of Jobs case, while at first sounding like a good idea, does not much to help.

    So then I try thinking of those who are worse off than I am.

    No, not those who are merely poorer, less gifted in the areas I am. I mean those who have lives that are not fit for any human to posses. Think of those who literally watch as their loved ones starve to death, powerless to stop them. Think of those who are bound down by chains, both physical and metaphysical, which make them powerless as loved ones are being tortured and killed. Think of the children who are kidnapped and spend the rest of their (often times short) lives as sex slaves. Think of parents who watch their children waste away because they have no miracles to save them. Think of the story my friend told me, of his uncle in the army, whom when evacuating people out of Vietnam, once encountered a lady carrying a child in her arms with a young pig on the leash. As she approached, he told her that they did not have room for pets, that only her and her child could come on. She argued with him how the pig must come, but he stayed firm in saying there was only enough room for her and the baby she was carrying. The uncle then describes how he has been scared to this day by how, without any hesitation, the woman threw the child aside and picked up the pig in her arms, saying very quietly in Vietnamese, "I can always make another child, I will never get another pig." What kind of life could lead your values to become so messed up? What sort of daily abuse, if not by man, then by nature, does someone have to live in to think in such a way?

    But even with such thoughts, comforts of our own situations cannot come. For to draw comfort from the misery of others would be the epitome of selfishness. And while we try to sit and count the blessings we do have, even if they may be few when compared to those around you, my mind, at least, is drawn back to thinking how could God allow such a world where our lives are blessed in comparison to others? No apologetics argument can excuse the waste land of devastated lives we try to measure our own against for perspective. The idea of God as a polite gentleman is a fantasy surpassing even belief in elves and fairies.

    So then, where does this leave us, those of us who are cursed by God, some in ways that prevent us from even seeking the counsel of friends, family, or even strangers on the internet? It leaves us at a place where there is really no other option than to put our full faith and trust in Jesus. When one has bled sacrifice till they run dry, and yet they receive only disdain, it gives us the perfect picture for what Christ Himself did. He Himself was forsaken in his greatest hour of need.

    Yet, having gone through the valley of death, I realize this is hard to accept, for even Adam, when walking in perfect harmony with God, still lacked. Even while in a state of connection we can merely hope for while still on this earth, God looked at Adam and declared "It is not good for man to be alone." From the very mouth of God is our situation described, not good. So we are thus left facing the question of what will we do?

    Being single can only be done with a special gift, one which was not given to Adam, and one which many of use do not possess. Yet, for some of us, we can only seem a future in the same. Perhaps we can hope on miracles, but when a miracle is your only option, and when they are so few, and when we realize there are those who need one more than we can do, how can we hope even hope on a miracle?

    I truly wish I knew what to do, but I don't. All I know is what not to do, do not force it. Even if God has placed us in a glass box, separated from others, it will only bring harm to force it. Waiting while powerless, unable to even hope for a miracle, is a situations no one should be in. But forcing a relationship, forcing intimacy we are so desperate for before its own time, is only going to bring more pain. Try to take comfort in the fact that God has given you a view of the world few others will ever reach no matter how hard they stive. I know what comfort you do get will not be enough, but try. Try to continue to move forwards. Try to trust totally in Christ. And try to take heart in what blessings you do have and do not betray them you possess by forcefully going after those you do not.


    YouTube - Draw with Me


    And know that you are not alone in this struggle.
     
  19. DamianWarS

    DamianWarS Follower of Isa Al Masih

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    our culture dictates these rules. since the beginning of time culture has had a form of rite of passage into adulthood and in north America that right of passage is control by our educational system. You at least need to finish high school and get a job before you are consider responsible enough to marry. If you go against this system you become a social outcast. Think about what happens when two 15yr teens marry. people begin to say they are too young or too irresponsible or too foolish. We are not surprised when the marriage fails and the first thing we would say is "well they got married too young". This is just a part of our culture and if you fight it then it will fight against you. It is better to submit to cultural ways as long as they don't go against God's commandments. This will gain you respect so you can more effectively speak the gospel. Think about what paul says

    1 Corinthians 9
    "Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews ... to the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings."

    what paul is saying we must submit to our culture so that the culture will accept us and we can effectively present the gospel in that culture. Cultural systems are a right of passage into respect and if you go against them you don't get the respect and it will reflect against God no matter how foolish these systems are. We are creatures of habit and we will fight to keep it this way.
     
  20. DamianWarS

    DamianWarS Follower of Isa Al Masih

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    those thoughts are going to dominate how you think and no matter what happens it will always be measured based on what you think your position in life is. If you get something good you feel you don't deserve it or that it's long over due and if you get something bad you feel you get what you deserve because that's what always happens.

    Even though you reject a philosophy of karam this is in fact what you are declaring. Not karma based on what you do but karma based on how you think. You think you deserve what you get which is all measured as "bad". If you drove a car and got a flat tire what is the first thing you would think? Would it be something like "it figures because these things always happen to me." In the same way if something happens that is consider good like you landed a job or won some money you would probably think something like "its about time I get a break I have suffered long enough" Or maybe even say "well it doesn't matter because in a week it will be gone". These statements are all conditional on what you think you deserve based on pity or on self respect.

    If you get 200 flat tires in a row does that make you less deserving to get another flat tire? if you were rejected from 200 job applications in a row does that mean you are more deserving to get number 201? If it does then you believe in karma. Don't feel bad if you do because all people do to a certain extent but God does not operate on this philosophy. The things that happen to us are not based on how "bad" we are or how "good" we are or how much or little we deserve it. God simply gives us what we need based on his conditions not ours.

    If you focus too much on measuring the things you get based on if you think you deserve it or not then you will go mad. It will never work out no matter many good or bad things happen to you. Instead you need to surrender this idea that you deserve anything at all over to God. No matter what it is, even being able eat or sleep. Once you have done that you can fully commit to God and allow God to do what he wants for you without your own preconceived notions getting in the way. No longer are you thinking "if only this one thing would happen" but instead you are focusing on what God wants (not what you want) and God always gives you "the one thing" as soon as you need it. This is a hard concept to swallow but it is the correct focus we need to have to serve God.
     
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