Separated, don't know what to do next

[swill314]

Hello everyone,

I haven't made a post in a while on here. My husband and I recently separated. We have a 2 year old child. After a couple years of him hiding debts and being untruthful about finances, and blaming me for asking questions, we have separated. On top of that, he was very unwilling to help me with much, around the house or even with our child if it inconvenienced him in any way. Whenever we had gotten into arguments or I had told him I wanted to leave he would tell me he'd change, it would never happen again. I would try to give him grace. Of course, it those things did happen again. Whenever I have tried to communicate, he would somehow spin things around and focus on one small thing I did wrong, even if it wasn't related. At this point, I'm not sure what to do. I love my husband and enjoy spending time with him. But the truth is that I barely trust him and always feel that he's blaming me for something, like I can't be good enough. I've voiced that to him yet he will even come up with things like me looking at him the "wrong way" when I really am not. Is there any advice anyone can give me?

 

[chandraclaws]

It may help for both of you see a marriage and family therapist. If possible, a Christian or at least one who respects your beliefs. If your husband is hesitant, it may help to go yourself first to help sort things out. Prayers for Gods wisdom and blessing.

 

[Daryl Gleason]

Dear sister, grace and peace to you in the name of our Father and our lord Jesus Christ.

As I pray about this, a few things come to mind that I'd like to offer for your consideration.

First, asking for God's wisdom (James 1:5) is a free, universal promise that God makes to us all. I've relied on it many thousands of times over the years and have always received exactly the words, questions, or knowledge needed at precisely the right time. God has never once failed to keep his promise.

You can do this as well for each and every decision you have to make, including what next steps to take; I do highly recommend it.

Second, I agree that some form of marriage counseling would be very helpful, ideally with a Christian. This may be the only realistic way to have any chance of restoring the relationship; a lot of this will depend on whether your husband is willing to go and how open he is to facing the truth about his behavior.

And third, at the risk of stating the obvious, praying for your husband can help significantly. Sometimes the results take time, but all happens according to God's timing; the key here is perseverance and faith that God always hears your heart and does what is needed at the right time.

Are you a member of a church congregation?

In Christ,
Daryl

 

[NicoleWilliams]

I've voiced that to him yet he will even come up with things like me looking at him the "wrong way" when I really am not. Is there any advice anyone can give me?

I am so sorry to hear that you’re facing struggles in your marriage, sister. I agree with Chandraclaws, seeking a Christian marriage counseling may be beneficial for you. I really hope that you and your husband can work through these issues and come to a resolution where both feel confident in moving forward. I’ll certainly be praying for you. May God bring healing and hope to your situation. Hugs!

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, sounds like he feels he should be head of the household and that means handling all the finance and not being criticized. Maybe someone, male he respects can speak to him about marriage being a partnership etc. I suspect that he is feeling a lot of guilt for his failure. Maybe ask questions to understand the reasons behind what he is doing.

That being said, I'd set up your own finances to limit any debt of his ruining your credit.