Second class singles

[Thunder Peel]

Edited: Nevermind, I get where you're coming from now.

 

[dfreeland311]

No offense but that's some pretty lousy advice. Like Macfall already stated, viewing people as prizes and dating as merely a game devalues people and relationships into nothing more than cheap flings. I'm sick and tired of watching my fellow brothers and sisters treat each others' hearts as if they're disposable; just toss someone away when you're done and move on without even considering how the other person may feel. I've had it happen to me and I've seen it happen to friends and people I care about. It's disgusting and the people who view it as something just done for "fun" are usually the ones doing the damage.

I'm not saying you're necessarily suggesting that but it wouldn't be hard for someone to develop that mindset if they see dating as just a game. There's nothing wrong with someone being humble and being picky in their selection. God works in everyone differently.

That advice must have came out completely wrong. I apologize. I am in no way comparing relationships to a gameshow as in that's how one should pursue them. The jist of that story was that he needs to realize that he's not competing for a woman's love and if he already views her as the prize, aka out of his league / and he thinks they view him as second class then he already starts behind the curve. It's easier to walk across a plain than to walk up a mountain and if you think her view of your self worth is negative from the start, then you're starting at the bottom of a mountain. You should always look at people as your equal. We're all equal in His eyes anyways.

As far as viewing relationships as a game, it's something I've never did personally, but it's happened to me many times, and I'm still a bit messed up over it. I personally refuse to devalue relationships and if I could have any prayer answered at all in my life right now it would be that I would find the one woman I'm meant to spend the rest of my life with. That would be it. I'm tired of the single life, tired of the dating life, and would love to just fast forward to the point where when I walked in the door after a day of work I finally had someone that loved and cared about me.

 

[rodsorp]

No way do I allow people to impose their deluded views on me or determine my status. People like that obviously have identity issues and I know my worth and so do you.

 

[MacFall]

I didn't like that community at all. They are / were dark and jaded people. The biggest lesson I was trying to teach is that by stating that the women you are attracted to view you as second class, you are constructing a self fulfilling prophecy of negativity before you even start.

But in the second part of my sentence I stated that I do not let others' negative views of me affect my view of myself. I would be lying if I said that women do not generally find me undesirable. But the point is, I don't care very much. I used to, but not anymore. I know I have value and where it lies, and it does not depend on the affections of other people (although it did take the friendship of other people and their patiently pointing it out to me for me to come to that mindset).

 

[FreeSpirit74]

Ever feel like a second class person because you're single?

Uh... no. I think that single people (who grab onto LIVING life with both hands instead of sitting there wringing those same hands) should be envied, not pitied. I love being a single woman living the best (so far) years of my life. I have a decent job (I'm not rolling in $$ but my bills get paid every month), and I am an avid cyclist, logging almost 200 miles per month on the bike. I also am very active on the regional contra/folk dance scene, going to 3-4 dances every month, rather than wasting my time on the bar scene.

I can go where I want, with whomever I want, when I want, how I want. My apartment, car and bank accounts are mine and mine alone. When I go out dancing, I don't have to explain myself to an insecure, jealous SO when I am paired up with a male dance partner I enjoy dancing with (and most of these men have SO's of their own who are out on the dance floor dancing with other guys themselves!).

Being "in a relationship" won't change anything if you are already unhappy with your life. The biggest lie about relationships is that someone else can "make" you happy. The fact that so many people buy into that is why so many marriages and relationships end up going to pot. The only person who can "change your life" is yourself.

 

[MacFall]

There are those of us who want relationships because we DO love life and only lack someone with whom we can intimately share it.

 

[Oddish]

I am not sad about being single, I am more unhappy about other aspects of my life but me and God are working on those areas.

I would maybe feel the same if I had lots of friends who are in relationships.

 

[GQ Chris]

I think people need to be more comfortable in their own skin, apart from being comfortable being single.

 

[GQ Chris]

Some people do not even like going out or anywhere alone.

 

[KingCrimson250]

The only time I've felt like a second-class citizen for being single is when people who generally ignored me suddenly wanted me to be involved in everything they did as soon as I had a girlfriend, and just as quickly lost interest in me as soon as we broke up. I didn't actually take it personally - people are people and we're all a bit childish - but it was interesting to see that perspective: "Oh, you're part of the dating club now! Welcome aboard! Come hang out with us!"

 

[dfreeland311]

The only time I've felt like a second-class citizen for being single is when people who generally ignored me suddenly wanted me to be involved in everything they did as soon as I had a girlfriend, and just as quickly lost interest in me as soon as we broke up. I didn't actually take it personally - people are people and we're all a bit childish - but it was interesting to see that perspective: "Oh, you're part of the dating club now! Welcome aboard! Come hang out with us!"

I know that feeling all too well. I was lucky though, in that probably 75% of my friends married from within our social network, actually most of them married their high school sweethearts, so me being the third wheel is just par for the course. I provide more comedic entertainment as a third wheel anyways, though.

 

[Thunder Peel]

The only time I've felt second-class was when I had to fly in coach. That has nothing to do with being single though.