Second class singles

[SullivanZ]

Ever feel like a second class person because you're single? You think you're a decent person and a good catch, but you're alone. You don't get asked out. You don't ever seem to get out of your rut of being single. You want to find someone special, but nothing seems to be happening. You wake up every day and hope something will be different today.

You go through life feeling like you're missing out and you're a second rate person. You have married friends with kids, all your friends are getting engaged and you're stuck home, Friday night, on the internet or watching movies. You ask God, "What is the hold up here?" Silence falls. You feel like nothing will ever change. As a single person, you feel like somehow you just don't measure up, and you're missing out on so much! You're young and you thought things would've been different.

Have you ever been there? Felt like a second class person due to your "Single" status?

 

[IreneAdler]

(not exactly... but close) I'm with someone, but I have kids so I have other responsibilities... so that means I'm often excluded from things (out of necessity and sometimes out of "I thought you'd be busy") or I don't have the same priorities or things in common with other people who are single or who go out. It is pretty craptastic. I don't feel "second rate" but I feel like I am missing out.

 

[CrusaderKing]

I don't necessarily feel second class. I'm enjoying the single life right now, so it's not a big deal for me.

 

[Isolation]

It's ok to be second class

 

[HazelWings]

TOTALLY THIS. Like tonight my new church is having a movie night and my mom was going to watch my young daughter so I could take my son with me. Well, my son woke up sick this morning so that means I get to be home tonight or leave my mom with two handful/sick kids while I go to a family fun event by myself (soooo not going to happen).

 

[K9_Trainer]

I'm single because I choose to be, not because I don't get asked out can't find somebody to be with. So feeling second class isn't really an issue for me. I'd probably feel like I was missing out if I was with somebody unless he's a special kind of guy.

 

[Im_A]

Ever feel like a second class person because you're single? You think you're a decent person and a good catch, but you're alone. You don't get asked out. You don't ever seem to get out of your rut of being single. You want to find someone special, but nothing seems to be happening. You wake up every day and hope something will be different today.

You go through life feeling like you're missing out and you're a second rate person. You have married friends with kids, all your friends are getting engaged and you're stuck home, Friday night, on the internet or watching movies. You ask God, "What is the hold up here?" Silence falls. You feel like nothing will ever change. As a single person, you feel like somehow you just don't measure up, and you're missing out on so much! You're young and you thought things would've been different.

Have you ever been there? Felt like a second class person due to your "Single" status?

Heck no.
Yea I thought things would be different but hey eventually you will move on from post-modern letdowns. Don't get me wrong. I want to find someone. I want to be in love and all that goopy jazz. I don't have someone else to account to but my family and my dearest of friends and myself. I am not experiencing my trend of relationship failures. I only waste money on taking girls out and not prolonged doomed relationships.

I keep trying with the dating scene and I will not stop until I find someone I can start to be focused on. But not for one minute am I loathing my singleness. Plus I love being around strangers...especially that can hold conversations and not be silent all the time and are physically appealing.

It is all a matter of perspective and priorities for things I want. I am like every other sap who wants to find his 'precious angel'. I have had enough failure to wake me up to the post-modern letdown of love and relationships and it helps to rationalize everything out in a way that suits for me. I am like everyone else who wants to not be alone because when I have my moments, I feel the loneliness hitting me like a train. Same people, same faces, same emptiness. Prioritize them right in your mind and you may begin to watch your attitude change for the better.

Plus I don't miss being around women who are looking for more than I can give them and they can't or no longer can give me anything I need. Plus, its not that hard to find dates in this world.

 

[mina]

I've felt that way before. Here in this regional culture, people get married very young. So, I was quite different from most of my peers in being single. Things were said.....it's like people didn't know how to react to me. People have told me before that they were not being friends with single people (for whatever reason they had). So, I haven't had close friends or anyone who I felt I could remotely relate to. At times it would get to me, but I've enjoyed being alone far more than if I had friends that only liked me for my marital status or that I was exactly the same as them. I've learned to be exactly myself; which is a glorious feeling. And I've learned how to treat people and not to ostracise someone just based on marital status.

 

[Sapphyre]

Definitely. Like mina said, people tend to marry young in the Christian community. Within that circle, being over a certain age and single always prompts the question "why aren't you married?", even if it's not said out loud. There's a stigma.

Even outside that circle, I've reached the age where I have friends getting engaged left and right. Married couples aren't often friends with single people for a multitude of reasons, most of which are unintentional and completely legit.

Even leaving marriage out of it, not being in a couple excludes me from things more often than I realized until recently. Hearing about a bunch of friends hanging out when I wasn't even invited puzzled me until I realized those friends all happened to be dating each other, and went out on a group date basically. Even when I am invited, I'm the 3rd, or 5th, or 7th wheel, and even though it's always promised not to be awkward, it is.

 

[bds800]

Thank you so much for writing this SullivanZ. I thought I wrote it myself for a moment! I am so there right now.

 

[GoodNewsJim]

I'm even above first class, I have zero class.

 

[Stravinsk]

If I look at myself through the eyes of some others, I might.

I live in a nice neighborhood where all around me there are families, most with children. I don't know, but I reckon I'm the only guy who lives in the midst of this community alone.

Of late, I've noticed certain persons ignoring me as I take my walk/run - people that I have served when I was still working CS. Like, it's obvious they would rather appear busy and pretend they didn't see me rather than say hello.

I was talking to my brother about this and he said it's because by default people, esp those with children, will distrust a single man living on his own. He is a possible threat.

This is especially a rub because I have lived here for as long or longer than just about everyone else and have never caused problems and have always greeted neighbors when I see them or have served them at the local store.

 

[enelya_taralom]

Oh gosh, yes! I know exactly how this feels! I never get asked out, and am constantly the odd wheel and get left out of conversations because I don't have a SO to talk about... most of the time when I get together with my girlfriends I just end up sitting there drinking my coffee. It definitely gets tiresome and worrisome as I start to wonder why they all have someone and I have never managed to attract...

 

[dfreeland311]

I completely feel you on this. It's been a huge issue for me...and I have this fear that once I'm done with school it'll be that much harder. I'm a social butterfly, but am absolutely horrible with relationships. I always put my foot in my mouth or find the wrong girl. Sucks :/

 

[Apollo Celestio]

I don't let people like that look down on me.

 

[MehGuy]

IDK... I don't really seek anyone out.. girls call me cute and that's about good enough for me lol. Though I guess there have been some people who have said that I'm too weird and no one would ever go out with me... though I know personally how wrong they are about that. Then there are other people who say the opposite.

So I guess IDK.. just depends on the person I guess...

 

[MacFall]

Yes, sometimes - but only because the only reason I am single is because the women to whom I am attracted think of me as second-class. However, it's irrational to let the opinions of a few people determine one's view of himself, so I don't let myself have that attitude for long.

 

[dfreeland311]

Yes, sometimes - but only because the only reason I am single is because the women to whom I am attracted think of me as second-class. However, it's irrational to let the opinions of a few people determine one's view of himself, so I don't let myself have that attitude for long.

Edited: Advice was being misconstrued.

Like I've said many times before: Look at the dating world as a gameshow...

You can choose to have the mindset of a contestant, hoping that you eventually get to the million dollar briefcase, but willing to settle for a couple of thousand dollars, or you can have the inner game and mindset that you 'are' the million dollar briefcase. It's not about arrogance, cockiness, or losing humility, it's about remembering that you are not the pursuer, but are in fact the prize. Stop disqualifying yourself from the women you seek, and start qualifying them for you.

 

[MacFall]

I do not view relationships as a "game" nor people as "prizes" of any kind. I do not want to emulate the success of pickup artists in any way.

 

[dfreeland311]

I do not view relationships as a "game" nor people as "prizes" of any kind. I do not want to emulate the success of pickup artists in any way.

I didn't like that community at all. They are / were dark and jaded people. The biggest lesson I was trying to teach is that by stating that the women you are attracted to view you as second class, you are constructing a self fulfilling prophecy of negativity before you even start.