Schizo-Affective Disorder

[Neostarwcc]

I feel like I should give a little bit of my background before asking my questions.

I was officially diagnosed with Schizo-Affective disorder in 2012 after I had a major month long psychotic episode. I don't remember much of that month but from what I do remember, it was hell. I know I'm technically legally crazy and everything but, I DID go to hell.

I was punished for every single lie I had ever told in the course of my life, I was tortured by demons and by myself. I was all alone and never, EVER do I want to experience that in my life ever again. It made me realize that, I needed God again more than I ever needed anyone else in my entire life.

I've had a few psychotic episodes since. I no longer can stay up the late hours of the night that I used to be able to, I am no longer trusted with finances. I'm constantly struggling from thoughts of suicide on a daily basis. I treat my family worse than I used to and I'm more prone to anger outbursts and crying fits. My wife has been more than accepting on my issues but, I feel like I shouldn't have to put her through this anymore.

I haven't been taking my anti-psychotics for over 2 years. Why? Because, I feel like they're evil. I feel like they're poison. I feel like, they're the reason I gained an extra 80 pounds. I feel like, they're the reason I was diagnosed with pre Diabetes 6 months after taking my medication. I have been obese for over 16 years of my life (I'm almost 30). I have NEVER been pre diabetic before and I get tested 3 times a year. And it seems coincidentally now, my blood sugar and slowly going back to normal.

I guess my first question is, do I have to take my antipsychotics? I haven't had psychosis in a while actually, I've been good. I still have all of the other symptoms and getting through every day life is a major struggle. But, I just feel like I shouldn't be force fed poison. I haven't hurt anybody and I wouldn't hurt anybody. So, why take them? Plus, I weigh almost 400 pounds now. I don't want to hit 500 pounds + because of being force fed poison. I didn't have a life on anti psychotics because I slept over 18 hours a day on them (Yes, 18). I don't want to take them. If I have to take them, can she give them to me?

Or, those of you who have been suffering from schizophrenia or other psychotic disorders. Or those who have a loved one with conditions like ours, is there hope? Is there hope at the end of this hell? Where we'll at least have a some what normal life? And not have to rely on others so much? And sin so much? I want the kingdom of heaven. I don't want to go back to hell. Please, help me.

 

[LaSorcia]

Praying for you.

 

[blessedbethyname101]

mmbattlestar, I also have schizo-affective disorder and understand how you feel. You are not alone in your illness. As the WHO webpage states there are more than 21 million people worldwide who have schizophrenia. One out of two people who have it don't receive care for the illness. It is treatable to a certain extent. I gained much weight on anti-psychotics also. The only way to prevent weight gain is to diet and exercise. I gained about 80 pounds and was over 200 pounds being a little over five feet in height. I realized I was on my way to having diabetes and a heart attack if I did not change. I exercised by walking for about 3-4 hours a day and ate healthy- mostly salads and plain chicken for about 8 months. I lost it all of the extra 80 pounds during this time. Now, I've gained some of it back due to being lazy but only about 25 pounds of it. I also had a fast-food diet during my weight gain. If anything if you want to lose weight, you have to avoid fast food places or just eat their salads and yogurt etc.

Now, for medication- I believe, I cannot do without it. I tried to do without it and became ragingly psychotic and remained this way for four years without medication. I now take my medication faithfully and am doing well. I live on my own and am now looking for jobs. I also don't have any family nearby and am going to church which has become my family. I give credit to the medication -12 to 15 mg abilify. I take 12mg now here in Japan but in America was taking 15 mg. It took me about a year before I started seeing any long-term effects of recovery. My judgment was really impaired and still is to a certain point. However, I know about this and try to ask others for their advice about my situation. I don't think I would be able to be where I am today if it were not for the medication. I only take abilify and used to take many other medications without much help. I cut off each one by one and finally realized the one medication I needed was an anti-psychotic medication- abilify. I also have an affective disorder -bipolar type 2. But, I just deal with it somehow without medication. I also sleep a lot but don't need to when I don't have to sleep that much. I like to sleep but can get by on about 8 to 9 hours sleep a night. I don't know which medication you were taking but it sounds as if it was too sedating. You should look into other anti-psychotic medications.

Yes, I agree that our illness can be a living hell. I was homeless for about a month while off medication. I also did not have a family who accepted my illness. I decided after being threatened with ECT that I would be compliant. I know it sounds harsh but some places think that ECT works. Yes, it might for some. However, I knew at this point to take my medication and be responsible for my actions. I never had ECT but the thought of it made me re-think my options and take my medication.

I believe, once you find the appropriate treatment, you will be far more happier. I am happy with what I have now. I don't have much but the fact I can take care of myself and be independent is an achievement in itself. I am looking for jobs to keep me afloat here in Japan. I will do what I can. I don't expect much. I just need to pay my bills to live here and that is about it.

I think we will have the kingdom of heaven just like other believers. I don't think we will be denied into heaven since we are ill. On the contrary, God welcomes us. We have experienced much pain here due to our illness. However, it won't be forever. May God walk with you and guide you wherever you go.

God bless!

 

[orangeness365]

I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, and then my psychologist said he thought i was more schizoaffective than having schizophrenia, because i have major depression also. I feel like a burden also and think about suicide every day since I got the diagnosis. I haven't really told my family that I want to commit suicide in over a year, when I was in a mental hospital. I tell my psychologist that i want to commit suicide, but I say that it's not serious. It depends upon the day. I have to take meds so that the voices go away. I take 40 mg of abilify a day, and I'm hoping that i die young because of it. I started taking mirtazapine with it for depression and to help me sleep. For about a year I would just lie around for 12 hours a day thinking I was sleeping when in fact I wasn't really getting barely any sleep whatsoever. I now sleep about 10 hours a day, and have to drink tea to wake up in the mornings or else I am too tired to do anything. I gained 30 pounds on respirdal in a very short period of time, within less than a year, from 125 to 155 pounds, and then gained about 10 pounds when I first started taking abilify, to 165 pounds, but over a long period of time. I'm 5'4", and I'm still 165 pounds 3 years later. During that time I didn't really exercise. I've starting exercising recently and I'm hoping that doing that and counting calories I will lose weight. I take my meds for my family so that I'm not having psychotic episodes on them, but if I was already 400 pounds too I might reconsider. I did lose 10 pounds and then regained 10 pounds while on abilify, and I'm hoping to lose the pounds again. Without the meds I couldn't even read because the voices were constantly yelling at me 24/7. Now on the meds, I have a part time job working in my dad's office and can drive a car, got my driver's license, and am going to school for two classes, although I didn't study today, I just did work. Honestly, I'm ok with dying young, but i'm afraid of the side effects that can come with antipsychotics, especially in the long run, since it's been fine so far, but I don't know what's going to happen in the long term. I'm ok with dying today, but not suffering. I'm glad you found God again, but it's sad that you had to go through hell. The antipsychotics probably did cause you to gain the extra 80 pounds. Technically you don't have to take antipsychotics, but I'm completely dependent on them. Some websites say that those that don't take antipsychotics do better in the long run, while others say that relapse is guaranteed without antipsychotics every three years. I personally think that those that don't take antipsychotics usually don't have as severe of symptoms as those that do, so that is why they do better. I can't stand to listen to the voices which often claim to be God, and while I'm listening it's impossible for me to carry on a normal life. I don't really have that many side effects other than insomnia without the mirtazapine and trouble with my bladder. Even on antipsychotics every day is a struggle. Everyday I'm forced to think about how I've missed out in life because of this illness, and I wish I could just tell people and get sympathy for it, but instead I have to hide it as a mark of shame. I worry that I'm going to hell when I die too. There is a section on this site where you can Ask A Chaplain, and they should be able to help you. I think just remember what Jesus said were the two greatest commandments, love God first and foremost, and love people. I think it's important to love God because if you don't then why would you want to be in heaven, because that is where God is. There is hope for some people with the disorder, I think of Elyn Saks. Maybe you can read her book about her journey through schizophrenia. I think she is a Dean at University of Southern California. Personally I have to go to a psychiatrist and psychologist and take meds. my family and doctors seem to think I have hope and can do well in the future, but I feel more like committing suicide. I mean, I have a family, a home, and maybe even a future, but I just feel so bad every day. My mom also has schizophrenia, but she got it in like her 50s, and she is now on meds and doing fine. She takes latuda, but without meds her life got progressively worse and worse and worse, because of the paranoia. But yeah the thing about hell, you should talk to the chaplain, or maybe other people on here about it, cuz I'm worried that I'm going there too, and I haven't really been able to break that fear. I know that some say that Jesus did all of the work of saving us, and I know it's based on faith, not works, but then I wonder where the cut off is between those that go to heaven and those that don't.

 

[BookofMatt]

I guess my first question is, do I have to take my antipsychotics? I haven't had psychosis in a while actually, I've been good. I still have all of the other symptoms and getting through every day life is a major struggle. But, I just feel like I shouldn't be force fed poison. I haven't hurt anybody and I wouldn't hurt anybody. So, why take them? Plus, I weigh almost 400 pounds now. I don't want to hit 500 pounds + because of being force fed poison. I didn't have a life on anti psychotics because I slept over 18 hours a day on them (Yes, 18). I don't want to take them. If I have to take them, can she give them to me?

Or, those of you who have been suffering from schizophrenia or other psychotic disorders. Or those who have a loved one with conditions like ours, is there hope? Is there hope at the end of this hell? Where we'll at least have a some what normal life? And not have to rely on others so much? And sin so much? I want the kingdom of heaven. I don't want to go back to hell. Please, help me.

YES, take your medication. Talk with your doctor about what would work best for you. The majority of anti-psychotics include weight gain as a side effect because they stimulate appetite. At a weight as high as yours, again I'd recommend talking with your doctor to see what works best for you and what other medications and/or exercise methods will help in compliance with anti-psychotics. Also, all anti-psychotics are predominantly sedating...it's always been a struggle with me adjusting to regular schedules because of it, but there are effective alternatives, such as monthly intramuscular injections that work on time-release. Again, talk with your doctor about it.

No pills are "poison". The only time I actively think things such as medications or foods are "poison" are when I'm actively psychotic. No, meds are not fun to take, and occasionally they'll make me feel kinda crummy, but they're the major divider between being able to function properly and being completely out of control. Of course there's hope: there are millions of people who live perfectly well with mental illnesses of varying severity. It's not at all beyond you, you just have to work with your doctors and therapists to find what will work best. It just may take some time.

 

[A. Jay]

I'm glad to see so many others responding that have a better understanding of your illness than I possibly can. I won't pretend to know what you're going through because it's nothing that I've ever dealt with, but I agree with the thought that your medication is not poison, and that it can be very beneficial, and that you should stay in very close contact with your doc. If you aren't happy with how one doc is treating and you'd like to try a different course of treatment, I would encourage you to seek out another doc that you are more in agreement with.

I'm glad you've got God in your life. That's really important to me, and He does care about us. There can also be organic things that go on in our bodies that have nothing to do with supernatural things, so I think there certainly can be benefits to medicine as well. I too will continue to pray for you, but I encourage you to consider your doc's advice very carefully if you can, and also talk to your wife and see what she thinks is best for you. She probably knows you as well as anyone, and would have a lot of valuable input!

 

[Neostarwcc]

Thank you for the replies guys and I'm sorry it took me so long to respond. I am glad that there are other people who are just like me, well half glad. I don't wish mental illnesses on anyone because, they are definitely not fun to live with for the rest of your life. But, it makes me feel better to realize that there are people out there that understand exactly what I'm going through and EXACTLY what it's like to live like this everyday.

My wife is clean of mental health disorders so it felt like, nobody really understood (because she's really the only person I talk to outside of my mom) because, she had no way of really understanding me. How could she when she never lived through it? Counselors and some other people sympathized with you but, they never really understood what it was like to live like this either.

It's no different than being obese or Autistic or anything else.

I also got sick of people telling me that I shouldn't start a family because I can pass my mental illness onto my children. While it concerns me, mental illness runs in my family. If my family chose to never reproduce I wouldn't be here. Nor would any other member of my family. While sometimes I wish I was never born, I shouldn't. I'm glad to be alive.

Besides, it's not like there's a 100% chance of passing it on anyway.

As for my medication, I'll consider it. I'd really need to be tested on a lot more medicines and I definitely did not like basically being a vegetable with no life. There's also the problem of finding a proper Psychiatrists the last one kind of called my family and I "A bunch of [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]s who are just wasting my time."

 

[orangeness365]

Thank you for the replies guys and I'm sorry it took me so long to respond. I am glad that there are other people who are just like me, well half glad. I don't wish mental illnesses on anyone because, they are definitely not fun to live with for the rest of your life. But, it makes me feel better to realize that there are people out there that understand exactly what I'm going through and EXACTLY what it's like to live like this everyday.

My wife is clean of mental health disorders so it felt like, nobody really understood (because she's really the only person I talk to outside of my mom) because, she had no way of really understanding me. How could she when she never lived through it? Counselors and some other people sympathized with you but, they never really understood what it was like to live like this either.

It's no different than being obese or Autistic or anything else.

I also got sick of people telling me that I shouldn't start a family because I can pass my mental illness onto my children. While it concerns me, mental illness runs in my family. If my family chose to never reproduce I wouldn't be here. Nor would any other member of my family. While sometimes I wish I was never born, I shouldn't. I'm glad to be alive.

Besides, it's not like there's a 100% chance of passing it on anyway.

As for my medication, I'll consider it. I'd really need to be tested on a lot more medicines and I definitely did not like basically being a vegetable with no life. There's also the problem of finding a proper Psychiatrists the last one kind of called my family and I "A bunch of [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]s who are just wasting my time."

I'm sorry your last psychiatrist said that about you and your family. My dad doesn't really understand why I'm depressed. From what I've read and heard, geodon, latuda, and abilify cause the least amount of weight gain.

 

[Neostarwcc]

My family kind of lives in a nowhere ghost town and unfortunately, he is the only psychiatrist in the area that I can see. Which, is part of the reason I haven't seen a Psychiatrist in a few years. I felt like, my family shouldn't have been treated that way and I had a right not to see him and that he was so unprofessional with how he dealt with my crisis.

But, it happened so long ago and I should forgive him. Yeah, my dad never really understood why I was depressed when I was a kid either. Yet, he turned to the bottle when he couldn't handle life anymore and is still depressed to this day. I remember as a teenager my dad didn't agree with me being medicated for depression and it did take a psychiatrist who's probably no longer in practice anymore, because she was in her late 50's when I last saw her like 13 years ago. A long time to find the right anti depressant that worked for me. I was taken off of Anti Depressants before I graduated high school.

Should have been put back on them after I graduated but... I just isolated myself from the world instead.

I have heard of Geodon but I do not think I have been tried on it. I have put on lithium, Saphris (Which was the medication I was on the longest), Risperadal (This was when my Psychiatrist thought I had Bipolar but, later found out what it really was), and one other medication I can't remember. Maybe it was Geodon *shrug*.

Anyway, my Psychiatrist did want me to go on Abilify but, was concerned about the financials and how much it cost. I'm on Medicaid and pretty poor and my insurance company fought to cover a cheaper medicine like Saphris for a long time. They gave in after a while but, he felt like they would never cover Abilify and he said it was like $200 a bottle and very expensive.

Maybe if I do decide to see him again in the spring time, we can work more on finding the right medicine. After all, it took so long to find the right Anti Depressant.

 

[orangeness365]

My family kind of lives in a nowhere ghost town and unfortunately, he is the only psychiatrist in the area that I can see. Which, is part of the reason I haven't seen a Psychiatrist in a few years. I felt like, my family shouldn't have been treated that way and I had a right not to see him and that he was so unprofessional with how he dealt with my crisis.

But, it happened so long ago and I should forgive him. Yeah, my dad never really understood why I was depressed when I was a kid either. Yet, he turned to the bottle when he couldn't handle life anymore and is still depressed to this day. I remember as a teenager my dad didn't agree with me being medicated for depression and it did take a psychiatrist who's probably no longer in practice anymore, because she was in her late 50's when I last saw her like 13 years ago. A long time to find the right anti depressant that worked for me. I was taken off of Anti Depressants before I graduated high school.

Should have been put back on them after I graduated but... I just isolated myself from the world instead.

I have heard of Geodon but I do not think I have been tried on it. I have put on lithium, Saphris (Which was the medication I was on the longest), Risperadal (This was when my Psychiatrist thought I had Bipolar but, later found out what it really was), and one other medication I can't remember. Maybe it was Geodon *shrug*.

Anyway, my Psychiatrist did want me to go on Abilify but, was concerned about the financials and how much it cost. I'm on Medicaid and pretty poor and my insurance company fought to cover a cheaper medicine like Saphris for a long time. They gave in after a while but, he felt like they would never cover Abilify and he said it was like $200 a bottle and very expensive.

Maybe if I do decide to see him again in the spring time, we can work more on finding the right medicine. After all, it took so long to find the right Anti Depressant.

that's unfortunate that there aren't any other psychiatrists around. I take the generic of abilify, but it is still really expensive. Latuda is ridiculously expensive, but I may be wrong but I think geodon is less expensive than the other two, especially the generic of it. i've never heard of saphris before. I'm on an antidepressant and an antipsychotic, both generic of abilify and the generic of remeron.

 

[jaxis]

Well I also have schizoaffective disorder bi-polar type. I take prolixin shot every two weeks and wellbutrin lamictal trazodone pills. Life is hard I'm on disability it wasn't always this way I was a carpenter union and non. What happened to me is I was working taking abilify and lamictal and I went to a church and they ask if anyone needed prayer. Well I flew up there and told them i'm mentally ill will you pray for me they laid hands on me prayed in tongues and when they were done they told me to dump my medication down the toilet I was healed. I listened and was hospitalized twice psychosis for over a month and I became disabled. That was eight years ago. I have been hospitalized 15 times all because of not taking my medication. I have been compliant for three years and have stayed out of the hospital. Since the beginning of the year I have struggling real bad with psychosis and mania. What go's up must come down now I've been struggling with depression. Anyways if I was just compliant from the beginning my life would be a lot better but some lesson's have to be learned the hard way. Anyways I live with my mom and dad being on disability I don't have a lot of money and they help take care of me. I'm also an alcoholic I admit I struggle with it. After I got saved I stayed sober three and a half years then I drank while I was in psychosis and have been struggling ever since.

 

[Jaxxi]

I feel like I should give a little bit of my background before asking my questions.

I was officially diagnosed with Schizo-Affective disorder in 2012 after I had a major month long psychotic episode. I don't remember much of that month but from what I do remember, it was hell. I know I'm technically legally crazy and everything but, I DID go to hell.

I was punished for every single lie I had ever told in the course of my life, I was tortured by demons and by myself. I was all alone and never, EVER do I want to experience that in my life ever again. It made me realize that, I needed God again more than I ever needed anyone else in my entire life.

I've had a few psychotic episodes since. I no longer can stay up the late hours of the night that I used to be able to, I am no longer trusted with finances. I'm constantly struggling from thoughts of suicide on a daily basis. I treat my family worse than I used to and I'm more prone to anger outbursts and crying fits. My wife has been more than accepting on my issues but, I feel like I shouldn't have to put her through this anymore.

I haven't been taking my anti-psychotics for over 2 years. Why? Because, I feel like they're evil. I feel like they're poison. I feel like, they're the reason I gained an extra 80 pounds. I feel like, they're the reason I was diagnosed with pre Diabetes 6 months after taking my medication. I have been obese for over 16 years of my life (I'm almost 30). I have NEVER been pre diabetic before and I get tested 3 times a year. And it seems coincidentally now, my blood sugar and slowly going back to normal.

I guess my first question is, do I have to take my antipsychotics? I haven't had psychosis in a while actually, I've been good. I still have all of the other symptoms and getting through every day life is a major struggle. But, I just feel like I shouldn't be force fed poison. I haven't hurt anybody and I wouldn't hurt anybody. So, why take them? Plus, I weigh almost 400 pounds now. I don't want to hit 500 pounds + because of being force fed poison. I didn't have a life on anti psychotics because I slept over 18 hours a day on them (Yes, 18). I don't want to take them. If I have to take them, can she give them to me?

Or, those of you who have been suffering from schizophrenia or other psychotic disorders. Or those who have a loved one with conditions like ours, is there hope? Is there hope at the end of this hell? Where we'll at least have a some what normal life? And not have to rely on others so much? And sin so much? I want the kingdom of heaven. I don't want to go back to hell. Please, help me.

It's important that you find the right meds that will improve your quality of life. A friend of mine pushing 400lbs. got the lap band surgery and lost 200 lbs. in like a year. The only downfall was he REALLY likes how he looks and feels and he is a bit too cocky and not that same funny cool guy he was before. It really went to his head and sometimes he'd get sick by trying to eat like he had before and his body would reject it. But he's way happy.

 

[newlightseven]

I feel like I should give a little bit of my background before asking my questions.

I was officially diagnosed with Schizo-Affective disorder in 2012 after I had a major month long psychotic episode. I don't remember much of that month but from what I do remember, it was hell. I know I'm technically legally crazy and everything but, I DID go to hell.

I was punished for every single lie I had ever told in the course of my life, I was tortured by demons and by myself. I was all alone and never, EVER do I want to experience that in my life ever again. It made me realize that, I needed God again more than I ever needed anyone else in my entire life.

I've had a few psychotic episodes since. I no longer can stay up the late hours of the night that I used to be able to, I am no longer trusted with finances. I'm constantly struggling from thoughts of suicide on a daily basis. I treat my family worse than I used to and I'm more prone to anger outbursts and crying fits. My wife has been more than accepting on my issues but, I feel like I shouldn't have to put her through this anymore.

I haven't been taking my anti-psychotics for over 2 years. Why? Because, I feel like they're evil. I feel like they're poison. I feel like, they're the reason I gained an extra 80 pounds. I feel like, they're the reason I was diagnosed with pre Diabetes 6 months after taking my medication. I have been obese for over 16 years of my life (I'm almost 30). I have NEVER been pre diabetic before and I get tested 3 times a year. And it seems coincidentally now, my blood sugar and slowly going back to normal.

I guess my first question is, do I have to take my antipsychotics? I haven't had psychosis in a while actually, I've been good. I still have all of the other symptoms and getting through every day life is a major struggle. But, I just feel like I shouldn't be force fed poison. I haven't hurt anybody and I wouldn't hurt anybody. So, why take them? Plus, I weigh almost 400 pounds now. I don't want to hit 500 pounds + because of being force fed poison. I didn't have a life on anti psychotics because I slept over 18 hours a day on them (Yes, 18). I don't want to take them. If I have to take them, can she give them to me?

Or, those of you who have been suffering from schizophrenia or other psychotic disorders. Or those who have a loved one with conditions like ours, is there hope? Is there hope at the end of this hell? Where we'll at least have a some what normal life? And not have to rely on others so much? And sin so much? I want the kingdom of heaven. I don't want to go back to hell. Please, help me.

Stay strong in the lord. I know that while you are seeing or have been seeing demons, faith is blind and you can not see it, so stay in the Lord no matter what. There are people who love and care for you so don't ever take your life. Meds can do terrible things to your mind and body. I think you have to weigh your emotions. If you ever feel like you are on the verge of suicide, you may want to get some happy pills. Only you and God knows what you can handle in your life.

May God Bless You

 

[Hopes]

My family kind of lives in a nowhere ghost town and unfortunately, he is the only psychiatrist in the area that I can see. Which, is part of the reason I haven't seen a Psychiatrist in a few years. I felt like, my family shouldn't have been treated that way and I had a right not to see him and that he was so unprofessional with how he dealt with my crisis.

But, it happened so long ago and I should forgive him. Yeah, my dad never really understood why I was depressed when I was a kid either. Yet, he turned to the bottle when he couldn't handle life anymore and is still depressed to this day. I remember as a teenager my dad didn't agree with me being medicated for depression and it did take a psychiatrist who's probably no longer in practice anymore, because she was in her late 50's when I last saw her like 13 years ago. A long time to find the right anti depressant that worked for me. I was taken off of Anti Depressants before I graduated high school.

Should have been put back on them after I graduated but... I just isolated myself from the world instead.

I have heard of Geodon but I do not think I have been tried on it. I have put on lithium, Saphris (Which was the medication I was on the longest), Risperadal (This was when my Psychiatrist thought I had Bipolar but, later found out what it really was), and one other medication I can't remember. Maybe it was Geodon *shrug*.

Anyway, my Psychiatrist did want me to go on Abilify but, was concerned about the financials and how much it cost. I'm on Medicaid and pretty poor and my insurance company fought to cover a cheaper medicine like Saphris for a long time. They gave in after a while but, he felt like they would never cover Abilify and he said it was like $200 a bottle and very expensive.

Maybe if I do decide to see him again in the spring time, we can work more on finding the right medicine. After all, it took so long to find the right Anti Depressant.

You should never be on risperdal or its cousin Invega if you have prediabetes. Both of those are horrible for raising your blood sugar. I am bipolar 1 with psycosis and diabetes and I have a bear of a time with meds because most of them will raise the blood sugar and I can't really have that because it makes my diabetes unmanageable.

Geodon is SUPPOSED to not raise the blood sugar but it did with me. My psych is probably going back to the older first gen med of loxapine with me because the Geodon did not prevent the latest manic episode and it is raising my blood sugar.

 

[Hopes]

My family kind of lives in a nowhere ghost town and unfortunately, he is the only psychiatrist in the area that I can see. Which, is part of the reason I haven't seen a Psychiatrist in a few years. I felt like, my family shouldn't have been treated that way and I had a right not to see him and that he was so unprofessional with how he dealt with my crisis.

But, it happened so long ago and I should forgive him. Yeah, my dad never really understood why I was depressed when I was a kid either. Yet, he turned to the bottle when he couldn't handle life anymore and is still depressed to this day. I remember as a teenager my dad didn't agree with me being medicated for depression and it did take a psychiatrist who's probably no longer in practice anymore, because she was in her late 50's when I last saw her like 13 years ago. A long time to find the right anti depressant that worked for me. I was taken off of Anti Depressants before I graduated high school.

Should have been put back on them after I graduated but... I just isolated myself from the world instead.

I have heard of Geodon but I do not think I have been tried on it. I have put on lithium, Saphris (Which was the medication I was on the longest), Risperadal (This was when my Psychiatrist thought I had Bipolar but, later found out what it really was), and one other medication I can't remember. Maybe it was Geodon *shrug*.

Anyway, my Psychiatrist did want me to go on Abilify but, was concerned about the financials and how much it cost. I'm on Medicaid and pretty poor and my insurance company fought to cover a cheaper medicine like Saphris for a long time. They gave in after a while but, he felt like they would never cover Abilify and he said it was like $200 a bottle and very expensive.

Maybe if I do decide to see him again in the spring time, we can work more on finding the right medicine. After all, it took so long to find the right Anti Depressant.

You should never be on risperdal or its cousin Invega if you have prediabetes. Both of those are horrible for raising your blood sugar. I am bipolar 1 with psycosis and diabetes and I have a bear of a time with meds because most of them will raise the blood sugar and I can't really have that because it makes my diabetes unmanageable.

Geodon is SUPPOSED to not raise the blood sugar but it did with me. My psych is probably going back to the older first gen med of loxapine with me because the Geodon did not prevent the latest manic episode and it is raising my blood sugar.

I feel like I should give a little bit of my background before asking my questions.

I was officially diagnosed with Schizo-Affective disorder in 2012 after I had a major month long psychotic episode. I don't remember much of that month but from what I do remember, it was hell. I know I'm technically legally crazy and everything but, I DID go to hell.

I was punished for every single lie I had ever told in the course of my life, I was tortured by demons and by myself. I was all alone and never, EVER do I want to experience that in my life ever again. It made me realize that, I needed God again more than I ever needed anyone else in my entire life.

I've had a few psychotic episodes since. I no longer can stay up the late hours of the night that I used to be able to, I am no longer trusted with finances. I'm constantly struggling from thoughts of suicide on a daily basis. I treat my family worse than I used to and I'm more prone to anger outbursts and crying fits. My wife has been more than accepting on my issues but, I feel like I shouldn't have to put her through this anymore.

I haven't been taking my anti-psychotics for over 2 years. Why? Because, I feel like they're evil. I feel like they're poison. I feel like, they're the reason I gained an extra 80 pounds. I feel like, they're the reason I was diagnosed with pre Diabetes 6 months after taking my medication. I have been obese for over 16 years of my life (I'm almost 30). I have NEVER been pre diabetic before and I get tested 3 times a year. And it seems coincidentally now, my blood sugar and slowly going back to normal.

I guess my first question is, do I have to take my antipsychotics? I haven't had psychosis in a while actually, I've been good. I still have all of the other symptoms and getting through every day life is a major struggle. But, I just feel like I shouldn't be force fed poison. I haven't hurt anybody and I wouldn't hurt anybody. So, why take them? Plus, I weigh almost 400 pounds now. I don't want to hit 500 pounds + because of being force fed poison. I didn't have a life on anti psychotics because I slept over 18 hours a day on them (Yes, 18). I don't want to take them. If I have to take them, can she give them to me?

Or, those of you who have been suffering from schizophrenia or other psychotic disorders. Or those who have a loved one with conditions like ours, is there hope? Is there hope at the end of this hell? Where we'll at least have a some what normal life? And not have to rely on others so much? And sin so much? I want the kingdom of heaven. I don't want to go back to hell. Please, help me.

As for going to hell and being tortured for your sins. When the accuser comes this is how I handle it. First I try to figure out in my mind where he is then I try to get as close to him as I can, then I drop to my knees. As he starts his long list of every sin I ever did I tell God yes I did that, I did that too, and so on and so forth. Then I ask God to forgive me for my sins. I make it into a repentance of sorts.

Its kind of nice in a way because the devil has a much better memory than I do so I am sure I did not forget anything. It drive him crazy when you do that but I have enough crazy to go around LOL.

Hugs

 

[Hopes]

You should never be on risperdal or its cousin Invega if you have prediabetes. Both of those are horrible for raising your blood sugar. I am bipolar 1 with psycosis and diabetes and I have a bear of a time with meds because most of them will raise the blood sugar and I can't really have that because it makes my diabetes unmanageable.

Geodon is SUPPOSED to not raise the blood sugar but it did with me. My psych is probably going back to the older first gen med of loxapine with me because the Geodon did not prevent the latest manic episode and it is raising my blood sugar.


As for going to hell and being tortured for your sins. When the accuser comes this is how I handle it. First I try to figure out in my mind where he is then I try to get as close to him as I can, then I drop to my knees. As he starts his long list of every sin I ever did I tell God yes I did that, I did that too, and so on and so forth. Then I ask God to forgive me for my sins. I make it into a repentance of sorts.

Its kind of nice in a way because the devil has a much better memory than I do so I am sure I did not forget anything. It drive him crazy when you do that but I have enough crazy to go around LOL.

Hugs

Oh I thought I should explain myself better because people usually take me the wrong way. When I said I drop to my knees, I don't mean kneel to the devil, I mean to kneel to God. I am sure some person out there thinks I kneel to the devil which is NOT what I meant. I could care less what that devil does, can't wait for Jesus to come and stomp all over him.