S&M - weird stuff - not for kids

[Rhamiel]

A topic that I would like to discuss is, can you have a healthy Christian marriage and incorporate elements of S&M and bondage? Of course it would have to consensual and in a loving relationship.

Some people would argue that bondage and Dominance and Submission are fundamentally demeaning to dignity of the human person, and even if done “for fun” or recognized as “play” such actions will not promote a healthy relationship between husband and wife.

On the other hand, some would say that husband is called to be the head of the household Ephesians 5:22-26, and this would also be true for the bedroom as well. So the husband as the caring dominant partner and the wife as the more submissive partner would be natural and biblical.

http://www.sexinchrist.com/submission.html

(I know this is kind of a taboo topic, so I told the kids to stay out)

 

[MikeK]

I tend to think husbands and wives should practice whatever freaky stuff they mutually agree on in their bedrooms. I also thing each partner has a responsibility (and it oughta be a labor of love - this is something you should want to do) to please their partner, so long as nobody ids getting hurt and there are no other people involved. I don't personally see the allur of BD/SM type stuff beyond maybe a little tying up here or there, but hey, I'm not going to tell another couple what is and isn't appropriate in their bedroom outside what the Church specifically teaches.

 

[colleen]

I haven't read the article, but I want to ask a question for clarity. Are you comparing S&M with the marital relationship between husband and wife (particularly the issue of submission) defined by the bible?

 

[Rhamiel]

sounds like good advise Mike
I see it as a Christian freedom issue, we are free in Christ to do what is good and what makes God, others and ourself happy, as long as it is a good thing.
If tBD/SM is fundamentaly harmful to a relationship it is not covered under Christian freedom, if it is not fundamentaly harmful, then it can be good as long you practice it in a healthy and loveing way

 

[colleen]

Change that. I have read the article. That's just sad.

 

[Assisi]

subscribing

I have an opinion, but I'm about to go out so I'll have to post later.

 

[Rhamiel]

Are you comparing S&M with the marital relationship between husband and wife (particularly the issue of submission) defined by the bible?

I am saying that S&M could be part of it, I am not trivializing the roles of husband and wife but saying this could be a small part of it

 

[MikeK]

I don'tr think that husband dominence, wifely submision has anything at all to do with the marriage bed. If a couple jointly choses the activities you're talking about, great. If there's some gentler coersion because one partner is more into it than the other, fine, I guess. But nobody should feel like they have to do anything in bed that they're just flat against doing. that isn't going to make for a healthy sex life and it isn't going to make for a healthy marriage. Everything in the bedroom should be for mutual enjoyment, I think.

 

[Rhamiel]

Colleen

Change that. I have read the article. That's just sad.

I am sorry, I did not mean to offend you, the article goes a little over the top and it is not from a good website, but some of the points it makes are valid IMHO

Mike

Everything in the bedroom should be for mutual enjoyment, I think.

of course, I tried to stress that I am only talking about consenting couples

 

[drstevej]

nm

 

[Lilmissykato]

I think what he means to say, is that if both partners enjoy it and want to- its healthy for their relationship and should not be looked down on.

Right?

 

[Rhamiel]

what lilmissykato said

 

[drstevej]

nm

 

[Lilmissykato]

I don't get the bible passage, but I think he means to say (and i agree) that if they enjoy it and both want it then it's not wrong.

 

[drstevej]

nm

 

[Rhamiel]

A big part of bondage is trust, you surrender yourself to the other person and trust that they will do what is best for you.

 

[drstevej]

nm

 

[MikeK]

The husband is head of the wife as Christ is head of the Church.

Can you envision Christ incorporating S&M in His relationship to the Church and excusing it as an aspect of headship ???

You made a strawman on a cross. I can't immagine Jesus having any sort of sex with the Church.

 

[Rhamiel]

OK ... let's say the couple is into degrading language and both enjoy it. By your principle it is not wrong. Yet degradation is the opposite of edification (building up one another).

To be right shouldn't God's standards and not our enjoyment be the true yardstick of what is "healthy"?

that is one reason I made this thread, is it inherently harmful, or is it morally neutral and is an option for married couples who would want to try it, I think that is something worth talking about

 

[Lilmissykato]

And how is "BEST" to be defined? Does this not drag God's perspective into the evaluation?

I trust my wife in a myriad of ways, none of which involve duct tape.

The whole point of this is not 'hey, trust your husband? then let him tie you up in the bedroom and have his way!' It's if two people have a BDSM fettish, they enjoy the fettish, they pertake of it in their bedroom in privacy, then is it wrong?

And in my opinion, no. I do not think God thinks its wrong when a husband and wife pertake into an agree upon fettish in the privacy of their bedroom.