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Reverend Billy Ray Collins on the John Boy & Billy show

Discussion in 'Spirit-Filled / Charismatic' started by Questioning Christian, Aug 8, 2005.

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  1. Questioning Christian

    Questioning Christian New Member

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    REVEREND BILLY RAY COLLINS * MORNING MESSAGE FOR 8/3/05

    Well, Good Mornin' there JOHN BOY & BILLY -- AND GOOD MORNIN' TO ALL OUR BELOVED FRIENDS OUT THERE IN RADIO-LAND. THIS HERE'S THE REVEREND BILLY RAY COLLINS FROM THE SWORD OF JOSHUA INDEPENDENT FULL-GOSPEL PENTECOSTAL ASSEMBLY...JUST OFF STATE ROAD 23 ON THE FRONTAGE ROAD.

    OUR 2005 VACATION BIBLE SCHOOL WAS A SATAN-SMASHIN' SUCCESS. ALTHOUGH, I DID GET SOME PHONE CALLS SAYIN' "PREACHER...YER BEIN' WAY TOO NARROW IN WHAT YOU TEACHIN THESE YOUNG'UNS." WELL... DON'T WORRY, SKEPTICS AND AGNOSTICATORS -- YER GETTIN' SOME EQUAL TIME OUT THERE IN THE MIDWEST. FELLER'S GOT A SUMMER CAMP SPECIALLY FOR...ATHEIST TEENAGERS. READ A STORY BOUT IT IN THE NEWSPAPER. LISTEN AT THIS:

    "UNGODLY FUN: SUMMER CAMP FOR KIDS OFFERS MEALS WITHOUT GRACE, CAMPFIRES WITHOUT BLESSINGS, AND LIGHTS OUT WITHOUT PRAYERS."

    SEE, THERE'S THE PROBLEM WITH KIDS TODAY: THEY'S JUST GETTIN' WAY TOO MUCH GOD. SO WELCOME TO "CAMP GO-TO-HELL." THAT'S A ATHEIST FER YA -- FIRST THEY KICKED GOD OUTTA THE SCHOOLS...NOW THEY'S TRYIN' TO KICK HIM OUTTA THE WOODS, TOO.

    "ADVERTISED AS A OFREE THINKING' ENVIRONMENT, OCAMP QUEST' BOASTS THAT THE YOUNG PEOPLE WHO ATTEND WILL HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY FOR FREE INQUIRY -- EXCEPT, OR COURSE, THE IDEA OF GOD WILL NOT BE PART OF THE EQUATION." SO MUCH FOR FREE-THINKIN'.

    WE KNOW THE PARENTS HAS GOT PROBLEMS. WHY WOULD A KID WANNA GO TO ATHEIST CAMP? WELL... HERE'S WHAT ONE GIRL SAID: "I DIDN'T LIKE HAVING TO SAY A MILLION PRAYERS A DAY AT OTHER CAMPS."

    LET'S SEE HERE: GOD IS GREAT...GOD IS GOOD LET US THANK HIM FOR OUR FOOD AMEN.

    THAT TOOK PURT'NEAR 5 SECONDS. YEAH BOY...THAT'S A REAL KILLER. DO THAT FOR ALL 3 MEALS...YER WHOLE DAY IS SHOT!

    THE FOUNDER OF "CAMP GO-TO-HELL- IS...BRACE YERSELF...A LAWYER. HE SEZ "WE TEACH CRITICAL THINKING. WE TEACH SCIENCE. WE TEACH EVOLUTION. WE HAVE A STRONG EMPHASIS ON SCIENTIFIC METHOD." IN OTHER WORDS...HE'LL HIT YER YOUNG'UN OVER THE HEAD WITH EVER'THING BUT THE TRUTH.

    "AT THE OPENING CAMPFIRE CEREMONY, THE DIRECTOR ISSUED A SET OF CHALLENGES FOR CAMPERS TO RESPOND TO IN SKITS. ONE CHALLENGE: HELP RESIDENTS OF THE FARAWAY PLANET OQUESTERION' UNDERSTAND HOW LIFE ON EARTH CAME INTO BEING.
    ANOTHER CHALLENGE: PROVE THAT THE TWO INVISIBLE UNICORNS IN RESIDENCE DO NOT EXIST.

    THERE YA GO: OQUESTERIONS' AND INVISIBLE UNICORNS. NOW DON'T THAT SOUND REAL ENLIGHTENED AND SCIENTIFIC?

    BUT THAT AIN'T ALL -- THE CHILDREN ALSO GET A WEEK OF SEMINARS THAT SALUTE FAMOUS ATHEISTS AND HUMANISTS LIKE MARGARET SANGER: THE FOUNDER OF PLANNED PARENTHOOD. ALBERT EENSTEEN: THE FELLER THAT WROTE THEORY OF RELATIVI-TISM.
    AND TED TURNER...THE FELLER THAT STARTED CNN, THE COMM'ANIST NEWS NETWORK. WELL NOW -- MAKES THAT "MTV BEACH HOUSE- SOUND LIKE A BOOGER, DON'T IT?

    THERE YA GO, JUNIOR HEATHERNS -- Y'ALL HAVE FUN SITTIN' AROUND TALKIN' BOUT THE GOOD OL' DAYS WHEN OUR TAILS FIRST FELL OFF. HAVE YOU A GOOD OL' FASHIONED SINGALONG LIKE "IF YER HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT BECAUSE OF A CHANCE COMBINATION OF INORGANIC CHEMICALS 4 BILLION YEARS AGO, CLAP YER HANDS!² BUT
    ONE DAY WHEN IT'S YOU INSTEAD OF A MARSHMELLER ON THE END OF THAT STICK...AND YER BEIIN' ROASTED ON THE DEVIL'S BONFIRE...DON'T SAY I DIDN'T TRY TO WARN Y'UNS!

    BY THE WAY...I HOPE IT AIN'T RUDE FOR ME TO POINT OUT THAT THE ATHEISTS THERE AT "CAMP GO-TO-HELL² WILL BE GLAD TO TAKE YER MONEY...EVEN IF IT DOES HAVE "IN GOD WE TRUST² WROTE ON IT. BUT THE CHURCH IS THE ONE THAT'S FULLA HYPOCRITES.

    I TELL YA, BELOVED -- THIS COUNTRY IS HEADED FOR SATAN'S RUMPUS ROOM FASTER'N OL' OKRA WINFREY GOIN' THRU THE LINE AT GOLDEN CORRAL!

    IF YOU DON'T WANNA BE A PERMANENT RESIDENT OF CAMP GO-TO-HELL, COME ON OUT THIS SUNDAY MORNIN' FOR A DOUBLE-DOSE OF THE GOD'S HONEST TRUTH AT THE SWORD OF JOSHUA INDEPENDENT FULL GOSPEL PENTECOSTAL ASSEMBLY...JUST OFF STATE ROAD
    23, ON THE FRONTAGE ROAD. THIS HERE'S THE REVEREND BILLY RAY COLLINS REMINDIN' Y'UNS IT'S TIME TO TURN...SO YOU DON'T BURN.

    JOHN BOY & BILLY -- Y'ALL KEEP OEM STRAIGHT UP THAR...
     
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