Hi I'm David,
Earlier this week my girlfriend of 2+ years asked to talk to me and called it quits. I don't know how to feel right now cause our relationship was/is great. Our compatibility up there on top of the chart, we have fun, love each other and individually our relationship with God is on the right track. We rarely fight or argue but during the two year span, we've had or rather she would ask to talk once every few months about our relationship. I'm the type of person who does a lot of things alone (qt/praying/many other things) and don't speak much, the quiet type. So during those talks she was not happy and upset that as two people who are in a serious relationship and both who are thinking about the future towards marriage we don't talk about our faith and lack communication in that area. She's been wanting to do marriage counseling from our church leaders and pastor, not in the tradition sense but so that we can communicate and share more openly about our faith. At first I didn't want to but evenly our young adults pastor felt compelled cause he saw us and knew that we felt serious and strongly about this relationship so he asked to marriage counseling before we even said anything to anyone. The most important thing that she values from her partner is where his faith is, how spiritual he is and how well he is in tune with God. I knew this from the start and I was confident enough to start this relationship with her so that both of us can grow stronger and more intimate with God. When she mentioned these things I would just always say "hey I'll do better, I'll communicate better and share more that's on my mine" to assure her that it will change. This same "let's talk" would arise once every couple/few months not because I wasn't sharing at all or just not owning up to my word but because it seemed like the bare minimum to her and because I'm not giving it a 100%. Don't get me wrong, I was doing more. Each time we talk there were little improvements but looking back now I can't say that I did give a 100% when I should have. I thought what I was doing and how I was approaching the situation was enough. Two years she waited and was patient with me, I understand how frustrating that can be. But I'm someone who never shares unless I'm force to, even in group settings, whether it's in small groups at church, I'm just not very good at sharing and don't prefer sharing my thoughts. So I was a little upset that she didn't take the small changes in my with that in mind. Then another one of these "let's talk" came about and she said let's talk in a week (since i was away from her half the time and she wanted give me some time to think and pray as well). Initially, you know waiting a week to tackle the problem seemed ridiculous and unfair to me because I was curious what she wanted to talk about this time cause things were going well (in my mind). During the "wait week", when texting each other she just didn't seem like herself (mind that we spoke and kept in touch 24/7 and just text whenever even if we had absolutely nothing to talk about), she just seemed like a shell of herself. So half the "wait week" we did talk but I knew something was wrong cause she's never been like this to the point where she couldn't even talk to normally, it just seemed like she was forcing herself to talk to me. So me going crazy wanted to know what was going on through text/phone but she insisted that we just talk in person when I'm back and when we're both free to talk in person. Which leads back to earlier this week when she wanted to part ways. I had time to pray and think about our relationship and through praying I was convinced that our source was the foundation on which we built/start this relationship. We both wanted to build a relationship centered around God yet we lost track of that and became caught up in the worldly/culture aspect in the relationship. So during during the other times when I said "hey things will get better cause I'll try harder to express myself and show my faith more," I wasn't lying but just taking the wrong approach and just tried to build on the wrong foundation. So on the day of the talk she just said that she's just tired and is drained of this relationship because the one thing (level of faith and the spiritual aspect) she needs she doesn't really see and change and tells me that she can't really see herself with me as a potential spouse. Of course I was devastated cause I was a point where I could really see myself with this person and to ask her to be my life partner was right here/there (I was looking at rings/houses and ready to speak to her parents' permission for marriage). I explained to her that during the "wait week" where I prayed and really thought about our relationship I believed that our foundation was the problem and she explains that yes that's true and that she's been saying let's do something about it this entire time for the past 2 years yet nothing's really been done about it. I told her that okay I get it clearly now so let's try to work this out and build a renewed foundation centered around what we wanted from the beginning cause even broken things can be a blessing if mended by God but she just said no and that she's be draining and that she is completely drained now to give me another chance. I understood her and didn't understand her because I wanted her give me another chance where the things she wanted didn't have to be squeezed/forced out of me and that they comes out naturally if our foundation is rebuilt but she said it's too late and it's been 2 years at that she can't do this anymore or have the desire to do this with me. She also mentioned that her color of faith is different from mine. She explained that her desire in this relationship was dissolving quickly and the only thing was keeping it was to think back to the beginning of the relationship and how she felt for me. I've asked multiple times and asked to let's try this again cause she is the person for me in every way and I just blew it. I asked to talk the following day and asked again and again to give me one last chance to make this relationship work so that but she said she doesn't want to and doesn't have any desire to be in a relationship with me. It's never that I didn't listen to her, it just took over and over several times for me to clearly take the right approach to this situation....but now it's too late.
I don't know what to do. I know it's my fault that it lead to this point. I couldn't see that she was so drained, that she was on her last straw. I was too slow to listen and too quick to talk and become angry when it should have been the other way around. I blame myself for losing the girl of my dreams right now. I know that God made this relationship possible from the start (that another story in itself) and that God has a reason for all these things but I don't know what to do. I can't blame anyone but myself cause I didn't give a 100%. It was too late when I, myself saw the clear picture. I don't want to lose her. I didn't know being too quiet/not sharing a lot can show my faith/spiritual level, I thought it was more character based and maybe that what she means when she says "we have a different color of faith." I don't want this to be the end of our story cause I can't see my future without her in it. She's very certain on her decision, that she doesn't want a relationship with me. Is there anything I can do? What should I do? What can I do to possibly spark that fire between us again and for her to give it shot again, one last time? I want this relationship and want to make it work, where I know the problem and where I can give all I have.
Thank you for reading my current situation and I'm apologize if it was hard to understand what I just wrote. Please let me know if I can clarify anything for you. Thank you again.
