Question on divorce

Steffenfield

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Hi all. :)

I think I'm being served with divorce papers tomorrow. This is something I don't believe in, no matter what the reasons.

I've been reading through the bible now for about 40 hours or so and it seems like God is very firm on this.

I feel like the bible clearly states that I can't ever remarry so is there even a point to dating someone again?

Thanks.
 

seekthelord

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Hi all. :)

I think I'm being served with divorce papers tomorrow. This is something I don't believe in, no matter what the reasons.

I've been reading through the bible now for about 40 hours or so and it seems like God is very firm on this.

I feel like the bible clearly states that I can't ever remarry so is there even a point to dating someone again?

Thanks.

Hi Steffenfield,
I saw your photo before posting.
You are correct and you read your bible correctly.
A woman cannot marry again until the death of the divorced husband.
Yet in certain conditions your divorced man is free to marry again before your death.
It's not fair says women and governments have stated the same by giving equal rights to women .. almost.
Probably every minster thinks this unfair and keeps quiet about it.
For you know divorced men and women can seek out a church that will marry them to another.
What is so unfair is that no-one or even if there was a few is interested in upholding scripture so that married couples see divorce as a greater hell than staying together thus frightening many from taking an easy step out of what was meant to be a life long relationship.
And why today remarriage is so easy in churches is that the members admit to sinning daily as sinners and cannot look down on the sin of another who is divorced and consequently have to accept divorced people eager to remarry into their church.
Find yourself any healing group and they will not only secure you a remarriage but restore you to not feeling the rejected by God feeling,
The Gospel is not all good news,
seekthelord
 
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seekthelord

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Hi all. :)

I feel like the bible clearly states that I can't ever remarry so is there even a point to dating someone again?

Thanks.

Oh yes there is every reason to date.
Go out on lots of dates after the divorce with women and men who are christians.
There should be many men and women who can never marry again till the death of their divorced spouse.
For the worst part is they can never find out if their ex-spouses are alive or dead for fear they are arrested for stalking them.
So there are many sad christian souls needing companionship.
Starty an dating agency for these type people where the motto is
No Sex Please We are interested in Fun by Edification.
And this way, becoming accepted as such a inter church club old standing church members might no look down on you/them.

Now why won't you just go with the flow.
If you commit adultery once is there not forgiveness.
If twice with the same person ... forgiveness.
Married to that person legally.
If you commit adultery and have 3 further great kids and a now wonderful new husband and you a revitalised woman hasn't God blessed you so much in sin?
There are many testimonies like this,
Try hard to reconcile but miracles do not always happen,
seekthelord
 
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Aibrean

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Seek - that's not a Christian response to commit adultery because you know you will be forgiven. The Christian response is to not sin even though the desire to sin is there. To live in the Spirit is to do the work of the Spirit and not give into sinful desires.

If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God.
 
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Steffenfield

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The Bible clearly states that unless it was divorce due to adultery, in my book you would be committing adultery by having a relationship with someone else.

Yeah, that's about what I read as well.

And I don't think that the divorce is ending due to adultery. I did find an open pack of condoms in her nightstand when packing my things to leave but she said they were for us.

I don't know, I guess I believe her.

All I can say is that I broke my promise to her too many times when stating I would get myself clean but couldn't seem to find a way to do so.

I just wish we had one counseling session together or something.

Well, I'm probably no good with relationships anyway and I'd rather spend my remaining time left here serving the Lord.
 
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Sketcher

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You want counseling, is she willing to go through with it?

And she does have reason to cover up adultery on her part, since if it can be proven in court, that will cut into her settlement and any applicable custody rights.

Now what you're reading in Scripture is spot on - no one is to divorce, and if they do, they are to reconcile, not remarry. If one or the other marries someone else, it is not marriage in the Lord's eyes, but adultery. The one possible exception being, if there's cheating, the victim has the right to cut the offender loose. But according to the Bible, forgiveness is a must in any case (much easier said than done!).

Any good divorce recovery group will focus on helping you heal and forgive your ex. It should not be a matchmaking service.
 
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Steffenfield

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Thanks all.

I did ask of her to attend one marriage counseling session with me and to sit in on one AA meeting with me as well.

She originally agreed but I think that was something she felt at the time she needed to say just for me to leave our home.

So no, she's at the point where she doesn't see how there could be any good to come of it.

As for the new purchased condoms, we've never used these through our marriage and she also mentioned a mutual interest with someone else.

I really don't know.

All I can speak of is my own, personal wrongdoings and not reaching out for help when it was clearly needed.

The thought of never being physically in love with anyone for the rest of my life is upsetting me greatly.

I thought for sure the two of us would be together for life and was heartbroken when she demanded a divorce.

She said the signs were there but it was the first time she ever even mentioned divorce so I didn't see it coming.

All I want now is to grow in spirit with her through the power of Christ but it's too late for this.

Please pray for me if that's okay. :)
 
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heymikey80

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I've got so many reactions right now, it's tough to sort out.

You realize the seriousness of whatever your offense is. It's got in the way of a relationship that is supposed to illustrate Christ's love for the church (Eph 5:21ff). There's a special poignancy to recognizing the block on this relationship.

You do not know the outcome. You're simply not in control any more. As it is, most people set up a legal divorce nowadays in order to engage in a divorce-for-cause without the legal guilt implications. That's the mindset of the age.

Whatever that offense is, a marriage without true-cause divorce, it continues spiritually after the legal wranglings. But if it continues, it is likely to be on its last legs.

Primarily this continues to be about your offense. If it has destroyed your marriage relationship, it needs to be destroyed itself. Now. Whatever her skepticism and drawing up of papers -- what's your response?

What you need is a pastor for such things. You're not in a frame of mind to deal with these issues.

Finally, there's the aspect of enforced abandonment. This divorce may well result in her abandoning you, along the lines of 1 Cor 7. Or the concept of abandonment may actually come crashing down on you, depending on your offense. It's a tough call based on circumstances. At this point I'd say your actions may be the cause, in which case the spiritual abandonment came long before, and from yourself?

Most divorces are a tough call. I've had a chance to see a few of them close-up. They are not nearly as straightforward as they seem.

There is also another discussion board here on "Christian Struggles" which may be useful to you. But please, go to a pastor, and focus on your change. You need to change to fix yourself before God. What God does with your life afterward is in His hands. You will not control it. But there's mercy there, start looking to what He wants to do with your life.
 
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DoctorJosh

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Hi all. :)

I think I'm being served with divorce papers tomorrow. This is something I don't believe in, no matter what the reasons.

I've been reading through the bible now for about 40 hours or so and it seems like God is very firm on this.

I feel like the bible clearly states that I can't ever remarry so is there even a point to dating someone again?

Thanks.

Matthew 19 Verses 1-12 clearly tells the only way a to get a divorce other than death of the other. That if one cheats on the other that is the only case for divorce. Jesus also tells that the facts are about marriage since the beginning are still the way it will always be.

How marriage is originally carried out between a man and a woman in God's eyes. I expect of course some argument on this, but it is documented in the Bible many times. So any marriage starts between a man and a woman sharing themselves with each other in the first act of procreation, thus the virginity of the woman is broken and a child is conceived through procreation, thus the two become one through the child. Only if the woman has been raped she can however marry still after, since it was forced upon her and she willingly did not accept the man.

Teens that just go out and get drunk and procreate the first time, well a willing couple is in fact marriage between a virgin and a man. Thus so many are still living without knowing they are committing adultery or even knowing they are in fact married in God's eyes. A piece of paper saying they are married is nothing to God, it is used for the US census and for tax information by the Government. It has nothing to do with God's Laws. So if your wife was a virgin when you married her, you are truly married and cannot divorce unless she commits adultery, then only can you remarry again. Thus is the sanctity and holiness of virginity in a woman that marks the marriage between a man and a woman, unless she is raped. If only her husband commits adultery or her husband dies then she can still marry. (Or the man loses his wife to death, he can marry again as well.)

There are those who will accept the word and live by it, then there are those who will rebel and refuse to follow it. Either it is that so many Christians have ignored God's Laws of marriage or they simply rebel against God and do what they want anyway. Stay True to Jesus and the word. Otherwise be Judged as an adulterer. God Bless.
 
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Aibrean

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Steffen - I do think you got the short end of the stick since you believe marriage is for life and your wife doesn't and you don't have much choice in this matter.

I asked my husband yesterday if he believed in divorce and he said no..that everything could be worked out. It's good to be on the same page as your spouse and it's unfortunate she is not with you in your marriage.
 
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Steffenfield

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Thank you all for the honesty.

I need to embrace the suffering that will come for the rest of my life.

I only hope, after reading/hearing the old testament that I'm not cursed by Him.

She thought we became roommates and it wasn't trrue love anymore.

Since I've left our home, I feel there have been many signs by Him.

All that has happened since then, I fear, including red marks like fingerprints on my chest are judgments against me.

I need to see a doctor because this is something I can't seem to understand and don't want to see it as God's wrath against me.

Sorry, I'm probably being weird right now. :)
 
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singpeace

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First, may I bring attention to what Paul wrote in Romans 7 concerning the law?

Romans 7

1 Now, dear brothers and sisters[a]—you who are familiar with the law—. . . .

4 So, my dear brothers and sisters, this is the point: You died to the power of the law when you died with Christ. . . .
6 But now we have been released from the law, for we died to it and are no longer captive to its power.

Second, I'd like to address something you stated:

Quote: "All I can say is that I broke my promise to her too many times when stating I would get myself clean but couldn't seem to find a way to do so."


It appears that you may have abandoned your wife emotionally, spiritually, and financially each time you chose your addiction over the marriage. I know about addiction; it becomes a massive web of deceit. It leads to lies, stealing, cheating, and the breaking of vows. If this has been your case, she has every right to divorce you.

You say you. . . wish you had the opportunity to go to one marriage counseling session with her..... that tells me a lot. That tells me you have never gone to counseling with her; and I'm guessing that your wife asked you to go on several occasions before she finally gave up.

You are the spiritual leader of your home; and while I'm sure you both have your faults, it appears you handed over the leadership role to her... and abandoned ship, so to speak.

All of that said; I point back to what Paul said in Romans about the law and divorce. Let me encourage you to know that God looks at your heart, not whether or not you can keep rules and regulations. It's only the heart He sees.
 
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sbbqb7n16

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Thank you all for the honesty.

I need to embrace the suffering that will come for the rest of my life.

I only hope, after reading/hearing the old testament that I'm not cursed by Him.

She thought we became roommates and it wasn't trrue love anymore.

Since I've left our home, I feel there have been many signs by Him.

All that has happened since then, I fear, including red marks like fingerprints on my chest are judgments against me.

I need to see a doctor because this is something I can't seem to understand and don't want to see it as God's wrath against me.

Sorry, I'm probably being weird right now. :)

Ummmm this is less of God trying to curse and punish you with red marks on yourself, and more of - that you are subconsciously looking to punish yourself for the guilt you feel of a failed marriage.

There is ample evidence in the OT that God is a forgiving God - abounding in mercy. Then there is the entire NT of how the same loving God of the OT sent His own Son to die for your sins. What you are experiencing is not the wrath of God.

So you are coming up with crazy ideas about how God is punishing you. Somewhere inside, you feel as though you should be punished for letting the marriage fail.

I would tell you to visit a counselor - not necessarily a marriage counselor - just a normal psychologist to work through the guilt you are feeling. I believe these "signs" are your mind's alerts that it is trying to communicate with a part you are trying to shut off - that you feel terrible about the marriage ending. That somehow you feel you have failed.

That is something you need to work through with a qualified/certified counselor.

According to the 7 stages of grief, you are in stage 1: 7 STAGES OF GRIEF

1) Shock & Denial - come on man, she has a box of open condoms. When is the last time you slept together? And she says she has a mutual interest in someone ese. So your mind is denying that this could happen. = denial.
 
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Hiroyuki

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Hi all. :)

I think I'm being served with divorce papers tomorrow. This is something I don't believe in, no matter what the reasons.

I've been reading through the bible now for about 40 hours or so and it seems like God is very firm on this.

I feel like the bible clearly states that I can't ever remarry so is there even a point to dating someone again?

Thanks.

Real "divorce"/"adultery" is about spiritual divorce from the son/daughtership of God entrusted to everyone.

Abraham sent away Hagar, and that was approved by God.

Just reading the Bible - there are countless ways to interpret it - you have to pray/meditate/think. It is like reading a book about a famous person versus actually getting their opinions in real life. The two rarely merge. Otherwise, we would never be surprised and everyone would be as alive as pages in a book. Rote responses, robotic.


And yes, you absolutely can remarry.

"It is not good for man to be alone".

That is a primary verse of Scripture, and it was sent to all, with "be fruitful and multiply" at the beginning.

It is further in and later where matters always get complicated. Those statements stand.
 
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Aibrean

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You can't compare the OT with the NT Hiroyuki. Back then there were many wives, and many concubines. Israelites married pagans (Joseph married an Egyptian - a daughter of a priest). The rules in the OT at the time of Abraham were different.

You can't take one verse in the Bible and use it to blanket the situation because CHRIST is very clear when he said divorce is only allowable by adultery.
 
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chilehed

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Thank you all for the honesty.

I need to embrace the suffering that will come for the rest of my life... :)
That's a very good attitude. As Christians we are called to unite our sufferings with Christ's, so that he can invest them with redemptive value.

It's true, marriage is a sacrament that is unbreakable; a civil divorce does not actually end the marriage, and so you are not free to date.

I'm glad you're going to AA, it'll certainly help. Go to a meeting every day, get a sponsor, and work the steps. I've been clean in NA for 23 years, and have found that God can heal relationships. If you're like me you've spent a long time destroying yours... you owe it to yourself to make a change. Stick around and it can get better.
 
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